[We join our operetta already in progress. The infamous Pirates of Pergamum have just seized a bevy of beautiful Mytilenean maidens, and are attempting to carry them off for matrimonial purposes. Gabrielle intervenes, with a recitative (well, it's better than a pan flute solo):]
Hold, scoundrels! Ere ye practice acts of villainy
Upon the peaceful and agrarian,
Just bear in mind, these maidens of My-TIL-ene*
Are guarded by a buff barbarian!
We'd better all rethink our cunning plan;
They're guarded by a buff barbarian.
Yes, yes, she is a buff barbarian.
[Xena leaps in from...