I really hope you like this article. Please... Do not use this article without my permission. The quotes and the images aren't mine, but the article is, so please don't use it. I hope that doesn't bother you.
Leonard Leakey Hofstadter
Season 1
Leonard: I love cheesecake.
Sheldon: You're lactose-intolerant.
Leonard: I don't eat it. I just think it's a good idea.
''Pilot''.
Penny: Would it be weird if I used your shower?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: (to Sheldon) No!
Sheldon: No?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: (to Penny) No.
''Pilot''.
Sheldon: I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom is our living room and just outside our living room is that hallway and immediately adjacent to that hallway is [Penny's messed up apartment]!
Leonard: Do you realize if Penny wakes up there's no reasonable explanation to why we are here?
Sheldon: I just gave you a reasonable explanation.
Leonard: No, no. You gave me an explanation. Its reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers.
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.
Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.
Wolowitz: So, how’d it go with Leslie?
Leonard: Oh, we tried kissing, but the earth didn’t move… I mean any more than the 383 miles it was gonna move anyway!
'The Fuzzy Boots Corollary''
Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
Leonard: Well, you did call him a "glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."
Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that with, "with all due respect."
''The Luminous Fish Effect''.
Mary Cooper: (looking at Leonard and Penny, who happen to be sitting next to each other) You know, you two make a cute couple.
Leonard: No, no we're not, we're not a couple, we're single, two singles, like those individually wrapped slices of cheese that are friends.
''The Luminous Fish Effect''.
Leonard: Homo habilis discovering his opposable thumbs says what?
Kurt: What?
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Penny: Why can't all guys be like you?
Leonard: Because if all guys were like me the human race couldn't survive.
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Leonard: That's right! Cuz' that's how we roll in the Shire!
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Leonard: If he [Penny's boyfriend, Kurt] were any bigger, he'd have moons orbiting him.
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Penny: Boy, you're really smart.
Leonard: Yeah, I'm a freaking genius.
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
(Leonard, Sheldon, Raj, and Howard are all dressed as the Flash and they are deciding who will be what.)
Leonard: I call Frodo!
Sheldon, Raj, and Howard: (together) Damn!
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Penny: (Barges into apartment) Hey, guys! My friends and I got tired of dancing so we came over to have sex with you.
(The guys continue to play Halo).
Penny: Told ya.
(Penny and her friends leave).
Sheldon: Why did you hit pause?
Leonard: I thought I heard something.
Rajesh: What?
Leonard: No, never mind.
''The Dumpling Paradox''.
Sheldon: When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read [The Monkey and the Princess] to me. It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different. For some reason I related to it quite strongly.
Penny: I know the reason.
Leonard: We all know the reason.
''The Grasshopper Experiment''.
Penny: I need some guinea pigs.
Sheldon: Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you can try. But if your research is going to have human applications, may I suggest white mice? Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.
Penny: I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.
Leonard: His mom's been saying that for years.
''The Grasshopper Experiment''.
Penny: Ok, here you go Leonard. One tequila sunrise!
Leonard: Thank you! You know, this drink is a wonderful example of how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container!
''The Grasshopper Experiment''.
Wolowitz: I just checked the house. There's probably 20, 25 people in there.
Leonard: You're kidding!
Penny: Is that all?
Leonard: "All?" In particle physics, 25 is Woodstock.
"The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization".
Wolowitz: We need a hot 15-year-old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Howard, that's racist. Any fifteen year old girl will do the trick.
"The Jerusalem Duality".
*Leonard, Howard & Raj are avoiding hypochondriac Sheldon at the cinema & Penny calls Leonard.*
Leonard (to Howard & Raj): Sheldon is at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard (to Penny): Just tell him to go home.
Penny: Well, he won't leave. He says he's afraid he'll pass out on the bus and someone will harvest his organs.
Leonard (to Howard & Raj): He is paranoid and he has established a nest.
