How do I become sarcastic?
"You answer questions such as THIS one"


My house is on fire, what do I do?
"You get off the fuckin computer and go outside!"


Can you get pregnant from watching porn?
"Only on wednesdays"


Every time I drink alcohol I feel sad.
"Your not drinking ENOUGH of it!"


I was having sex with my sister and got a cramp in my leg.
"GOOD!"


Why are babies ugly at first?
"YOU try living inside a woman's vigina for so long!"


How do I become a Justin Bieber fan?
"You take a large blow to the head. Maybe jump off a cliff as a start."


Is is normal to be in love with your dog?
"... You need help"


Do you cats know when your masterbating? I'm asking for a friend?
"Your friend needs to stop smoking so much weed"


Do they have toliet paper in Canada?
"Coarse not! We use the flag of whatever country your from"


Is their birds in Canada:
"Obviously you never seen Alpha and Omega"


What happens if you paint your teeth white with nail polish?
"You die!"


How do I test if my turtle is gay?
"you show it your penis, and see if it stares for more than 20 seconds"


Are there autographs of Jesus Christ?
"No, they were all turned into wine"