You know what trend I’m getting kinda tired of? The whole “Princess has been kidnapped, go save her”. I’m not an extremist feminist, but the whole princess thing is kinda getting old. So, naturally, I felt the best thing to do was to make a list of the top ten best. So, the rules for this list are as followed. Only from games that I have played, and only one game per franchise. So, with all of that said and done, let us start the list

#10: Princess Daphne from Dragon’s Lair



Okay…….. This is a bit hard to get behind. What, in the name of god, is this princess wearing. I mean… this piece of clothing a very revealing, don’t you think? Oh well, Princess Daphne is a princess tuck in a bubble that awaits a knight (That knight being Dirk the Daring) to save her from the dragon so she could marry him. First off, how did she get kidnapped, and secondly, she’s in a bubble. Just pop the damn thing. So, you may be thinking, if she is kinda useless, why is she on the list at all. And to you, I say Don Bluth. Yep, the same man that brought us Secret of Nimh and Land Before Time brought us incredibly revealing blonde useless princess. And if that reason isn’t good enough for you people, than…. revealing dress for all the perverts out there. That’s it, that’s my reason. Next entry

#9: Princess Plump from Fat Princess



God, this game is so mean, that even the title hates the princess. But for someone who eats so much cake, she probably doesn’t care anymore how fat she gets. Princess Plump is a princess who is always in need of getting back to her castle, and you need to get her there. However, that’s easier said than done, as Princess Plump will always go out of her way to go and devour whatever cake she can find along the way. With each piece of cake she eats, she gets fatter and fatter, as well as heavier, making it slower for her to get back to her castle. And if you think that’s bad, wait until you have to fight off swarms of enemies badly wanting to steal her. It’s bad enough you got to defend a walking piece of Inflation characters that looks like it was taken from DeviantArt, but now you gotta fight off enemies. Oh well, at least she was okay in Playstation All Stars…. I think… I don’t know, I never played it. Also, Princess Plump is voiced by Tara Strong… Best damn character of all time instantly.

#8: Princess from Braid (SPOILERS)



Though she doesn’t have a name, she has a lot to do with the story. Throughout the game, you are told that the Princess was taken by an evil monster, and that Tim says that “he has done something terrible”, so, throughout the game, you solve dozens of puzzles in hopes of saving the Princess. At the end of the game, you finally do find the Princess, and you follow her, who makes it seem as though you are working with her to help solve puzzles and traps in order to escape. However, this entire scene was only played in reverse. When it goes forward in time, it shows the player that the entire time, the Princess was activating traps for Tim to stop him until she is saved from a knight, revealing that Tim was, in fact, the monster all along. That is some deep stuff. Then again, this is Braid we’re talking about

#7: Witch Princess from Harvest Moon



Goddamn it, it’s one of those tsundere princesses. Although she isn’t… AS BAD as some tsunderes, so there’s that. At the beginning of the game, the Witch Princess casts a spell on the Harvest Goddess, turning her into stone by accident. Though she did, she still feels that it isn’t her fault. However, somehow, the protagonist of the game manages to get involved in her problems, and now has to help her fix it. Other than that, she will also gladly appreciate it if you do minor things, as she is a mischievous and rude girl. She likes it when you drop things on the ground, throw away food… give people poisonous mushrooms…. and kill your pets… Well, this got freaking dark. However, you are also able to actually marry the Witch Princess like any other girl in this game…. just give her 10,000 gifts in total… I wish I was kidding

#6: Princess Peach from Super Mario Bros.



Yes, I know she’s iconic and in the most popular video game franchise ever, but popular isn’t always good. Hitler’s popular, but is he good? No. (Did I really compare a Nintendo princess to a fascist dictator?) The reason she is not in the top five is because all she does in the main series is get kidnapped… Again…. and again…. and again…. and every single day until she dies. Occasionally she drives a car and knocks a tennis ball around… but that’s about it… UNTIL LATER! Soon, Peach became very useful in games like Super Paper Mario, where she tried to intimidate Francis after he steal Tippi. And in her own spin-off game, Super Princess Peach, a game where both Mario and Luigi are kidnapped, Peach goes to save them… with hormones. I could make a period joke, but that would be pushing the PG-13 limits. Princess Peach. Useless in the main series, but awesome in the spin-offs.

