posted by MJ_Fan_4Life007
You sit beside Justin on the couch, laptop on your lap while you scroll through your timeline on Twitter. Not finding anything interesting, you switch over to going through your mentions. A smile finds its way to your lips as you read through the tweets at the top, all of them flattering compliments. Your smile instantly turns into a frown however when you continue to read and find aq lot of rather hateful messages.
“@y/t/n is so ugly… I don’t understand why Justin is with her”
“@y/t/n ever thought about trying a diet? I don’t think it’d hurt. Lol”
“@y/t/n just kill yourself already! Nobody wants you here and Justin doesn’t love you”
You whimper softly, the familiar urge coming back. Closing your computer, you place it on the coffee table in front of you. You stand up from the couch slowly and stretch your limbs - pretending to be tired. Of course, since the clock had only just reached 8pm, Justin looked at you questioningly when you announced that your were going to bed.
“Are you okay, babe? You know it’s only eight, right?” He asks you skeptically and he adds a chuckle at the end, trying to conceal his concern for you.
“I’m okay, Justin. Just tired.” You answer quickly. Leaning down, you press your lips to his cheek, “Night.”
“Night…?” He trails off and his sentence is turned into a question because by then you have already disappeared up the stairs.
A couple of weeks later, you and Justin are eating dinner at home with Pattie, Scooter, Carin and Ryan and his girlfriend - who had become one of your best friends. Everyone are just enjoying themselves when Justin places the delicious looking food at the table. Scooter lets out a holler, complimenting on how good it looked.
You cringe as the wonderful taste enters nostrils, but you still wait patiently for your turn. You only place a small portion of food on your plate though and you’re grateful that Justin is too engrossed in a conversation with Ryan too notice.
Throughout dinner, you keep quiet and continuously poke your food with the fork. You don’t talk much either, only from time to time when Carin desperately tries to add you into the conversation.
“Are you okay, honey?” Pattie asks suddenly when she notices your absent mind.
You bite your lip, placing the fork back down next to your plate. Looking up to meet Pattie’s concerned eyes, you give her a small smile. “Yeah. I’m just not feeling too good. I think I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, hon, don’t apologize. We only want you to be okay. Go take a nap, sweetheart. I’ll make sure Justin checks up on you later.” Pattie gives you a reassuring smile, but you know her well and can easily see the worry deep within her eyes. You nod, send an apologizing look to Ryan’s girlfriend before heading upstairs.
Meanwhile downstairs, all of the girls are looking at Justin hopelessly when you disappear out of sight and they are sure you can’t hear.
“Justin, something is up with [Y/N] and I don’t like it. She barely ate any of her food!” Carin exclaims and Justin nods.
“I know.” Justin states, his voice cracking at the last word. Before he can say anything else, Pattie is out of her chair and beside her son. She pulls him into her arms and Justin nuzzles his face into her neck, willing himself not to cry.
“I…” Justin trails of, pulling away from Pattie. “She has barely eaten for the past week. Last couple of weeks, actually. I’m so worried that she’s gonna faint anytime when I’m not there. What if she faints in the shower, mom? What would I do then?”
“Have you tried talking to her about it, hon?”
“Yes! I’ve tried asking her about it, almost pressuring her into eat but she’ll either say that be isn’t hungry or like she did now, saying she’s not hungry. I… I think she’s starving herself, mom, and I don’t know what to do.”
Justin looks so scared and lost that Pattie’s heart aches for her son. She wishes she can just take the pain away from him, but she also knows that this is something Justin and [Y/N] has to fix themselves.
“Go talk to her now, bro. We’ll leave you guys alone. Thanks for dinner though.” Ryan speaks up for the first time. He stands from his chair and pulls his best friend into a hug. “Talk to her, find out what’s wrong and help her fix it. We need our girl back soon, JB. The happy, careless one.”
You hear Justin call out quietly and your heart begins to race unbelievably fast, pumping the blood around in your veins. You only watch as the blood streams faster from the cuts on your wrist, not moving a muscle.
Vaguely, you can hear Justin call out your name again, but you’re caught up in your own world to think anything about it. You continue to watch as the blood trickles down your forearm, dripping down and then staining your skinny jeans. Glancing around the bathroom you notice your high heels and suddenly you remember the guest you had invited for dinner.
