Jane Rizzoli spotted a man step out of a taxi and nearly walk into a woman rolling a baby carriage.
The man caught her staring so she turned away.
"Jane?" asked Maura, jarring her out of thoughts.
"Wha-? oh, sorry, Maura, I was thinking."
"About that cute man who stepped out of the cab?"
"No! And don't you think, Maura, that after your LAST boyfriend, you'd be a bit more careful about who you think is cute? What does he have in TWO suitcases? Severed body parts?"
" Ha! I'm careful!"
"Like you were careful about the psycho who gave you a severed hand encased in plaster?"
Patrick Jane entered the Plaza hotel where he got his first surprise of the day: a young girl in a pink dress running around like a nutcase.
His second surprise came in the form of the woman he nearly crashed into leaving his taxi. She was getting into the elevator, and he followed her in.
"Oh! it's you! I'm sorry- i- I'm just so clumsy sometimes!" she apologized.
"No, it's ok.. Are you...?"
"Married? No, but I'm dating."
Her kid gurgled, and he smiled.
"Christine, this is... uh... "
"Patrick Jane, CBI." he said, offering his hand to the woman.
"Doctor Temperance Brennan, of the Jeffersonian crime lab." she said" You can call me by my moniker: Bones."
They both stopped and stared at each other when what they said sank in.
I watched Rizzoli and Isles from behind a tree. PB (peacebaby7) We were assigned by Skipper to watch them. CC and Kristen chose to stay behind. Monique and Lexii were going to spy on Patrick Jane and Bones.
"This can't be a coincidence." says PB "Bones, The Mentalist, and Rizzoli and Isles here on the same day. Who's next?! The Halliwell Sisters?!"
"Hey, the Penguins exist. So why not all of them?"
I say, but I whisper it a bit too loud and our targets hear us.
"This is so exciting! EEEEEEEEE! Patrick Jane!" squealed Lexii, earning a weird look from Monique.
"Ok... Ok, I'll stop. Sorry, I won't go all fangirl again."
"Shhhhh! Be Quiet, they'll hear us." said Monique, her voice nearly echoing in two large ornamental pots the two girls were hiding in.
"So, you've read my work." said Bones, "i'm impressed." said Bones
"Every book. Kathy Reichs is phenominal." said Mr. Jane
"You seem like someone who... gets people. In most anthroplogical studies, certain people are capable of going a step further and read "tells" or... unconcious reactions people have. they can indicate anything. These people are commonly known as' Mentalists." But I don't believe in that stuff." said Bones
" I grew up learning how to do that. Now i work for the CBI on alot of their cases..reading tells...busting criminals...playing golf with mobsters. I'm tracking down the man who killed my family: Red John. I got a lead that say's he's in New York City ." said Jane
"Well... it seems you live an interesting life. I, however, do forensic work. I give names to the unidentified. I think it's a powerful thing to give someone their name back."
"I remember her saying that!" whispered Monique.
"Did you just hear voices coming from that jar?" asked Jane
Crud, our cover was blown!
"Ok, kids, out from behind the tree!" said Jane
"Were you two spying on us?" asked Maura
"Uh........no?" I say, sheepishly.
"Really." said Rizzoli
"Look, the truth's crazy enough as it is. You'd think we're insane." i say
"Well, I'm sure it won't." said Maura, kindly.
"Ok... so... you two and everybody you've ever known has been on-" I began to say, but was cut off by the sound of two cellphones ringing.
"I'm on it... wait a sec. I'm on vacation!"
"In the sewers?"
"Be right there."
"I'm on my way."
"You guys can't go in the sewers!"cries PB
"Look, kid, I'm sure we can handle a few little rats." said Jane, getting up to leave.
"Look, it's not the little one's She's warning you about."
"Explain then, but make it quick!"
Good Galaleio, this was gonna be hard!
"The Mentalist? i'm on a show.. called"The Mentalist?" said Mr.Jane, skeptically, pausing only to take a sip of his tea." I don't fully believe it, but all the world's a stage, as they say."
" i, for one, find it impossible to believe. I don't think my life is interesting enough to be on a tv show." said Bones.
"You look at dead bodies, Booth is super hot, and your lack of knowledge of pop culture makes your conversations hilarious. What couldn't be interesting about THAT?" asks Lexii
"Makes sense. Show me an episode>" she asked.
