“How did it all happen?” She whispered sullenly, almost breathlessly. Her vision was distorted, blurry from her tears. They were also bloodshot and her face had paled as well, sometime during her breakdown.
From the other side of the desk, the woman sat there with her head cocked to the side, portraying a face of deep concern. “Ms. Waldorf I take it that this wasn’t planned.”
Blair Waldorf kept her eyes glued to the floor. She used whatever physical strength was in her to put her arms on the armrests and lift her body into a straighter, more comfortable position. Instead she failed miserably, missing the armrests completely and letting her weak limbs admit defeat as they fell to the side of her lifelessly. She than lifted her hand slightly and wiped the stray tear that cascaded down her face. “No.” she murmured.
Blair had never been in shock like this before. If she hadn’t been in such a hysterical daze right now, she would probably take note of the woman’s nametag, request her to run the tests a few more times and than mock her for asking such a question. Was this planned? Of course this wasn’t planned! Anyone coming to Plan Parenthood did not plan a pregnancy, never mind the irony in its title. What teenager wanted to have a baby?
“Ms. Waldorf I know this is a lot of weight to be carrying on your shoulders right now, but I am here to inform you of all your options right now.”
Blair snapped out of her daze and looked up, her eyes still flooded with tears, her voice still weak and quivering. “What options?”
Her mind was set in motion once again. She was a smart girl; she could not just sit here like a zombie and cry her life away. That would only occupy time, and time wasn’t the answer in this situation. Time would lead her to have this baby.
Right now she needed to use her intelligence to process every little word this woman was about to tell her. She had options. But what options exactly? The option she wanted was to not have gotten pregnant in the first place.
“Well during the first three months of pregnancy, you have the option to get an abortion. But only in those first three months because the baby hasn't truly developed at that point.”
Blair tried to be strong at this very moment. She wiped the tears out of her eyes and exhaled. She finally read the woman’s nametag. Dorothy it read. She did this for a living, listen to whatever she has to say, she knows what she’s talking about, Blair silently reminded herself.
The next few moments passed by as a blur again. Dorothy continued speaking, but Blair was lost again, staring intently at the floor while her mind drifted elsewhere and her emotions coursed through her. No matter how hard Blair willed herself to be strong she just couldn’t. She couldn’t stop the tears from forming; she couldn’t stop the migraine that was forming in the center of her head. She couldn’t take back the pregnancy. Whether or not she agreed to have an abortion she would live with the fact that she was indeed impregnated at seventeen.
Than suddenly she tried to trace back all of the recent events that had happened over the last few weeks. A little over a month ago she had sex with Chuck. The strangest thing was she swore that they were wearing a condom. They had the numerous times afterward. About a week ago she had sex with Nate Archibald. But it was so slow, so intense; Blair remembered seeing Nate peel off the condom afterward. There was no way. But somehow Blair prayed that it was Nate's while the realistic side of her mind, questioned that factor.
Blair shook her head as the events of yesterday came back to her. She took the pregnancy test and it read positive. She cried and then threw up, then called Serena and lied to her telling her that it was negative. She bit her lip so hard it almost bled after she told the lie. She remembered kicking the garbage pail near her and throwing her vintage glass vase on the ground, shattering it into a million pieces as she once again sunk on the floor crying hysterically, but ultimately leading her body to the toilet bowl again making herself dry heave and then throw up any of the remains in her stomach. Unfortunately no matter how hard she tired, her bulimic ways would not rid her of the baby.
Then the downfall of her reputation at school, it was enough to make her feel even worse. Jenny’s abrupt sense of power and cockiness, the break-up with Nate, and then the worst of the entire day.
She knew he would be at the bar, and she walked there with a grim expression, her head hanging low, a pit forming in her stomach. The one person she was actually considering telling. But before she could manage to really tell him the truth, she started off the conversation by accusing him of ruining her. Apparently it set everything off and he attacked her brutally, with his harsh words and accusations. She had come there to tell him to help her, to ask him what to do. She came to admit that if she was pregnant the child could be his. But she screwed it up. And so did he.
