Random

Queen Elizabeth



and



Dolly Parton



die on the same day and they both go


before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,

so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.


The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular

reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created,

and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'


The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of

Perrier...

yet another e-mail from my list of forwards. I'm at 105 left now! YAY!

For those of you that don't know me, I love some of these forwards. Some touch me, some amaze me, some make me laugh. Anyway you look at it, I love them. For a long time I've been afraid of losing them because I hit the wrong button on my e-mail or something. Now I get to save them. My inbox was up to 130 forward e-mails that I either saved or haven't yet opened. Now I get to clear them out and I'm going to take that opportunity.

INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer...

A little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was 'too crowded.'


'I can't go to Sunday School,' she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by.



Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus.


Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings. Her parents called for the...

Yet another e-mail forward.









I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.


















Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.














Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.












Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!











My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.










Welcome to Utah...

Andy Rooney and Prayer


Andy Rooney says:

I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don't agree with Darwin , but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his Theory of Evolution.

Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game. So what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire Book of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking him to grant safety to the players on the field...