''The Pancake Batter Anomaly''.
Sheldon: Wait, put this in the bathroom.
Leonard: What for?
Sheldon: I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
Leonard: I mix pancake batter in this!
Sheldon: No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
Leonard: You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make a label that said ''Urine cup''?
Sheldon: It's right here on the bottom.
Leonard: Huh, I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company a letter of apology.
''The Pancake Batter Anomaly''.
Raj: How about Lasik?
Leonard: You want me to get eye surgery?
Raj: Would you rather go back to the apartment and deal with Sheldon or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?
Howard: Well?
Leonard:I'm thinking!
''The Pancake Batter Anomaly''.
Leonard: My parents focused on celebrating achievements and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them.
''The Peanut Reaction''.
Leonard: Why are you learning Chinese?
Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them.
Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned about what they're passing off as chicken.
''The Tangerine Factor''.
Season 2
Wolowitz: Leonard, how was your date?
Leonard: Bite me!
''The Bad Fish Paradigm''.
Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad.
Howard: He can feel sadness?
Leonard: Not really. It's what you and I would call condescension.
''The Griffin Equivalency''.
Sheldon: You know, this situation with Koothrappali brings to mind a story from my childhood.
Howard: Oh, goody, more tales from the Panhandle.
Sheldon: That's Northwest Texas. I'm from East Texas, the Gulf region. Home to many Vietnamese shrimpers.
Leonard: Do the shrimpers feature in your story?
Sheldon: No. Anyway, when I was eight, a Montgomery Ward delivery van ran over our family cat, Lucky.
Howard: Lucky?
Sheldon: Yes, Lucky.
Leonard: He's irony-impaired. Just move on.
Howard: Ok, dead cat named Lucky. Continue.
''The Griffin Equivalency''.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the problem is NOT solved. If your HEAD had been accidentally amputated and we transplanted a dog's head in its place, would that be problem solved?
Leonard: If it were your head it would be.
''The Cushion Saturation''.
Penny: Ok, ok, how about this. We tell him somebody broke in?
Leonard: Just to shoot the couch with the paint ball gun?
Penny: I'm sorry, I'll buy it. All those people are on drugs.
Leonard: We can tell him they wanted the couch to stay away from their boyfriend.
''The Cushion Saturation''.
Sheldon: Is my hamburger medium-well?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Dill slices not sweet?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Individual relish packets?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Onion rings?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Extra-breading?
Leonard: I asked.
Sheldon: What did they say?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Did you protest?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Vociferously?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then what took you so long?
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.
Leonard: (Discussing Sheldon). Yeah, yeah, ah, see here's the thing, after you leave, I still have to live with him.
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.
Wolowitz (watching America's Next Top Model): Oh, look! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No, wait! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of... what a coincidence... is the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.
Sheldon: *On cinoyter screen* Greetings, hamburger toucher. You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you heart various things. Well, this recorded message is alerting you that I am putting an end to your parasitic piggybacking upon our WiFi. If you want to remedy the situation you can contact the phone company, set up your own WiFi and pay for it, or you may apologize to me.
Penny: Well?
Leonard: I reiterate, knuckle under.
Penny: No, no, no, no, no. It is on. I am gonna introduce your friend to a world of hurt.
Leonard: Oh, Penny, you don't want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy is one lab accident away from being a supervillain.
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.
Howard: Behold the Mobile Omni-Directional Neutralization and Termination Eraticator! Or...
Leonard, Sheldon,Howard, Rajesh: (Said reverently) Mon-te...
''The Killer Robot Instability''.
Sheldon: This is an auspicious moment, like Robert Oppenhiemer or Neil Armstrong, we need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event.
Rajesh: How about, die toaster, die!
Leonard: That'll do it!
''The Killer Robot Instability''.
Sheldon: Please. We're facing a far more serious problem than stray arachnids.
Leonard: It's not so bad.
Sheldon: Not bad? It's horrible. You hear stories about this things, but you never think it'll happen to you.
