Video games sure do have a lot of great female protagonists, don’t they? From the classic Jill Valentine to the fun Bayonetta, video games are more than capable than having female characters do just as much as males… But I’m tired of people praising great female protagonist. So let’s talk about some really bad ones. I’m talking about ones that are poorly written, make dumb decisions, and are just the worst kinds of characters around. Maybe one day, I’ll do a top five best female protagonists… One day. But today, let’s just talk about the bad ones. Before I continue, let’s get the basics out of the way. Only one game per franchise, and only characters I have seen. Also, they have to be either major characters or lead characters. With that being said, let us start the list.

~#5~

Man, Persona 3 was a great game. It had amazing characters, great story, and some of the darkest end game moments I’ve seen in a video game. It was so good… And then Persona 3: The Answer came along. I hate the Answer so much, and no one can convince me otherwise that it is good. It sucks and I hate it. And I also hate Yukari Takeba!

#5: Yukari from Persona 3 (The Answer)



The reason I put Yukari at a lower spot is, in the main game of Persona 3, she isn’t too bad. She was a lot more relatable and more enjoyable, though not the idle waifu for those that actually date fictional characters. She is far from the worst girl in a Persona game, assuming we stick to just the main game. But in The Answer, the side story you get if you buy Persona 3: FES like I did, I swear, Yukari got even worse. She remains distant from all of her friends, will snap at them for the slightest thing, and worst of all, will call everyone else in the group a coward and selfish simply because they don’t want to die for her own goal. And the worst part, nobody wants to work alongside her. Not a single person. Mitsuru only sticks by her side because Yukari did the same for her when she needed her the most. Yukari got even worse in this little side story, and it's a shame, since, one, I actually enjoyed her character in a way in the main game, and two, I believe she is meant to be the canon partner to the main character. I don’t know if she is, but she certainly acts it, despite the fact that Elizabeth is a million times better. You could say that she has a reason to behave like this, but I see it as doing nothing but pleasing her own happiness, and only doing what she wants to enjoy life, and damn anyone else who thinks otherwise. But hey, it’s not all bad. You can just choose to pretend that the Answer never happened. That’s what Atlus did and, dammit, that’s what I’m gonna do to.

~#4~

I honestly think that the hate or even the will to make fun of Sonic ‘06 has died as of recent years. Now those games just kind of sit in the bottom of some local dollar store bargain bin. And it kind of deserved it. Bad story, bad gameplay, bad characters, bad visuals, bad level design, bad character design, and whoever thought that Elise needed to exist needs to be demoted, at the least.

#4: Princess Elise from Sonic the Hedgehog 2006



If not for the fact that she isn’t the main character of the game, she would have gotten the second place, and that’s generous. Princess Elise, in my eyes, rivals Bigs in worst Sonic characters. Princess Elise is way worse than any other princess in any other game. You expect her to be kidnapped once and then that’s it, but she gets kidnapped several times in just this one game. It also doesn’t help that she’s dumber than your typical RPG protagonist. Speaking of which, she looks like a Final Fantasy character… Final Fantasy XIII, if anything (And trust me, I’ll get to that one in a bit). And let’s not forget that one infamous scene where she kisses Sonic and that brings him back to life. I could criticise the completely idiotic writing and how that makes no sense, and is cliched beyond all forms of writing, but that’s not what's on your mind when you see it. What’s on your mind is how these two different species shouldn’t be having a romantic moment together. It makes you feel dirty. But don’t worry, because that’s not why I hate her. Everyone hates her for that one reason, but I hate Elise simply for the fact that she was willing to let the world die just because she didn’t want to forget her relationship with Sonic. Firstly, that’s creepy and disgusting. Secondly, this makes Yukari’s selfishness look justified in comparison. While Yukari didn’t want to kill her friends, Elise was willing to let the world burn just because for her memories. It honestly makes me ill and I hate it. And I hate Elise. And I hate Sonic ‘06. Let’s just pray that she never makes a return, ever.

~#3~

Life is Strange is a game that I do not like. I don’t like the writing, I don’t like the gameplay, I don’t like how every single character has to shout swear words and internet lingo every five minutes. I don’t like Chloe and her shitty waifu material personality. But I really don’t like the main character, and I honestly think this is the main reason I didn’t like this game… Okay, there’s many reasons, but she’s one of the bigger ones.

