emma watson
Age: 13-60.
Appearance: Fervid.
As in feverish? Have they tried taking paracetamol? No, the fire that burns within a shipper burns with a fierceness that no mere over-the-counter antipyretic may douse.
Yes, definitely. Except I don't understand a word of what you said. What is a shipper? You know Harry Potter?
I do. You know Hermione Granger?
That's the girl, right? It is.
In that case, yes. Did you ever wish they'd, you know, get together?
Not fervidly, if I'm honest. Well, a lot of shippers did. Shippers are fans of a story who yearn for two of its characters to develop a romantic relationship, and some write their own stories in which it happens. And guess what?
What? Now JK Rowling admits the shippers were right and she was wrong: Hermione should never have married Ron.
Oops. "I'm sorry," she said in an interview in some magazine. "It was a choice I made for very personal reasons, not for reasons of credibility."
Oh. So are the shippers happy about this? Or angry? Or melancholy? Probably more wistful. But don't worry. They like being wistful. And they are used to imagining some fairly unlikely things, such as Harry and Draco getting together, or Ron and Harry – they called that "Rorry".
I see. Is there a strong gay subtext in Harry Potter? I don't think they need one. Shipping is often said to have begun with people imagining a gay relationship between Captain Kirk and Mr Spock in Star Trek.
Wouldn't that be "illogical"? Let's not get into that.
Did they call it "Captain Kock"? Hush now. One more recent ship is "Johnlock", after the union of Sherlock and John Watson, which is a popular fantasy among fans of the BBC's hit series.
"The game is afoot!" they could shout while unbuttoning. Yes. That would be sexy. And of course …
What? Some people think we have been concealing our true feelings from each other all these years … and from ourselves.
Interesting. Can I just check, are you a man or a woman? I've never been quite sure myself.
Do say: "Get a room!"
Don't say: "Get a life."