Leonard:So they steamed your dumplings. Get over it.
''The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition''.
Leonard: Thanks for close captioning my pain, Raj.
''The Classified Materials Turbulence''.
Season 3
Leonard: Ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction in the nerve cells and stimulates re-uptake receptors of inhibitory neurotransmitters like gamma-amino butyric acid.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.
Leonard: Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat!
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Leonard: How about that, Einstein was wrong.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Approaching the speed of light doesn't slow down time, approaching them [Howard and his date] does.
''The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary''.
Leonard:What am I supposed to say? Sure, Penny, I'm cool with having your old boyfriend sleep in your apartment.
Leonard imitating Penny: Well, Leonard, it does'nt matter if you're cool or not, 'cause I'm penny and I'm pretty and I can do whatever the hell I want.
''The Guitarist Amplification''.
Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
''The Maternal Congruence''.
Leonard: Black beans, not pinto beans?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Double guacamole?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: You understand why I'm doing this?
Sheldon: I do.
Leonard: That will be all.
''The Einstein Approximation''.
Sheldon: Oh, by the way, I was watching you sleep for a moment, and I noticed that your snoring seems to be worse when you're on your back.
Penny: Leonard doesn't snore.
Sheldon: I wasn't talking to Leonard.
Leonard (to Penny): Told ya.
''The Einstein Approximation''.
Sheldon: What self-important preening fraud are they honoring this year?
Leonard: I'm so glad you asked it like that. You!
''The Pants Alternative''.
Season 4
Leonard: Oh my god! You ran over a hobo!
The Hot Troll Deviation''.
Leonard: (To Sheldon) Sometimes your movements are so life like I forget you are not a real boy.
The Hot Troll Deviation''.
--
I hope you enjoyed the article. :)
IMPORTANT:
Again: Please.. please don't use this article. They're not my quotes or my images, but it's my article.
And another thing. I found the icon (the first image) here: link
--
And, if you want, you can add more Leonard Hofstadter quotes in the comments.
Leonard Leakey Hofstadter
Season 1
Leonard: I love cheesecake.
Sheldon: You're lactose-intolerant.
Leonard: I don't eat it. I just think it's a good idea.
''Pilot''.
Penny: Would it be weird if I used your shower?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: (to Sheldon) No!
Sheldon: No?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: (to Penny) No.
''Pilot''.
Sheldon: I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom is our living room and just outside our living room is that hallway and immediately adjacent to that hallway is [Penny's messed up apartment]!
Leonard: Do you realize if Penny wakes up there's no reasonable explanation to why we are here?
Sheldon: I just gave you a reasonable explanation.
Leonard: No, no. You gave me an explanation. Its reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers.
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.
Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.
Wolowitz: So, how’d it go with Leslie?
Leonard: Oh, we tried kissing, but the earth didn’t move… I mean any more than the 383 miles it was gonna move anyway!
'The Fuzzy Boots Corollary''
Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
Leonard: Well, you did call him a "glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."
Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that with, "with all due respect."
''The Luminous Fish Effect''.
Mary Cooper: (looking at Leonard and Penny, who happen to be sitting next to each other) You know, you two make a cute couple.
Leonard: No, no we're not, we're not a couple, we're single, two singles, like those individually wrapped slices of cheese that are friends.
''The Luminous Fish Effect''.
Leonard: Homo habilis discovering his opposable thumbs says what?
Kurt: What?
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Penny: Why can't all guys be like you?
Leonard: Because if all guys were like me the human race couldn't survive.
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Leonard: That's right! Cuz' that's how we roll in the Shire!
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Leonard: If he [Penny's boyfriend, Kurt] were any bigger, he'd have moons orbiting him.
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Penny: Boy, you're really smart.
Leonard: Yeah, I'm a freaking genius.
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
(Leonard, Sheldon, Raj, and Howard are all dressed as the Flash and they are deciding who will be what.)
