Is it THAT HARD TO WRITE A STORY ABOUT A FAST HEDGEHOG!??!?!?!?!?!
The actual title is called, "Sonic and Tails and Knuckles go fishing." which is just horrible grammar to ignore commas.
You know a fan fiction is going to be AMAZING when there is even an error IN THE GODDAMN TITLE! >.<
Please, just shoot me now! I quit! I give up on my life, now please let me go!
......Fine, I'll review this....
Besides, it's not like me to do that anyways. BUT, I am warning you. People like this exist, people that write such horrid stories and call it a fan fiction.... It blows my mind! And today, I crush one of the worst ones out there.
It's time to look at, "Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles go fishing." And by the way, I will cuss quite a bit, so if that bothers you, please leave now.
And once again, the source, which is here,
Won't let me copy paste, which makes this review SO MUCH MORE FUN. :D And to make it as painful as possible, this fan fiction has TONS of run-on sentences, so yeah.
But enough screwing around.... Let's tear this story apart, molecule by molecule.
"Sonic the hedgehog was a hedgehog."
*Facepalm* Are you SERIOUS!? Do you think we're STUPID!? FIRST F**KING LINE INTO THIS AND I AM ALREADY RAGING!
Jesus this review is going to take forever.....
"Tails was a fox who had two tails and could fly with them."
Guys, if you don't know, this is called filler. Filler serves no other purpose than to make the movie/fanfiction/book/etc seem longer than it really is.
At least we aren't at the porn yet....
"Knuckles was an echidna and had a scary four headed pe*is but nobody made fun of him for it because it was pimp and if they did he'd punch their teeth out anyway because he was a gangsta and had huge fists with giant spikes on them."
I don't even need to comment guys, WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS GUY THINKING!? WHAT DRUGS WAS HE ON WHEN HE WAS MAKING THIS!?
All of them folks, all the drugs.
That one sentence (That shouldn't even be one sentence because the writer didn't know where to put the period so he made it all one sentence hoping to fool us.) Sums up everything I hate about people.
Gangsta is an immature word that people think is cool, porn is of course ALWAYS FUNNY to teenage stereotypes, and violence is always all the rage nowadays.
And of course right when I say, "At least we aren't at the porn yet." We get to it.
Let's just move on before I FUCKING AIM A ROCKET LAUNCHER AT THE NEAREST HUMAN BEING.
"They had all joined up to go on a fun outdoor fishing trip together in the Leafy Forest Zone where there was a nice big lake."
Oh my god, a sentence that isn't filler or demented as all hell in a bad porn fan fiction?
(I love that running gag, so get used to it. :D And don't worry, I won't spam it.)
(Spam....Now I just made myself hungry. D;)
"They were all hiking to the camping spot they were going to camp in."
NO SHIT SHERLOCK.
"Sonic was mad because he could just run really fast and be there already but the others were slow so he had to slow down and wait for them and they wanted to hike slowly because it was more fun so Sonic was really mad and bored."
WHY CAN'T SONIC JUST GRAB THEIR HANDS AND START RUNNING TO GET THERE QUICKER?
And how many fucking times are you going to type in the word, "And."?
And dude, USE PERIODS!!!!!!!!!!
Even the most hardcore Sonic fan would notice this shit! And if this is going to be the modern generation of people, then the earth is screwed.
"He was also hot because it was 90 degrees out so he kept drinking all the soda and water."
So what, are they in a desert now? Or maybe just in a city where it's hot? In that case you don't NEED water or soda to stay hydrated because in the city water fountains and shade are EVERYWHERE!
Can you at least tell me what's 9+10?!?!?! >:(
"21! :D" Says Dogs Bower, the author of this shitty story.
"Tails was lugging a huge backpack on his back because he was too excited and packed all his belongings and many things he did not need to take but he took them anyway."
Corrections: WE FUCKING KNOW THE BACKPACK IS ON HIS BACK, why would somebody carry a backpack for nothing when they're excited, and did not should be spelled as didn't.
And of course, DUDE USE PERIODS! SERIOUSLY, I LEARNED THIS STUFF IN MY GODDAMN PRESCHOOL DAYS AND NOBODY CAN DO IT RIGHT WHEN WRITING A 4 MINUTE STORY!
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO EDITING!?!? DID THEY JUST NOT FUCKING CARE!?!?
*Static* Jared is experiencing emotional problems, we'll be right back! ^__^
*Sigh* Let's move on....
"He was also carrying Knuckles' backpack was too pimp to carry heavy shit around like a bitch."
