Now hold on a minute, not all of these are mine, some I randomly heard them and some are mine. Anyway, I hope you guys like them. ;]
I posted this article on the Random spot too so I said why not post it here, after all this is the right place. Hope you like it. Thanks for reading. ;)
"Why, do you find me irresistible?"
"No, I just dress better than you"
"You're a double gay. No returnsies!"
"I love the second grade insults, *insert name here*. Honestly, isn't it strange how "gay" has come to replace "stupid"? And so what if I was gay? Insulting my sexual orientation is pointless.
NOW...if a girl says you're gay, and you actually are, I find the best burn is: "At least I can get a boyfriend."
Look them in the face with a deadpan expression. Simply say, "Yes. I'm gay," and walk away. Take their thunder away. It's such a juvenile thing to say in the first place.
Or just say, "Well, I guess you'd be the one to know."
I'd just say "Whoaaa. I know you have fantasies but keep them to yourself."
"why, you interested"? :) :)
That's not what your mom said last night.
'And...? This concerns you because...?'
Gay is not an offensive thing to be called. SO I would take it more as a statement than an offense.
At least I'm not a homophobe.
Well honey, I guess you would know better than anyone would since you were biting the pillow last night.”
What tipped you off, my great sense of style, biting wit or was it your GAYDAR honey?
"I'm not even going to acknowledge your stupidity and close mindedness.' and walk away. It's not worth getting into a pissing match over. Pick your battles.
"It takes one to know one" always worked well for me.
It belittles the homophobe within his own warped value-system, without belittling you. It's rather childish of course, and is not of course 100% literally true, but although I haven't actually used it in 30-odd years (not having been called gay for a while), I've often had cause to reflect on its essential wisdom. Many gay-bashers are hiding, I believe, something of a pink streak within themselves.
Must admit the best reply I ever heard was to a real bit brute of a fella and he was totally shocked.
The big fella said "Oi are you bent"
Quick reply was " Why have you got a crooked cock"
That was the end of that.
"Is that a statement or a come-on?"
YES I am HAPPY have you got a problem with that?
"I wear glasses as well. Just in case you didn't notice."
"Usually when one accuses another of being homosexual, it is simply to cover up their own fears and insecurities and thoughts about being homosexual themselves".
o0o0o0o baby you would know, then blow a kiss at them.
"And why exactly would you want to know...?"
Then turn and walk casually away.
Don't even play their silly little game by trying to make a "Comeback".
"Does the term get a life mean anything to you?"
Or there's always the classic- give him a pitying look and walk away.
No, I'm ecstatic!!!, say it with a massive grin on your face.
"Yea, so blow me"
"ooof, you find me cute, don't you ;)"
Just say, If you don't tell anyone that I have a wooden penis then I wont tell anyone that you have splinters in your mouth.
Thanks. And I'm an adult too."
And walk away.
Why bother staying near idiots like this?
''And you're cute!''
Don't forget a 'menacing smile' yo...
Don't hate Me because you aren't me!
And you're what? Sad?
Well, if you AREN'T gay or bi, and the person who's asking is the same sex you are, try, "If you're looking for a date, you're going to have to look somewhere else; I can't help you."
OR -- "I don't know what you need, but you're not going to find it here."
OR -- "What's bugging you? Something to hide? You pulling a Larry Craig on us?"
Larry Craig is the conservative Republican "pro-family" U.S. Senator from Idaho who has been hateful to gay people to try to cover up that he, himself, has sex with strange men in public washrooms (despite having a female spouse back home.)
You want to avoid answers that insult gay people. You want an answer that insults or at least deflects the person who is starting the anti-gay attack on you.
I deleted it, it was duplicate.
What kind of "cable" do you get. It looks like you have DSL.
Well, I prefer to be known as jolly or happy, but I appreciate you wanting to include me in your social group.
In my case, "No, only halfway." :)
Are you dropping hints .. and if you are .. sorry you're not my type .. that's what I'll say .. LOL .. hey not that I'm gay ..
You weren't complaining last night!
"I', sorry if I misled you. I prefer the opposite sex so I would not be a fun date, but we can still be friends."
You only say that because I turned down your boyfriend.
At least I know the difference between “you're” and “your”.
You may want to say so are many other people and that is not very nice! It is your choice what you want to be in your own ways! Many people are gay but that does not bother most people and it doesn't bother me!
And you're point is.....
I'm sorry I know you want me to be a homosexual so we can hook up but I'm really not gay so it just wouldn't work between us.
"Is there a problem with being happy?" (using gay as a derogative term, as I sense that this is..is nothing more than ignorance and tells a lot about the person saying it) Don't worry be gay!
"I thought we were going to keep this quiet until we're both ready to come out".
.. And you find me attractive?
'Say'no I'm not gay, but hey but you don't need to take my word for it just ask your mom.
You're straight. Thanks for the observation.
'thank god, I didn't think you felt the same, come here lover!"
In fact I am gay. if you're intention is to insult me at least put some thought into it.
I may be happy (gay)but ,not desperate enough to want to go out with you....
Want my number?
Best comeback for guys when another guy says you're gay just look at him and point to you're Penis and when he looks just say who's gay now? and walk away.