Leonard: I call Frodo!
Sheldon, Raj, and Howard: (together) Damn!
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Penny: (Barges into apartment) Hey, guys! My friends and I got tired of dancing so we came over to have sex with you.
(The guys continue to play Halo).
Penny: Told ya.
(Penny and her friends leave).
Sheldon: Why did you hit pause?
Leonard: I thought I heard something.
Rajesh: What?
Leonard: No, never mind.
''The Dumpling Paradox''.
Sheldon: When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read [The Monkey and the Princess] to me. It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different. For some reason I related to it quite strongly.
Penny: I know the reason.
Leonard: We all know the reason.
''The Grasshopper Experiment''.
Penny: I need some guinea pigs.
Sheldon: Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you can try. But if your research is going to have human applications, may I suggest white mice? Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.
Penny: I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.
Leonard: His mom's been saying that for years.
''The Grasshopper Experiment''.
Penny: Ok, here you go Leonard. One tequila sunrise!
Leonard: Thank you! You know, this drink is a wonderful example of how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container!
''The Grasshopper Experiment''.
Wolowitz: I just checked the house. There's probably 20, 25 people in there.
Leonard: You're kidding!
Penny: Is that all?
Leonard: "All?" In particle physics, 25 is Woodstock.
"The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization".
Wolowitz: We need a hot 15-year-old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Howard, that's racist. Any fifteen year old girl will do the trick.
"The Jerusalem Duality".
*Leonard, Howard & Raj are avoiding hypochondriac Sheldon at the cinema & Penny calls Leonard.*
Leonard (to Howard & Raj): Sheldon is at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard (to Penny): Just tell him to go home.
Penny: Well, he won't leave. He says he's afraid he'll pass out on the bus and someone will harvest his organs.
Leonard (to Howard & Raj): He is paranoid and he has established a nest.
''The Pancake Batter Anomaly''.
Sheldon: Wait, put this in the bathroom.
Leonard: What for?
Sheldon: I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
Leonard: I mix pancake batter in this!
Sheldon: No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
Leonard: You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make a label that said ''Urine cup''?
Sheldon: It's right here on the bottom.
Leonard: Huh, I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company a letter of apology.
''The Pancake Batter Anomaly''.
Raj: How about Lasik?
Leonard: You want me to get eye surgery?
Raj: Would you rather go back to the apartment and deal with Sheldon or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?
Howard: Well?
Leonard:I'm thinking!
''The Pancake Batter Anomaly''.
Leonard: My parents focused on celebrating achievements and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them.
''The Peanut Reaction''.
Leonard: Why are you learning Chinese?
Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them.
Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned about what they're passing off as chicken.
''The Tangerine Factor''.
Season 2
Wolowitz: Leonard, how was your date?
Leonard: Bite me!
''The Bad Fish Paradigm''.
Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad.
Howard: He can feel sadness?
Leonard: Not really. It's what you and I would call condescension.
''The Griffin Equivalency''.
Sheldon: You know, this situation with Koothrappali brings to mind a story from my childhood.
Howard: Oh, goody, more tales from the Panhandle.
Sheldon: That's Northwest Texas. I'm from East Texas, the Gulf region. Home to many Vietnamese shrimpers.
Leonard: Do the shrimpers feature in your story?
Sheldon: No. Anyway, when I was eight, a Montgomery Ward delivery van ran over our family cat, Lucky.
Howard: Lucky?
Sheldon: Yes, Lucky.
Leonard: He's irony-impaired. Just move on.
Howard: Ok, dead cat named Lucky. Continue.
''The Griffin Equivalency''.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the problem is NOT solved. If your HEAD had been accidentally amputated and we transplanted a dog's head in its place, would that be problem solved?
Leonard: If it were your head it would be.
''The Cushion Saturation''.
Penny: Ok, ok, how about this. We tell him somebody broke in?
