Phil Wenneck: Tracy, it's Phil.
Tracy Garner: Phil, where the hell are you guys?
Phil Wenneck: Listen, we fucked up. We lost Doug.
Tracy Garner: What? We're getting married in *five hours*.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah... that's not gonna happen.


Phil Wenneck: Whose fucking baby is that?
Stu Price: Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Alan Garner: Yeah, I checked all the rooms... no one's there. Check its collar or something.


Alan Garner: Hey Phil, look!
[laughs hysterically while miming the baby masturbating]
Alan Garner: He's jackin' his little weenus!
Phil Wenneck: Pull yourself...

Chapter 1 : The Big Surprise

"Okay honey, your father and I are about to leave , we left a jar of money on the kitchen counter if you want to order pizza, since we're going to be out of the house for 2 weeks." Mom said, "And no parties,I've seen The Hangover." Dad added, "Ok, I won't do any parties and I can take care of myself." I replied. As my parents grabbed their bags and walked to the exit,"Bye Mom and Dad , have fun at San Francisco." I said to them, "Bye honey." Dad replied. Once they drove away, I heard the house phone ringing." Hello ?" I asked , Dude, it's me Link." Link answered,...