Buttercup: Huh. I didn't know trains could do that.
Blossom: They can't, but speaking of trains, we're going to show you an episode from Ponies On The Rails, and Trainz.
Theme song: link
Ponies On The Rails
Peirce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog
Coffee Creme From KarinaBrony
Snowflake & Orion From Alinah09
Metal Gloss From DragonAura15
Stylo From Jimmythedragon
NocturnalMirage from NochurnalMirage
Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Wilson, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog
The Trouble With Gordon
July 23, 1955
Gordon was using a telephone booth on the station.
Gordon: Is that you Coffee Crème?... Oh good, I'm so glad I can talk to you again.
Coffee Crème: *At a hotel in London* Merci. This meeting for female railroad employees could have been anywhere else, and it was chosen to be in the worst spot ever.
Gordon: London. Their freight cars are so small that they could collapse if you put a normal load in it.
Coffee Crème: And the couplings are so out of date.
Gordon: And dangerous.
Coffee Crème: Oui. Now if we were in my home country, France, that would be a different story.
Gordon: But the trains in France are exactly the same as the ones in England.
Coffee Crème; Are they?
Coffee Crème: Well then, France needs the exact same railway equipment that we have in Equestria.
British Pony: Miss Crème? The meeting will start soon.
Coffee Crème: I have to go. *Hangs up*
Gordon: *Puts phone away* Oh well.
Today, Gordon had to work in the trainyard. He was working with Wilson, and NocturnalMirage on pushing freight cars down the hump. Hawkeye, Stylo, and Pete came to see him.
Pete: Gordon will be happy to see this letter that Coffee Crème wrote to him.
Hawkeye: I'll bet.
Gordon: *In the same engine with Nocturnal Mirage*
Mirage: So, how is everything between you, and frenchy?
Gordon: Who's that?
Mirage: Your special somepony.
Gordon: You mean Coffee Crème?
Gordon: Okay, I suppose.
Pete: Gordon, you have a letter.
Gordon: Stop the train, I'll be back. *Walks out of cab* What is it sir? *Sees Hawkeye, and Stylo* Why are these two bastards here?!
Hawkeye: Better to be a bastard, then a bitch.
Gordon: You be quiet!
Stylo: What's the matter? Afraid of an insult that's better then yours?
Gordon: I said be quiet!!
Pete: Just read this. *Gives letter to Gordon*
Gordon: *sees letter* It's from Coffee Crème!! Yay!!!
Pete: Now listen you two, Gordon is getting too hostile without his special somepony. Lighten up on him, be his friend.
Hawkeye: I wouldn't do that for a million bucks.
Stylo: I wouldn't do it for two million.
Pete: What about your job? Surely that's important.
Hawkeye: It is.
Stylo: We'll do it.
Pete: That's more like it.
Later that day, it was getting dark. It was time for them to go home, but they didn't care. Hawkeye, Stylo, Percy, Jeff, Orion, Pete, and Wilson were playing poker.
Hawkeye: Alright, let's start the betting.
Orion: You got it. I'm putting in two dollars.
Wilson: It's your turn Percy.
Percy: I'm thinking.
Wilson: Well hurry up.
Percy: Fine, I call. *Puts in two dollars*
Percy: You were rushing me just so you could fold?
Wilson: I didn't have a good hand.
Jeff: I see your two, and raise you four. *Puts six dollars in*
Pete: I call. *Puts in four dollars*
Stylo: Unfortunately, I fold.
Hawkeye: Well, I'm in. *Puts in four dollars*
Orion: Alright, everypony. *Shows cards* Three aces.
Percy: All I got are two queens.
Hawkeye: Oh wow.
Percy: And, three kings.
Jeff: You enjoy that full house of yours, but I have four of a kind.
Pete: Of what?
Pete: Well, that barely beat my four of a kind of sixes. Good job Jeffery.
Hawkeye: Now, wait just a minute.
Pete: Why? You got something better then what Jeff has?