#5: Ashe from Final Fantasy XII



Oh boy, here we go with the controversy. Ashe was once a princess of Dalmasca, before she left after the ridicule she had received from the people. Now, she wishes to restore her family name for her people. Though not the best character in Final Fantasy XII, she is still tolerable. She is a fierce and proud young girl, loyal to her team. However, she still manages to be rather childish at times, as she does have some memories of her childhood. And unlike most royal members, she tries to avoid such things, as she believes that she will be corrupted by such things and turn her away from her pure hearted self, which honestly makes her such a wonderful character. Yeah, I know, she is no Balthier, my personal favorite FFXIII character, but, hey, at least she isn’t Vaan (Oh, damn. That was a worse burn than the Great Fire of Rome).

#4: Kitana from Mortal Kombat



Finally. A princess who can take care of herself. Kitana is over a 10,000 years old, but that is considered young in the realm of Edenia. I’d hate to see how many years you have to be to be considered an old man. Anyway, she is the stepfather of Shao Kahn, who soon became her enemy, as she did what she could to save the realm of Edenia, even making a small army in Outworld. Oh, and she had some love interest with Liu Kang, I don’t know. I only saw that happen in Mortal Kombat 9, and I question why a princess would love whiny Liu Kang from Mortal Kombat 9. Kitana usually fights with battle fans, which are covered with blades she uses by either swinging, throwing, or creating gusts of winds to immobilize her enemies, just to name a few tactics. Also, she was used to created Melinna, which is known for those… goddamn terrifying pair of teeth. And this is why we never make clones of any character. Because you make…. THAT!

#3: Sun Lian from Jade Empire (SPOILERS)



Oh, another princess who can take care of herself. We’re on a role. Sun Lian is not like your typical princess (Obviously). She is actually Silk Fox, the woman in the black vail you met before in the game. Silk Fox is seen as a mysterious young and beautiful woman who seems to be able to fight as good as you do, and nearly does try to kill you after she mistakes you for an attack on your home town. After you beat her, she does apologize and does what she can to help you, by helping you find Master Li, and get you a flyer to get across the world easier. She is also one of the best fighters in the game, allowing for a lot of perfect combos and help in battles. And the craziest part is that you can actually date her. In this game, as a guy, you can date two girls. Your childhood friend, Dawn Star, or Sun Lian. Or, if you're a real pervert, you can have, as the Wiki describes, a menage a trois… I wish I made that up. That’s actually in the game

#2: Princess Zelda from The Legend of Zelda



You all knew she’d be on this list. You all knew that this is my favorite franchise. Zelda is easily the best Nintendo princess. Better than anything Mario can produce. Zelda is a peaceful and pure hearted princess, who believes in the protection and care for Hyrule and it’s people, which is easier said than done, seeing as how it is the home to evil green skinned wizards, evil masks, a giant sea monster, a masked… thing, and a black guy with flaming hair. She is also able to take care of herself more than any Nintendo princess can. She can either be a ninja named Sheik who can teach Link different songs and hide from Ganondorf for seven years, or she can be a young pirate captain who bosses around men double her size. She can be giant knight who fights foes for Link, or just be herself and kick ass that way. It doesn’t matter which version of Zelda it is. She is amazing in any version

#1: Princess Nadia/Marle from Chrono Trigger (SPOILERS)



If I couldn’t choose Zelda, than I would just have to choose someone who was just as awesome, if not even more awesome. Princess Nadia goes by the name Marle in order to hide her true name from everyone so she can just be a normal girl living her usual life. As a princess, her mother died when she was a little girl, and her father had become much more bitter since her death. This soon sparked some problems between Marle and her father, soon leading to the King rejecting her as his daughter and Marle down right despising him, which this is only shown in Marle’s side quest. Though Marle may have problems with her father, she still believes in helping him, and trying to make him happy again. And not only is she helpful towards her father, she is a really good party member to have. Sure, her physical attacks aren’t too good, but her magic attacks are incredible, and her healing is definitely nothing to scoff at either. And I easily prefer Marle’s side mission over anyone else's. Yes, moreover Robo’s, moreover Magus’s, moreover the damn tree, which I thought was the best until I played through this one. It is just that incredible, and so is Marle.

Well, there you have it. Did you enjoy the list? Tell me what you thought of it. With that said, I will see you all next time.