The Titan on the Tracks [2.1]
Booth: What did you do?
Brennan: I read, walked on the beach, chilled...
Booth: You chilled? At Darfur? You chilled at Darfur?
Brennan: Do that lying thing...
Booth: Could you be more specific?
Brennan: What's with the siren, why are you driving like a maniac?
Zach Addy: You're saying Dude too much.
Brennan: Don't you have to read him his rights before you strangle him?
The Mother and Child in the Bay [2.2]
Booth: It's amazing Bones, you can really be snotty sometimes.
Brennan: Does she think I'm new at this?
Cam: All I hear is blah, blah, blah.
Cam: The last place I worked we had a drunk sketch artist.
The Boy in the Shroud [2.3]
Booth: Holy mother of God.
Brennan: I hurt you a little bit, but that's only because you ran.
Hodgins: Tension, party of 2.
Angela: If you lose Brennan, you lose us all.
Zach Addy: I'm not used to bodies looking so much like actual human beings.
Booth: The squints would flee the Jeffersonian like the French army.
Booth: I'm with Bones, Cam. All the way. Don't doubt it for a second.
Booth: you have kids and then we'll talk.
Bones: thats alot to ask for a little conversation.
The Blonde in the Game [2.4]
Brennan: I always wanted a pig.
Hodgins: My uncle Preston wants to be buried standing up without a casket.
Angela: This is my bo-ho rocker, artist, mid-week, take-a-deep-breath-and-pout look.
Hodgins: These crossed hammers prove that Epps is working for the top level of the illuminati.
Brennan: Where's the siren on this thing?
Zach Addy: Perhaps the point isn't that German is a different language, but that it's actually a different language.
Hodgins: I can't just guess, I have a process!
Brennan: How can I take care of a pig, I can't even take care of plants.
The Truth in the Lye [2.5]
Brennan: And if you’re not helpless then why did you sleep with her?
Booth: Oh I really don’t recall saying that I did!
Brennan: Well you didn’t have to. I could hear it in your voice. I might as well have walked in on you having sex.
Booth: Oh you didn't and we weren't.
Brennan: It's nothing to be ashamed of Booth. Humans act upon a hierarchy of needs, and sex is very highly ranked. It's an anthropological inevitability.
Booth: Thank you Bones. I really appreciate you boiling me down to your anthropological inevitabilities
Brennan: Sure. Anytime.
The Girl in Suite 2103 [2.6]
Cam: It's a bluff. Cops do it all the time.
Booth: So you think if we frame Antonio, Judge Ramos will confess to save her own son.
Cam: What mother wouldn't?
Booth: Bones?
Brennan: No. No!
Cam: It's no different than lying to a criminal to get a confession. Booth: Or having Hodgins call the FAA with a fake terrorism tip. Cam: He did what?
Booth: Oh what, now suddenly there's a line?
Brennan: Shouldn't we do something?
Booth: You kidding? Hodgins being abducted by men in black? It's a dream come true.
The Girl with the Curl [2.7]
Hodgins: What is she, a midget stripper?
Brennan: I miss organic chemistry class. Those were good times. Zach: I miss my first microscope.
Booth: I miss normal people.
Brennan: This is what happened when Rome fell...
Booth: What? People ate stale donuts?
Brennan: Objectification of women... Beauty as self-esteem... Booth: You know, I think, you know, some of those kids actually had a good time.
Brennan: That girl in pink could really dance but then again Nero could really play the fiddle.
Booth: You know, Bones, I like to think that, um, some place deep inside people really know what's important.
Brennan: It's hard to believe when you see women trying to disguise or change themselves. I never understood that.
Booth: Well, I mean, of course, you wouldn't.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Well, it's just, you know someone who looks like you wouldn't...just because of the way you look.
Brennan: I don't understand. What way do I look?
Booth: Well, you know, you're structured... very well.
Brennan: As are you.
The Woman in the Sand [2.8]
Hodgins: You've never fought? Never thrown a punch?
Zach: Never saw the logic of it.
Hodgins: It's not about logic, it's, it's emotional, its anger!
Zach: I don't get angry, it's not rational...
Hodgins: What if I called you a scrawny twit who couldn't hold a conversation with a 10-year-old?
Zach: I don't have much in common with a 10-year-old, and although I don't know what a twit is, objectively, I am thin and do lack muscular definition.
Hodgins: Dude, you're a Vulcan and a dull Vulcan at that.
