SVU - Best quotes - Law and Order SVU - Fanpop

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posted by livi_wells

One of my favourite things about SVU is the amazing dialogue the charcters have. Here is a selection from season 1.

Narrator: In the criminal justice system sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of a elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.

(Cragen chews out Olivia for not arresting a woman who then committed suicide.)
Don Cragen: You just used your Get Out of Jail Free card, Olivia. There’s only one in the pack.

Olivia Benson: Question. Who'd want to cut your penis off?
Victor Spicer: Take a number

Elliot Stabler: I think sex should be one of the best parts of life, not the worst.

Olivia Benson: Yeah. I'm a regular monk.
Elliot Stabler: Monkette. (staring at her)

Elliot Stabler: Must've been dead a week.
Olivia Benson: Guess he has an alibi.

(Munch has just explained one of conspiracy theories.)
Jeffries: Is there anything you just accept?
Munch: Yeah, ... compliments.

Elliot Stabler: If I die, the spot where I go down, you better make sure none of this happens to it or I'm gonna haunt you the rest of your days.
Olivia Benson: Noted

Det. Brian Cassidy: So why didn't you ever have kids? Didn't want the responsibility?
Det. John Munch: I wouldn't want to give a kid the responsibility of me.

Olivia Benson: I sure's hell wouldn't drive to Queens to save your ass.
Elliot Stabler: Yeah, you would

Det. John Munch: I don't just want to rain on your parade I want to burst all your floats.

Elliot Stabler: How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?
Olivia Benson: Uh, I'm not.
Elliot Stabler: Your stomach just dropped two floors, Olivia. The unconscious don't lie.
Olivia Benson: I'm not lying ... not much.
Elliot Stabler: Mm-hmm.
Olivia Benson: Is it that obvious?
Elliot Stabler: I'm your partner for better or worse. Look everybody knows too much about everybody else in this office anyway.
Olivia Benson: I broke a rule, Elliot. A personal one. And now he wants to see me again.
Elliot Stabler: Can you blame him?

Olivia Benson: He smells expensive.
Don Cragen: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you to smell the defendant

Ray Gunther: (to Benson) What's wrong? You jealous, sweetheart?
Olivia Benson: Easy.
Elliot Stabler: (squeezing the handcuffs tighter) Not sweetheart. That's Detective Benson. All right? I want an apology from you.
Olivia Benson: (helping him back up) I don't need an apology from this slimebag.

John Munch: Hello and welcome to Parole Phone. If you're paying with sex, press 1. If you want to make a donation to a phony charity, press 2.

Olivia Benson: I always carry at least a pair of earrings in my purse.
Elliot Stabler: Yeah, like you carry a purse.
Olivia Benson: That's 'cause you carry it for me

Nick Ganzner: You close your eyes ... is that it ... to have sex?
Olivia Benson: I have sex with my eyes wide open

Elizabeth Stabler: Daddy, why does Christmas only come once a year?
Elliot Stabler: Because Santa Claus's credit cards are all maxed out

Audrey Jackson: We still have 45 minutes.
John Munch: I suppose you want to hear a detailed account of my sexual history? But how're we gonna kill the remaining 44 minutes?

Dr. Audrey Jackson: Do you always deflect personal questions with jokes?
Det. John Munch: Do you always deflect jokes with personal questions?

Det. John Munch: Now I'm a pain in my own ass.

Det. John Munch: There should be a special level of hell for this pus-sucking gangrenous malignancy of a mental amoeba.
Captain Donald Cragen: Did somebody steal your parking space again?

Detective Stabler: The difference between you and all the victims is you can walk away.
Detective Olivia Benson: (whispers) No I can't.

lawandorder11, svufan101 and 21 others like this

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elliotishot I love the Munch quotes! how about Stabler: I like these little cliques there like the Mafia nobody knows nothing

ash87 Yeah, you could write a book with Munch quotes. I love this Alex one: Alex - "He is lucky i didn't knock his teeth down his throat!" Cragen - "I'd pay real money to see that"

svu_luver I love svu quotes I read them all the time on imdb!!

meagan116 wat ep was this quote? Elliot Stabler: How long you been sleeping with Cassidy? Olivia Benson: Uh, I'm not. Elliot Stabler: Your stomach just dropped two floors, Olivia. The unconscious don't lie. Olivia Benson: I'm not lying ... not much. Elliot Stabler: Mm-hmm. Olivia Benson: Is it that obvious? Elliot Stabler: I'm your partner for better or worse. Look everybody knows too much about everybody else in this office anyway. Olivia Benson: I broke a rule, Elliot. A personal one. And now he wants to see me again. Elliot Stabler: Can you blame him?

meagan116 oh and this one Detective Stabler: The difference between you and all the victims is you can walk away. Detective Olivia Benson: (whispers) No I can't. and this one lol Alex - "He is lucky i didn't knock his teeth down his throat!" Cragen - "I'd pay real money to see that"

