I have many solid reasons as to why I have chosen to throw my support behind The Vampire Diaries Power Couple, Stefan/Elena. To me, when I envision what an “ideal” romantic relationship would be, I can honestly say with complete conviction that Stefan/Elena’s relationship fits that mould 100%. Stefan/Elena have all of the essential qualities and ingredients which are required for a long-term, stable and healthy love/romantic relationship. The idea that people cannot seem to appreciate Stefan/Elena’s relationship and having any kind of respect for their relationship whatsoever just doesn’t make sense to me and it really does baffle me. Unfortunately within this fandom, many people have labelled Stefan/Elena and their relationship as “dull”, “boring”, or “predictable”. Well, the way I see it, what is boring and dull to those people, really equates to healthy and beneficial for me. Because in most cases, those relationships in which people call “exciting”, “dynamic” or “intense” or even “passionate”; those are the relationships that are the BAD NEWS. Just because a relationship is exciting and dynamic, doesn’t by any means, make the relationship good, beneficial or healthy. Most of the times, those relationships which are deemed exciting and dynamic, are those relationships that are often short-lived and do not have all of the important qualities which are needed for a long term romantic relationship. Let’s be completely honest: when you close your eyes and you think about being in an ideal love relationship, what do you see? Would you want to be with someone who doesn’t respect you? Would you want to be with someone who doesn’t understand you whatsoever on many different levels? Would you want to be with someone who doesn’t share anything in common with you that is important? Would you want to be with someone who doesn’t respect your loved ones (including the likes of your family and friends)? What about being with someone who intimidates you? Treats you like you’re an incompetent child? Could you honestly see yourself wanting to be with someone who doesn’t give you a choice? Who doesn’t respect your own personal choices and decisions? Who isn’t able to see (as well as respect) your POV? What about being with someone who constantly manhandles you and tries to control you at all costs; someone who tries constantly control and dominate your life? What about being with someone who can’t communicate with you and you can’t communicate with them in an efficient manner? Could you see yourself being with someone who has directly/indirectly mentally, emotionally and physically tortured and/or abused you in any way? Could you see yourself dating someone who has abused your family and your friends, whether it be emotionally, verbally, spiritually, mentally, physically? Could you see yourself dating someone who has actually harmed (physically) or even in extreme cases, murdered/killed or attempted to kill any of your loved ones (family and friends)? What about being with someone in which you can’t be yourself around? Could you see yourself being with someone whom manipulates you and you manipulate them just in order to get what you want? JUST THINK AND THINK SERIOUSLY. Does any of the above sound in any way healthy or beneficial to you? This may be fiction and the characters and the couples may be fictional, but even though it may be fiction, there are some things which are involved in fiction which can and also should be looked at from a realistic standpoint. Because in all honesty, a lot of people do happen to blur the thin line between fiction and reality. And to be truthful, there can be a thin line between fiction and reality, because unfortunately, many things that you see in fiction can actually be seen in reality. Sometimes the characters within fiction may be fictional species, for example, but the relationships and dynamics between the fictional characters are not fictional. For example, Damon/Stefan may be a fictional species (vampires) and they may both be fictional characters and a fictional pair of brothers. but if you really look at it, Damon/Stefan are actually really relatable and realistic when it comes to their relationship dynamic. These are two brothers who have a lot of tension and have much issues and yes, this is very common in the real world. There are a lot of people in the real world who do strongly understand and relate to Stefan/Damon’s relationship because honestly, there are many people who have a similar relationship with their own siblings. Well, in this case, in regards to Stefan/Elena’s relationship, it’s the same thing. However, with that being said, I would say that both the couples of Stefan/Elena and Damon/Elena are relatable in some way. But the major difference is between these two ships, which one is the most realistic? Which one makes the most sense realistically and logically? It’s all about what makes sense. If it doesn’t make sense and you can’t picture something realistically, how can you support it? Sometimes when you watch a fictional show, you have to put yourself in the fictional character’s shoes. Would you want to date someone who has harmed your family and you friends, or would you rather be with someone whom has respected your family and friends? Would you rather be with someone who provides excitement but no safety and stability? Or would you rather be with someone who doesn’t provide as much excitement, but plenty of safety, comfort and stability. Ask yourself these questions honestly as you watch any of your fictional TV shows. Because I know that is what I do when I watch my shows. Or even when I ship my fictional pairings. More then anything, I tend to ship with my brain more then my heart. I’m more of an intellectual/mental shipper over an emotional shipper. The problem is that many people happen to be emotional shippers, hence why you have so many people within various different fandoms all across the fictional world, shipping couples which make absolutely zero logical sense whatsoever. The way I see it, the people who ship those kinds of couples that make sense are indefinitely more emotional shippers. They ship most because of shallow reasons; reasons such as physical chemistry, physical appearance (the two people within the ship looking hot, cute or good together), having sexual chemistry, lust, passion, etc. Those are some of the qualities that many emotional shippers tend to ship or support their couples for. Now, I’m not saying that it’s necessarily a bad thing to be an emotional shipper, however I do find that intellectual/mental shippers do tend to make more sense logically and also, tend to have much superior or firmer arguments as to why they ship/support their couples then emotional shippers do. It’s not a stereotype but I feel like overall, it’s rather factual. Intellectual shippers tend to have more solid arguments and reasons for shipping their pairings. However, the argument to this would be that people who are intellectual shippers don’t have any passion or intensity in supporting their couples, but I 100% categorically disagree. I think that intellectual shippers (like myself and many others) have just as much (if not, maybe more) passion then emotional shippers do. It’s just that intellectual/mental shippers tend to also have the logical sense and arguments that many emotional shippers lack. So, basically, what I am trying to say and ultimately what it comes down to is that if you are a Stelena shipper, you are most likely more of an intellectual/mental shipper then an emotional shipper (although there are Stelena shippers who are emotional shippers as well). I say this, because every Stelena shipper that I have seen display their arguments and reasons for shipping Stelena; they are primarily logical reasons and reasons which are inherently more realistic in nature. Now, I am going to list my reasons for supporting the couple of Stefan/Elena:
