Hide and Seek
I remember when I was six, before I had friends, Zuko and I would play hide and seek.
It was the only game we could play without hurting eachother.
But sometimes, he'd abandon me in the middle of the game, because Mom wanted him for awhile.
She never came to ask if I wanted to join.
The strange thing is.. I still feel like I'm playing hide and seek.
I hide, I seek. I'm the only one playing.
I hide what I feel. I seek acceptence.
Nobody seeks my expression.
They hide their hatred for me.
I kept losing the game, at least it felt like it.
I'm too old for games.
I saw it in Zuko's eyes.. in Bah Sing Se.
He was playing hide and seek.
For once in my life, I felt a connection.
Together, for once. When we took over Bah Sing Se, I thought we won the game.
But, when it seemed like we were getting along, he left.
That's okay.
I was feeling too much for him.
Anything I felt for him turned back into bitter hatred.
I'm just going to have to keep playing the game.
Ty Lee and Mai betrayed me shortly after.
I showed what I felt. I felt hurt angry, and sad.
I was feeling too much for them, I need to stop feeling.
I'll lose the game.
Friendship.. all of it is ridiculous. What made me think it would last?
I would love to shout out, I didn't need them. That I didn't depend on them.
I'm good at lies. It's a part of the game.
..I can win the game.
Even if Dad just deserted me.
He wants me to rule the Fire Nation.. that's all. He trusts me.
But.. why does it feel like he's punishing me?
Mom has been talking to me.
She wants me to lose the game.
She's succeeding.
Mom told me she loved me.
She knows what I want. She wants to destroy me.
I shattered her.
Like she shattered me.
She can't make me lose.
I struck Zuko.
I'm losing the game, but the idea of revenge makes me not care. I feel rotten. I see Zuko fall. I'm sorry-- No I'm not. It's his fault. He hid the world I wanted from me. The world I seek.
I tried keeping the waterbender away from him. She can't seek for his life.
I look for the waterbender. She's hiding. It's not her game- it's just ours. She has no right to play.
I find her. Filthy peasant.
I'm chained.
I'm cold.
I'm slipping.
I'm crying.
Everything I hid.. was found.
They seeked me out.
I lost.
___________
I wrote this when I was 15 (added a few parts), forgive me if it doesn't make sense. I think I was trying to imply that Azula never had childhood purity in her life, and that this is how she'd view a game if she were to play it. ...I'm rambling.
I remember when I was six, before I had friends, Zuko and I would play hide and seek.
It was the only game we could play without hurting eachother.
But sometimes, he'd abandon me in the middle of the game, because Mom wanted him for awhile.
She never came to ask if I wanted to join.
The strange thing is.. I still feel like I'm playing hide and seek.
I hide, I seek. I'm the only one playing.
I hide what I feel. I seek acceptence.
Nobody seeks my expression.
They hide their hatred for me.
I kept losing the game, at least it felt like it.
I'm too old for games.
I saw it in Zuko's eyes.. in Bah Sing Se.
He was playing hide and seek.
For once in my life, I felt a connection.
Together, for once. When we took over Bah Sing Se, I thought we won the game.
But, when it seemed like we were getting along, he left.
That's okay.
I was feeling too much for him.
Anything I felt for him turned back into bitter hatred.
I'm just going to have to keep playing the game.
Ty Lee and Mai betrayed me shortly after.
I showed what I felt. I felt hurt angry, and sad.
I was feeling too much for them, I need to stop feeling.
I'll lose the game.
Friendship.. all of it is ridiculous. What made me think it would last?
I would love to shout out, I didn't need them. That I didn't depend on them.
I'm good at lies. It's a part of the game.
..I can win the game.
Even if Dad just deserted me.
He wants me to rule the Fire Nation.. that's all. He trusts me.
But.. why does it feel like he's punishing me?
Mom has been talking to me.
She wants me to lose the game.
She's succeeding.
Mom told me she loved me.
She knows what I want. She wants to destroy me.
I shattered her.
Like she shattered me.
She can't make me lose.
I struck Zuko.
I'm losing the game, but the idea of revenge makes me not care. I feel rotten. I see Zuko fall. I'm sorry-- No I'm not. It's his fault. He hid the world I wanted from me. The world I seek.
I tried keeping the waterbender away from him. She can't seek for his life.
I look for the waterbender. She's hiding. It's not her game- it's just ours. She has no right to play.
I find her. Filthy peasant.
I'm chained.
I'm cold.
I'm slipping.
I'm crying.
Everything I hid.. was found.
They seeked me out.
I lost.
___________
I wrote this when I was 15 (added a few parts), forgive me if it doesn't make sense. I think I was trying to imply that Azula never had childhood purity in her life, and that this is how she'd view a game if she were to play it. ...I'm rambling.