In a shocking revelation that has shocked the shocked world of show business, already reeling from shock, it was revealed today that Michael Jackson is not dead after all.
A jubilant Michael Jackson returned to the world's stage to thank everyone for buying his albums and securing him every slot in the top 100.
He said that he needed the money, and the best way to do it was to fake his own death so that he could sell shed loads of albums. This, he felt, was far more ethical than either to go into hiding and get his family to claim death insurance or to bankrupt a bank and live off a £700,000 pension for the remainder of his life.
To celebrate, he put on a special concert at the arena in his NeverNeverLand home featuring a 3-hour set of some of his most famous songs.
Sadly, however, during one of his moonwalk routines, he backed into a stack of amplifiers at the corner of the stage that collapsed on him, killing him instantly.