Serena: This is my—
Eric: Stylist. And personal shopper, Eric.
Eric: So he waved? I wouldn't have taken him for a waver.
Serena: Maybe he was just trying to be funny.
Eric: Maybe he's shy.
Serena: Or he hated me.
Eric: No guy in the history of the world has ever hated you.
Blair: Eric, I didn't—
Eric: See that coming? Yeah. Well it must be a shock for someone who thinks she knows everything.
Jenny: Your SOS was heard and answered. C'mon, we're breaking you out.
Eric: How are you— wait. What do you mean, "we"?
Eric: Even if you did cook, we don't have an oven.
Lily: There's nothing wrong with having Chinese food on Thanksgiving. Jews have been doing it on Christmas since forever. Look, a pumpkin. It's festive, yes?
Eric: We're going to eat a pumpkin?
Lily: These smell great.
Eric: Yes. So we can starve in a fragant hotel room.
Eric: What do you mean? What's wrong with my roots?
Eric: He only has one facial expression. He scares me.
Bart: I know how you like Florida.
Eric: Yeah, Wow. Number One Fan.
Serena: I'm such an ass.
Eric: Let me guess, Dan?
Eric: Do you know how many times I was listening in on your conversations when you thought I wasn't.
Serena: None, I hope.
Eric: You hope wrong.
Eric: I'm hiding from my valet. He wants to put my socks on for me. Your servants are very attentive.
Eric: Chuck is fun, okay? He's cool and he doesn't treat me like some freak that just got out of the Ostroff Center.
Serena: Who treats you like that?
Eric: Uh, guys at St. Jude's, the girls at Constance. Suke, at the Korean deli on 75th street.
Serena: Hey, why the long face? Are you still sad that Mom wouldn't t let you go to Monte Carlo for the bachelor party?
Eric: No, I'm fine. I figured I'd let Bart, Chuck and Prince Albert have their fun—no, that didn't come out like I meant it. Gossip Girl. Looks like Jenny's been spotted at Gap sewing Stella McCartney labels onto pocket tees.
Serena: These rumors are getting to be ridiculous.
Eric: Oh, like the one where I'm Gossip Girl.
Serena: You called Chuck?
Eric: Yeah, I've been talking to him a lot lately. Guy's got his faults but he's never judged me.
Serena: I'm your sister. We're "us". You can tell me anything.
Eric: I wanted to, but it's not the type of thing you blurt out on the way to school. I was waiting for the right time.
Eric: Gossip Girl was right. Asher was kissing someone this morning. Me.
Asher: He's totally lying. Tell him Jenny. I was with you all morning.
Jenny: Yeah, Asher's right. I was with him. Eric's lying.
Eric: Why would I stand here in front of everyone we know and tell them if it wasn't true? I'm gay. And so are you.
Eric: Where's my mom? Shouldn't you be saying vows around now?
Eric: If it's apology-time you're about three months too late. And let me guess, you want something.
Eric: "How well do you know Blair Waldorf?" is kind of boring for those of us that know Blair Waldorf.
Eric: He's got a PI on speed dial.
Eric: I know that face. That face is not your friend.
Eric: So you're basically using Blair's system to screen potential dates.
Chuck: Think of it as an early application process. There's so many slots in Chuck Bass’ social calendar. It'll save me a ton of time.
Eric: Seems a bit impersonal.
Lily: I wasn't that bad.
Eric: Our ring tone for you is "Since You've Been Gone".
Eric: She's made me watch Irreconcilable Differences like 15 times.
Eric: Your dad just insinuated that Jonathan might be dating someone else. How and why would he know that?
Chuck: He has a PI on retainer like I do.
Eric: I get that for business. But family. And friends of family, it's just... creepy.
Eric: It's like the end of every heist movie ever made. Are those gold bars? I didn't think they actually made those. Is that, is that a satphone?
Eric: And we know that's gin in your coffee cup.
Eric: Maybe she'll move into The Palace and hole up with Chuck.
Eric: We want you here. I just lost my stepfather. I don't want to lose my brother too.
Eric: So Nelly Yuke is the new old Jenny Humphrey.
Eric: And it is none of your business. It's a new year, remember? New leaf, new Jenny Humphrey.
Eric: But doesn't she understand the whole point of having a boyfriend is to be alone.
Jenny: You are so conceited.
Eric: You are so annoying.
Serena: Well what if we can't get past it?
Eric: I don't know. But you can't push Dan away right now. Whatever you are going through he's going through the same thing.
Eric: That doesn't mean you get on my nerves.
Jenny: That's okay. I want to get on your nerves.
Eric: I would say "get a room". But yours is right above mine. Please try to remember that.
Eric: Does this feel like a sitcom to anyone else?
Eric: : There are strangers having sex in your bed.
so that's some of Eric's quotes, sorry for any mistakes