[Zach punches Jack in his face]
Hodgins: [smiles] Dude!
Zach: It's not what you think.
Hodgins: You got pissed!
Zach: No, striking you merely seemed to be the most practical way to get you to be quiet and focus on work - but I didn't realize how much it would hurt.
Hodgins: Nice punch though.
Zach: Thank you. And my dissertation will be finished by the end of the month.
Aliens in a Spaceship [2.9]
Vega: You know what, dislike me as much as you want, but I'm still gonna help you, because I want this bastard caught. [Vega and Janine get up and leave]
Brennan: You were kind of mean to them.
Booth: Yeah. Thanks.
Hodgins: Aluminum.
Brennan: Aluminum?
Hodgins: The Brits say Al-yu-mini-um, but it sounds, well, British.
Brennan: Has it occurred to you that God is a lot like the Grave Digger?
Booth: [absently] What? What?!
Brennan: He lays down the rules, no way to question Him or negotiate, then it's almost as though He doesn't care how it works out. Either you do as He says, make some sacrifices and are delivered or you don't and you end up in hell.
Booth: You know, I'd really appreciate if you didn't say things like that, 'cause I really don't want to get struck by lightning. [he crosses himself]
Booth: It was a mistake. The Grave Digger is not God, Bones, because God doesn't make mistakes.
Angela: Mmm, I don't know. Putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a great idea. [Booth nods in reluctant agreement]
Hodgins: If you haven't figured out the stun gun, then I am this week's King of the Lab, 'cause I found something huge.
Angela: You compete to be King of the Lab? [Hodgins notices her for the first time and becomes embarrassed]
Hodgins: [scoffs] No.
Cam: We'll go to a musical.
Booth: Talking and singing and talking and dancing and more singing? You know, if you want to stop what we're doing, just say so. Cam: You can fantasize about pulling out your gun and shooting everyone on stage. You know you like that.
Angela: You're going to pay the ransom, right?
Booth: Yes. FBI standard ops, they won't work. Grave Digger operates outside statistics.
Cam: They'll fire you.
Booth: Eh, that's cool. One less reason to wear a suit.
Brennan: We have water, towels, my mini kit, ibuprofen, two cell phones with no batteries, a digital camera with a backup battery, and, uh... a handful of pens.
Hodgins: That one's a laser pointer.
Brennan: [smiles as she holds up a book] And a copy of my novel. Hodgins: Hey, we can read to each other if we get bored.
Hodgins: And if we're buried more than four feet deep?
Brennan: Then the concussion will turn our brains to jelly.
Hodgins: [smiling good-naturedly] Well, then we can run for Congress, so it's a win-win.
Angela: I came to visit you at the hospital. I brought you this. [Holds up a toy teddy bear]
Jack: They... they let me go home.
Angela: No they didn't. You left without being discharged. You stole crutches, which I had to pay for.
Jack: They packed me... pumped me full of antibiotics. Dished me up and gave me painkillers. So... so, I'm... I'm good to go.
Angela: Could you please look at me? You were buried alive. You were operated on without an anesthetic. You were pumped full of drugs. You really should be lying down.
Jack: He's out there, Angela. He buries people alive. I have to catch him. If I can figure out the exact alloy of aluminum, then maybe I could... maybe we could... plus the bit of bumper sticker that Brennan found in my leg...
Angela: We're gonna catch him. Okay? I promise you. We're gonna start tomorrow. All of us together.
Jack: I can't sleep, Angela.
Angela: I thought they gave you something for that.
Jack: No, I mean. I'm afraid that... if I close my eyes... when I open them... I'm gonna be back in that car... buried... running out of air... Angela: Okay. Then you should come home with me.
Jack: What?
Angela: When you open your eyes, I'll be there.
Jack: Yeah?
Angela: Yeah. [pause]
Jack: You know I'm good for that crutch money.
[Sitting together in a church pew]
Brennan: If I were going to pray, I would have done it just before we set off the explosion.
Booth: And you didn't?
Brennan: No. See, if there was a God, which there isn't -
Booth: Shhh! Do you see where we are?!
The Headless Witch in the Woods [2.10]
Hodgins: Anyone else feeling tingly, or is it just me?
Zach: My palms perspired profusely during that film.
Brennan: You're very touchy lately, Booth.
Booth: Look, Bones, I don't know why I didn't tell you about Cam. Brennan: Did I mention Cam?
Booth: I just didn't want it to get weird, I guess.