1. Stefan/Elena Are A Healthy, Compatible Dynamic/Relationship.
This is one of the biggest reasons why I ship Stelena in the first place. STEFAN & ELENA ARE HEALTHY! Their relationship has healthy tendencies and qualities. When I say healthy, what I mean by that is that their relationship has a moral compass. Their relationship is based on values and morals. When it comes to Stefan and Elena and their relationship, they have certain boundaries and those certain boundaries are never crossed when it comes to their relationship. A healthy relationship always has boundaries. Not in the controlling or dominating sense, but in the moral sense. A good beneficial relationship is always moral in some way. Stefan/Elena are healthy on all levels imaginable, mentally, emotionally and physically. In terms of their relationship being mentally healthy, this means that Stefan/Elena are able to openly communicate with each other and also the communication between them is compatible. It’s not just about two people communicating with each other, but it’s also about two people being compatible in a communicative sense. This is Stefan/Elena. When it comes to communication, both of them are able to openly open up to each other, without feeling that they are going to be judged by the other. Why? Because there is already an unconditional sense of acceptance and understanding between Stefan/Elena and this is part of the foundation of Stefan/Elena’s relationship. But it’s only a minor part of the whole; it’s only an ingredient, it’s not the entire recipe. So when Stefan/Elena communicate with each other the way that they do, they both know consciously and subconsciously that when they need to talk about something, they can do it with ease and they can also do it with comfort. That is part of a healthy relationship. When you are in a relationship with the person you love, you feel comfortable with them. There’s trust, there’s honesty. And you aren’t afraid to open up to that person and also, you aren’t afraid to be who you really are with that person. There’s never any manipulation involved or feeling stifled. Stefan/Elena have of course, over the course of the show, had a few obstacles and issues. They have faced many problems, but the reality is that when Stefan/Elena do confront issues, it’s not really about them or their relationship. The issues which Stefan/Elena have are nothing to do with the dynamics of their love relationship. It’s their (Stefan and Elena’s) individual and personal struggles that tend to be the issues. For example, in season 1, Stefan was facing troubles with controlling himself in human blood. But you see? Stefan’s human blood issues had nothing to do with their relationship. Stefan didn’t become addicted to human blood again because Elena did something bad or extremely horrible to him. This was an issue that Stefan has been facing for years, for over a century to be exact. Stefan had these issues with human blood, LONG BEFORE he ever met Elena Gilbert. Stefan’s main personal obstacle for all of his immortal life has been his constant on/off struggle with human blood. This has absolutely nothing to do with Elena. This is Stefan’s personal issue away from his relationship with Elena and therefore, has nothing to do with her. With that being said, it does pose a threat and it also did pose a conflict into Stefan/Elena’s relationship. Stefan ended up keeping it a secret (but not for long, because Stefan/Elena have the kind of relationship where absolutely nothing can be hidden for too long; they are that intimate and close) from Elena and Elena eventually, but shortly found out about his human blood struggles. And what did she do? She supported him and helped him 100%. She stood by him, even though probably everything in her conscious was telling her not to do so, because it may pose a threat to her own life, it may put her life at risk. Stefan could have easily hurt Elena, but Elena unconditionally trusted Stefan enough to stick by him, NO MATTER WHAT. This is what you call pure unconditional love and trust and THAT CAN’T BE REPLACED BY ANYTHING ELSE. Not a hot, passionate relationship with someone and not intense physical chemistry with a hot guy. Unconditional love, trust and acceptance is unsurpassable. End of story. No matter what Elena does with Damon, the fact that Elena has already been through chaos and back with Stefan but she was still always standing there in the same place beside Stefan, will never, ever be replaced. No matter what kind of physical chemistry Elena may have with Damon, compatibility, especially emotionally, spiritually and mentally, is much more crucial then the physical chemistry that she has with Damon. Because compatibility in the areas of emotional, spiritual and mental; it’s something that is natural. It’s either there or it’s not. With Stefan/Elena, it is there. With Damon/Elena it is not. Now, Damon/Elena may have physical compatibility (meaning good chemistry between each other) but that’s all it is. A good, solid and healthy love relationship has more to it than that, much, MUCH MORE. Physical chemistry is not enough to make a relationship long lasting and successful. And unfortunately, this is what will ultimately be Delena’s downfall because other then lots of physical chemistry, what else do Damon/Elena really have? Logically, they have nothing else to offer as a couple or as a romantic relationship. Aside from being mentally compatible, Stefan/Elena are also emotionally compatible. They understand each other’s feelings and emotions, and not only that, but they are on the same level emotionally. Both of them have the same mechanisms when it comes to their emotions. Both of them “feel” the same, feel for others the same (compassion and empathy). Both of them cope with problems in similar ways emotionally. Stefan and Elena are highly compatible on an emotional level, because both of them are incredibly empathetic and compassionate people. Both of them are two individuals who are incredibly empathetic towards others but they view their empathy for others through the same eye, through a third eye. They have the same vision when it comes to their emotions. There’s no incompatibility. THEY ARE ON THE EXACT SAME LEVEL EMOTIONALLY The same way that Stefan/Elena are on the same level, mentally. And this is also part of the reason why Stefan/Elena are such a healthy relationship. Look at how both Stefan/Elena have feelings for people, how they emotionally reach out for people. How they feign concern for other human beings. This is both of Stefan/Elena’s natures and they are one and the same. Both Stefan and Elena are humanists, their humanitarians by nature. They have natural concern for other people. On the other hand, Damon/Elena are completely incompatible on an emotional level. They don’t understand each other’s emotions and they cope and deal with their struggles completely differently emotionally. Damon is more emotionally impulsive, while Elena is more withdrawn emotionally. She is more subtle with her emotions in comparison with Damon. And this is part of the major reason why Damon/Elena clash the way they do, because both of them deal with their emotions completely and vastly different from each other. Even if Damon/Elena did get together for a while, their relationship would begin to crack quite quickly, because of the lack of emotionally compatibility. On the other hand, what makes Stefan/Elena such solid relationship is the fact that Stefan/Elena are both mentally compatible and emotionally compatible. THIS, again, equates to a healthy relationship. And like I said before, this is Stefan/Elena’s relationship. Aside from both the mental and emotional compatibility, Stefan/Elena are also physically compatible. In this sense, I mean that Stefan/Elena look absolutely amazing together and they have great organic chemistry. Again, eye-sex between two people doesn’t mean great physical chemistry. True physical chemistry is organic, it’s natural and it’s real and I can honestly say that I don’t get that whenever I see Delena. When I see Delena, yes, they do have physical chemistry, but Stefan/Elena’s physical chemistry goes beyond the surface. It’s something that is hard to describe and really can’t be described. It’s like they mesh extremely well together naturally and this is something that cannot be forced. There is something about Damon/Elena that is “forced” for me and I feel like it’s because of the lack of compatibility in all of the other areas besides the physical compatibility (emotional, mental, spiritual). So, all in all, this is part of the reason why Stefan/Elena equate to a healthy, beneficial relationship on all levels. Ultimately, a good relationship is healthy.
