1) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.
2) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour.
3) Improvise Italian operas.
4) Gossip about someone to their face.
5) Answer every question with a question.
6) Repeat yourself constantly.
7) Act like a member of the opposite sex.
8) Repeat yourself constantly.
9) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
10) Repeat yourself constantly.
11) Change what you repeat every now and then.
12) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
13) Change what you repeat every now and then.
14) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
15) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.
16) Change what you repeat every now and then.
17) One word: Caffeine.
18) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar.
19) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying.
20) Using non-existent words like George Bush would.
21) Change what you repeat again.
22) Speak in rapid Spanish.
23) Pretend not to know about the rule of personal space.
24) When doing number 23, pretend to have a heavy nose cold causing you to breathe heavily through your mouth. Sneeze occasionally.
25) Change what you repeat again.
26) You are better than everybody else. Let them know so.
27) Rudely correct everybody's grammar.
28) Don't proper grammar use while you are correcting them.
29) Pretend to be drunk.
30) Groom yourself while standing backwards (towards everybody) in an elevator.
31) Change what you repeat again.
32) Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheatherby-Percival-Smith, and don't answer to anything else.
33) Call everybody you know Bob or Georgia. Bob for girls, Georgia for boys.
34) Fine people for stupid things, like being too popular, or having to many teeth.
35) Change what you repeat again.
36) For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak.
37) Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable.
38) Pretend to be high.
39) Become severely narcoleptic in the middle of a conversazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
40) Change what you repeat again.
41) You ARE the lord of the dance. Never forget that.
42) Speak in Gaelic.
43) Blink rapidly and constantly.
44) Scratch yourself constantly. I am not saying where.
45) Strut.
46) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
47) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
48) Become "The Masked Wedgie Giver."
49) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money.
50) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.
51) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbours that you're a ''spider person.''
52) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: ''Don't let him in! He's the killer!''
53) When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it.
54) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: ''I hope I fixed it this time.''
55) Beep when a large person backs up.
56) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the ''little men.''
57) Insist on making inanimate objects ''dance''
58) Occasionally talk into your hand in public.
59) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.
60) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw desperately at the roof of the car.
61) Insist that someone accompany you to the public rest room because of Henry, the toilet monster.
62) Insist that life is ''one big musical,'' then try to prove your theory by randomly breaking out into song in public.
63) Have this list printed on a T-shirt and write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.
More things!
1. Practice making fax and modem noises.
2. Make Bleeping noises when u back up.
3. Ask people what gender they are.
4. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind it's gone now!"
5. Staple papers together in the middle of the page.
6. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles".
7. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
8. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
9. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with a pen while talking to others.
10. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
11. Finish all sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophecy".
12. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
13. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait --- I messed it up". Then repeat.
14. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
15. Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
16. Sing along to the opera.
17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
18. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.
19. Sit in front of your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
20. Tell your friends that you cannot attend their party five days prior to the event, because you're "not in the mood".
21. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".
22. Bribe teachers with money through a handshake to get out of handing in homework.
23. When a teacher tells you off say "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
24. Go round to people's houses and say "It will be nice when it's finished".
25. If someone asks you an awkward question start twitching and say "I'm sorry its these new pills".
26. When someone interupts a conversation say "Hey, this is an A and B conversation, why don't you C yourseld outta here!"
27. Ask people what's wrong and when they begin to answer say, "WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAA!!!!!!! Just bein' polite!"
28. Go up to people, point at their face and say "You know I know someone that could sort that out for you!!"
29. Start talking about weight watchers and what they do whilst winking and emphasising words to do with weight in your conversation.
30. When people complain to you about a problem, say "I know exactly how you feel" and inform them of an irrelevant event that happened to you or something that's completely the opposite. EG:
"Oh I can't take the amount of homework we're getting at the moment!"
"I know exactly how you feel, when my dog died last week.............!"
or
"I know, I've got so much spare time at the moment!"
2) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour.
3) Improvise Italian operas.
4) Gossip about someone to their face.
5) Answer every question with a question.
6) Repeat yourself constantly.
7) Act like a member of the opposite sex.
8) Repeat yourself constantly.
9) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
10) Repeat yourself constantly.
11) Change what you repeat every now and then.
12) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
13) Change what you repeat every now and then.
14) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
15) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.
16) Change what you repeat every now and then.
17) One word: Caffeine.
18) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar.
19) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying.
20) Using non-existent words like George Bush would.
21) Change what you repeat again.
22) Speak in rapid Spanish.
23) Pretend not to know about the rule of personal space.
24) When doing number 23, pretend to have a heavy nose cold causing you to breathe heavily through your mouth. Sneeze occasionally.
25) Change what you repeat again.
26) You are better than everybody else. Let them know so.
27) Rudely correct everybody's grammar.
28) Don't proper grammar use while you are correcting them.
29) Pretend to be drunk.
30) Groom yourself while standing backwards (towards everybody) in an elevator.
31) Change what you repeat again.
32) Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheatherby-Percival-Smith, and don't answer to anything else.
33) Call everybody you know Bob or Georgia. Bob for girls, Georgia for boys.
34) Fine people for stupid things, like being too popular, or having to many teeth.
35) Change what you repeat again.
36) For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak.
37) Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable.
38) Pretend to be high.
39) Become severely narcoleptic in the middle of a conversazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
40) Change what you repeat again.
41) You ARE the lord of the dance. Never forget that.
42) Speak in Gaelic.
43) Blink rapidly and constantly.
44) Scratch yourself constantly. I am not saying where.
45) Strut.
46) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
47) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
48) Become "The Masked Wedgie Giver."
49) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money.
50) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.
51) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbours that you're a ''spider person.''
52) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: ''Don't let him in! He's the killer!''
53) When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it.
54) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: ''I hope I fixed it this time.''
55) Beep when a large person backs up.
56) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the ''little men.''
57) Insist on making inanimate objects ''dance''
58) Occasionally talk into your hand in public.
59) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.
60) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw desperately at the roof of the car.
61) Insist that someone accompany you to the public rest room because of Henry, the toilet monster.
62) Insist that life is ''one big musical,'' then try to prove your theory by randomly breaking out into song in public.
63) Have this list printed on a T-shirt and write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.
More things!
1. Practice making fax and modem noises.
2. Make Bleeping noises when u back up.
3. Ask people what gender they are.
4. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind it's gone now!"
5. Staple papers together in the middle of the page.
6. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles".
7. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
8. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
9. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with a pen while talking to others.
10. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
11. Finish all sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophecy".
12. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
13. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait --- I messed it up". Then repeat.
14. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
15. Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
16. Sing along to the opera.
17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
18. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.
19. Sit in front of your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
20. Tell your friends that you cannot attend their party five days prior to the event, because you're "not in the mood".
21. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".
22. Bribe teachers with money through a handshake to get out of handing in homework.
23. When a teacher tells you off say "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
24. Go round to people's houses and say "It will be nice when it's finished".
25. If someone asks you an awkward question start twitching and say "I'm sorry its these new pills".
26. When someone interupts a conversation say "Hey, this is an A and B conversation, why don't you C yourseld outta here!"
27. Ask people what's wrong and when they begin to answer say, "WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAA!!!!!!! Just bein' polite!"
28. Go up to people, point at their face and say "You know I know someone that could sort that out for you!!"
29. Start talking about weight watchers and what they do whilst winking and emphasising words to do with weight in your conversation.
30. When people complain to you about a problem, say "I know exactly how you feel" and inform them of an irrelevant event that happened to you or something that's completely the opposite. EG:
"Oh I can't take the amount of homework we're getting at the moment!"
"I know exactly how you feel, when my dog died last week.............!"
or
"I know, I've got so much spare time at the moment!"
