In this fanfic, Duncan is making a video to show to all of the slash fans explaining why he doesn't like Harold...
WARNING: This contains slash, as in a boy/boy pairing. DuncanxHarold. Don't like it, don't read it.
The video flashes on, revealing Duncan sitting at a chair in a room that's painted mostly black and green. He's glaring at the camera when he begins to speak.
Okay, so I've been going on fansites recently. Yeah, that's right-- fanfiction.com or fanpop.net or whatever the hell it's called. DevilArt and all that crap. I was grounded (again) for setting fire to the trash in the garbage can (again) so I had nothing to do. What? I was told to take it out, and I got rid of it. As long as it's gone, who cares what I did to it?
Point is, I snuck on my bratty little sister's laptop and looked up the websites she was visiting. A bunch of you people-- fangirls-- were whining about how I dumped Courtney. Some other chicks were all happy 'cause I'm with Gwen. You people talk about me a lot. It's kind of creepy. Every two seconds someone calls me a jack ass or 'super hawt'. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah.
So I go on and I look for people who aren't talking about me and Courtney or Gwen. And you know what I find? DuncanxHarold.
WHAT. THE. HELL. Seriously, are you people insane? You've been watching Izzy too much! You've all gone totally psycho-crazy if you think I like Harold. I'd rather be with Heather! At least she's hot... And a chick. But since I know a bunch of you 'slashers' or whatever you're called are gonna think I'm lying, I've made this: five reasons that I DON'T like Harold McGrady.
1. He's a dork!
You think that a punk and a dork can get together? No! He's all about science and grades and crap. The most scientific thing I've done this week is spell the word 'scientific' correctly just now. And even then I used the spell check! Yeah, he's smart or whatever, but... I don't like smart people. Just because Gwen and Courtney are smart doesn't mean that it's something I look for... Because it's NOT.
2. Harold's annoying as hell!
Every two seconds he says something about some old person who no one knows. I hate that! And I swear, the next time I here him say "Gosh!" I'm going to drown him in the ocean. How come in all your stupid fanfiction you make it look like I think that's "cute"? I don't! Yeah, I smile whenever he says it, but... but... That's only because I like it when he's miserable!
3. He likes LeShawna!
Harold, for whatever reason, likes that ghetto pudding monster. Which means that we aren't dating. Okay, maybe this point is more about how Harold doesn't like me. I don't care, it's all the same. He doesn't like me, he's crushing on that fat traitor. Done deal. What? I'm not jealous or anything! I just hate LeShawna. That's all.
4. He's ugly!
Harold is skinny, boney, and has freckles. Courtney's make her kind of hot, but that's totally different because she's a chick. I don't think that Harold's freckles are cute... I really don't. And for those of you who think that he's "cute in a dorky way," you're insane. He's hideous. Not cute. Nope.
5. I'm not gay!
I like girls, okay? I've made out with Courtney and Gwen. I've been to juvie, for God's sake! No one who's been to prison is gay! Well, except for Chef maybe, but he wears dresses so that doesn't count. What I'm trying to say is this: even if I did secretly think that Harold is cute, smart, and funny, I'm straight. Besides, he's all about LeFugly, so he clearly doesn't like me... But I don't care.
Okay. Maybe I care a little, but that doesn't mean anything because I still like girls... Most of the time. Wait, what? Oh, crap, how do you erase the tape?
Duncan messes with the camera a little, but it just moves around and gets staticy. You can faintly hear him saying, "Why am I doing this live, damnit?" before the video comes back on. He rolls his eyes.
Ah, f**k it. You all get the point. And don't start off with that "You're obviously bi" bull crap. I get enough of that from my stupid sister, I don't need it from you. Even though it might be tr... Wait, no, it's not true. Because I don't like Harold.
Well, not that much.
God, I hope Gwen never sees this video.