2. Stefan/Elena Unconditionally Love, Trust And Accept Each Other.
Even though Stefan is a vampire, who could seriously harm her and overpower her, Elena didn’t run off. She never rejected him completely. She stood by him no matter what. Why? Because this is the base of unconditional love, trust and acceptance. When Elena found out that Stefan was a vampire, Elena trusted Stefan enough to tell her the truth about what he is and his past. If Elena didn’t trust him unconditionally, she would have cut him off completely and ran the other way. She would have done everything in her power to avoid him. But because Elena loved and trusted Stefan so much, she felt that she just couldn’t walk away completely. She couldn’t let him go. Because she knew that what they have is real and that it’s something you could never say good bye to. So Elena gave Stefan a chance, because of unconditional love for him. What teenage human girl would even want to give the time of day to some guy who happens to be a century old beast that could harm her, if she didn’t love and trust him unconditionally? Because of Elena’s unconditional love for Stefan, she heard him out completely, she listened to his POV about what happened in his dark past. She listened to him talk about his personal struggles, his rocky relationship with his brother, his relationship with Katherine, even how he was transformed into a vampire. And she accepted everything that he had to say to her. Because Elena accepts everything that Stefan is. At first, she may have seemed a little hesitant when she found out what Stefan was, but overtime, that unconditional trust (which Elena has always had for Stefan since the very beginning) only grew that much stronger over a gradual period of time. Stefan, on the other hand, trusted Elena enough to open up to her about his deepest dark secrets of his past. Things that he would never reveal to another mortal, human soul. This is what unconditional trust and love is. Being able to share your innermost darkest secrets openly and feeling like the other person listening will completely understand and be accepting of them. If Stefan did love and trust Elena unconditionally the way that he does, he would have ran away from her completely and never opened up to her at all. He would have tried to do everything in his power to walk away. And even Stefan knew the risk of being with Elena, of getting to know her, when he discovered her presence after coming back home to Mystic Falls. Stefan knew that getting close to Elena would likely expose who he is and his century old dark secret, but because there was always an unconditional bond between them since the very beginning, Stefan was willing to take that risk. When one loves someone unconditionally, they are willing to go through anything with that person, no matter how painful it may be. This is the power of unconditional love and trust. When Stefan was having human blood issues and Elena knew that he could physically harm her because of it, Elena still didn’t walk away from him. She didn’t abandon him. Instead, because Elena unconditionally loves Stefan, she supported him and helped him get through the rough patch. Even though Elena knew that her life would be at risk. Even though Elena knew that Stefan could over power her, and harm her physically. Elena didn’t care, because she was willing to take that risk if it meant being there for Stefan and supporting him through his struggles. Or how about all of the shit that Elena went through in terms of her Doppleganger Curse, or her family issues. Stefan was there for her, right by her side through all of that. And he never walked away, even though Stefan was facing some issues within himself. Because when it comes to Stefan, Elena’s issues are his issues as well, and vice versa. Because like I have mentioned before, Stefan/Elena are on the same wavelength. Elena went through so much in season 2 because of the whole curse issue and her life being at risk in terms of survival but Stefan stuck by her side the whole way through. Because Stefan unconditionally loves, trusts and accepts Elena. Stefan knows that Elena is an ordinary 17 year old human girl with loads of personal troubles. And he’s a century old immortal beast who also has personal issues and has struggled with them for a long period of time. What about the time when Elena wanted to give up on life in season 2? When she just felt like sacrificing herself to keep her loved ones safe, with Stefan being one of them. STEFAN WAS RIGHT THERE BESIDE HER, TELLING HER TO NOT GIVE UP! He didn’t force her, he didn’t command her, he communicated to her about not giving up on her life, because he unconditionally loves her so much. What about when Elena stood by Stefan in season 1, when he was having human blood issues and was feeling guilty for the things he had done in the past? When Stefan felt like ending his immortal life because of it? Elena was there for him out of unconditional love, telling him to keep fighting, but she also gave him a choice. She didn’t force him, but she gave him a choice. And this is what unconditional trust and love is all about. Not forcing the other to agree with you or see things your way, but always giving each other freedom, giving each other a choice. Also, the reason why Elena has come to ever “accept” Damon in any way, even as her friend, is because of Elena’s unconditional love for Stefan. If Elena didn’t love Stefan in the way that she does, she would probably not want to have anything to do with Damon, especially after all the shit that he has done to hurt her directly and after all the trouble he has caused. So believe it or not, Elena accepts Damon, because she she unconditionally loves and accepts Stefan. Because Damon is a part of Stefan and Stefan is connected to Damon. They are blood and they are brothers. Despite all of the issues that Damon/Stefan have with each other going way back, Stefan and Damon still unconditionally love each other simply because they are family. Let’s be realistic here: if Damon wasn’t related to Stefan at all, do you really honestly believe that Elena would accept Damon whatsoever, after he has done all of the shit to hurt her directly? After all that he’s done to hurt her friends and family? Elena forgives Damon the way she does, because of STEFAN. Because Stefan unconditionally forgives Damon, because that is his brother. Stefan always tries to believe in his elder brother, no matter what he does, because Stefan has unconditional love for Damon. Well, it’s the same thing when it comes to Elena and Stefan. Elena was and is willing to tolerate and accept Damon, because of her love for Stefan. Because I can assure you, if Damon wasn’t in any way related to Stefan, Elena wouldn’t forgive Damon at all. Not with her being the kind of individual who has morals and values. And not with Elena being the complete and total polar opposite of Damon is all areas imaginable. Elena has befriended Damon out of love for Stefan, out of unconditional love. Because Elena knows that Damon is always going to be a part of Stefan and that Stefan is always going to be eternally connected to Damon. And because of this, because of her love for Stefan, she has had to learn to tolerate and even accept Damon, JUST BECAUSE OF HER LOVE FOR STEFAN, HER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. What about the time when Elena told Stefan to bite her wrist and take her blood when he was almost on the verge of dying? Stefan told her no, that he wouldn’t take her blood and that he would rather die then drink any drop of her blood. But Elena didn’t run away, she refused to run away and let Stefan die. So what did Elena do? She told Stefan that she trusted him and that it was OK for him to do it. Elena desperately wanted Stefan to bite her wrist, even though Elena knew that she might die. Even though Elena knew that it was risking her own life. Elena was putting Stefan before her self and this is part of unconditional love. Because unconditional love is selfless. Elena trusted Stefan that he would drink her blood and he would know when to stop. And she did it to save his life and to protect him. Or what about the time when Elena offered Stefan her own blood over the course of season 2? There was that unconditional trust between them that they share; that made Elena completely alright with sharing her blood with Stefan. Because that is part of the sacred bond that Stefan/Elena share with each other. This “sacred act” of sharing blood is especially existent in the novel series. Stefan/Elena have shared blood with each other since the very beginning of the TVD novel series. Elena trusted Stefan immediately after she found out that he was a vampire and she let him drink her blood, out of both unconditional love and trust for him. If it was some other guy who was a vampire and she had just discovered his dark secret, Elena would NEVER do that with him. She would never share her own life essence with someone who’s a beast, someone who could hurt her and kill her. But because it’s STEFAN, someone whom she has unconditional love and trust for, she did it without hesitating, still knowing the risk of him draining her and her becoming a vampire at the same time because of Stefan giving Elena his vampire blood. This blood exchange between Stefan/Elena in the novels has always been viewed as a sacred and intimate act between two unconditional lovers who would ultimately die for each other and sacrifice their own lives for each other selflessly (as Elena has already done twice for Stefan in the novel series). So, Stefan/Elena have done and engaged in all of these situations and have been through all of these things together because they both unconditionally love, accept and trust each other. This is ultimately what it comes down to when it comes to Stefan/Elena’s relationship and this is the basis of their relationship to begin with: unconditional love.