The first result that popped up on Hulu Plus was "The Woman in the Tunnels ('06)"
When the episode was over, enough time had been wasted, so Monique asked.. "Earlier, you said you had a lead on Red John.. what was it?"
"An anonomyous phone call. I heard a few words before the line went dead. They said red John was hiding in the sewers."
"The sewers?!" cried Lexii and Monique at the same time
.................................................................................. Meanwhile, we followed the two crime solving females, unbeknownst to them of course, into the sewers.
Looking around the area where the call said the body was, Rizzoli said 'Is something wrong here, Maura, or is it just me?"
"Yep. Nothing's here." observed Maura.
"ANNND THE GENIUS AWARD OF 2012 GOEEEES TOOOO: MAURA ISLES!!!!" said Rizzoli in a fake game show host voice.
"wait up, guys!" calls PB
"Woah! you kids can't be here! This is a crime scene!" says Rizzoli
"Oh.. good luck solving the case of the Invisible Body with the Invisible NYPD!" i say, sarcastically.
"Even a year old could tell that this is just a disgusting old sewer." piped up PB
We heard a rustling noise from the tunnel we were in. looking to my left i shined the flashlight on a grate, a "Danger ahead" sign, and hundreds of little rat eyes darting away from the bright light.
"We have to run.. now!" I say, pushing the women forward.
"Why are we running?!" asked Rizzoli, frantically climbing up the ladder.
"THAT"S WHY!!!!" screams PB, and the women turn to just get a glimpse of the Rat King making a grab for Maura's ankles, just as she scrambled out of the sewer,
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! screamed Rizzoli, grabbing for her gun.
"You take a shot at me toots, and I"ll take your gun, and then I'll eat it." called the Rat King. "Come on down, i swear i won't do nothin' bad."
"Why don't you come on up?" I challanged
"Can't, dude. my shoulders can't fit through that tiny opening. Come down here again, and You're gonna get it!" he said, scurrying away
"Not if the penguins get you first!" yelled PB
"You really WERE telling the truth....' said Maura, foggily.
The we heard a voice from around the corner....
Patrick Jane, Bones, Monique and Lexii turned the corner. Bones left her baby back at the hotel, where she was being cared for by her neighbor, once she explained to her that she was leaving to go to a 'job site" where she couldn't afford to take her baby.
"What kind of a person brings two teens on a manhunt in the sewers to find a psychotic killer?!" asks Lexii, "Not that I'm complaning, or anything!"
"You're right. i should've left you with Christine and the neighbors. But i still say that there's hidden cameras filming me, and Lisbon is laughing her butt off at her sick little joke." said Jane
" I'm going to have to agree with Lexii. There are far more logical places for a killer to hide than in a sewer." said Bones.
" Haven't you read ANYTHING by Arthur Conan Doyle? Almost all of Moriatry's evil dealings happened in the London Sewers!" said Jane
"i've read all of his books, but found the cases... obvious and simplisctic." said Bones, just as they rounded the corner.
Monique and lexii could hear their names being shouted.
"Oh, it's you! Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like Angie Harmon?' said Patrick Jane, walking up to Rizzoli.
"Who's Angie Harmon?" asks Maura
"She plays Detective Rizzoli on "Rizzoli and Isles". And, you, my good miss, look just Like Sasha Alexander." says Jane.," Patrick Jane, CBI." he introduces
"Uh... I got news for ya, bub. We ARE Rizzoli and Isles. Boston PD." said Rizzoli
"Woah! Do i gotta put my hands up?" says Jane, jokingly. "I've known people who can fake ID's."
"This isn't fake." she says, handing it to him.
"You're right. Wait, you kids were telling the truth?"
"Yep." says Monique
"The whole time." says Lexii
"Now, I've gotta get into that sewer! The man who ruined my life is somewhere down there!" said Jane, attempting to get by Rizzoli and enter the sewer.
"Sorry, no can do."
"Because there's a gigantic, mutated, killer sewer rat down there!" shouts Maura
"Ok, i believe you about the whole "My-life-is-a- popular-TV-show-on-TNT" thing, but how dumb do you think I am?"
"Pretty stupid. You should listen to a pretty woman the next time she tells you to stay out of the sewer." called the Rat King.
"Told ya." says PB
"I wouldn't come down here, dude. not unless you want me to break your face! The red head's right: i AM a giant mutated rat, but not a killer."
"Ok, then show me the turtles."
"If you want turtles, go to the zoo."
That reminds me of something... something serious!
