Uhm..yeah..that's a poem...I guess although I don't know the exact definition of "poem"..but what else should this be called? *shrugs*
The picture is rather random - I just liked it.


Knowing that something is wrong,
but not being able to define what it is,
that's painful.

Being hurt ,
but at the same time not being able to reason why,
that's painful.

Not knowing what to think, not knowing what to feel,
not being able to understand the world anymore,
that's painful.

Loving something at one moment and hating it at the other, trying to find the right way but always ending up choosing the wrong, seeing the world in grey colors and wishing for the rain to come,
that's sad.

And realizing that the answer might be to freeze all those bottled - up feelings .... what's that?

LOST
ALONE
INSUCURE
BLOOD DRIPPING DOWN MY FACE
BRUISES STINGING MY TRANSLUCENT BODY
DEATH CALLING ME
LOVE DETACHING FROM ME
MY HEART BEING RIPPED FROM MY BODY
MY MUCSLES HURTING
A SICK FEELING IN MY STOMACH
IN THE FETAL POSISTION
TEARS ESCAPING MY EYES
MUSCLES TENSE
BARE FOOTED
SCABS BREAKING
ROOTS STABBING MY BODY
GLASS BROKEN
A PICTURE ON THE FLOOR
REMINDING ME OF MEMORYS
OF A FOREST
OF OUR OLD LIFE
WHEN YOU LOVED ME
GRABBING A KNIFE
DRAWING BLOOD
FROM MY FACE
MY LIFE FLASHING BEFORE ME
THE PAIN OF EVERY SAD MOMENT
MADE ME MAKE MY DISSISION
I DREW THE KNIFE TO MY NECK
SLIT MY FLOAT
AND WATCHED THE BLOOD POOL AROUND ME
LIFE DRAWING OUT OF MY EYES
MY SOUL
RISING FROM MY BODY
GOD EMBRACING ME
THE LOOK IN YOUR EYES
WHEN YOU FOUND ME
I WAS LOST

FALLING
1000 POUNDS CRUSHING ME
HOLDING ME DOWN
SUFFICATING ME
EMPTYNESS
DROWNING ME
FEAR
COVERING ME
LONLYNESS
HURTING ME
HOW CAN I SURVEVE
LIFE LEAVING MY BODY
ENVY
SWALLOWING ME
WHY
WHY DID YOU DO IT
HOW COULD YOU
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME
LOOK
LOOK AT YOUR DAMAGE
PLEASE
PLEASE BABY
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME
AFTER EVERYTHING I DID FOR YOU
HOW COULD YOU CHEAT
HOW COULD YOU
BABY WHY
WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?
BABY WHY
YOU KILLED ME
YOU STUFFED MY BODY INTO THE COFFIN
IT'S YOUR FAULT
YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY PAIN
MY SORROW
WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?

I am sad to say that for the next week I will not be on the computer...at all. I will be at the hospital recovering from surgery on my ankle. I have to have two tendons repaired and have to have a splint taken out of my ankle before school next year, because I will be back in competitions and the like. It's really depressing that I have to go into surgery, but I'm not worried...I think. I trust my doctors...

Also, I might not be back competely until around the beginning of July because of something that has come up with my sister-in-law. So...Bye for now. :(

Today I went with my brother to the pet store so that he could pick something up for his dog. While there I told him my wish to own a pet mouse and how I would call it Wilson. My brother asked why I could call my mouse Wilson, and I told him it was because mice are always used to study effects with cancer and such. And since cancer=oncology and oncology=Wilson I would call my mouse Wilson!

Anyways, my mum hates mice so she would never allow me to have one. As a joke my brother found a tiny stuffed mouse and bought it for me. It was the last white one in the whole store, and his back leg is coming off, but now I'm in heaven: I own not only a mouse, but also Wilson!!!

Anyways, I thought that would be funny to share with you guys. XD

Hey, I just wanted you to know that I probably won't be on FP until Monday...
I collapsed at my biology lesson yesterday and I hit my head against the wall (it was actually pretty funny xDDD)
now, my doctor wants me on bed rest.
:(
Those who know what's going on with me, please don't be upset, I'll be ok.
No karate for me this month though :((((
It was that, or the gym.

And I'm gonna update my Huli fanfic the moment I get on...
But maybe I'll sneak in on FP for a couple of times, just to post the new chapters xDDD
Sinner, always (:C

Anyway, I got a lot healing to do these days, so I'm gonna miss you guys :((((

Love ya...

This is the teaser chapter/the beginning of my newest fan-fiction, There's Always Hope. I hope you guys will leave comments, wheather they be good or bad. =]

There was always some bit of hope. Always that last little ray of optimism before you finally give up on something and leave it there to die, bleeding helplessly on the ground. Thay's what it was like, being in that hospital. Three years spent in that hospital, trying to regain his mentality. Three years, and not on person had come to see him. Normally he liked his space, and he liked staying away from people and their stupid petty ideas and problems, but not for three years. Now, here he was: sitting in front of the hospital, waiting for his best friend to come pick him up.

Okay, so last week was our last full week of school, which means we had our final spirit week. One of the themes was "college day" which is the day that we had to wear something dealing with the college that we want to go to. I was really upset that I didn't have anything to do with a college, and I was going to get in trouble because being part of the cheerleading team, student council, and color guard I'm required to participate in the school spirit weeks.

Anyways: As a joke, my best friend bought me a McGill University sweatshirt just like the one that Wilson has. I was totally shocked and almost died of laughing. XD


Don't know why I wanted to share this story with you, but I did. =) Don't hurt me.


With Love,

Devers <3