Hawkeye: No, but I thought you'd all wanna see my hand. Which is a straight.
Jeff: Next time, get a straight flush.
Hawkeye: Yeah, I'll keep that in mind.
Pete: Hey, I just got a good idea. Why don't we get Gordon to come play with us?
Hawkeye: No, bad idea.
Stylo: He doesn't like staying after work.
Pete: Just call him, and tell him to come play with us.
Hawkeye: *Goes over to telephone booth, and puts in a dime* What's Gordon's number?
Pete: Here, let me do it. *Goes to telephone booth, and puts in Gordon's number* Is it ringing?
Hawkeye: *Listening to phone* It's ringing.
Gordon: Who is this?!
Hawkeye: Gordon, it's me Pierce.
Gordon: Are you going to prank call me?
Hawkeye: No, I was hoping you'd come down to the station, and play poker with us.
Gordon: I don't have to put up with that abuse!
Hawkeye: Nopony even abused you yet. Please, just get over here, and play poker with us.
Gordon: Ah, fine. I'll be down in seven minutes.
Hawkeye: Good. *Hangs up*
Pete: Well? What did he say?
Hawkeye: *Sounding like Gordon* I'll be down in seven minutes.
Pete: That's a good imitation of him, but don't do it around him.
Seven minutes later, Gordon arrived.
Gordon: Alright, so what do I have to do?
Hawkeye: First, the dealer gives each of us five cards.
Pete: *Dealing cards*
Gordon: When he finishes, then what do we do?
Hawkeye: You have the option of getting rid of any cards you don't want. The maximum amount of cards you can get rid of is three. You can only get rid of four if you have an Ace, but you have to show it to everypony.
Pete: *Finishes dealing cards*
Stylo: I'm going to take two.
Gordon: Hey. How do I know which one to get rid of?
Hawkeye: You wanna get the best hand you can get. Pete, let me have three cards.
Pete: *Gives three cards to Hawkeye*
Gordon: I'm going to stay with the cards I have.
Pete: Very well.
Percy: I just want one.
Pete: Okay, *gives one card to Pete* Wilson?
Pete: *Gives three cards to Wilson* I'm guessing the rest of you want three.
Orion & Jeff: Yes.
Pete: I'll be damned. *Gives Orion, and Jeff three cards*
Gordon: Then what happens?
Hawkeye: Then, we start betting.
Stylo: But if you have a bad hand, you fold. Just like what I'm about to do. *Folds*
Hawkeye: I'm putting in three dollars.
Gordon: FIFTY DOLLARS!!
Pete: The limit is five hotshot.
Gordon: Then.. FIVE DOLLARS!! *Puts in five dollars*
Hawkeye: Don't forget the original three dollars.
Gordon: Oh, thank you. *Puts in three dollars*
Percy: That's too much for me. *Folds*
Wilson: I'm in. *Puts in eight dollars*
Orion: I fold.
Jeff: I also fold.
Pete: Yeah, I think I'm gonna fold too.
Hawkeye: *Puts in five dollars* Let's see your hand Gordon.
Gordon: *Shows hand* Royal Flush!
Hawkeye: No way.
Orion: On his first time too.
One hour later, they played more poker, and Gordon won all of their money.
Gordon: You know what this calls for?
Hawkeye: Don't tell me, alcohol.
Gordon: Yeah. *Brings out bottle of champagne* I've been saving this for a good time, and now I'd like to share it with you.
Hawkeye: Where are the glasses?
Gordon: *Levitates glasses onto table with magic* Here you go.
Stylo: Thank you.
Gordon: *Opens bottle, and pours glass of champagne* This one is for me. *Drinking champagne, then falls over*
Hawkeye: I think he has a zero tolerance for any kind of "good stuff" from 1922.
Pete: Well, I better get going.
Percy: Yeah, me too.
Jeff: I have to go home.
So, everypony except Hawkeye, Stylo, Gordon, and Orion left the station.