Brennan: Weird?
Booth: We're partners, you know, together all the time, alright? You're a woman, and I'm a man. I never had a relationship like this, where we were like two guys, except you're not, you know, a guy. Brennan: No. No, I'm not. Should I feel odd about wanting to hang out with Will?
Booth: No, of course not. Cause essentially, you're a guy, like me, but not really.
Brennan: That would mean that to me, you are, essentially, a woman. (Booth looks at her) Yeah, I can see that.
Booth: No, no, no, no, I'd prefer not to be a woman, if you don't mind.
Brennan: I'm merely trying to follow your reasoning, Booth.
Brennan: I can read bones, not people.
Booth: Well, you had no trouble seeing through me.
Brennan: Booth...
Booth: Hey, you're my partner. It's a guy-hug. Take it.
Judas on a Pole [2.11]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [to Booth after he pulls her off to a case] Why do I always feel like you're abducting me?
(Zack is just defending his thesis in front of Brennan and other board members when Booth walks in.)
Booth: Hey, Bones, come on. We've got a body. Went up like a Roman candle ... hey, Zack! How's it going?
Zack: So far, they don't like me.
Booth: Shocker.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Are you worried about your doctorate?
Zack: No. I read a book on body language. Apparently in our culture, when an older male lays an open hand on a younger male, it conveys approval. But if he bumps younger male with a closed fist, it conveys doubt. Dr. Grayson went like this...
(Pats Brennan's shoulder with open hand 3 times)
Zack: Not like this...
(Hits Brennan's shoulder with a fist 3 times)
Zack: Like this...
(Pats Brennan's shoulder with open hand 3 times)
Zack: Not like this...
(Hits Brennan's shoulder with a fist 3 times. Brennan looking annoyed)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Dr. Grayson is elderly and arthritic. Perhaps he simply needed help getting to his feet like this...
(Pushes down on Zack's shoulder 3 times)
Booth: (After Hodgins has informed him of the letter about Marvin Beckett) Okay, who else knows about this?
Hodgins: Us and you, that's it.
Booth: Let's keep it that way.
Hodgins: I've seen this movie, I get killed on the way home.
Booth: Then don't go home.
Hodgins: (laughs then stops abruptly) You serious?
The Man in the Cell [2.12]
(Angela and Brennan in her office talking about Epps)
Angela: How do you deal with the fear?
Brennan: I have this. (takes out huge gun from her purse)
Angela: Oh my God! That thing is huge. Woah, wow, that's like movie huge.
(Booth enters the office)
Booth: Where the hell did you get that?
Brennan: The mall.
Booth: (incredulously) The mall?
Brennan: Yeah. It's pretty big, right? Bigger than the one you have. (Angela chuckles reading the subtext)
Booth: Excuse me, it's not the size that matters. It's how you use it.
Brennan: Well, I think size is pretty important.
Booth: The point is that you shouldn't have a gun in the first place.
Angela:If you do have one, bigger is always better.
Booth: You're not helping.
Angela: Right. Yeah. This does seem like a private conversation.
Booth: (to Hodgins and Zack) I am walking out of here. You try and stop me again, I'll shoot both of you! (Booth walks out as Zack begins his search)
Zack: Uuughh...
Hodgins: What?
Zack: I really need him to come back.
Hodgins: (Yells) Booth! (to Zack) Whatever you got, better be worth dying for.
Angela: (about the newspaper article, to Hodgins) Did you really call me the heart of the operation?
Hodgins: Yeah, that's before you called me short.
Angela: Hey, Zack called you short. I think you're just the right height.
Hodgins: Yeah?
Angela: (nods) Short men have better leverage.
Zack: I'm feeling uncomfortable...
Hodgins: I can't find any traces of powder on Cam's clothing.
Zack: Did you search electro statically?
Hodgins: Yes, are you sure it was a powder?
Zack: (Insistently) Yes.
Hodgins: It had to be a gas.
Zack: If it were a gas I'd be in the hospital with Cam.
Hodgins: No particles on her clothing, (Impatiently) Zack, it had to be a gas.
Zack: It wasn't...are we having an argument?
Hodgins: Of course
Zack: Why?
Hodgins: Because Cam's dying, and I should be with Angela, and because there are no particles.
Zack: ...on the clothing.
Hodgins: That's right.
Zack: What about the glass parts still left in the head.
Hodgins: (His face suddenly lights up) I'm not angry with you anymore!