3. Stefan/Elena Isn’t A Controlling Or Dominating Relationship.
One of the reasons why I love Stefan/Elena’s relationship so much is the fact that Stefan never tries to control Elena and tell her what to do. Stefan never tries to dominate her life and he has always given her something that I believe is so incredibly crucial in a healthy relationship, which is freedom and choice. To me, a relationship can never be successful unless there is a certain amount of freedom and choice between the two individuals. And that freedom and choice ultimately stems from unconditional trust between the two people. Stefan lets Elena think for herself and he treats her like she is a competent individual. On the contrary, Damon treats Elena in the opposite way. Damon tries to control Elena and he does so in the most extreme manner. Damon is so desperate for Elena to love him, that he has done some unforgivable things to Elena. For example, in 2x20 “The Last Day”, Damon was so desperate to keep Elena alive (for himself, no one else), that he did something so extreme and out of the ordinary by forcing his vampire blood down her throat. I don’t care what anyone says but to me, that is a form of personal violation and yes, I would call it a form of rape. I say this because he forced himself on her in the sense that giving someone their vampire blood is considered to be sort of a sexual act, especially in the TVD world. So, in my eyes, it’s a form of violation against Elena. You don’t force something on someone for your own selfish purposes. This is what Damon did with Elena in that episode and I found it absolutely unacceptable and atrocious. Stefan, on the other hand, bitched Damon out and told Damon to his face how he could take that “choice” away from her. That choice being to become an immortal and giving up her humanity/human life. Stefan would NEVER EVER do something like what Damon did to Elena, ever. Why? Because like I said, Stefan let’s Elena make her own personal decisions and choices, even if he doesn’t agree with them or agree with her. Even if it may be killing him on the inside, he still respects and accepts her choices because Stefan doesn’t try to control her life in any way. Just because Stefan is so much more powerful then Elena, especially in a physical sense, doesn’t mean that he will in any way try to intimidate, overpower and control her in any way possible. The reason for this is plain and simple: Stefan respects Elena unconditionally. When Stefan and Elena talked in 2x20 “The Last Day” about immortality and Elena’s possible future as a vampire, Stefan accepted the fact that Elena never wanted to become a vampire. Even though Elena loves Stefan so much, she still didn’t want to give up her humanity, her own human life. And Stefan didn’t want that life for her either. But at the same time, he said that if it were up to him, he would want to spend eternity with her, but because he respects her so much, he completely understood where she was coming from and was very sympathetic as well as supportive of her wishes. If Stefan was controlling over Elena, then he would be selfish and he would do the exact same thing that Damon did, which is basically force immortality on Elena at all costs, even if it’s something that she doesn’t want. Also, Stefan doesn’t manhandle Elena physically the way that Damon does. Damon uses force to try to control Elena and to me, that is a HUGE RED FLAG. Damon is too controlling and possessive over Elena and he treats her like she is an incapable and incompetent child that has no mind of her own and can’t think for herself. Is that how you treat someone you supposedly love and care about? And no, Damon isn’t being protective over Elena, so that can be tossed out the window. DAMON IS BEING PLAIN CONTROLLING AND POSSESSIVE OVER ELENA. And that is not cool. I can’t say that it’s Damon’s fault however, because unfortunately, this is just the kind of impact and effect that Elena Gilbert has on Damon Salvatore and this is NEVER going to change. The fact of the matter is that Damon is always going to treat Elena like she is an incompetent child that can’t think for herself and even if he tries to tuck his possessive, controlling behaviour over Elena away, it will always show up sooner then later. Because like I said, this is just the kind of impact that Elena has on Damon and this is something that will be impossible to change. Damon will never give Elena a choice and he will never understand that concept of freedom and choice when it comes to Elena, because he DOESN’T UNDERSTAND ELENA AS AN INDIVIDUAL. Stefan, on the other hand, is not controlling or possessive over Elena, but rather protective of her in a healthy way. Stefan will do anything to protect her no matter what, but he will no way control, intimidate or dominate Elena in any way shape or form just so that Elena agrees with him [Stefan] under any circumstances. When it comes to Stefan with Elena, it’s not his way or the highway. It’s HER way and Stefan accepts it and understands it, because he accepts and understands her [Elena]. The reason why Damon is so incredibly domineering and controlling in regards to Elena is because he simply doesn’t understand her and he also doesn’t respect her a person. And this is something that can’t be forced, and it can’t be taught. Unconditional respect for someone is natural, but at the same time, it’s completely rare. The reason why it occurs in Stefan/Elena’s relationship, this unconditional respect is because of the kind of love that they share. The kind of love that Stefan/Elena share is a rare kind of love. Their relationship is not about hearts and flowers. If anyone out there believes that Stefan/Elena’s relationship is all about the sappy garbage of roses, chocolates and reciting sappy romantic poetry, THINK AGAIN. Because you are mistaken. I have said this plenty of times before. Elena is not a possession for Stefan. Stefan doesn’t have ownership over Elena and he doesn’t own her like she is a piece of property. Elena Gilbert is not a piece of property to Stefan Salvatore and Stefan knows this because he feels absolutely no need to control her or possess her in any way, shape or form in the first place. Their kind of love would simply not tolerate or stand for it whatsoever. Because the kind of love and the kind of relationship that Stefan/Elena have, it’s the ultimate kind of love. Their relationship is the ultimate union between two individuals. Their love is not a selfish love based on their own selfish and personal merits. Stefan/Elena’s relationship is not about THEM, it’s about others and it’s also about giving to the other without expecting anything in return. Part of the reason why Stefan doesn’t control Elena is because their relationship is entirely selfless on all levels. If Stefan/Elena’s relationship was the classic, ordinary, toxic, “human love” relationship, then it would involve control and possession. Which leads me onto my next reason as to why I support Stefan/Elena.
4. Stefan/Elena’s Relationship Is Selfless And Giving.
Most relationships are about “What’s in it for me?” Well, in Stefan/Elena’s case, it’s more about “What’s in it for you?” or “What’s in it for others?” This is the biggest reason why Stefan/Elena is such a selfless dynamic. Let’s start with the fact that Stefan isn’t selfish when it comes to Elena having a friendship with his brother, Damon. If Stefan was selfish, he wouldn’t let Elena be anywhere near Damon, never mind befriending him, being there for him, supporting him and helping him the way that she does. Because Stefan is so selfless with Elena, he lets her befriend Damon, even at the risk of Elena possibly developing feelings for him and developing a bond with him. And on top of it, Stefan selflessly lets Elena develop a friendship with Damon knowing the risk that history could very well repeat itself in regards to himself, Elena and Damon. It’s not like Stefan doesn’t know what is possible and what could happen as a result of Damon/Elena bonding. Stefan knows. But because of Stefan’s selflessness and his selfless love for Elena, he is willing to take that risk. He is willing to just let it happen. And even now, Stefan knows that Damon is in love with Elena and he completely and selflessly accepts it, even though it may seriously hurt their relationship. This is a huge example of Stefan’s love for Elena being selfless. It’s the same for the novel series. In the books, Stefan loves Elena so selflessly, that he would be willing to give Elena (who is the only reason for his existence and the only reason his immortal heart is still beating) up to his brother Damon, if that is what she really wanted. Because Stefan/Elena have a selfless love. Elena in the novels (as much as I can’t stand her as an individual character) is completely and totally selfless when it comes to Stefan. She loves him so much, so unconditionally and so selflessly, that she is willing to give her own life essence to him (her blood) even at the risk of her dying because of it, or her changing into an immortal. Elena loves Stefan so selflessly that she has even died for him twice in this series in order to protect him. Elena loves Stefan so selflessly that she is willing to go through hell and back (travel to the Dark Dimension prison where Stefan was being held captive) in order to protect Stefan and be with him. She will do anything for him at all costs, no matter what. It’s similar to what Bonnie does for Damon in the book series. Bonnie loves Damon so selflessly and unconditionally, that she would do anything for him. She unconditionally loves, trusts and forgives Damon even if he treats her so badly. This is the power of both selfless and unconditional love. Or how about the fact that Bonnie in the books knows that Damon has strong feelings for Elena and Elena has feelings for Damon as well, and even though it is absolutely killing Bonnie on the inside that this is the reality, selflessly accepts that Damon/Elena have feelings for each other, even though Bonnie loves Damon so much. If she was selfish in regards to her love for Damon, she would sabotage her friendship with her best friend, Elena in order to be with Damon, but she never ever did that. And at the same time, she completely accepted and respected Damon’s feelings for Elena as well. THIS IS THE PRIME EXAMPLE OF SELFLESS LOVE. Unlike the dynamics of Stefan/Elena and Damon/Bonnie in the books, Damon/Elena is a SELFISH LOVE. It’s all about “What’s in it for me?” It’s all about getting, not giving. There is no genuine selflessness between Damon/Elena in both the books and on the show, but especially in the books. Damon/Elena is a polar opposite dynamic to Stefan/Elena in terms of giving and selflessness. On the show, take 2x20 “The Last Day”, when Stefan found out that Elena never wanted immortality and she never wanted to become a vampire in the future? What did Stefan do? He selflessly accepted it; he selflessly accepted Elena’s wishes and choice. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ABSOLUTELY KILLING HIM AND TEARING HIM APART INSIDE! Because before Elena had confessed the truth to Stefan regarding her choice of immortality, Stefan told her straight to her face, that if it were up to him, he would want to be with her forever, he’d want to spend eternity with her. But because Stefan is so selfless when it comes to Elena, he completely accepted her choice and told her that he wouldn’t force immortality (a life that Elena never wanted in the first place) upon her because it would be completely and utterly selfish of him to do that. And something inside of Stefan just couldn’t do that to Elena. The love that Stefan has for Elena and the love that Stefan/Elena share between each other, simply wouldn’t allow it in the first place. This is all about Stefan respecting Elena. The reason why Stefan/Elena are so selfless with each other is because they have unconditional respect for each other and like I have repeatedly said, this kind of thing cannot be forced whatsoever. How about the time, when Elena was willing to share blood with Stefan, just so that Stefan could gain resistance to human blood over time and learn to control himself on it. This was a selfless act that Elena was doing for Stefan. It was about him, not her. She didn’t care about herself at that point, it was about what would benefit Stefan. Aside from the selflessness between Stefan/Elena and all of the selfless acts that they have committed for each other, Stefan/Elena’s relationship and love is also selfless in the fact that their relationship is about others. Their relationship is about being of service to others. Their relationship is for humanity, for the greater good. Stefan/Elena, as you have seen throughout the course of the entire series, both book and show, have been selflessly willing to risk their own lives in order to protect the people that they love and care about. Stefan also does that by selflessly willing to put himself in the line of fire for Elena’s loved ones (people like Bonnie, Caroline, Jeremy and Jenna). The same way that Elena has been willing to befriend Damon and protect him the way that she has is all about her selfless service to other people. She is willing to selflessly put herself in the line of fire to protect everyone she cares about. Before Elena met Stefan, I’m not so sure she was willing to do such a thing. I’m sure she would be just as protective over her loved ones before as she is now, but I think her relationship with Stefan has basically been a huge wake up call for Elena, both in the books and on the show, to become a significantly selfless, noble and giving individual. Because in the books, Elena was the most selfish person there was, a girl who thought that the world began and ended with her. Stefan coming into her Elena’s life has basically opened Elena’s eyes and has taught her the concept of selfless, unconditional love. Stefan was Elena’s wake up call and Elena was Stefan’s wake up call. Stefan/Elena brought each other back to life and if they had never met, then they would still be those two dead souls, one a human and one a vampire, who would ultimately be lifeless on the inside.
So, these are some (note: some) of my reasons for supporting Stelena. I would list a bunch more, but then it would turn into a novel. For the reasons that I listed above, this is why the relationship of Stefan/Elena is so incredibly epic and also, why I consider Stefan/Elena to be TVD’s Power Couple.
-N. ♥♡
1. Stefan/Elena Are A Healthy, Compatible Dynamic/Relationship.
This is one of the biggest reasons why I ship Stelena in the first place. STEFAN & ELENA ARE HEALTHY! Their relationship has healthy tendencies and qualities. When I say healthy, what I mean by that is that their relationship has a moral compass. Their relationship is based on values and morals. When it comes to Stefan and Elena and their relationship, they have certain boundaries and those certain boundaries are never crossed when it comes to their relationship. A healthy relationship always has boundaries. Not in the controlling or dominating sense, but in the moral sense. A good beneficial relationship is always moral in some way. Stefan/Elena are healthy on all levels imaginable, mentally, emotionally and physically. In terms of their relationship being mentally healthy, this means that Stefan/Elena are able to openly communicate with each other and also the communication between them is compatible. It’s not just about two people communicating with each other, but it’s also about two people being compatible in a communicative sense. This is Stefan/Elena. When it comes to communication, both of them are able to openly open up to each other, without feeling that they are going to be judged by the other. Why? Because there is already an unconditional sense of acceptance and understanding between Stefan/Elena and this is part of the foundation of Stefan/Elena’s relationship. But it’s only a minor part of the whole; it’s only an ingredient, it’s not the entire recipe. So when Stefan/Elena communicate with each other the way that they do, they both know consciously and subconsciously that when they need to talk about something, they can do it with ease and they can also do it with comfort. That is part of a healthy relationship. When you are in a relationship with the person you love, you feel comfortable with them. There’s trust, there’s honesty. And you aren’t afraid to open up to that person and also, you aren’t afraid to be who you really are with that person. There’s never any manipulation involved or feeling stifled. Stefan/Elena have of course, over the course of the show, had a few obstacles and issues. They have faced many problems, but the reality is that when Stefan/Elena do confront issues, it’s not really about them or their relationship. The issues which Stefan/Elena have are nothing to do with the dynamics of their love relationship. It’s their (Stefan and Elena’s) individual and personal struggles that tend to be the issues. For example, in season 1, Stefan was facing troubles with controlling himself in human blood. But you see? Stefan’s human blood issues had nothing to do with their relationship. Stefan didn’t become addicted to human blood again because Elena did something bad or extremely horrible to him. This was an issue that Stefan has been facing for years, for over a century to be exact. Stefan had these issues with human blood, LONG BEFORE he ever met Elena Gilbert. Stefan’s main personal obstacle for all of his immortal life has been his constant on/off struggle with human blood. This has absolutely nothing to do with Elena. This is Stefan’s personal issue away from his relationship with Elena and therefore, has nothing to do with her. With that being said, it does pose a threat and it also did pose a conflict into Stefan/Elena’s relationship. Stefan ended up keeping it a secret (but not for long, because Stefan/Elena have the kind of relationship where absolutely nothing can be hidden for too long; they are that intimate and close) from Elena and Elena eventually, but shortly found out about his human blood struggles. And what did she do? She supported him and helped him 100%. She stood by him, even though probably everything in her conscious was telling her not to do so, because it may pose a threat to her own life, it may put her life at risk. Stefan could have easily hurt Elena, but Elena unconditionally trusted Stefan enough to stick by him, NO MATTER WHAT. This is what you call pure unconditional love and trust and THAT CAN’T BE REPLACED BY ANYTHING ELSE. Not a hot, passionate relationship with someone and not intense physical chemistry with a hot guy. Unconditional love, trust and acceptance is unsurpassable. End of story. No matter what Elena does with Damon, the fact that Elena has already been through chaos and back with Stefan but she was still always standing there in the same place beside Stefan, will never, ever be replaced. No matter what kind of physical chemistry Elena may have with Damon, compatibility, especially emotionally, spiritually and mentally, is much more crucial then the physical chemistry that she has with Damon. Because compatibility in the areas of emotional, spiritual and mental; it’s something that is natural. It’s either there or it’s not. With Stefan/Elena, it is there. With Damon/Elena it is not. Now, Damon/Elena may have physical compatibility (meaning good chemistry between each other) but that’s all it is. A good, solid and healthy love relationship has more to it than that, much, MUCH MORE. Physical chemistry is not enough to make a relationship long lasting and successful. And unfortunately, this is what will ultimately be Delena’s downfall because other then lots of physical chemistry, what else do Damon/Elena really have? Logically, they have nothing else to offer as a couple or as a romantic relationship. Aside from being mentally compatible, Stefan/Elena are also emotionally compatible. They understand each other’s feelings and emotions, and not only that, but they are on the