#3: Max Caulfield from Life is Strange



I’m not just hating on Max because I hate the game as a whole. I never liked Max since the first episode was released. Every word that came out of her mouth was nothing but her trying too hard to be deep and poetic that it came off as desperate to make some sort of message. I wouldn’t mind if she didn’t say this with every single thing she looked at. Other times when she opens her mouth, when she’s not being an information dispenser, she is saying some incredibly cringey things, such as references to movies in a terribly obnoxious tone of voice or just saying something that tries to be funny, and you just awkwardly chuckle when it really isn’t that good. Also, that Final Fantasy: Spirits Within reference nearly killed me. But I think the worst thing about Max is how much of a klutz she is. She knocks over everything onto items, topples over objects, and just basically screws herself when it comes to trying to do a basic, simple task. Anytime she reaches out, she always spills water on important documents, or cause something to break. If she didn’t have any of those rewind powers, she would have been a complete mess. And unlike anyone else in the game, she doesn’t seem to have any problems. None that I’ve seen. Oh, her problem is trying to impress the teacher? Big deal. Come back when your emotions and overbearing family is screwing with you. God, I paid money for this.

~#2~

Alright, I’m just going to say her name, and you won’t even get upset. You won’t, because your mind will immediately go to the one game where she was ruined in it… It’s Samus Aran.

#2: Samus Aran from Metroid: Other M



Samus, one of the most well known and respected video game protagonists ever. One who can handle her own and is able to have so much personality without uttering a single word. So, how did Other M manage to ruin it all in just a single game? Easy. Just plaster “The Baby” everywhere, and you’re good to go. If you thought Max was trying her damndest to be deep, Samus is trying to be David Cage when it comes to being “Deep” and “Meaningful”. Every single time she opens her mouth, she is always talking about the dead Metroid baby like it’s a curse, and not once does she stop. She also becomes horribly emotion throughout the entire game, from feeling sad over, once again, The Baby, to the moment that made all Metroid fans get refunds, where she had a mental breakdown upon seeing Ridley, an evil space pirate she has fought numerous times, yet still freaks out when she sees it. I know I say it’s good for characters to show emotion, but there is a thing as too much emotion, and Samus shouldn’t even be showing this much. She went from a cool and collective bounty hunter who was able to handle her own and fight to the best of her abilities to an overly-emotionally, poetic try hard and it just makes nobody happy. Team Ninja would then go on to make Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z, because destroying one franchise wasn’t enough.

~#1~

… You knew it would be her.

#1: Lightning from Final Fantasy XIII



I have been waiting for the longest time to talk about this character, and now I’ve got my chance. Alright, so first off, Lightning was a character I never liked, even from the first game. She was always a very stereotypical leader, cold, bitter, but always wanted to do good, for whatever reason. But, I could see, I could understand, why some people enjoyed her in Final Fantasy XIII… And then XIII-2 came out and I stopped giving a shit. Why you would put her on the front of the game when she isn’t even the main character both baffles and irritates me in ways I didn’t know I could get mad. But then, Lightning Returns came along, and at that point, I stopped caring and learned to hate Lightning. In this game, they say that God wanted Lightning to find people and save their souls so he could put them in a new world, but he had to take Lightning’s emotions, despite a person needing human emotions to find people with the right kind of souls and understand them. This little piece was nothing more than to give the creators and excuse to not give Lightning a personality. Fuck, they spent more time making an excuse as to why she doesn’t have human emotions than… Giving her human emotions! Sure, it’s shit, but you can easily put more effort into anything when the other has no effort at all put into it. As the games went on, Lightning just became nothing but a hollow shell with a frown on her face and a bigger bust size. It pisses me off that she was going to be in every single Final Fantasy game from that point on, when all I wanted was for Lightning to die. Not go away, die. Snuffed out. Caput! I hate her that much. And worse, she was compared to Cloud. The Cloud of today, I can see, but the original Cloud, the Cloud I knew, no. I refuse. Cloud in Final Fantasy VII may have acted distant from others, but that was because he couldn’t hold himself together. Throughout FFVII, Cloud was falling apart, emotionally and mentally, and he couldn’t do anything about it. Here, Lightning just doesn’t have emotions because writing a real character takes time. Just give her big breasts. That will fix itself. I knew people who purposely hated the entirety of Final Fantasy XIII, or grew to hate Final Fantasy in general, all because of Lightning. And all it took was for Final Fantasy XV, AKA Backstreet’s Back, to fix the franchise. Truly, this was a shit character