You walk into the club, standing at the top of the spiral staircase, watching her give instructions to the few other employees that occupy the floor. You reach up and touch the heart necklace she gave you, unsure of what you’re about to do. Your heart hurts just thinking about it, but it’s the right thing to do, isn’t it? No one is going to accept you two and you can’t take the stress of being rejected by everyone you know and love. You slowly make your way down the stairs, steadying yourself on the handrail. You stop at the bar, waiting for her to turn around.
“Hey you,” she says, smiling and coming over for a kiss. You move away and kiss her cheek, knowing you won’t be able to go through with this if you let her kiss you.
“Alex, can I talk to you,” you ask, your voice shaky. You won’t allow yourself to look into her sparkling eyes. She doesn’t speak, but she wraps her arm around your waist and guides you in to her office. You sit on the couch and stare at the tiles on the floor, nervous about the pending conversation.
“What do you want to talk about,” she inquires, leaning against her desk. You inadvertently let your eyes wander up the curves of her long legs, to her hips, and up to her torso where you stare at her beautifully toned stomach, resisting the urge to walk over and places kisses on every inch of her exposed skin.
Your voice cracks as you speak. “I...I can’t do this,” you say, tears already starting to well up in your eyes.
“Can’t do what, Marissa,” she says, her voice a mix of anger and sadness.
“Us,” you state plainly. “We have to go back to being friends," you finish, standing up. Your voice seems sure, but if she looked at you right now, she’d know you were lying. You hear her sigh as she walks towards you, and she places her hands on your hips. Tilting your chin up and looking into your eyes, she begins to speak.
“I can’t go back to being friends, Marissa. This…us…this is living,” she starts, obviously near tears.
“And friends...that's waiting and I won't go back. I can’t go back. You know you don’t want this. Without you, I have nothing, Marissa,” she says, her voice pleading you to stay. “Please, baby, we can work on this. You can do this...we’ll take it slow...no more sex...whatever you want. Just please...don’t leave me,” she says, the pleading becoming more urgent. You make the mistake of looking in her eyes and you see the tears forming there. You can’t break down now.
"Look Alex,” you stay, stepping away from her and looking at the ground. “You know I’m straight. You and I...we...we'd just be better at friends,” you stammer, trying to convince yourself more than her. You look in her eyes one more time and see that she’s already set up the walls around her heart. You wish you could do the same, but no walls in the world could block the pain you feel from the words she says next.
"Well next time you wanna experiment, go fuck another girl and make her fall in love with you, but don't come back to me.”
You stand there in a state of shock, her words echoing in your mind. ‘She’s in love with me,’ you think as you open your mouth to speak. “Al...” you start, but she cuts you off before you can even finish her name.
“Just go,” she says angrily, motioning towards the door. You turn away from her, unable to let her see you cry. The tears fall freely as you run out of her office and up the stairs to your car. You climb in and slam the door, not noticing the person sitting next to you as the steady tears turn into loud sobs.