So there the question shows itself yet again. Why. It's just one word, just three small letters, yet it means such a big thing. Why is the earth round? Why is my hair black? Why do I have such a pathetic life?
There's so much of the useless crap going on right now.. such a little word ... and yet, all of the worlds' questions revolves around it.
And then, in everyone's lifetime, they'll be one point when nothing makes sense anymore. When there is no answer to anything. When the only word that can flash up in your head says why so clearly...
That point for me is right now.
--
Yes, okay?! There is so much stuff going on right now. This is kinda ... like a journal entry, I guess. But why don't I write in a real journal, with the soft spongy cover and lined creamy pages? Because... because I'm afraid of being teased? Because there's always someone at my house, commenting on everything I have? I've been so addicted to becoming popular (yes, I'm that shallow) that I haven't got a chance to enjoy my real life.
I have friends coming over lyke almost every time I'm free, and my mom is yelling at me for not fitting in time for piano, Japanese, violin, blah blah blah... I mean, please! What am I, a god with 20,000 hands?! What do you want me to do? Everything and even more at the same time?
So much time in my past year of school was focused on my social status. I didn't care if I got 5 out of 20 on my English test. I didn't care that all the teachers hated me. I didn't care about anything except popularity. I wanted it; I wanted to have more friends. But now ... as I look back, I realize who a load of bullshit that is. But ... it isn't that easy. I don't WANT to be popular anymore. I want to enjoy my life. That's why it's so hard. Everyone loves me now, even people I hate. I can't just go back into the time when everything was fine..
Or can I?
I thought everything was going to be getting better and better then. I thought, hey, it's all downhill from here.. not even sure enough that I meant it. I can be wrong sometimes, too.
I don't want to be Japanese. No, I don't. I'm so PLAIN, with jet-black hair and brown eyes and cream-skin. I want color, baby! Blue eyes. Blonde hair. I know it's always like this for me, wanting whatever I don't have. YES, I got my hair dyed, but the only color my mom would allow was auburn, and I was only allowed a highlight or two. BRINA got to have purple highlights, so why not me?!
Fanpop changed my life. It did. I've met so many wonderful people here, and I wish you can all read this. I love you guys. More than my real friends. You are the ones who love me for who I am. They love me for my clothes and style. Except for about four people (Jess, Ojiru, Mariko, Serina), they treat me like crap. But you guys ... you're different.
But HELL, grad. I'm graduating (from Elementary school) this year*, and so many people've asked me it's CRAZY. I bet most of them were dares, and I would PROMISE most of them didn't even like me. There's a guy I DO kinda like, but he's really shy, and there's almost no chance of him asking me.
Now ... there isn't much I can do. Just wait... and wait... and see if anything good is coming along. And if not, then what?!
I wait more. (Well, that did you expect me to say?)
-Yuri Amy Satomi [My full name is Rebecca Amy Yuri Satomi, but whatevs. I'd like to push "Rebecca" into the most sticky-seaweedy part of the ocean.]
*I live in Canada, so the school-things are different. Elementary school is from K-7.
There's so much of the useless crap going on right now.. such a little word ... and yet, all of the worlds' questions revolves around it.
And then, in everyone's lifetime, they'll be one point when nothing makes sense anymore. When there is no answer to anything. When the only word that can flash up in your head says why so clearly...
That point for me is right now.
--
Yes, okay?! There is so much stuff going on right now. This is kinda ... like a journal entry, I guess. But why don't I write in a real journal, with the soft spongy cover and lined creamy pages? Because... because I'm afraid of being teased? Because there's always someone at my house, commenting on everything I have? I've been so addicted to becoming popular (yes, I'm that shallow) that I haven't got a chance to enjoy my real life.
I have friends coming over lyke almost every time I'm free, and my mom is yelling at me for not fitting in time for piano, Japanese, violin, blah blah blah... I mean, please! What am I, a god with 20,000 hands?! What do you want me to do? Everything and even more at the same time?
So much time in my past year of school was focused on my social status. I didn't care if I got 5 out of 20 on my English test. I didn't care that all the teachers hated me. I didn't care about anything except popularity. I wanted it; I wanted to have more friends. But now ... as I look back, I realize who a load of bullshit that is. But ... it isn't that easy. I don't WANT to be popular anymore. I want to enjoy my life. That's why it's so hard. Everyone loves me now, even people I hate. I can't just go back into the time when everything was fine..
Or can I?
I thought everything was going to be getting better and better then. I thought, hey, it's all downhill from here.. not even sure enough that I meant it. I can be wrong sometimes, too.
I don't want to be Japanese. No, I don't. I'm so PLAIN, with jet-black hair and brown eyes and cream-skin. I want color, baby! Blue eyes. Blonde hair. I know it's always like this for me, wanting whatever I don't have. YES, I got my hair dyed, but the only color my mom would allow was auburn, and I was only allowed a highlight or two. BRINA got to have purple highlights, so why not me?!
Fanpop changed my life. It did. I've met so many wonderful people here, and I wish you can all read this. I love you guys. More than my real friends. You are the ones who love me for who I am. They love me for my clothes and style. Except for about four people (Jess, Ojiru, Mariko, Serina), they treat me like crap. But you guys ... you're different.
But HELL, grad. I'm graduating (from Elementary school) this year*, and so many people've asked me it's CRAZY. I bet most of them were dares, and I would PROMISE most of them didn't even like me. There's a guy I DO kinda like, but he's really shy, and there's almost no chance of him asking me.
Now ... there isn't much I can do. Just wait... and wait... and see if anything good is coming along. And if not, then what?!
I wait more. (Well, that did you expect me to say?)
-Yuri Amy Satomi [My full name is Rebecca Amy Yuri Satomi, but whatevs. I'd like to push "Rebecca" into the most sticky-seaweedy part of the ocean.]
*I live in Canada, so the school-things are different. Elementary school is from K-7.