same level emotionally. Both of them have the same mechanisms when it comes to their emotions. Both of them “feel” the same, feel for others the same (compassion and empathy). Both of them cope with problems in similar ways emotionally. Stefan and Elena are highly compatible on an emotional level, because both of them are incredibly empathetic and compassionate people. Both of them are two individuals who are incredibly empathetic towards others but they view their empathy for others through the same eye, through a third eye. They have the same vision when it comes to their emotions. There’s no incompatibility. THEY ARE ON THE EXACT SAME LEVEL EMOTIONALLY The same way that Stefan/Elena are on the same level, mentally. And this is also part of the reason why Stefan/Elena are such a healthy relationship. Look at how both Stefan/Elena have feelings for people, how they emotionally reach out for people. How they feign concern for other human beings. This is both of Stefan/Elena’s natures and they are one and the same. Both Stefan and Elena are humanists, their humanitarians by nature. They have natural concern for other people. On the other hand, Damon/Elena are completely incompatible on an emotional level. They don’t understand each other’s emotions and they cope and deal with their struggles completely differently emotionally. Damon is more emotionally impulsive, while Elena is more withdrawn emotionally. She is more subtle with her emotions in comparison with Damon. And this is part of the major reason why Damon/Elena clash the way they do, because both of them deal with their emotions completely and vastly different from each other. Even if Damon/Elena did get together for a while, their relationship would begin to crack quite quickly, because of the lack of emotionally compatibility. On the other hand, what makes Stefan/Elena such solid relationship is the fact that Stefan/Elena are both mentally compatible and emotionally compatible. THIS, again, equates to a healthy relationship. And like I said before, this is Stefan/Elena’s relationship. Aside from both the mental and emotional compatibility, Stefan/Elena are also physically compatible. In this sense, I mean that Stefan/Elena look absolutely amazing together and they have great organic chemistry. Again, eye-sex between two people doesn’t mean great physical chemistry. True physical chemistry is organic, it’s natural and it’s real and I can honestly say that I don’t get that whenever I see Delena. When I see Delena, yes, they do have physical chemistry, but Stefan/Elena’s physical chemistry goes beyond the surface. It’s something that is hard to describe and really can’t be described. It’s like they mesh extremely well together naturally and this is something that cannot be forced. There is something about Damon/Elena that is “forced” for me and I feel like it’s because of the lack of compatibility in all of the other areas besides the physical compatibility (emotional, mental, spiritual). So, all in all, this is part of the reason why Stefan/Elena equate to a healthy, beneficial relationship on all levels. Ultimately, a good relationship is healthy.
2. Stefan/Elena Unconditionally Love, Trust And Accept Each Other.
Even though Stefan is a vampire, who could seriously harm her and overpower her, Elena didn’t run off. She never rejected him completely. She stood by him no matter what. Why? Because this is the base of unconditional love, trust and acceptance. When Elena found out that Stefan was a vampire, Elena trusted Stefan enough to tell her the truth about what he is and his past. If Elena didn’t trust him unconditionally, she would have cut him off completely and ran the other way. She would have done everything in her power to avoid him. But because Elena loved and trusted Stefan so much, she felt that she just couldn’t walk away completely. She couldn’t let him go. Because she knew that what they have is real and that it’s something you could never say good bye to. So Elena gave Stefan a chance, because of unconditional love for him. What teenage human girl would even want to give the time of day to some guy who happens to be a century old beast that could harm her, if she didn’t love and trust him unconditionally? Because of Elena’s unconditional love for Stefan, she heard him out completely, she listened to his POV about what happened in his dark past. She listened to him talk about his personal struggles, his rocky relationship with his brother, his relationship with Katherine, even how he was transformed into a vampire. And she accepted everything that he had to say to her. Because Elena accepts everything that Stefan is. At first, she may have seemed a little hesitant when she found out what Stefan was, but overtime, that unconditional trust (which Elena has always had for Stefan since the very beginning) only grew that much stronger over a gradual period of time. Stefan, on the other hand, trusted Elena enough to open up to her about his deepest dark secrets of his past. Things that he would never reveal to another mortal, human soul. This is what unconditional trust and love is. Being able to share your innermost darkest secrets openly and feeling like the other person listening will completely understand and be accepting of them. If Stefan did love and trust Elena unconditionally the way that he does, he would have ran away from her completely and never opened up to her at all. He would have tried to do everything in his power to walk away. And even Stefan knew the risk of being with Elena, of getting to know her, when he discovered her presence after coming back home to Mystic Falls. Stefan knew that getting close to Elena would likely expose who he is and his century old dark secret, but because there was always an unconditional bond between them since the very beginning, Stefan was willing to take that risk. When one loves someone unconditionally, they are willing to go through anything with that person, no matter how painful it may be. This is the power of unconditional love and trust. When Stefan was having human blood issues and Elena knew that he could physically harm her because of it, Elena still didn’t walk away from him. She didn’t abandon him. Instead, because Elena unconditionally loves Stefan, she supported him and helped him get through the rough patch. Even though Elena knew that her life would be at risk. Even though Elena knew that Stefan could over power her, and harm her physically. Elena didn’t care, because she was willing to take that risk if it meant being there for Stefan and supporting him through his struggles. Or how about all of the shit that Elena went through in terms of her Doppleganger Curse, or her family issues. Stefan was there for her, right by her side through all of that. And he never walked away, even though Stefan was facing some issues within himself. Because when it comes to Stefan, Elena’s issues are his issues as well, and vice versa. Because like I have mentioned before, Stefan/Elena are on the same wavelength. Elena went through so much in season 2 because of the whole curse issue and her life being at risk in terms of survival but Stefan stuck by her side the whole way through. Because Stefan unconditionally loves, trusts and accepts Elena. Stefan knows that Elena is an ordinary 17 year old human girl with loads of personal troubles. And he’s a century old immortal beast who also has personal issues and has struggled with them for a long period of time. What about the time when Elena wanted to give up on life in season 2? When she just felt like sacrificing herself to keep her loved ones safe, with Stefan being one of them. STEFAN WAS RIGHT THERE BESIDE HER, TELLING HER TO NOT GIVE UP! He didn’t force her, he didn’t command her, he communicated to her about not giving up on her life, because he unconditionally loves her so much. What about when Elena stood by Stefan in season 1, when he was having human blood issues and was feeling guilty for the things he had done in the past? When Stefan felt like ending his immortal life because of it? Elena was there for him out of unconditional love, telling him to keep fighting, but she also gave him a choice. She didn’t force him, but she gave him a choice. And this is what unconditional trust and love is all about. Not forcing the other to agree with you or see things your way, but always giving each other freedom, giving each other a choice. Also, the reason why Elena has come to ever “accept” Damon in any way, even as her friend, is because of Elena’s unconditional love for Stefan. If Elena didn’t love Stefan in the way that she does, she would probably not want to have anything to do with Damon, especially after all the shit that he has done to hurt her directly and after all the trouble he has caused. So believe it or not, Elena accepts Damon, because she she unconditionally loves and accepts Stefan. Because Damon is a part of Stefan and Stefan is connected to Damon. They are blood and they are brothers. Despite all of the issues that Damon/Stefan have with each other going way back, Stefan and Damon still unconditionally love each other simply because they are family. Let’s be realistic here: if Damon wasn’t related to Stefan at all, do you really honestly believe that Elena would accept Damon whatsoever, after he has done all of the shit to hurt her directly? After all that he’s done to hurt her friends and family? Elena forgives Damon the way she does, because of STEFAN. Because Stefan unconditionally forgives Damon, because that is his brother. Stefan always tries to believe in his elder brother, no matter what he does, because Stefan has unconditional love for Damon. Well, it’s the same thing when it comes to Elena and Stefan. Elena was and is willing to tolerate and accept Damon, because of her love for Stefan. Because I can assure you, if Damon wasn’t in any way related to Stefan, Elena wouldn’t forgive Damon at all. Not with her being the kind of individual who has morals and values. And not with Elena being the complete and total