Hawkeye: Hold it. I also saved something for a good time. *Shows medical tag* This is what they put on a pony's back hoof when they die.
Stylo: I got a pen.
Hawkeye: *Puts tag around Gordon's hoof*
Stylo: And now we write, retarded, and morally bankrupt.
Hawkeye: *Writing retarded, and morally bankrupt*
Orion: *Walks onto train tracks, then sees a train, and begins to sing* When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!
Engineer: *Blows horn three times*
Orion: *Gets off train track*
Engineer: *Stops train*
Orion: Need anything?
Engineer: No, just stopping to refuel my engine.
Orion: Well stay there, I'll get it for you. *Runs to fuel pump, and puts it in engine*
Engineer: Thank you.
Hawkeye & Stylo: *Leaves train station*
Gordon: *Standing up* Ugh, what happened? *Walking towards train*
Engineer: *Looking at fuel gauge*
Orion: *Looking at engineer*
Gordon: *Climbs into boxcar* Okay, time to head home. *Grabs keys* Where's the ignition?
Engineer: Okay, the tank is full. Thanks again.
Orion: No problem.
Engineer: *Drives train*
Gordon was too busy being drunk to realize he was on a moving freight train.
The next morning, Pete arrived in his office. Once he sat down, the phone rang.
Pete: *Picks up phone* Hello?
Santa Neigh Pony: Yeah, is this Pete Reimer?
Pete: Yes, and who might you be?
Santa Neigh Pony: The name's Jake. I'm a worker on the Atchison Topeka, and Santa Neigh Railroad, calling from Bridgeport Neighbraska. Somepony from your railroad ended up on one of our trains.
Pete: Where is he now?
Jake: He's just laying by the train tracks. Listen, you need to get him back quickly. We're supposed to get a huge amount of freight cars in our train yard over here, and we don't want this overweight unicorn messing things up.
Pete: I don't blame you. I'll send two ponies to come pick him up. They'll arrive in a switch engine, and help with any of the assignments if necessary.
Jake: Thank you.
Working Pony: Hey Jake, you better get off the phone. A big train is coming in right now!
Jake: I have to go. Thanks for everything Mr. Reimer. *Hangs up*
Pete: *Gets on PA system to trainyard* Pierce Hawkins, and Stylo Bevaria, please report to my office.
Hawkeye: Just when we were about to get a freight out of the yards.
Stylo: Better luck next time.
Both stallions arrived at Pete's office.
Pete: It has come to my attention that Gordon somehow ended up in a town in Neighbraska called Bridgeport, on the Santa Neigh Line. Do you know how it happened?
Hawkeye: No, but I can tell you why it happened.
Pete: Just go get him back. Take engine #121 over to Bridgeport. You may need to help those ponies with some activity in the train yard.
Stylo: We should've known.
So they both went back to the train yard to get engine #121, a GP7, then went to Bridgeport to get Gordon.
By the time they arrived, Gordon was starting to sober up.
Gordon: What is this? *Looking at tag* Retarded, and morally bankrupt? That's not true!
Hawkeye: *Arrives, and blows horn seven times, making it sound like the shave & a haircut song*
Gordon: Oh finally, my friends are here to get me back to Cheyenne.
Stylo: Yup, get in.
Hawkeye: The sooner, the better.
Gordon: *Gets on engine*
Jake: Hey, what about the work in the train yard?
Hawkeye: Sorry buster, you're gonna have to do that yourself. *Drives away*
Gordon: My knights in shining armor! *Hugging Hawkeye*
Hawkeye: Stop it Gordon!
Stylo: And don't you dare hug me. I don't want to get arrested for being hugged by a gay pony.
Gordon: I don't understand this. You were being nice to me earlier, but now you're being mean!
Hawkeye: We were never nice to you Gordon, it was all a nightmare.
Gordon: Oh no it wasn't! I was popular, don't you deny it! *Pouts, and looks away from Hawkeye, and Stylo*
When they returned to Cheyenne, Gordon was in for a pleasant surprise.
