Hullo my lovelies. My name is alexischaos2004 or Alexis. Today, I am going to review a fanfiction based off of Naruto, and it is pretty bad. I got the bits from the fanfic from another review on it. So, let's go!
"ARE YOU &&& KIDDING ME? I can't believe we && &$& $& &&&)(&# &$#&T&S two trips to the dentist!"
First, who says actual text symbols in a sentence? Nobody could actually say them. Next, please work on your grammar. I'm not really sure the world of Naruto even has dentists. (It was written like this on the other review on this fanfic, so don't yell at me)
So I gave them my herd and told them to take it to the hills near Valley of The End, called Brokeback Mountain.
What? First, work on your spelling and grammar. Next, where in the hell was there ever a place called Brokeback Mountain? ...
kisame growled What went up his umbilicaly cord, he thought.
WHAT? You need to capitalize the first letter in the first word you use in a sentence! Damnit do you understand that?! Also, work on your spelling once again because umbilically is spelled wrong. There is no comma after the character thinks, it is just a run on.
Kisame skipped down the hill humming. "If I was an Oscar Meier Whinier."
Huh? When did Kisame ever get so happy like that? .___. Also, why do you even bother to get out of plot topic so easily? Jesus christ.
"Itachi is now 24 years old. A little old for staring contests, don't you think?"
Can you please add more description to why Itachi is too old for that activity? Thanks.
"Neji I know you're looking at my dick with your Byakugan, So come get some!"
Jeez I didn't know Neji was a pervert.
"Sasuke is scared of snakes."
Ya don't say?
"Kaka-hashi sensei!"
Please learn how to spell Kakashi, it's that simple actually.
"Naruto as you see us now we will not always be fore we will be leaving my grandson will take over this realm as we continue on."
Grammar exists for a reason, learn it. Please add periods because run-ons have mistakes in them which are very notice-able.
"The prophecy was never made the jinchkuriki looked at with a smile as angels to all Madara never lifted a finger."
Okay, is it me or does this sentence not make sense at all? YOU NEED TO OUT QUOTATION MARKS WHEN A CHARACTER SPEAKS DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT.
"His hair seemingly impersonating a duck's rear."
This doesn't make sense at all, not one bit of it does. Please add more description to the sentences! WHO'S HAIR LOOKS LIKE A DUCK'S REAR? Please the world needs more to know than just that.
"That guy with the white eyes is so weird and freaky but DAMN Tenten is CUTE."
Yay Neji finally took a shot for the ladies. Fuck you, writer.
"And I sliced his fucking cockles."
Watch your word choice, son. Young childs may be reading that and some of them actually understand what the word "cockles" means because of the Internet.
"A long ass fucking time ago in the village of Konoha."
A long time ago this writer never understood grammar and description.
"Stop."
"SHINRA FUCKING TENSEI MOTHERFUCKER!"
"why"
Yea, stop. Have you ever heard of capitalization and grammar? Yeah, you don't.
"If I was a." Kakashi stopped to laugh loudly "If I was a cow I would eat every piece of grass in the world."
Wow, Kakashi really was serious right there.
Alright, I'm gonna stop here for now. Part 2 of Episode 1 will be released when I have time to. So, yeah.
Okay, I'm editing here for part 2 :D. So, let's continue on.
Well now this story has Justin Bieber in it, makes no sense.
"Suddenly,Justin flicked his dick upwards. He dick was in great speed, and there was nothing he could do about it. He could not control his own power. The dick smashed against Justin and he died with everyone else.
Then, a nuclear bomb blew the world apart.
The end."
Okay everybody it is the end, what a short fanfiction. Okay, spelling error in "He" it is supposed to be "His." Second of all, how did Justin Bieber ever get into the Naruto world? Time-traveling? BT Also, why is this inappropriate? Please stop using the word "dick" and "fuck" and stuff like that, it's pretty inappropriate, even if I'm a teen doesn't mean I can't be uncomfortable with reading words like that.
