I couldnt look at jacob, or Tanna in the back seat, i jsut sat adn stared out the passenger window, staring at the green outside, of la push. Jacob had finally finished his rabbit. My truck now sits in the garage, jacob insists that he do some upgrades, and wants to put in a dash bourd, from where .......'s steoro was installed.
I jsut couldnt look at jacob, not after Carlisle,
there was a pregnant silence the whole ride home.
He knew, jacob always knew. And when he knew, i just felt guilty, which seem to be all the time.
There are moments when i think to myself, that maybe it was better that i never meet the Cullen family. That way i could a perfect wife, witha normal life,a normal mother. not a person that keeps secrets and always betrays the people around them.
"bella," jacob finally broke to silence.
i diddnt move. i diddnt know wiether to act as though i diddnt hear him or to respond, unsure what to say, and what events could happen what if i did. i wouldnt be able to cope if yelling were involved.
i just ignored it, i diddnt want to risk it. i carried on acting like i was in a trance looking out the window. We were almost home.
great when we get home i was doomed to start talking.
"Bella?" he said louder.
If a normal person diddnt respond to that people would be concerned that you have hearing problems, so i had to respond. i turned to look at the windscreen window, i still diddnt want to look at him. to look at his eyes would be too hard to bare.
"Yeah."
he slid hand up my tigh and rubbed.
"Hey, look at me" he said tenderly.
i couldnt. what do i do? i felt a tear forming in my eyes. jacobs pain brough me pain.
he rubbed my tigh again.
"Bella, look you at me" he had a tone in his voice now.
i gave in, what else could i do. i turned to face him.
he stared in my eyes.
"i love you." he whispered.
jacob, jacob, my sun. my beautiful jacob! what do i say now.
WHY CAN'T I BE A GOOD WIFE!, i wife that loved her husband and only her husband.
i love jacob, i really truely do, execpt HE still has his part of my heart, that part that was slowly becaming the side that is beganing to make me surive, using it more often, making it larger...
i turned to look at my baby sleeping blissfully in her carrier.
My beautiful girl. Looks just like jacob. i had to put on the routine, i cant give myself away.
i took his hand from tigh into my cold hands, his were not. my sun.
i turned to give him a large smile, one i thought he would never see through, but i sensed that he did..
5 minutes pasted adn we reached our little red house.
i stepped out slowly, jacob reached out into the back to take Tanna inside, but i could feel something.
my chest started burning. i dont know why. i lost all of my breath. my chest was on fire, i looked around, but only forest surronded our house.
i could see a instand flicker of light from the sun in the bushes at the end of the yard, but i was too winded to move.
"Bella!," jacob come from running inside adn lifted me up into his arm large toasty arms.
and carried me into our white room, placed me down on the bed.
"What wrong!"
by this time the pain had been taken away.
"Nothing, im fine."
"Aww bella you gave me a fright!", he caressed my face. he leaned in to kiss me. I responded. His warm lips moved with mine, like a pattern, repition.
he pushed me down. and pulled me closer to his hot body. he groaned.
"i love you." he sighed.
I jsut couldnt look at jacob, not after Carlisle,
there was a pregnant silence the whole ride home.
He knew, jacob always knew. And when he knew, i just felt guilty, which seem to be all the time.
There are moments when i think to myself, that maybe it was better that i never meet the Cullen family. That way i could a perfect wife, witha normal life,a normal mother. not a person that keeps secrets and always betrays the people around them.
"bella," jacob finally broke to silence.
i diddnt move. i diddnt know wiether to act as though i diddnt hear him or to respond, unsure what to say, and what events could happen what if i did. i wouldnt be able to cope if yelling were involved.
i just ignored it, i diddnt want to risk it. i carried on acting like i was in a trance looking out the window. We were almost home.
great when we get home i was doomed to start talking.
"Bella?" he said louder.
If a normal person diddnt respond to that people would be concerned that you have hearing problems, so i had to respond. i turned to look at the windscreen window, i still diddnt want to look at him. to look at his eyes would be too hard to bare.
"Yeah."
he slid hand up my tigh and rubbed.
"Hey, look at me" he said tenderly.
i couldnt. what do i do? i felt a tear forming in my eyes. jacobs pain brough me pain.
he rubbed my tigh again.
"Bella, look you at me" he had a tone in his voice now.
i gave in, what else could i do. i turned to face him.
he stared in my eyes.
"i love you." he whispered.
jacob, jacob, my sun. my beautiful jacob! what do i say now.
WHY CAN'T I BE A GOOD WIFE!, i wife that loved her husband and only her husband.
i love jacob, i really truely do, execpt HE still has his part of my heart, that part that was slowly becaming the side that is beganing to make me surive, using it more often, making it larger...
i turned to look at my baby sleeping blissfully in her carrier.
My beautiful girl. Looks just like jacob. i had to put on the routine, i cant give myself away.
i took his hand from tigh into my cold hands, his were not. my sun.
i turned to give him a large smile, one i thought he would never see through, but i sensed that he did..
5 minutes pasted adn we reached our little red house.
i stepped out slowly, jacob reached out into the back to take Tanna inside, but i could feel something.
my chest started burning. i dont know why. i lost all of my breath. my chest was on fire, i looked around, but only forest surronded our house.
i could see a instand flicker of light from the sun in the bushes at the end of the yard, but i was too winded to move.
"Bella!," jacob come from running inside adn lifted me up into his arm large toasty arms.
and carried me into our white room, placed me down on the bed.
"What wrong!"
by this time the pain had been taken away.
"Nothing, im fine."
"Aww bella you gave me a fright!", he caressed my face. he leaned in to kiss me. I responded. His warm lips moved with mine, like a pattern, repition.
he pushed me down. and pulled me closer to his hot body. he groaned.
"i love you." he sighed.