That’s when you break. You break into tears, your crying increasing every second until you’re full on sobbing. Forgetting about your cuts, you bring your knees up to your chest. Hugging them, you continue to sob uncontrollably and you even have to gasp for air from time to time.
“Babe, is that you? [Y/N]? [Y/N]!” Justin’s voice is frantic now and before you can respond or even comprehend it, Justin has opened the bathroom door.
You don’t look at him. You don’t want to. You just can’t. Justin doesn’t love you. He thinks you’re ugly and so does everyone else. You deserve this. So you continue to sob into your knees, pretending your boyfriend isn’t there.
“Oh… My god. Babe!”
Justin is by your side like lightening and pulls you into his arms. He gently pries your hands away from your knees by grabbing your wrists and if it hadn’t been for the cuts - you wouldn’t have cared. You wince and a whimper escapes your mouth which causes Justin to freeze his actions. He looks down slowly, as if he was afraid of the sight that would meet him. He takes a sharp breath, his hand shaking slightly as he inspects your arm.
“Fuck…” Justin mutters and you can easily hear that it’s strained. He looks up again and his glazed eyes meet your puffy ones. “Why?” He croaks.
“Because I’m not good enough, Justin! I’ll never be good enough. I-I’m… I’m not good enough.” You whisper the last word, still trying to catch you breath as the salty tears continue to stream down your face.
“Of course you’re good enough! You always have been and you always will be. Who in the world told you that you weren’t?” Justin asks bewildered, anger blazing in his eyes.
“W-what?” Justin stammers, trying to understand what you just told him.
“Your fans, Justin. They tweet me all the time saying how ugly I am, that I don’t deserve you, that I’m better off dead. It hurts, Justin. It hurts so much…” You whimper, hiding your head in the crook of Justin’s neck.
“Shh, baby, I know. I know. Is it… Is that why you haven’t been eating lately? Did any of them call you fat?” Justin asks cautiously seeing as he doesn’t want to make you feel worse. You bare nod, but it’s there.
“[Y/N]…” And he’s crying too. You feel his tears on your exposed neck, but you don’t care. All you want is yo sit there in Justin’s arms as long as possible. “I was so worried about you! I thought there was something seriously wrong. You were almost avoiding me and it hurts knowing that you don’t want to talk to me about it. I was so scared you’d faint as soon as my eyes left you. You’re so thin, so fragile… I don’t like this new you. I want the old [Y/N] back - the one I fell in love with. Can you do that?”
“I-I can’t, Justin. It hurts too much. I… I need to take the pain away. I deserve to be in pain!” You whimper, the pain from your cuts now beginning to appear.
“No!” Justin exclaims immediately and you flinch, hearing the tone of his voice.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I hate seeing you in so much pain, [Y/N]. It physically hurts me to know that you’ve been hurting yourself. We’re gonna get through this, okay? I’ll talk to my fans, I’ll have a press conference, hell, I’ll even delete your twitter if I have to.” He laughs sadly, gripping each of your arms to pull you away so he can look at you.
“Everything’s gonna be alright. I’ll help you through this. I will be here every step of the way. I won’t leave, ever.”
“Promise?” You sniff, looking at him. “I promise.”
“And you are beautiful, okay? So damn beautiful. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and you always will be. I don’t want you to change. I love you for you, [Y/N]. Forget those jealous bitches, they’ve got nothing on you. You’ll always be my favorite girl.”
“You are so corny!” You giggle quietly as Justin pulls you close to him again. You feel his chest shake as he laughs half-heartedly.
“Yes, but you love me!” Justin teases, stroking your hair softly.
“Mm, that’s true.” You whisper as you doze of. Tired of crying, tired of feeling useless, tired of starvation. So you lay in Justin’s arms, listening to his calming heartbeat, while falling asleep. You smile softly, knowing that Justin would always love you, no matter what.
I just wanted to say that if any of you, anyone, have these kind of problems - I’m here. My ask box is always open and I’m here to talk if you want me to be. And you are beautiful. You are so damn beautiful, all of you. I love you so much! x