Leonard: Just to shoot the couch with the paint ball gun?
Penny: I'm sorry, I'll buy it. All those people are on drugs.
Leonard: We can tell him they wanted the couch to stay away from their boyfriend.
''The Cushion Saturation''.
Sheldon: Is my hamburger medium-well?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Dill slices not sweet?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Individual relish packets?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Onion rings?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Extra-breading?
Leonard: I asked.
Sheldon: What did they say?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Did you protest?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Vociferously?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then what took you so long?
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.
Leonard: (Discussing Sheldon). Yeah, yeah, ah, see here's the thing, after you leave, I still have to live with him.
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.
Wolowitz (watching America's Next Top Model): Oh, look! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No, wait! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of... what a coincidence... is the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.
Sheldon: *On cinoyter screen* Greetings, hamburger toucher. You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you heart various things. Well, this recorded message is alerting you that I am putting an end to your parasitic piggybacking upon our WiFi. If you want to remedy the situation you can contact the phone company, set up your own WiFi and pay for it, or you may apologize to me.
Penny: Well?
Leonard: I reiterate, knuckle under.
Penny: No, no, no, no, no. It is on. I am gonna introduce your friend to a world of hurt.
Leonard: Oh, Penny, you don't want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy is one lab accident away from being a supervillain.
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.
Howard: Behold the Mobile Omni-Directional Neutralization and Termination Eraticator! Or...
Leonard, Sheldon,Howard, Rajesh: (Said reverently) Mon-te...
''The Killer Robot Instability''.
Sheldon: This is an auspicious moment, like Robert Oppenhiemer or Neil Armstrong, we need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event.
Rajesh: How about, die toaster, die!
Leonard: That'll do it!
''The Killer Robot Instability''.
Sheldon: Please. We're facing a far more serious problem than stray arachnids.
Leonard: It's not so bad.
Sheldon: Not bad? It's horrible. You hear stories about this things, but you never think it'll happen to you.
Leonard:So they steamed your dumplings. Get over it.
''The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition''.
Leonard: Thanks for close captioning my pain, Raj.
''The Classified Materials Turbulence''.
Season 3
Leonard: Ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction in the nerve cells and stimulates re-uptake receptors of inhibitory neurotransmitters like gamma-amino butyric acid.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.
Leonard: Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat!
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Leonard: How about that, Einstein was wrong.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Approaching the speed of light doesn't slow down time, approaching them [Howard and his date] does.
''The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary''.
Leonard:What am I supposed to say? Sure, Penny, I'm cool with having your old boyfriend sleep in your apartment.
Leonard imitating Penny: Well, Leonard, it does'nt matter if you're cool or not, 'cause I'm penny and I'm pretty and I can do whatever the hell I want.
''The Guitarist Amplification''.
Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
''The Maternal Congruence''.
Leonard: Black beans, not pinto beans?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Double guacamole?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: You understand why I'm doing this?
Sheldon: I do.
Leonard: That will be all.
''The Einstein Approximation''.
Sheldon: Oh, by the way, I was watching you sleep for a moment, and I noticed that your snoring seems to be worse when you're on your back.
Penny: Leonard doesn't snore.
Sheldon: I wasn't talking to Leonard.
Leonard (to Penny): Told ya.
''The Einstein Approximation''.
Sheldon: What self-important preening fraud are they honoring this year?
Leonard: I'm so glad you asked it like that. You!
''The Pants Alternative''.
Season 4
Leonard: Oh my god! You ran over a hobo!
The Hot Troll Deviation''.
Leonard: (To Sheldon) Sometimes your movements are so life like I forget you are not a real boy.
The Hot Troll Deviation''.
--
I hope you enjoyed the article. :)
IMPORTANT:
Again: Please.. please don't use this article. They're not my quotes or my images, but it's my article.
And another thing. I found the icon (the first image) here: link
--
And, if you want, you can add more Leonard Hofstadter quotes in the comments.