Starwarschick18 I like the episode where Elliot and Olivia are finally 2gether again after Olivia leaves their partnership. Elliot says "I'd give you a kidney." Olivia replies "Not if I gave you mine first." In the same episode Olivia says "You know my partner has something of an anger management problem I thought he had it under control but I guess I was wrong. Seriously he WILL break your arm." LOL! SO FUNNY! I also love the quote in the episode Countdown. The rest of the team go into the men's room. Cragen steps out of a stall. He looks at them and says deadpan "I'm not tipping all of you." LMAFO each time! I really love the quotes in the episode Abomination : Cragen: "What did you get from the people at Reed's funeral?" Fin: "Not much. After the fight broke out a bunch of people left before we got their names." Munch: "Yeah, but we got their pictures." (holding camera) Cragen: "Where the hell is that from?" Munch: "One of Reverend Shaw's church members; he must have left it behind." Casey: "I didn't hear that." Cragen: "Give it back to him John." ~ Makes me LAMFO every time! I am in love with this witty exchange between Cragen and Munch in the episode Resilience it cracks me up each time I see it! Cragen: "You think Landricks is a murderer, and not just a sick freak?" Munch: "Since when do those two exclude each other?" I also love in one of the earlier episodes where Elliot Cragen and John are in Cragen's office. Munch: "Are we missing some key piece of information here?" Cragen & Elliot: "Shut up John!" Get's me every time! I also like the quote in the episode Popular Cragen: "I am really getting sick of these kids, which is probably why I don't have any. " One of all time favorite quotes is from the episode Crush when Olivia and a attorney Elizabeth Pond get detained because of overzealous judge Cragen has to bail them out. Olivia: "What are you waiting for spring us?" Cragen: "After I'm done savoring the moment " Pond: "This is your boss?" Olivia: "Yeah he's very supportive." LMFO every time! I adore these quotes form the episode Alternate Lake: "It was a honor serving under you sir." Cragen: "I'm not dead yet Detective Lake." Lake: "I'm not saying I didn't see crazies in Brooklyn but you guys are coo-coo magnets." Fin: "This is nothing you should of been here when the white supremacist shot Munch in the ass he still has to sit on a special pillow." ~ Both groups of quotes are so great! I really like this exchange in the episode Philadelphia between Cargen and Dr. Hendrix Rebecca Hendrix: "In my opinion, Detectives Benson and Stabler have a degree of mutual reliance and emotional dependence that compromises their effectiveness as police officers." Cragen: "In other words ...?" Rebecca Hendrix: "They're too close." Cragen: "You recommend I split them up?" Rebecca Hendrix: "If you want to lose your two best detectives." This small discussion really emphasizes both Elliot and Olivia's flaws and their amazing similarities! I love these exchanges between Munch & Fin in the Season 2 Episode Runaway Ted Bolger: "Who is he?!" Fin :" That's my Jew." Munch: (as he and Fin are leaving) "Shalom." Munch: "Your Jew? Your Jew? What if I called you "my boy" ?!" Fin : " Then I'll be your boy, John!"~ So cute and funny! I LOVE these quotes form the Season 10 episode Penetration Dana Lewis : "Really? You're playing the fragile victim card?" Elliot: "Fragile? Hardly Every time I'm with you I get hurt, when you went after those Aryans I got shot, when you were tracking those Eco terrorists I got blown up." Dana Lewis : "You have me at blown up." Dana Lewis: "The PAT's plan was to spark a revolution by killing a cop. And you guys served up that state trooper on a silver platter. Then, after all of New York's finest would attend the funeral, they would just blow everybody else up." [Dana tosses a grenade towards Stabler and he catches it] Elliot : "Hey, hey. I don't have a good track record with you and explosives." [Nervously hands grenade back to her] Dana Lewis: "Oh relax Nancy. The pin is in it." Elliot (to himself referring to Dana) "She's not going to be happy until I'm dead."

RosalynCabenson I loved it when Benson and stabler were observing a susbects house and Olivia coming to the car with coffe saying "Good morning sunshine" to elliot. It was so cute. Can anyone tell me which episode it was again?

CMcrazyfan_16 Elliot: "What just happened?" Olivia: "Maybe God remembered how cute you looked as a carrot" <3 !

RosalynCabenson I love it CMcrazyfan! I just wanted to post that too XDD

Midnight_love15 lol! I love all these great quotes!

RosalynCabenson There are just too many...that's what's great about the show!

PsychFan15 Casey Novak: "The defense can say that in the missing sections that a spaceship landed and aliens squashed the girl with a giant pumpkin." xD

RosalynCabenson what episode is theis from? @ PsychFan15 Thats so funny!

shopperchick33 From Loophole- Defense Attorney: If it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck- Casey: -it's pornography!

shopperchick33 Fin- I'm his father. Liv- And your also a cop. And no matter how hard you try, there's no way to separate the two.

BMeloni I love law and order: svu! Seriously best show ever. I love when Elliott hits this rapist in the head and he falls, then he screams fuck you and detective tutuola goes i'm pretty sure your not his type. hahahaha i laughed really hard, because the guy was gay and elliot isn't.

shopperchick33 best show ever<333333 FIn: Well theres gotta be hundreds of miles of tunnels. Any idea which ones are full of schist? Ryan (CSU): They're all full of schist.

depaul1203 loving it.

lawnorderluva OMG! Can u post which episodes they r in... LOL.... I LOVE LAW AND ORDER: SVU NO SHOW CAN COMPARE!! LOL... I WANNA BE A DETECTIVE WHEN IM OLDER BECUASE OF THIS SHOW!!! Olivia inspires. Im like her. Im a smart alac, i actract loons(lol its true), i got similar haircuts.. lol... I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!! :D

mtklover95 Detective Stabler: The difference between you and all the victims is you can walk away. Detective Olivia Benson: (whispers) No I can't. can anyone tell me what episode this is from

svujunkiecindy i am an svu addict!!!!!!!!!!

Barbara_War I like this one too Olivia:And I want to see you castrated with a rusty steak knife, nothing is gonna happen but we can both dream. Anybody knows from what episode this is from? I forgot!

loveSVUxoxo Season 11 Episode 14. Benson: hey El, do you ever get a gay vibe off me? Stabler: would it matter if I did? (Benson looks at him like 'wtf did you just say?) LOL Then there's. Stabler: I get hit, you get hit on.

eosvubonesbaby lol So funny

PhoenixFlames You forgot Dr Huang: Strangle me? Stabler: I'll try Gotta love George Huang <3