That's a pretty bad fanfiction, but it's not that bad. I'm pretty sure there's another fanfiction that's worse than this one BD
"ARE YOU &&& KIDDING ME? I can't believe we && &$& $& &&&)(&# &$#&T&S two trips to the dentist!"
First, who says actual text symbols in a sentence? Nobody could actually say them. Next, please work on your grammar. I'm not really sure the world of Naruto even has dentists. (It was written like this on the other review on this fanfic, so don't yell at me)
So I gave them my herd and told them to take it to the hills near Valley of The End, called Brokeback Mountain.
What? First, work on your spelling and grammar. Next, where in the hell was there ever a place called Brokeback Mountain? ...
kisame growled What went up his umbilicaly cord, he thought.
WHAT? You need to capitalize the first letter in the first word you use in a sentence! Damnit do you understand that?! Also, work on your spelling once again because umbilically is spelled wrong. There is no comma after the character thinks, it is just a run on.
Kisame skipped down the hill humming. "If I was an Oscar Meier Whinier."
Huh? When did Kisame ever get so happy like that? .___. Also, why do you even bother to get out of plot topic so easily? Jesus christ.
"Itachi is now 24 years old. A little old for staring contests, don't you think?"
Can you please add more description to why Itachi is too old for that activity? Thanks.
"Neji I know you're looking at my dick with your Byakugan, So come get some!"
Jeez I didn't know Neji was a pervert.
"Sasuke is scared of snakes."
Ya don't say?
"Kaka-hashi sensei!"
Please learn how to spell Kakashi, it's that simple actually.
"Naruto as you see us now we will not always be fore we will be leaving my grandson will take over this realm as we continue on."
Grammar exists for a reason, learn it. Please add periods because run-ons have mistakes in them which are very notice-able.
"The prophecy was never made the jinchkuriki looked at with a smile as angels to all Madara never lifted a finger."
Okay, is it me or does this sentence not make sense at all? YOU NEED TO OUT QUOTATION MARKS WHEN A CHARACTER SPEAKS DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT.
"His hair seemingly impersonating a duck's rear."
This doesn't make sense at all, not one bit of it does. Please add more description to the sentences! WHO'S HAIR LOOKS LIKE A DUCK'S REAR? Please the world needs more to know than just that.
"That guy with the white eyes is so weird and freaky but DAMN Tenten is CUTE."
Yay Neji finally took a shot for the ladies. Fuck you, writer.
"And I sliced his fucking cockles."
Watch your word choice, son. Young childs may be reading that and some of them actually understand what the word "cockles" means because of the Internet.
"A long ass fucking time ago in the village of Konoha."
A long time ago this writer never understood grammar and description.
"Stop."
"SHINRA FUCKING TENSEI MOTHERFUCKER!"
"why"
Yea, stop. Have you ever heard of capitalization and grammar? Yeah, you don't.
"If I was a." Kakashi stopped to laugh loudly "If I was a cow I would eat every piece of grass in the world."
Wow, Kakashi really was serious right there.
Alright, I'm gonna stop here for now. Part 2 of Episode 1 will be released when I have time to. So, yeah.
Okay, I'm editing here for part 2 :D. So, let's continue on.
Well now this story has Justin Bieber in it, makes no sense.
"Suddenly,Justin flicked his dick upwards. He dick was in great speed, and there was nothing he could do about it. He could not control his own power. The dick smashed against Justin and he died with everyone else.
Then, a nuclear bomb blew the world apart.
The end."
Okay everybody it is the end, what a short fanfiction. Okay, spelling error in "He" it is supposed to be "His." Second of all, how did Justin Bieber ever get into the Naruto world? Time-traveling? BT Also, why is this inappropriate? Please stop using the word "dick" and "fuck" and stuff like that, it's pretty inappropriate, even if I'm a teen doesn't mean I can't be uncomfortable with reading words like that.
That's a pretty bad fanfiction, but it's not that bad. I'm pretty sure there's another fanfiction that's worse than this one BD