Phil: Don't talk black to me!
Claire: Who's our dumbest kid?
Phil: Luke.
Phil: The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...
Phil [from the port-o-potty]: Just concluding a little business. Successfully, I might add!
Phil: Some people call me a salesman, I call myself a salesfriend, so obviously I need strangers to trust me. I don't take it kindly when someone Tom Sellecks my bus bench.
Phil: Just test-driving my new soup strainer. I dug it out of the Halloween stuff to see what people think.
Phil: You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion...
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