February, 2, 2010, I was sitting backstage texting Chris when someone knocked on the door. The show was over so I was wondering who it could be. I opened the door and said” fans are not allowed to be back here right now, sorry”. The teenage boy said” come on A.J, you have to remember me”. I said” no, I don’t think I know who you are”!!! He said” it’s me Jake”!!! I said “oh, let me guess… you are here to stomp all over my heart again”? He said” please don’t call security, I need your help”!!! I raised my eye brows and said” with what”? He walked into the room and put a car seat on the couch. I said” are you babysitting for someone”? He sat down and said” Alanna, this is my son Sam”!!! I looked at the newborn baby and said” wow…you just turned 16 and you already have a kid”!!! He said” his mother died during labor and I’m addicted to drugs”!!! I looked down at all the needle marks on his arms and said” so what are you trying to say”. His eyes started to water as he said” my dad kicked me out because I won’t go to rehab”. He took out a piece of paper and said” please do this for Sammy’s sake”!!! I looked at it and at the top it read, COURT OPOINTED CUSTODY AGREEMENT. I said” why are you showing me this”? He said” if someone doesn’t take over guardianship, the baby will go into foster care….please”!!! I said” I’m not ready for a baby, I haven’t seen you in 3 years and you’re going to leave me to take care of your kid”!!! He said” if your Grandmother can have temporary custody till you are 18…just please sign this”!!! Then he said” your Grandma is not happy about it…she knows you don’t have the heart to turn me down and agreed to take care of him while you are on tour”. I took the baby out of his arms and slowly signed my name on the line. He said” thank you so much”!!! I said” go just GO”!!! He left and I sat down and dialed Chris’s number:
Chris: hey honey
Me: let me guess my Grandmother told you about the baby.
Me: I couldn’t let the poor thing go into the foster care system.
Chris: I told my dad and he said that I should help you out as much as I can.
Me: I can’t believe Grandma told Jake I would take the baby; I’m still a kid
Chris: well, she obviously trusts you and I can’t wait to meet my new son!!!
Me: wow you really are committed to this relationship.
Chris: do you like his name?
Me: I like it but, he needs a fresh start.
Chris: any names that you like?
Me: I was just looking at some and I like the name Reegan Michael Jackson because Reegan means little king…Stop trying to change the subject, I’m freaked out Chris and I am still figuring out what just happened…. I need you to come here!!!
Chris: you did the right thing…at least Reegan will be able to meet his dad someday...if Jake is not dead.
Me: I don’t think you get it, this is not a puppy it’s a human being. I can’t talk to my family right now…tell them that I’ll drop Reegan off before my L.A concert, I have my truck…bye Christopher!!!
Chris: I love you A.J, I don’t want to fight with you!!!
Me: [Dial tone]
I was sitting there and Reegan started crying; I picked him up and sat back down. I said” it’s alright…I’m here…I’ll never stop loving you”!!! Uncle Frank came in the room and said” some cops just found Jake on the side of the road; he shot and killed himself”!!! i said” now I am grateful that I took the baby”!!! He saw me struggling to make a bottle of formula and came over to help me. I tested the milk on my skin and put the bottle in Reegan’s mouth. As I was feeding him I thought about how much my life is going to change and it’s all because of my ex-boyfriend. It’s also because of him that I’m going to have to grow up, change my attitude, and be a good mother to my son!!! We left the concert arena and went back to the hotel. When we got up to our room I had to call room service for a crib and the guy on the other line said” is this Alanna Jackson”? I said” look; can you just get me a crib, thanks”!!! I hung up the phone and Jeff said” so you ready for your new life”? I said” I still get to be a superstar right”? Jeff said” of course you do; you just have to be a mom first”. They brought the crib to my room and I kissed Reegan while I put him in it.
February, 3, 2010, I woke up 8 times last night to Reegan crying and now it’s starting to sink in that I’m his mother!!! I have had to change over 15 diapers since he has been with me; which is not fun at 2 in the morning!!! As we were walking out to the parking lot I said” I’ll meet you guys at my Grandmother’s house, I have to leave my truck there”. When they started driving away I had to figure out how to set the car seat up in my truck. I got the base hooked in after 20 minutes. The hardest part was getting the seat belt in the right spot. I got so frustrated with it that I ended breaking the seat belt. After 30 minutes of getting the car seat set up on the other side of the truck it finally worked. I drove to Havenhurst and took Reegan out of his car seat. I walked inside with him in my arms and Prince said” can I hold my nephew”? I said” after I leave you can”. Grandma walked into the room and said” I love you”!!! I said while carrying Reegan upstairs” I can’t stand you right now”!!! I walked into my room and slammed the door shut. Aunt Latoya came in the room and sat down on the bed next to me. She put her arm around me and said” the pressures of life getting to you”? I said” I didn’t ask for all this…I’m not cut out to be a mom; the worst part is that he is not my kid”…..