I am sorry to say that I wont remember you that way. I can't seem to remember you in a tux. Such a un-Fang like moment. I don't want to remember you like that. Pretending to be something that your not. I want to remember you flying, free. I hope you stay free. And if I remember you flying I can imagine that you are flying back to me.
I spent nearly a year being sensible, doing the right thing. Not for me, But for the flock. Actually that is what I have done my whole life. Put my self behind the flock. Then one day I decided that I could give my self this one thing, the thing I wanted most in the world. You. It ended up being the best and the worst thing I ever did.
I chose you.
I got you.
I lost you.
I remember the feeling when I decided to let you in. I remember the feeling when I realized I loved you. I remember the feeling when I lost you… It's indescribable. I remember when I got you back and then… I lost you again. But I wouldn't take any of it back. Not the pain, the sorrow the heart wrenching feeling whenever I think about you, the happy times, the laughs and the smiles we have shared. And even if the smiles, the happy times and putting my self first led to all of the pain I wouldn't swap it for the world.
I can understand why you left. And I know that if it were me then I would have done the same thing. I couldn't stand to be with someone I love knowing that it was putting them in danger. But the thing is that it isn't me, not this time. This times its you in Danger. And it isn't me who has to make the decision. But it is me who has to live with it. Every day. And I still hope that you will come back to me, no matter the consequences. Every day.
I was sad after I read your letter. That's an understatement
Then I was angry
God, I am still angry
But I have simmered down, I am still angry but I can see past that. See the reason you left. I can understand it. Doesn't mean I like it.
I could promise you that I will be a leader
That I can be Max and a leader
But in the end I know it wouldn't be enough.
Because I love you
I cant help but be focused on you when were together
And one time I might slip up. Not be the leader I need to be, and I can't face those consequences.
They say that if you love something, then you have to let it go and then if it is truly yours it will come back to you. I Swear Fang if in twenty years you aren't back and cant honestly say that it was all worth it, then erasers and Itex wont be the least of your trouble. Which is why I am going to try my hardest to fix things, to 'save the world'. Because when all of this is over it wont matter that 20 years isn't up, I will be at your doorstep.
But that's the thing. We don't know. You don't know and I don't know. I don't know whether you will come back. But I will get you back. Because I am Maximum Ride and I don't give up a fight. That's what my life is one big fight. I fight for my life and I fight for the ones I love. We all do.
One day we can be happy Fang but for now we are fighting for it.
I can't promise you that we will meet again in 20 years. Because I am fighting for it now and I don't honestly think that I can wait that long. Wait that long to be happy.
I love you enough to let you go. And I trust you enough that you will come back.
So here's my promise to you. When the world is saved. And it will be, you leaving has given me even more motive to do so. I'll meet you at the top of that cliff where we first met the hawks and learned how to fly with them. You know the one. Once the world is saved. If were Alive. I'll be there waiting for you. You can bet on it.
We will have fought for our happiness and won.
I don't believe in saying good-bye so…
Until I see you next.
I love you.