Pimp? Really? And correct me if i'm wrong, but I think he didn't use the ' mark right...
And of course, more bad stereotype humor because WHY NOT!? :D
At this point the author was so fucking drunk that he could barely see the keyboard.
"He was carrying all the fishing rods. Sonic was carrying the cooler."
He used periods! OH MY GOD! :D
Too bad he used them WRONG BECAUSE HE COULD'VE EASILY COMBINED THAT SENTENCE WITH ONE COMMA!
Like this, *Knuckles was carrying all the fishing rods, while Sonic was carrying the cooler.*
And of course, I like bananas because bananas are tasty.
STOP USING THE SAME WORD IN A SENTENCE TWICE!
If I point out every single problem with this fan fiction we'll be here all day.....
"When are we going to get there Sonic?"
PLEASE don't tell me this is going to be like Shrek 2....
Flashback: *Are we there yet? How about now? How about now? Are we there yet? Are we even halfway there? How about now?*
I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS. O____O
"Asked Tails who was sweating because it was so hot and he had all that fur and was carrying heavy backpacks full of equipment."
Is carrying the only word this guy knows? Because it really IS starting to get on my nerves.
And Tails, you chose to haul (Another word for Carry that took me one second to think of.) That backpack, and for no reason, so suffer for it.
Oh I keep forgetting, it's not Tails fault, it's the fucking authors fault.
He is writing this SPECIFICALLY to ruin our childhoods isn't he? So many *Writers* do this nowadays and it ticks me off!
If you want to do shit like this, THEN KILL YOURSELF, GO TO HELL, AND HAVE FUN THERE.
And yes I am using the * marks because the quotation marks, ", are used for the story.
I don't want to confuse my audience, unlike every bad fan fiction out there.
"My feet hurt."
You are wearing shoes aren't you? And from what I can tell you haven't been walking for that long.
Well, once again folks, I am going to have to tell you guys to THROW THAT PRECIOUS BEAUTIFUL WORD LOGIC OUT THE NEAREST GODDAMN WINDOW BECAUSE THIS IS ANOTHER FAN FICTION THAT MAKES NO SENSE AND THINKS IT'S FUNNY FOR IT.
And it may seem like I am overreacting a bit, but that's only because I have seen the end of this fan fiction already....
And it is NOT pretty.
Also, I typed in, *Is NOT* Because I wanted to make my point more clear.
Sorry if I sound like your 2nd grade teacher but LORD KNOWS that people nowadays are more stupid then my locker at school.
Locker: *Chews my thanksgiving break homework*
Me: o___O HEY! GET BACK HERE! >:(
Locker: Hah! Chomp Chomp CHOMP! >:D
*Static* Jared is now experiencing temporary insanity and madness, we'll be right back! :)
Yeah, I feel bad for you if your friend logic is still in your room reading this.
Logic: *Peeks at what I'm writing*
Me: Hey, no looking!
Let's move on and get this over with, because by now I have that rocket launcher I mentioned earlier aimed perfectly at someone's house.
Me: *Putting in more rockets* Hehehehe....
I hope Ryan wants his Christmas present early...
(What the hell did I do to this review? o_O Moving on, at last....)
"We'll get there when we get there. It's not my fault you two are slow."
Once again dude, COMMAS! >.<
"I could've been there already and set up our tents and been hauling in huge fish by now," said Sonic back to Tails."
There is so many problems with this one paragraph.
1. AndAndAndANDANDANDAND JESUS DUDE STOP SAYING AND!
2. Sonic, you don't have to be such a jerk. Besides, isn't this the point of READING a fan fiction? To read a fun fan-made story about people having fun? NOT FUCKING SPENDING A MILLENNIUM ARGUING!?
I hear enough of that in real life, WHAT makes you think this is entertaining in the SLIGHTEST!?
3. And this guy clearly doesn't know how to use quotation marks and when.
Can you guys believe I don't even think I am HALFWAY through this yet and THIS REVIEW IS ALREADY LONGER THAN THE ENTIRE GODFATHER TRILOGY AND THE ZELDA TIMELINE COMBINED!?
This is easily the most horrible fan fiction I've reviewed so far. Not the worst, but it has the most problems.
"He finished another can of soda and threw it on the ground."
Because LITTERING IS SO FUNNY ISN'T IT? :D
And no audience, I am not being a buzz kill, this is just a guy writing a bad fan fiction thinking bad things like FUCKING RAPE are funny as hell. Don't you see ANYTHING wrong there, Dogs Bower!?