The Girl in the Gator [2.13]
Booth: I can't hear a thing!
Ice Cream Man: The kids love the music!
Brennan: Well, I don't see any kids.
Ice Cream Man: The music attracts them!
Booth: Look, I can't hear anything because of this insane music! [fires two shots into Ice Cream Clown]
Ice Cream Man: YOU SHOT MY CLOWN!
Booth: [into phone] Okay. Flight number? ...Thanks. [to Brennan] Okay! We're all set.
Brennan: That was not good.
Angela: "Step away please?" Just because you have your doctorate now doesn't mean I won't use you as a swizzle stick. Booth: Nah, it was an ice cream truck.
Dr. Wyatt: You have a good reason for firing on it?
Booth: Yeah, the music was bothering me.
Dr. Wyatt: Ah.
Dr.Wyatt: You are fit for physical labor, aren't you? I mean, the clown didn't return fire, did it?
Girl: We met so many guys. You know how it is.
Sully: I'm guessing she doesn't.
Brennan: You know, anthropologically speaking, you follow a very ancient tradition.
Monte: Okay... entrepreneur?
Brennan: Pimp.
Monte: Man, you have to spend all day with her?
Sully: Yeah, an actual woman. You should try it sometime.
Booth: Well, he jumped over that balcony because of her. [chuckles] Y'know, sometimes I think he had the right idea.
Dr. Wyatt: But shooting a clown is not a quiet rebellion. Shooting a clown is, quite literally, deafening.
Booth: Hey, Doc, why is it that every time I answer the phone, you walk away?
Dr. Wyatt: Why do you answer the phone knowing it'll make me walk away?
Hodgins: I clicked on a pop-up and got caught in a pornado.
Brennan: Keep your eyes open for a metal screw threaded thingy.
The Man in the Mansion [2.14]
Dr. Wyatt: Why don't we talk about the case you're working on at the moment?
Booth: Why?
Dr. Wyatt: Well, I am trained as a forensic psychologist. I might be able to help.
Booth: Okay, fine, great. I have a dead rich guy, works with at-risk youth, gets brutally murdered after confiscating a couple pounds of heroin from one of his kids.
Dr. Wyatt: Interesting that the first word you used to describe him is "rich".
Booth: Ah, second. The first description was dead.
The Bodies in the Book [2.15]
Angela: Testosterone spill on Aisle 4.
Hodgins: So, for kicks you read...
Cam: Feminist trash. You know. Woman finds her power, leaves her oppressive husband, discovers freedom and fulfillment with an artist who knows how to cry and make love like an animal. Hodgins: So, sex books.
Cam: Pretty much, yeah.
The Boneless Bride in the River [2.16]
Zack: Positive ID on both sets of remains. William Chang and Li-Ling Fan.
Angela: (Looking at both skeletons and their pictures) Wow, they kind of go together.
Cam: Because they're deceased?
Angela: Yeah, but more than that, they are exactly the same level of hotness.
Cam: Which is zero, because they're skeletons.
Angela: She was ill and he was ill, it's really too bad they never actually met.
Cam: (To Zack) The mortician's lawyer advised him to clam up, the Changs now say that the twenty-five thousand dollars was used to pay off a family debt.
Angela: Ever think that their spirits actually did meet, and they're working to get their bones together here, in the physical plane? Cam: You mean like we're "possessed" into doing their bidding? Angela: (sighs) You know what you people lack? Whimsy. It's a genuine handicap.
Angela: (talking about the two skeletons) I am going to draw them a wedding picture.
Cam: Okay. Well, you do that, (turns to Zack) we should find out who poisoned the victim and arrest him for murder.
Zack: Probably the bouncing, flying mail-order husband. (Turns to Angela) Does that count as whimsy?
Angela: Well, you're handicapped, Zack. Someone really needs to throw a telethon for you.
The Priest in the Churchyard [2.17]
Booth: Don't knock therapy, ok? Dr. Wyatt has helped me realize there are certain pressures that build up on the job, and I need creative ways -
Brennan: [interjecting] We do everything together.
Seeley Booth: - of dealing with them.
Brennan: What exactly do you have to contend with on the job that I don't?
Booth: You, Bones. You don't have to contend with you.
Zach: (To Father Donlan) I'm Dr. Addy. Are you one of those priests who smack schoolchildren with rulers? Father Donlan: [icily] That's not allowed anymore.