After Blair was done zoning out she looked up at Dorothy, and there was a silent understanding when Dorothy’s look of deep concern told Blair that even she knew that Blair’s mind was elsewhere.
“You are very stressed my dear. You need to help yourself relax before you make any decisions.” Dorothy told her calmly.
Blair inhaled deeply and folded her hands primly in her lap. The tears were still falling from her doe eyes, but had subsided to a gentle oozing, for she was not hysterical anymore. Now she was ready to talk about her real options. There was one thing that she needed to know.
“Dorothy,” she said her voice gentle, still fragile, her eyes finally meeting the woman’s respectively, this time truly asking for an important answer, not just help. “How far along am I?”
Dorothy shuffled through the paper on her clipboard and then looked up at Blair with a blank stare but kept her voice entirely monotone and professional. “Ms. Waldorf I would say you are about six weeks along the way.”
Blair closed her eyes and for the next few minutes the tears did not stop. Now she knew. “Thank you.” She replied weakly.
Serena Van der Woodsen closed her cell phone shut, after a long and intimate conversation with her boyfriend, Dan Humphrey. She sat herself at the edge of her queen sized bed and fell back slowly, enjoying the feel of the soft but firm mattress underneath her. The stress of worrying for Blair was truly getting to her and it seemed that right now all she really needed was rest.
It was strange because Blair had called Serena before school only the day before and told her that everything was okay, that she wasn’t pregnant. Serena had been ecstatic but then it turned out that the day would be the worst for Blair. She hadn’t shown up for school today, and with all of the drama and the rejection thrown on Blair, it eventually caused them to get into a fight, and now they weren’t talking.
Serena hated when her and Blair were fighting because for the most part there was really no point. Blair was so angry and upset about everything that Serena should have expected her to lash out at even her.
Nate had broken up with her. All of Blair’s friends at school had ditched her, and Blair’s mother wasn’t exactly the warm and loving kind. Serena raked her hands over her face and exhaled loudly. Blair is probably all alone right now, Serena thought guiltily.
Just then her phone rang. Serena flipped onto her stomach and reached over to the nightstand where she grabbed her flashing cell phone. It was Blair.
She flipped it open instantly. “Blair? Hi I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” Serena answered anxiously.
Instead there was a long silence on the other end of the line. Finally she heard Blair’s voice, and it was unusually low.
“Serena I need you to meet me somewhere.” She said flatly.
Serena ran to her.
Ran to her in such a way that was athletically extravagant, but given the adrenaline and the title as a best friend who didn’t want the worst to come, Serena would have ran ten times faster if she had to.
The cold was striking and felt like a million knives stabbing Serena’s face as she ran dutifully to Blair who was clasping her red wool coat shut and observing the men loading her Louis Vuitton luggage onto the helicopter.
“Blair…” Serena said sulkily as she faced Blair.
Blair turned around to meet her friend’s worried expression.
“I called your house because you weren’t answering your cell and your mom said you were leaving for France tonight.” Serena stated worriedly.
“Well she has a big mouth.” Blair said trying to remain strong, and rolling her eyes for effect.
“B, I’m your best friend, she was shocked I didn’t know.”
“Well now you do. I was going to tell you eventually.”
“B, what I know is how you felt when I left without telling you.”
Blair looked at her and tried to hold her tears back. Part of Blair called her over to say goodbye and to tell her that it would be a while before they saw each other again. But it was hard, it was so hard that Blair wondered if it would have been easier to just leave without saying goodbye the way Serena once had.
“Stay. Don’t let some stupid scandal make you run away like it did me. Like it does everyone in our world.” Serena said half smiling, reaching out to Blair to rub her wool covered arm.
Blair let the tears fall from her eyes. “Everything’s horrible. My whole life is falling apart.”
