posted by 6mm
Tesla Model 3
215 mile estimated range
Fun and sporty to drive
Relentless Tesla over-the-air updates. Do NOT underestimate the power of Tesla's OTA updates
Best Autopilot (Semi-self-driving tech) in the industry
Rear-wheel-drive, with optional All-wheel-drive (AWD)
True fully independent suspension for a better ride and handling
Floor-mounted batteries for handling
Panoramic glass roof
Front and rear "trunks" for cargo storage
Tesla brand image
Free Supercharger network
A domestic maker, if you want to buy American, with factories in California and Nevada
Ridiculously tiny trunk opening. It's NOT a hatchback, folks, even though it looks like one. Seems like yet another compromise for that panoramic glass roof.
Panoramic glass roof - Elon needs to visit Texas, Florida, etc. Given that the Model X struggles to cool in warm weather, this could get really ugly.
Panoramic glass roof - Some people prefer having metal protecting their heads in a crash, not a sheet of glass
Panoramic glass roof - Probably adds thousand(s) of dollars to the price, hopefully is optional
Curved windshield will cook you in the summer with less crash protection than a metal structure
Tesla's mediocre build quality.
Long-term viability of Tesla (e.g. warranty, parts support) given that they aren't even profitable and are running on borrowed time and money
Elon's fragile ego makes bizarre decisions sometimes. Witness the carbon fiber panels and narrowed side sills on the Roadster (which nearly bankrupted the company), idiotic, fragile and unreliable Falcon Wing doors and stupid, expensive monopost seats on the X (there's a reason the industry only uses those on show cars, Elon; real people want to fold seats and actually have space for their feet). We'll have to see how this materializes on the Model 3
Pre-order lunacy - "A fool and his money are soon parted", or "Well, let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite yet." Most of those pre-orders will cancel when they realize they can't make next month's rent, that they didn't understand the concept of a tax credit, or that they just pre-ordered something they know nothing about and doesn't have a real trunk opening. Americans following the herd, making large, foolish financial decisions while frothing at the mouth? That could never happen! (uncredited, circa 2008). I'd be surprised if Tesla actually sells and delivers even 1/4th the pre-order amount. There's also the question of Tesla is even capable of making that much product. Welcome to the big leagues, gentlemen. Try not to get killed.
200+ mile range
Lower price in the low $30,000 range
True station wagon/Hatchback cargo area
Solid performance, at least in a straight line
Low-mounted battery for good handling
American-made, if you care about that
Primative torsion-beam rear suspension barely counts as independent rear suspension
Virtually no updates after you buy the car. Want next year's tech? Chevy has a $33,000 upgrade plan (e.g. buy next year's Bolt).
Boring, cheap interior with the same retarded ergonomics as the company that brought you the Camaro's gunslit windows and crotch-facing touch screen and the Silverado's jaunty steering wheel THAT DOESN'T EVEN LINE UP WITH THE MIDDLE OF THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
Chevy brand not really a plus if you care about that
One trunk, not two
Front-wheel-drive, no AWD option
Chevy/GM helped kill the Red Car mass transit system in LA to sell more cars; seems a bit weird to buy an electric car from a company so evil like that. I think the saying goes: Forgiveness is divine, but sometimes that mutherfucker needs to die.
When driving or noticing details, you sometimes get the feeling the GM, Ford and Chrysler cut corners, especially in interiors and "engineering" (disclosure: I drive a Gen1 Chevy Volt; it's probably the best built Chevy ever, but they made stupid decisions like 4 seats, no AWD, torsion beam suspension, etc.)
Toyota quality - you know it's engineered to perfection, bulletproof and will give you 200,000 miles of service
More fun to drive than before
May have an AWD option in 2017
True independent suspension
"Unlimited" range only limited by your stomach for pumping in foreign oil.
Slow as hell, roughly 9 seconds to 60 MPH. Grandma in Costco's power scooter is significantly faster in the quarter mile.
As passionate as a dead fish, and definitely speaks volumes about your fun-loving and fiercely independent personality.
Toyota is incredibly boring and conservative when it comes to autonomous driving technology, among other things. Don't expect ANY updates to the primitive self-driving tech. This is a big deal: it's like buying a phone that will never be updated.
Still drives like an elephant corpse - "More fun to drive" is relative; the old Prius was literally one of the worst cars in the world to drive. The Prime is better, but it's not even close to a sports sedan. It's like saying your dog's shit smells "less bad". But but but the badge is the same height as the FR-S's badge! AMAZINGS!
Cheap interior with bizarre white console (you'll understand when you see it.. Toyota should fire that designer)
Polarizing looks, some would call it ugly. By "some", I mean "all people."
Slanted hatchback cuts into cargo area, but it's still worlds better than the Model 3's trunk "hole"
Wheels look midget-sized; fire that designer... again
Only 20 miles of battery range. After that, you're running on pollution-spewing oil
If anything goes wrong, get ready to be blamed because you're a "filthy, stupid American" (see: Toyota seat belt failures, oil gelling, sudden acceleration, Tataka airbag shrapnel)
Comes in an amazing box.
Charger plugs in right side up, or upside down, because, you know, people are idiots, apparently.
Plays a cools sound when you turn it on.
Has independent touch screens for each passenger so that you can ignore your spouse and children in the precious moments you have together and instead check Farcebook updates.
Semi-autonomous driving powered by Apple Maps.
Semi-autonomous driving powered by Apple Maps: You will die.
You can't service the battery, motors, pumps, fluids, tires, brakes nor wipers. You cannot pop the hood. It's all glued, welded, and sealed to hell since Apple knows everyone's a moron and cannot be trusted to actually do anything on their own. Car is disposable and designed to be obsolete in 2 years.
Batteries will explode, but Applecare will send your widow a refurbished used replacement car.
In the event that your battery doesn't explode, battery will have 1/2 life in 2 years and cannot be replaced.
Designed in California, made in a sweatshop in Asia by child slave labor.
Costs $298,000, but only $35,000 with a contract. Contract has a $260,000 early termination fee. Apple Car has $10,000 activation fee. $12,000 carrier fee.
Only has one button inside, you know, for people confused by more than one button.
Is overpriced and slower than what you get from Chevy, but costs 3x more because of the logo. Exact same processor, er, motor inside.