Gordon: Coffee Crème! You're back!
Coffee Crème: Of course I am. You have no idea how boring it was in London.
Hawkeye: You have no idea how boring it was trying to be nice to Gordon.
Coffee Crème: Leave us alone.
Stylo: We're not finished yet.
Hawkeye: Frenchy and Gordon sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Gordon: Oh stop it!
Stylo: Hold up. *grabs paper, and pencil* One more thing we want to show you. *Drawing*
Gordon: What is it?
Coffee Crème: *Watching*
Stylo: Finished. *Shows drawing of the middle finger to Gordon*
On the next episode of Ponies On The Rails
Hawkeye has to do something he doesn't want to do.
Blossom: If you thought we had trouble with guns earlier, check out what happens here.
Theme Song: link
Welcome to a place called The Island Of Errol. A place that is run by five railroads. It has hundreds of engines, and lots of trains in the four towns, Mossberg, Hunterdon, Zorrin, and Eastwood.
This is the story of trainz.
Episode 34: Aim High
Narrator: In Hunterdon, there is a shooting range. People shoot at the targets with their guns, and if they hit the bulls-eye, they win a prize. There's also many different types of challenges, and games. Everyone likes going there.
Stop the song.
Narrator: On the Hunterdon Central Railroad, Mr. Wright was talking to Eddie, and Grayback.
Mr. Wright: You two have an important job. The Eastern Pacific will be bringing us rifles to deliver to the shooting range. The ammunition will also be loaded on there. I want you to be very careful with the rifles, and ammo. No accidents.
Eddie: We'll be very careful Mr. Wright. Won't we Grayback?
Grayback: Yes sir. We're always careful. We haven't had one accident, and we never will. None, zero, nada, nein-
Mr. Wright: That's enough.
Eddie: When will they be here?
Mr. Wright: Tomorrow. Now go ahead, and deliver the soda to depot 3.
Narrator: Next morning at dawn, Jerry, and Shayne were waiting for their freight cars to be loaded with the rifles, and ammo.
Jerry: You know something?
Jerry: I never thought that guns would be used in a kid's show.
Shayne: Well, they're not being used for violence, so there's nothing to worry about.
Kenny was eavesdropping on their conversation. Jerry, and Shayne did not notice him.
Kenny: *Backs up to Panzer, Ferris, and Jack* Okay, here's, the plan.
Jack: The plan is for Kenny to learn how to talk normally, and not pause between words in the same sentence.
Kenny: That, was not funny. In fact, it has proven to be..... Very..... Annoying.
Ferris: He's right though, you keep pausing between words for no reason.
Jack: If anyone is being annoying, it's you.
Kenny: Let me tell you the plan. We will get Jerry, and Shayne to come toward one of us. Because, we will cause an accident, on purpose.
Jack: How is it an accident if we do it on purpose?
Kenny: *Annoyed* GRRRR!!!
Panzer: Why are we gonna cause an accident?
Kenny: *Calms down* Because, they will help us clean up the mess.
Ferris: Okay, that makes sense.
Panzer: *Goes to collect some freight cars*
Narrator: Jerry, and Shayne were watching the signal in front of them. Soon it would change from red to green.
Panzer: *Puts his freight cars on the line closest to the water*
Ferris: *Goes to collect more freight cars*
Kenny: *Goes to Jerry, and Shayne* Excuse me you two. I believe there is an accident behind us.
Jerry: Really? I didn't hear one.
Kenny: Wait for it.
Ferris: *Pushes freight cars off the line, and into the ocean*
Shayne: I heard it.
Jerry: *Sees the signal turn green* Good luck cleaning that up. We have to go, otherwise we'll be late. *Leaves the harbor with Shayne*
Kenny: Oh no you don't!! *Goes fast, and rams part of Jerry's train off the tracks*
Narrator: The freight cars went into a building with a gasoline tank. Suddenly, an explosion occurred, and the building was on fire.
Shayne: Oh great. Two accidents.
