Found this list somewhere awhile ago and I had posted it on my Facebook. I thought I'd share it here. :-]
100: Being a complete jerk to people all the time will make them like you, and sometimes, they will also fall in love with you.
99: Vicodin will cure all wounds.
98: It's NEVER Lupus.
97: You should know all about your sperm donors before utilizing their sperm. You don't want your kid to be beaten up, after all.
96: Get a good alarm system and guard dog if you're going to be admitted into a certain Doctor House's care.
95: If you're a nurse and looking for spicing up your sex life, get a job in oncology.
94: Why read books when you can learn everything from TV?
93. It's NEVER the first diagnosis.
92. If you play your friends right, you can borrow 5 grand over a year.
91. There is no dignity in dying.
90. Ketamine is NOT a permanent cure for chronic leg pain.
89: Even if House doesn't want it, everyone around him wants to know everything about him.
88. Everyone in the House universe has a sixth sense and can read people way too good.
87. It will never again be Wilson's disease, but it will be mentioned again.
86. If you suggest Vasculitis enough, you'll start to sound smart.
85. Everybody Lies
84. Every minute House and Wilson refuse to love one another, another puppy cries another tear.
83. They don't call it the White House because of its paint job
82. New innuendo for masturbation: "Finding Nemo"
81. Drugs don't make House high, they make him neutral.
80. House loved "Awakenings." It made him cry.
79. Sometimes, he wants to cry.
78. If you need to figure out your problems, poison your pet rat.
77. According to Wilson, you'd be surprised what you can live with.
76. Wilson met someone who made him feel...funny, good.
75. Wilson didn't want to let that feeling go
74. Stacy lives in Short Hills
73. Genius does have side effects.
72. Cortisol is a cure all.
71. Wilson is a helluva cook.
70. Sex can kill.
69. If you should screw up a self-inflicted circumcision, House will ensure good surgeons will put that twinkie back in its wrapper.
68. Dogs love to eat vinyl records and Nike shox.
67. NEVER smoke marijuana grown in soil supplemented by moldy rye bread, parasite infested water, and pigeon feces.
66. EVERY living thing eats. Everything that eats, poops. That is why every living thing has a sanitation department.
65. You can't always get what you want
64. Watch out- cheese is the Devil's plaything.
63. House can be a jerk to people he hasn't slept with. He is that good.
62. Just because some one is attractive, in the House world, she is a whore.
61. There is a "me" in "team" (if you jumble it up...!).
60. Everybody should get an MRI.
59. When you think you have HIV, get high.
58. When someone is in the hospital, it is guaranteed that their house is empty and you can sneak in.
57. If you're orange and your wife doesn't notice, she's cheating on you.
56. House likes people who teach children that truth is good, and there is no God.
55. Once the queen is on your money, you're British
54. Personal lubricant is NOT located on the store shelf next to the peanut butter
53. Exploding testicles hurt
52. Penis canes are murder
51. Use a cane. The vertical stripe is quite slimming.
50. Smugness is easier to maintain than great hair.
49. Never is just "reven" spelt backwards
48. Drooling might be a symptom of Chase wearing his short shorts
47. If your colleague thinks she has HIV, she might invite you over for sex under the influence...
46. LSD can be short circuited by anti depressants
45. If you can't roll a joint, ask your oncologist for help
44. Don't piss House off
43. If you spend half a year trying to convince an ex that she should dump her husband for you, the minute that she likes you back, you will lose interest.
42. Something bad is about to happen only if you hear dramatic music.
41. If your leg hurts, you miss Stacy.
40. The white board can't be used by black people, that's why it is called "the whiteboard".
39. Wilson can't just keep asking his patients to wait because Cameron's boss won't let her come out and play.
38. You'll go into custody if you don't get on a plane with your checked-in bagage.
37. Carrying a radioactive "keychain" will give you a dose of poisoning equivalent to 70 THOUSAND x-rays. Will also give your best friend a rash.
36. When you order a Reuben for House, make sure there are NO pickles.
35. If you want a obstinate patient to take medicine, tell them it's the same one prescribed to "Republicans".
34. You and your daughter will never look like twins; get her the damn ice-cream cake for her birthday!!!
33. A 100 pound 5'5" woman is incapable of breaking the fall of a 400 pound man. So is tempered glass. But it's a helluva a way to win your boss's respect.
32. If you see a stethoscope hanging from House's door, he's having sex.
31. And it doesn't have to be with another person.
30. Whoever came up with Buprenorphine to wear off Vicodine should be shot the stabbed in the eye.
29. Life is a series of rooms.
28. Prednisone compromises the immune system.
27. Forcing someone to have a conversation with you is "raping them, in a non-invasive, more annoying than traumatic way."
26. If you get rid of a dog, it's becuase you're planning to dump your girlfriend.
25. House would do Wilson AFTER Cameron does Chase
24. Wilson's not on anti-depressants, he's on speeeeeed.
23. According to Wilson, House fell on his head when he was a child.
22. Chase hates Nuns.
21. House would consider low-rider jeans on Cameron both attention grabbing and "hot".
20. Having a criminal record and/or being hot are good ways of being hired by House
19. If you have a cane you can get away with ANYTHING!
18. House is the only one allowed to play with the markers.
17. Chase has a weakness for bald 9 yr old girls.
16. If one of your team rats you out to a power hungry Board chairman don't fire them... Torture is much more fun!
15. Canes are better than puppies!
14. Don't make Cuddy mad..... she'll take away your pills.
13. People used to have more respect for cripples you know.
12. They didn't really.
11. House hasn't been on a date since Disco died.
10. According to House and Wilson, it's Bros before Hoes.
9. Flames on a cane makes House look like he's going faster.
8. Leather jackets make you warm *AND* cool. How do they know?
7. When the Inuit go fishing, they don't look for fish. (They look for the blue heron)
6. Overall, drug addicts are idiots
5. Asking a girl her "Dreams, Hopes, and Aspirations" is a DEFINITE panty-peeler!!!
4. If your boss takes away your parking space, throw a tantrum and spend a week in a wheelchair to make your point.
3. You can call Karl in book keeping "Kevin" because it's a secret friendship club name.
2. You can see music when tripping on LSD.
1. He is a mistanthropic, miserable, antisocial, sexist, bigoted, depressed, pill popping, motorcycle riding, selfish ass. But would you trust anyone else with your life?