"Stop complaining Tails."
Maybe if your garbage fan fiction was better I WOULD.
"If your feet hurt then why don't you just fly?"
In the words of Mr. Enter, a certain You-tuber who reviews animations, Pointing out your problems DOESN'T FREAKING FIX THEM!
I don't KNOW WHY Tails won't fly, the author easily could've made him, but he decided not to because....
*Jeopardy theme plays*
I have no fucking clue.
"Said Knuckles and hit Tails on the head. Ow! Yelled Tails."
This. Is. So. Mother. F**king. BORING.
It's moments like this that make me think this would be a lot better if it was an animation, but when you put things like this in a story/book, it's just....
Well, *Looks up more words for boring*
IT'S FUCKING BORING.
(Google why do you fail me?)
"Because all this stuff makes it too heavy for me to get off the ground, he complained."
1. STOP COMPLAINING, THIS IS SO PAINFUL TO READ ALREADY! >.<
2. Knuckles, why don't you NOT be a mother fucker and help Tails out?
I don't CARE if you're the biggest douche on Douche-bag Alley, IF YOU WANT TO GET TO THE CAMPING SPOT FASTER THEN GET OFF YOUR LAZY A** AND HELP HIM!
These characters are more stale than the old crackers in my cabinet!
Last opened 2004.
"You need to work out more and eat less than! Laughed Sonic, stuffing his face with food from the cooler."
How on Earth does not eating get you stronger?
DOGS BOWER YOU STUPID SORRY SON OF A BITCH.
And WHY is every character in this half-assed story such a bully?
I don't know guys...I don't know.
"Sonic, don't eat the food yet or we won't have any to camp with!"
That just sounds strange to me. "We won't have any food to camp with." Error anyone?
WHY IS THERE SO MUCH COMPLAINING IN THIS STORY!? And what an insult to Tails fans, having him be this goddamn irritating.
Pretty much this entire story was meant to piss off the Sonic community anyways.
"Yeah, don't drink all the beverages either! Said Knuckles madly."
It's not funny story, IT NEVER WILL BE.
There is NO alternate timeline in ANY universe, galaxy, dimension, or period of existence where this story could EVER be entertaining IN THE SLIGHTEST!
I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MANY PROBLEMS ARE IN THIS STORY, WHO AND WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO WRITE SUCH AN ATROCITY!?
And all I can say is.....
"I bought most of them so I can do what I want with them! Said Sonic back."
Fine Sonic, let your team-mates die. Then starve and die all alone, then we'll see how you act.
This story is terrible, by now you know that as much as you know 1+1.
And you know what? This story gets WAY worse, and you have no idea how much.
Just remember I'm here to share my misery with you.
"Don't touch my beer, you spiky blue buttmunch! I payed for that myself! Yelled Knuckles."
CAN YOU AT LEAST HAVE A FRACTION OF EFFORT WRITING THIS HORRIBLE TRASH PILE OF A STORY!?
"Oops, well I only drank one can, muttered Sonic."
This is why I hate majority of modern Sonic fans.
Oh I'm sorry, did I say fan? Hah, these morons are anything BUT fans. They're just trolls that slightly enjoy the Sonic games, but also love perverted hardcore modern gun games.
And they decided to make one of the shittiest stories ever written.
"What was that? Asked Knuckles. Nothing! Sonic replied. Look, an eagle!"
That joke wouldn't fool anybody in the year 1934 you moron. What makes you think it'll work now?
"Everybody looked up"
*Facepalm* This fucking author....I tell you.
I SWEAR this is the only story I've reviewed so far that is ACTUALLY making me mad in real life! I feel...ANGRY! I want to smash my keyboard! I've never felt so much pain READING A STORY BEFORE!
Achievement unlocked Dogs Bower, CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS!
"That's just some guy on a hang glider, Sonic. Said Tails."
Is this supposed to be funny? Am I supposed to be laughing? Oh I'm sorry.
"But then Sonic was walking really fast farther away."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but that sentence just seems off to me. I don't know what it is, but something there just doesn't sound right.
Actually, pretty much this entire story doesn't seem right.
Yeah, I'm running out of jokes. To be honest, even reading this story drains your soul, you can't blame me.
"Damn it Sonic, slow down! Said Knuckles. Walk faster! You dorks! While he kept on going and laughing."
Am I the only person that is so fucking tired of this story? I gotta take a break....
Yeah, that face just about says it all.