polar opposite of Damon is all areas imaginable. Elena has befriended Damon out of love for Stefan, out of unconditional love. Because Elena knows that Damon is always going to be a part of Stefan and that Stefan is always going to be eternally connected to Damon. And because of this, because of her love for Stefan, she has had to learn to tolerate and even accept Damon, JUST BECAUSE OF HER LOVE FOR STEFAN, HER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. What about the time when Elena told Stefan to bite her wrist and take her blood when he was almost on the verge of dying? Stefan told her no, that he wouldn’t take her blood and that he would rather die then drink any drop of her blood. But Elena didn’t run away, she refused to run away and let Stefan die. So what did Elena do? She told Stefan that she trusted him and that it was OK for him to do it. Elena desperately wanted Stefan to bite her wrist, even though Elena knew that she might die. Even though Elena knew that it was risking her own life. Elena was putting Stefan before her self and this is part of unconditional love. Because unconditional love is selfless. Elena trusted Stefan that he would drink her blood and he would know when to stop. And she did it to save his life and to protect him. Or what about the time when Elena offered Stefan her own blood over the course of season 2? There was that unconditional trust between them that they share; that made Elena completely alright with sharing her blood with Stefan. Because that is part of the sacred bond that Stefan/Elena share with each other. This “sacred act” of sharing blood is especially existent in the novel series. Stefan/Elena have shared blood with each other since the very beginning of the TVD novel series. Elena trusted Stefan immediately after she found out that he was a vampire and she let him drink her blood, out of both unconditional love and trust for him. If it was some other guy who was a vampire and she had just discovered his dark secret, Elena would NEVER do that with him. She would never share her own life essence with someone who’s a beast, someone who could hurt her and kill her. But because it’s STEFAN, someone whom she has unconditional love and trust for, she did it without hesitating, still knowing the risk of him draining her and her becoming a vampire at the same time because of Stefan giving Elena his vampire blood. This blood exchange between Stefan/Elena in the novels has always been viewed as a sacred and intimate act between two unconditional lovers who would ultimately die for each other and sacrifice their own lives for each other selflessly (as Elena has already done twice for Stefan in the novel series). So, Stefan/Elena have done and engaged in all of these situations and have been through all of these things together because they both unconditionally love, accept and trust each other. This is ultimately what it comes down to when it comes to Stefan/Elena’s relationship and this is the basis of their relationship to begin with: unconditional love.
3. Stefan/Elena Isn’t A Controlling Or Dominating Relationship.
One of the reasons why I love Stefan/Elena’s relationship so much is the fact that Stefan never tries to control Elena and tell her what to do. Stefan never tries to dominate her life and he has always given her something that I believe is so incredibly crucial in a healthy relationship, which is freedom and choice. To me, a relationship can never be successful unless there is a certain amount of freedom and choice between the two individuals. And that freedom and choice ultimately stems from unconditional trust between the two people. Stefan lets Elena think for herself and he treats her like she is a competent individual. On the contrary, Damon treats Elena in the opposite way. Damon tries to control Elena and he does so in the most extreme manner. Damon is so desperate for Elena to love him, that he has done some unforgivable things to Elena. For example, in 2x20 “The Last Day”, Damon was so desperate to keep Elena alive (for himself, no one else), that he did something so extreme and out of the ordinary by forcing his vampire blood down her throat. I don’t care what anyone says but to me, that is a form of personal violation and yes, I would call it a form of rape. I say this because he forced himself on her in the sense that giving someone their vampire blood is considered to be sort of a sexual act, especially in the TVD world. So, in my eyes, it’s a form of violation against Elena. You don’t force something on someone for your own selfish purposes. This is what Damon did with Elena in that episode and I found it absolutely unacceptable and atrocious. Stefan, on the other hand, bitched Damon out and told Damon to his face how he could take that “choice” away from her. That choice being to become an immortal and giving up her humanity/human life. Stefan would NEVER EVER do something like what Damon did to Elena, ever. Why? Because like I said, Stefan let’s Elena make her own personal decisions and choices, even if he doesn’t agree with them or agree with her. Even if it may be killing him on the inside, he still respects and accepts her choices because Stefan doesn’t try to control her life in any way. Just because Stefan is so much more powerful then Elena, especially in a physical sense, doesn’t mean that he will in any way try to intimidate, overpower and control her in any way possible. The reason for this is plain and simple: Stefan respects Elena unconditionally. When Stefan and Elena talked in 2x20 “The Last Day” about immortality and Elena’s possible future as a vampire, Stefan accepted the fact that Elena never wanted to become a vampire. Even though Elena loves Stefan so much, she still didn’t want to give up her humanity, her own human life. And Stefan didn’t want that life for her either. But at the same time, he said that if it were up to him, he would want to spend eternity with her, but because he respects her so much, he completely understood where she was coming from and was very sympathetic as well as supportive of her wishes. If Stefan was controlling over Elena, then he would be selfish and he would do the exact same thing that Damon did, which is basically force immortality on Elena at all costs, even if it’s something that she doesn’t want. Also, Stefan doesn’t manhandle Elena physically the way that Damon does. Damon uses force to try to control Elena and to me, that is a HUGE RED FLAG. Damon is too controlling and possessive over Elena and he treats her like she is an incapable and incompetent child that has no mind of her own and can’t think for herself. Is that how you treat someone you supposedly love and care about? And no, Damon isn’t being protective over Elena, so that can be tossed out the window. DAMON IS BEING PLAIN CONTROLLING AND POSSESSIVE OVER ELENA. And that is not cool. I can’t say that it’s Damon’s fault however, because unfortunately, this is just the kind of impact and effect that Elena Gilbert has on Damon Salvatore and this is NEVER going to change. The fact of the matter is that Damon is always going to treat Elena like she is an incompetent child that can’t think for herself and even if he tries to tuck his possessive, controlling behaviour over Elena away, it will always show up sooner then later. Because like I said, this is just the kind of impact that Elena has on Damon and this is something that will be impossible to change. Damon will never give Elena a choice and he will never understand that concept of freedom and choice when it comes to Elena, because he DOESN’T UNDERSTAND ELENA AS AN INDIVIDUAL. Stefan, on the other hand, is not controlling or possessive over Elena, but rather protective of her in a healthy way. Stefan will do anything to protect her no matter what, but he will no way control, intimidate or dominate Elena in any way shape or form just so that Elena agrees with him [Stefan] under any circumstances. When it comes to Stefan with Elena, it’s not his way or the highway. It’s HER way and Stefan accepts it and understands it, because he accepts and understands her [Elena]. The reason why Damon is so incredibly domineering and controlling in regards to Elena is because he simply doesn’t understand her and he also doesn’t respect her a person. And this is something that can’t be forced, and it can’t be taught. Unconditional respect for someone is natural, but at the same time, it’s completely rare. The reason why it occurs in Stefan/Elena’s relationship, this unconditional respect is because of the kind of love that they share. The kind of love that Stefan/Elena share is a rare kind of love. Their relationship is not about hearts and flowers. If anyone out there believes that Stefan/Elena’s relationship is all about the sappy garbage of roses, chocolates and reciting sappy romantic poetry, THINK AGAIN. Because you are mistaken. I have said this plenty of times before. Elena is not a possession for Stefan. Stefan doesn’t have ownership over Elena and he doesn’t own her like she is a piece of property. Elena Gilbert is not a piece of property to Stefan Salvatore and Stefan knows this because he feels absolutely no need to control her or possess her in any way, shape or form in the first place. Their kind of love would simply not tolerate or stand for it whatsoever. Because the kind of love and the kind of relationship that Stefan/Elena have, it’s the ultimate kind of love. Their relationship is the ultimate union between two individuals. Their love is not a selfish love based on their own selfish and personal merits. Stefan/Elena’s relationship is not about THEM, it’s about others and it’s also about giving to the other without expecting anything in return. Part of the reason why Stefan doesn’t control Elena is because their relationship is entirely selfless on all levels. If Stefan/Elena’s relationship was the classic, ordinary, toxic, “human love” relationship, then it would involve control and possession. Which leads me onto my next reason as to why I support Stefan/Elena.