If this is high-school- first, is there anything about that statement that hits closer to home than you would like? If there is, deal with this immediately, and then bite the bullet-
whatever any foul idiot with no imagination calls you, say yes. After you agree with them, there is nothing more they can do. Turn it around, and throw it back in their face. I was tormented through high-school, middle-school, elementary school- you name it. Ugly, a lesbian, a witch, whatever. Say yes. They stopped calling me everything after I agreed with them. When they called me a lesbian, I put the two fingered V up to my mouth and flicked my tongue, and the guys taunting me flipped out and ran away- no joke. These tormentors will not stop immediately, because they're testing you, but hold firm. When you do not react, they can not hurt you.
How about "if you have a problem with that, then you are the one with the problem"
Pucker up and say " Your place or mine?"
Like Jerry Seinfeld said "not that there is anything wrong with that"
'So is your face!'
Please note that the fir st reply doesn't work if the person is your brother or sister...
Seriously, though. If someone calls you gay with a genuine intention to hurt you based on your sexuality, let them. Tell them they're right, or wrong as the case may be. A person that crude and insensitive doesn't deserve your attention.
"Your mother (if you're a girl) didn't seem to mind."
"Your father (if you're a boy) didn't seem to mind."
You say "yes I do find myself to be a very happy person." or say "that's not my name at all, you should really try to keep your names/faces in order."
Gay has many different meanings and is also a name.
How about "Hey, ducky, you're the one whose dating me."
"Not without dinner and a movie first!"
Why? Are you looking for a date?
I'm sorry, but I just don't like you like that. Sorry things didn't turn out for you.
"I never noticed before but you have a great butt, honey" *blow kiss/wink and walk off*
"But I thought you liked it last night" *pout*
"No, but your girlfriend/mom/sister sure does love anal!"
Damn Skippy! Now dip me chocolate and throw me to the lesbians!
Bend over and lets find out :P
You better believe it baby, now turn around and I'll show you how it's done.
"would you please excuse me, and walk away".
Well if the other person is of the same sex as you, you can always say something like " Just because I am hot does not mean I am yours!"
LOL...This has happened to me...Another female told everyone I was a lesbian. I confronted her...She of course played it up for her friends, and as she was walking away, I grabbed her and kissed her. Am I a lesbian? No. Did she ever say anything about me again? No. Muahahaha
OH darling, that coming from someone who gave me a good blow job last night.
Oh am I? Tell me about it.
I know you are but what am I? (I always find that so lame it just cracks me up)
"I'm not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is!"
If they don't like it tell the straighties to stop making gay babies.
Why! I didn't know YOU were gay? ..You're not?...Then why are you giving me a physical appraisal?
Jack: "Hello, are you Gay?"
Gay: "Yes Jack, Nice to meet you"
And you're about as straight as a circle.
So is your Dad, look how you turned out.
For a kid: "They say gays have the best gaydar!" (or equivalent "takes one to know one")
Showing you don't care ("I support gay people" "What, are you GAY?" "Um, yeah, because the fact I've just stuck up for gays means I'd be reeeeeeeeally insulted if a bigot thought I was one.")
If you're an adult, though? Seriously, who gives two shits? It's not an insult, and when people mean it as an insult it's just a quick way for you to find out they're not worth your time.
Yeah.... In your wet dreams .
Isn't it weird how we can always recognize another gay?
With a deadpan expression, and a flat toneless voice -
"gosh that really is a killer insult...."
followed by a big yawn.
Would it significantly raise your IQ if I was?
At least when I look into a mirror, I don't break it!
Are you free Saturday night?
If it's a girl:
"Sorry to disappoint."
"You're right! I AM a happy person!"
"Did you find that in a trash can? It kinda stinks..."
"YOU'D wanna know."
"Sorry, bud. Not interested."
"is that your face, or did your neck throw up on you?"
"If you were looking in the mirror, I'd say the same."
Why'd you say that, are you fantasizing about me again?
"Only in your wildest dreams"
"AWW! Acting a whittle tough just cause you can't have me?
"Get your pants off and we'll test that theory"
"Only for you, sexy!"
"your mom/dad sure found out"-OH by the way is he/she free this Saturday night?
"your mother/father tells me that all the time"
"I know that you are jealous but do try to understand sweetie that I am just not attracted to bitches/dickheads so go find another girl/guy to have a crush on" and if he/she says he/she doesn't have a crush on you say "that's funny you are giving me all this attention and not on the guys/girls why is that"
Or "I am not the one that's oppressing about it do you have something you want to tell us" and if he/she says that he/she is not oppressing about being a gay then say "hey I am not the one who has said the word gay "x" times there's nothing wrong with you being sexually attracted to women/men"
You know what? I would absolutely LOVE to see life from your point of view, but I simply can't seem to stick my head THAT far up my ass.
Is that an offer?
I know that's your sexual fantasy.
Give them a condescending look and say "Well, yeah, that's why I don't have time for small-minded fuckwits like yourself."
Yeah, Gay like a Fox!!
How about "no shit?!" :) congratulations you aren't so stupid after all.
Okay, these are a lot, well I was bored. :]