'Guys, we gotta head to the zoo, now! This is all a trap!" i say, running to Central Park.
"Why are we going to the zoo?!" asks Bones, panting, once we've reached the ticket booth.
What a lovely sight Alice's sour face makes when you're trying to keep your cool!
"Big family. You married to the ginger?' asks Alice
"yeah. The brunette's their aunt." says Jane]
"Enjoy your time at the zoo. Don't feed the animals. Don't touch the animals. and Don't ask me annoying questions." says Alice
"Wow. She seems very positive." comments Maura.
"Yeah, she's always like that.' says Monique.
"She hates questions." says Lexii. "A lot."
I crept over towards the dumpster, and several seconds, and a bright flash of light later from Kowalski's machine, I was staring at Monique, the Emperor Penguin, PB, the Gentoo penguin, Lexii the lemur, Patrick Jane, the golden- colored badger, Bones, the red- tailed hawk and Rizzoli and Isles, the two Asian Otters, like Marlene.
We all fit through the second entry point into the HQ, and we were relieved to find the penguins, CC and Kristen playing a game of Poker.
Oh, thank goodness, you're all right!" says PB
"Why wouldn't we be?" asks CC
"I don't know, Adam rushed us all in here." says Lexii
"Oh, guys, this is, Rizzoli and Isles, Patrick Jane, and Bones Brennan." introduces Monique
"Guys, i think they were all brought here because of
"Who's Blowhole?" asks Rizzoli
"Skipper's dolphin nemesis. He's a supervillian bent on ruling the world. he has a scar on the left side of his face hidden by a mechanical eye. he has a pretty good singing voice, for villainous scum." says Bones.
"You don't know who Kelly Clarkson is, Temperance, but you know about the Penguins of Madagascar?" i ask
"Parker, my boyfriend's son, watches it, a lot.' she says.
Skipper's about to say something, when Kowalski does a fangirl squeal and said "Temperance Brennan, it's an honor! I'm sure you know of my inventions and my intellect, which pales in comparison to yours.'
"Your methods are somewhat flawed whenever skipper asks for options. Your inventions are whimsical and usually improbable, but you do have a vast ammount of knowledge in areas I don't." she said
"uh... Bones, i think you may have hurt his feelings." whispered Rizzoli, and Bones looked sorry.
"No, it's ok." Said Kowalski," i forgive her. Sometimes when she states facts she doesn't realize that she's unintentionally hurting people's feelings. I'm used to being called a flawed genius, but my inventions DO work... until they explode." he muttered the last part.
"Listen, don't we have a problem to deal with?" aska maura.
"oh, yeah!" says PB
"What kind of problem?" asks Kristen
"and what's this about Blowhole?' asks Skipper
" Ok... we followed Rizzoli and Isles, like you told us. We tell them about the TV show when they both get calls saying there's a body in the sewer. They go, despite their being on vacation and having to work with the NYPD. We follow them and there's nothing down there, no body, no police. Our Loud talking gets the attention of the Rat King, who chases us back up. They believe us. Then Patrick , Monique, Bones and Lexii come saying that Red John, the guy who killed Jane's family, is down there, but he too is threatened by the Rat King before he could enter. No Red John either, otherwise the Rat King would've beat him to a pulp by now. It has Blowhole written all over it!!!" i conclude
"i'll give you kudos for thinking like me. But if this is Blowhole, then why would he go through all this trouble to get to these humans?" asks Skipper
"that's for me to know and you to find out. i doubt that even Temperance Brennan could figure out my evil plan!" said Blowhole's voice from the TV
"The TV? Again?' asks Kristen" Why do you ALWAYS do that?!"
"I have my reasons. Look, Peng-u-ins... and guests... i hate to cut our talk short, but I'm running out of battery power! until we meet once more! Mwahahahahahaaaaaaahhhhhaaaahhhh!"
"So that's Blowhole?" asks Rizzoli
"yep.' says Skipper. 'kowalski, any intel on where he boradcasted from?"
"Let me check."
"He sounds like that Dr Horrible guy who did that musical movie/blog.' comments Jane.
"you have no idea." I say, andd breifly explain the DreamWorks- filming -the -penguins -lives -thing.
"Sir.' says Kowalski" I've tracked the signal."
"Excelente, Kowalski! Where is it?"
"uh... that's the problem. It would appear, sir, that Blowhole's broadcasting from Copenhagen, Denmark."
To be continued on the morrow.