Brennan: (To Lorraine) Do we take this, or do we need to serve a warrant on God?
Booth: (Grabs the chalice)
Brennan: (Trying to get Angela examined by Dr. Wyatt) Dr. Wyatt, we need you to do it with her.
Dr. Wyatt: [stammering] Well...I could but unfortunately, my heart belongs to another.
The Killer in the Concrete [2.18]
Cop: And when we dug up the cement -
Brennan: No, that's concrete. Cement is an ingredient in concrete. Booth: Yeah, that's a real important distinction to make at this juncture.
Hodgins: Waffle-soled shoes and a track suit.
Cam: You know who wears track suits?
Zach: Athletes?
Cam: No, huge tubs of lard or retired people.
Player Under Pressure [2.19]
This ep did not go to air as it involved murder on a university campus shortly after the Virgina Tech shootings.
Spaceman in a Crater [2.20]
Booth: The telescope is pointed up at the planet Pluto.
Hodgins: Pluto's no longer a planet. It was demoted.
Booth: Hey Bones. I ran a check on STC, okay. They're part of the 'Tinfoil Hat Squad'.
Brennan: What's that?
Booth: They wear tin little hats, probably to check aliens from controlling their minds.
Brennan: Oh, schizophrenics?
The Glowing Bones in the Old Stone House [2.21]
Hodgins: It's not like we get a human light bulb in here everyday.
Booth: Okay squint squad, why does she look like a human glow stick?
Hodgins: I am not a party trick!
Cam: Re-hydrates dried tissues and stops static cling.
Brennan: I'd back down if I were you, he shot a clown once.
Booth: Talk to me squints, as close to English as possible.
Hodgins: I don't understand. Why wasn't Abby killed too?
Cam: (inspecting the murder scene) Funny, but I haven't found a written confession yet.
Hodgins: Whoa, wait a minute.
Cam: What is it?
Hodgins: Ah ha, unidentified particulates. The two sweetest words I know.
Cam: I don't even want to think about your pillow talk with Angela.
Hodgins: No more. I'm done.
Booth: You're done with Angela?
Hodgins: (definitively) No. But, hey, I fell in love with a free spirit, and if getting married makes her feel trapped or something, then I'm, I'm just gonna have to deal with it.
Booth: Right. So, you don't want to get married anymore.
Hodgins: Sure I do.
Booth: You know, this whole ceramic stuff is making more sense to me.
Hodgins: But Angela doesn't. And I don't want to drive her away like you did with Rebecca.
Booth: Whoa, I did not drive Rebecca away. We both agreed that it wasn't right.
Hodgins: After you asked and she said no.
Booth: Well, when you say it like that, it's-
Hodgins: But if it had been right, it wouldn't matter if you were married or not, would it, because you'd have a life together.
Booth: Great, then why not get married.
Hodgins: Because then we wouldn't be able to be together, see, this is all becoming so clear now!
Booth: (laughs) Not really.
Hodgins: You put on that macho front, but inside you understand!
Booth: I don't understand.
Hodgins: That which the mind can't grasp...
Booth: All right, you know, I'm just trying to catch a murderer, but you seem to have gone way past that.
Hodgins: Means a lot, knowing that you get it, man. Most guys, not secure enough to admit that.
Booth: I have a headache. (his phone rings, he answers) Booth. Yeah, I'm on my way. Abby just (Hodgins hugs Booth) woke up. I need you to figure out what that stuff is. Okay. (Hodgins lets go) It's so much easier just to fight and shoot guns. Bones, she's awake, we're going!
Stargazer in a Puddle [2.22]
Brennan: "I would like to marry you."
Booth: Kind of sudden, Bones. Let me think about that
Brennan: No, Booth. That's what Angela [Booth starts to laugh] told Hodgins. Are you joking?
Booth: [on the phone with Hodgins] You know you didn't give me much time to put a bachelor party together.
Hodgins: No bachelor party.
Brennan: Is that Hodgins?
Booth: Yeah he wants me to be his best man. [to Hodgins] Well if there's no bachelor party what do you want me to do?
Hodgins: Stand there, make a toast, hand over the ring, tongue kiss the maid of honor at the reception when people clink glasses.
Booth: Nice, excellent okay who's the maid of honor?
Hodgins: No idea but most of Angela's friends are really hot.
Brennan: I'm the maid of honor. Why?
Billy Gibbons: Always play it in the key of G Demolished.
Hodgins: I...don't know what that means.
