Kristen Stewart: Lovely at LaGuardia

WARNING: This post contains language that you may find offensive. Please use your own discretion.

And, to make it clear, this is a work of fiction that follows a conversation between Summit Entertainment’s Senior Vice President for Worldwide Publicity, Vivian Mayer-Siskind, and the agent of Kristen Stewart — Ken Kaplan. It is also, partially, a parody of the infamous Christian “Batman” Bale rant on the Terminator Salvation set.

SEQ 01. INT. OFFICE. A woman in a suit is gripping the phone as she paces agitatedly across the floor.

SUMMIT PUBLICITY MANAGER
Kristen has been f—ing asked the...