4. Stefan/Elena’s Relationship Is Selfless And Giving.
Most relationships are about “What’s in it for me?” Well, in Stefan/Elena’s case, it’s more about “What’s in it for you?” or “What’s in it for others?” This is the biggest reason why Stefan/Elena is such a selfless dynamic. Let’s start with the fact that Stefan isn’t selfish when it comes to Elena having a friendship with his brother, Damon. If Stefan was selfish, he wouldn’t let Elena be anywhere near Damon, never mind befriending him, being there for him, supporting him and helping him the way that she does. Because Stefan is so selfless with Elena, he lets her befriend Damon, even at the risk of Elena possibly developing feelings for him and developing a bond with him. And on top of it, Stefan selflessly lets Elena develop a friendship with Damon knowing the risk that history could very well repeat itself in regards to himself, Elena and Damon. It’s not like Stefan doesn’t know what is possible and what could happen as a result of Damon/Elena bonding. Stefan knows. But because of Stefan’s selflessness and his selfless love for Elena, he is willing to take that risk. He is willing to just let it happen. And even now, Stefan knows that Damon is in love with Elena and he completely and selflessly accepts it, even though it may seriously hurt their relationship. This is a huge example of Stefan’s love for Elena being selfless. It’s the same for the novel series. In the books, Stefan loves Elena so selflessly, that he would be willing to give Elena (who is the only reason for his existence and the only reason his immortal heart is still beating) up to his brother Damon, if that is what she really wanted. Because Stefan/Elena have a selfless love. Elena in the novels (as much as I can’t stand her as an individual character) is completely and totally selfless when it comes to Stefan. She loves him so much, so unconditionally and so selflessly, that she is willing to give her own life essence to him (her blood) even at the risk of her dying because of it, or her changing into an immortal. Elena loves Stefan so selflessly that she has even died for him twice in this series in order to protect him. Elena loves Stefan so selflessly that she is willing to go through hell and back (travel to the Dark Dimension prison where Stefan was being held captive) in order to protect Stefan and be with him. She will do anything for him at all costs, no matter what. It’s similar to what Bonnie does for Damon in the book series. Bonnie loves Damon so selflessly and unconditionally, that she would do anything for him. She unconditionally loves, trusts and forgives Damon even if he treats her so badly. This is the power of both selfless and unconditional love. Or how about the fact that Bonnie in the books knows that Damon has strong feelings for Elena and Elena has feelings for Damon as well, and even though it is absolutely killing Bonnie on the inside that this is the reality, selflessly accepts that Damon/Elena have feelings for each other, even though Bonnie loves Damon so much. If she was selfish in regards to her love for Damon, she would sabotage her friendship with her best friend, Elena in order to be with Damon, but she never ever did that. And at the same time, she completely accepted and respected Damon’s feelings for Elena as well. THIS IS THE PRIME EXAMPLE OF SELFLESS LOVE. Unlike the dynamics of Stefan/Elena and Damon/Bonnie in the books, Damon/Elena is a SELFISH LOVE. It’s all about “What’s in it for me?” It’s all about getting, not giving. There is no genuine selflessness between Damon/Elena in both the books and on the show, but especially in the books. Damon/Elena is a polar opposite dynamic to Stefan/Elena in terms of giving and selflessness. On the show, take 2x20 “The Last Day”, when Stefan found out that Elena never wanted immortality and she never wanted to become a vampire in the future? What did Stefan do? He selflessly accepted it; he selflessly accepted Elena’s wishes and choice. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ABSOLUTELY KILLING HIM AND TEARING HIM APART INSIDE! Because before Elena had confessed the truth to Stefan regarding her choice of immortality, Stefan told her straight to her face, that if it were up to him, he would want to be with her forever, he’d want to spend eternity with her. But because Stefan is so selfless when it comes to Elena, he completely accepted her choice and told her that he wouldn’t force immortality (a life that Elena never wanted in the first place) upon her because it would be completely and utterly selfish of him to do that. And something inside of Stefan just couldn’t do that to Elena. The love that Stefan has for Elena and the love that Stefan/Elena share between each other, simply wouldn’t allow it in the first place. This is all about Stefan respecting Elena. The reason why Stefan/Elena are so selfless with each other is because they have unconditional respect for each other and like I have repeatedly said, this kind of thing cannot be forced whatsoever. How about the time, when Elena was willing to share blood with Stefan, just so that Stefan could gain resistance to human blood over time and learn to control himself on it. This was a selfless act that Elena was doing for Stefan. It was about him, not her. She didn’t care about herself at that point, it was about what would benefit Stefan. Aside from the selflessness between Stefan/Elena and all of the selfless acts that they have committed for each other, Stefan/Elena’s relationship and love is also selfless in the fact that their relationship is about others. Their relationship is about being of service to others. Their relationship is for humanity, for the greater good. Stefan/Elena, as you have seen throughout the course of the entire series, both book and show, have been selflessly willing to risk their own lives in order to protect the people that they love and care about. Stefan also does that by selflessly willing to put himself in the line of fire for Elena’s loved ones (people like Bonnie, Caroline, Jeremy and Jenna). The same way that Elena has been willing to befriend Damon and protect him the way that she has is all about her selfless service to other people. She is willing to selflessly put herself in the line of fire to protect everyone she cares about. Before Elena met Stefan, I’m not so sure she was willing to do such a thing. I’m sure she would be just as protective over her loved ones before as she is now, but I think her relationship with Stefan has basically been a huge wake up call for Elena, both in the books and on the show, to become a significantly selfless, noble and giving individual. Because in the books, Elena was the most selfish person there was, a girl who thought that the world began and ended with her. Stefan coming into her Elena’s life has basically opened Elena’s eyes and has taught her the concept of selfless, unconditional love. Stefan was Elena’s wake up call and Elena was Stefan’s wake up call. Stefan/Elena brought each other back to life and if they had never met, then they would still be those two dead souls, one a human and one a vampire, who would ultimately be lifeless on the inside.
So, these are some (note: some) of my reasons for supporting Stelena. I would list a bunch more, but then it would turn into a novel. For the reasons that I listed above, this is why the relationship of Stefan/Elena is so incredibly epic and also, why I consider Stefan/Elena to be TVD’s Power Couple.
-N. ♥♡