Kenny: Shayne, Jerry, help the others get those cars out of the ocean. I will pull the rest of these cars away.
Narrator: Jerry, and Shayne went to get a crane to get the freight cars that Ferris pushed out of the water. The freight cars with ammo, and rifles were now available for Kenny to take.
Kenny: Good thing, there is a gap, between these cars, and- *Gets hit by debris from another explosion, and breaks down* You have got to be kidding me. *Watches the freight cars behind him catch on fire* Uh oh.. *Sees the fire getting bigger*
Narrator: Just then, Shayne, and Jerry arrived with Mr. Baldwin on a passenger car being pushed by Sean.
Mr. Baldwin: Kenny, I never thought you would cause an accident on purpose just to steal a train from two of my engines.
Kenny: Hey, I'll do anything to make you go out of business. I'm worse then Spider Man.
Sean: Yeah, I'll believe that, considering that he's not a villain like you.
Kenny: Remember in Spider Man 3 when he turned evil?
Sean: Yeah, except-
Mr. Baldwin: Let's talk about super heroes later.
Mr. Baldwin: We need to put out the fire. Kenny-
Kenny: I got hit by debris just before you arrived, so don't bother asking me for help.
Mr. Baldwin: Okay, Sean, put my coach over to the other N.E.L engines. I want you to get five tank cars full of water.
Sean: I can do that.
Narrator: While Sean was going to collect the water, Amy, and Kaela from the Mossberg Narrow Gauge railway arrived.
Amy: Wow. Who caused that? *Looks at Kenny* Was it you?
Kenny: *Annoyed* How did you know?
Kaela: You're the ring leader of all the bad engines working on the Northern Errol Line.
Kenny: Actually, that's Mr. Bruce, my controller. He wants us to make the Eastern Pacific run out of business, so we try to do whatever we can.
Kaela: Unfortunately, your plans don't work out well. Do they?
Kenny: *Getting angry*
Shayne: *Lowering the crane hook, and pulls up a freight car* Ferris, can I ask you a question?
Shayne: Did you, and Kenny cause this on purpose?
Jack: We were supposed to distract you, but Kenny told us too many things that weren't important, and made us late.
Jerry: Is this the only crane available?
Shayne: Unfortunately, yes. I thought you knew that, you were with me when we got this one.
Sean: *Returns with the water* Okay, put out that fire!
Workmen: *Putting hoses into the tank cars, and spray water onto the fire*
Kenny: It is not my fault, the plan went wrong. You may blame Jack for that, because, he has proven to be..... Very.... Annoying.
Kaela: You're annoying with all those unnecessary pauses you put between words.
Kenny: From now on, I will not talk to you for the rest of the day.
Amy: Why not? Don't you like us?
Narrator: The fire was just put out.
Sean: Alright, nice work.
Workmen: *High fiving each other*
Narrator: The next day, Shayne, and Jerry arrived at the Hunterdon Central Railroad with the rifles, and ammo.
Jerry: Sorry for the delay, but the Northern Errol Line was making things complicated for us.
Grayback: At least you made it.
Eddie: Alright, let us take those cars. We don't want to be late.
Jerry: You're already 24 hours late.
Narrator: Jerry, and Shayne uncoupled theirselves from the cars, and watched Eddie, and Grayback get coupled up to them. They were going too fast though, and bumped into the cars.
Jerry: *Closes his eyes shut, but opens them again* Huh, I thought something bad was gonna happen.
Eddie: No, that's only if you expose the ammo to fire.
Shayne: Well, that explains how our train caught on fire.
Stop the song.
Ending theme (Start it at 1:10): link
Characters used for episode
Songs used for episode
Cannonball - Duane Eddy
Looking Out - Gran Turismo 6 Soundtrack
CHiPs Theme - John Parker and Alan Silvestri
Blossom: Well, that was fun.
Bubbles: We won't be back until September 26 due to Labor Day, Patriot Day, and Rosh Hashanah.
Buttercup: Enjoy the summer before it ends!