“So rebuild it-- ”
“Serena it’s not that simple…I can’t anymore.” Blair whimpered looking down.
Serena took a step closer and grabbed Blair’s small hand. “B what aren’t you telling me?”
After a few moments Blair looked up, breaking down, letting her tears fall faster and hysterically. Serena immediately embraced her and Blair wrapped her arms around her tightly, and eagerly.
Serena rubbed her chocolate locks. “Shh Blair please, stay and tell me everything.”
“Serena I’m pregnant.” She said softly into Serena’s golden locks.
A weird sensation fell over Serena as Blair mumbled the words. Suddenly the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stuck up as a chill ran down her spine just as Blair’s hot tears absorbed into her hair during their embrace.
Serena then moved to let go and looked Blair in the face. “W-What?”
Blair nodded still crying. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”
“You’re really pregnant?” Serena asked softly, a little uneasily.
Blair nodded and used her glove covered hands to wipe her moist cheeks. “I had to go to the doctor I didn’t believe it when I took the test myself. I freaked out…I…I didn’t know what to do.” She finished off helplessly.
Serena’s lips had parted during the brief explanation. She was at a loss of words; she knew that Blair was definitely pregnant now if she had gone to the doctor. She had to leave.
Blair took a step closer to Serena and grabbed both her hands. “I have to go S. I’ve thought about it already and I don’t think I can have an abortion…I just can’t. And I can’t have the baby here…I need to go far…far away.” She whispered.
Serena began to cry and she hugged Blair once more before both heard the man behind them.
“Ms. Waldorf, it’s time to go.” He said sternly.
Blair looked at Serena one last time and Serena half smiled. “Do you want me to come with you?” she offered generously.
“I do…but we both know you can’t. I won’t be gone forever S, I’ll come back… I promise. I love you.” She said sadly before hugging her friend for the final time.
“I want you to call and write to me everyday, I want to hear how you’re doing and I’ll come and visit you often, I promise B. I love you.” Serena finished off strongly.
The next few moments passed by as some sort of blur. There were times when both girls had parted, but this parting was one that put them both in a melancholy mood. It was like kissing a family member goodbye; it was like letting someone go. It was like letting a part of them go.
Serena watched helplessly as Blair got onto the helicopter and as it elevated higher a pit formed inside of her stomach. Serena began to cry again but tried to pull herself together all at the same time. Just then she realized that she hadn’t asked Blair the most important question: Whose baby was it?
As the helicopter took off and Blair felt further and further away, Serena swore she would never again witness an innocent and pretty face like that of her best friend, Blair Waldorf. Serena cried for her because Blair was the one meant to live life successfully, go to Yale, get married and have children, later in life. Not now. Now wasn’t the time.
Serena wiped away the last tear and she wished away the image of Blair’s terrified and nervous face. Blair wasn’t ready for this. Blair wasn’t ready for a pregnancy. Just at that moment Serena realized that for teenagers this seemed to be something like a disaster, but the privilege of being impregnated and having a child, is really just a blessing. Just like how her mother told her, children were conceived out of pure passion.
And just like that, Serena half smiled, when she realized just whose baby Blair was carrying.
As Blair relaxed into the helicopter and put her hand against her flat stomach, she tried to make sense of the second heartbeat dwelling inside of her. She then put her hand against the window and looked down at Serena who was still standing there looking up to her waving. Once the helicopter was in the air, Serena only seemed like a small dot on the ground, but from where Blair sat, she could feel the tears still pouring from Serena’s beautiful eyes.
Blair’s face suddenly ached from all of the crying and the sensation of her tears freezing onto her porcelain skin in the bitter cold. Just then when she thought all of her tears had come to an end, she put both hands over her belly and looked down, reminding herself of the truth.
“Goodbye Chuck.” She whispered sadly to herself as the helicopter set off the JFK, and as she neared France with his unborn child.