#1:
Donny: Now Ted.. You belong to Robert now, okay, you do what he says.
Ted: You think you can just get away with kidnapping?.. Nice fuckin example your setting her-
Donny: (screaming) LANGUAAAGE!!
Donny: (calm again) Sorry, sorry... You know Ted, when I was a little boy, I saw you on television. And I thought you were the most amazing, most wonderful thing I'd ever seen, ever. And I asked my dad if I could have a magically little teddy bear, too. And he said, "No."
Ted: Can you just email me the rest of this story?
Donny: And I was so heartbroken. And I promised myself that if I ever had a son, I would never, ever, ever say no to him. Ever.
Ted: Maybe "no" to a Snickers bar every once in a while wouldn't hurt.
#2:
Southern newscaster: LOOK WHAT JESUS DID! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!
#3:
John: [Stammers and stands up; he speaks in a calm tone] I'm sorry little guy, but my bear isn't for sale. See, I've had him since I was about your age. He's very, very special to me.
Robert: Stand up straight when you're talking to me!
John: [Dumbfounded] Why the fuck would he say that?
#4:
Frank: You had sexual intercourse with a co-worker on top of the produce that we sell to the public?
Ted: I fucked her with a parsnip last week. And a sold the parsnip to a family with four small children.
Frank: That took guts. We need guts. I'm promoting you.
Ted: You got a lot of problems, don't ya?
#5:
Ted: Uh...well, you know, since I just returned from active duty in the Civil War, that actually sounds very appealing. Oh, wait! No, I'm sorry, that was a hundred and fifty years ago, and uh...I don't give a shit.
#6:
Ted: Marry christmas everyone.
Helen: (screams in horror)
Ted: Let's all be best friends.
Steve: JESUS H. FUCK!
John: Dad.
Steve: John get away from that thing.
John: Bu-
Steve: GET OVER HERE!!
Helen: LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER! COME HERE!
Steve: Helen, get my gun!
John: Dad no!
Ted: Is it a hugging gun?
Steve: GET MY GUN AND CALL THE COPS!!'
#7:
Man: You break my wall! This my home long time! You break my wall! You bastard
men!
John: We're sorry, it was an accident.
Man: You bastard men! I try to make duck dinner, now plaster everywhere!
John: Chill out okay? We'll pay for it! Let's talk this out okay? What's your name? I'm John!
John: Look.. Just calm down, tell us your name.
Man: My name Wan Ming.
Sam: Ming!?
Man: (dressed as Ming the Merciless) You pay many dollar for wall! This bullshit! This all bullshit!
Sam: DEATH!! TO MINNG!!
#8:
Narrator: Donny was arrested by Boston police and charged with kidnapping a plush toy. The charges were dropped when everyone realized how completely stupid that sounded.
#9:
Lori: Can I give you a ride home?
John: No thanks, I'll walk. I might get raped but if I do I'll know it's my fault because of what I'm wearing.
#10:
Frank: You think you got what it takes?
Ted: I'll tell you what I got. Your wife's pussy on my breath.
Frank: Nobody's ever spoken to me like that before.
Ted: That's because their mouths were full of your wife's box.
Frank: ... You're hired.
Ted: Shit.
#11:
Ted: I met a girl; she's a cashier.
John: No way! That's awesome! We should fuckin' double date or something, you, me and Lori and w-what's her name?
Ted: White trash name. Guess.
John: Mandy.
Ted: Nope.
John: Marilyn.
Ted: Nope.
John: Brittany?
Ted: Nope.
John: Tiffany.
Ted: Nope.
John: Candace.
Ted: Nope.
John: Don't fuck with me on this! I know this shit!
Ted: Do you see me fuckin' with you? I'm completely serious.
John: Alright, speed round. I'm gonna rattle off some names, and when I hit it, you fuckin' buzz it, okay? You got me?
Ted: You do it. I will tell you. Yeah.
John: Alright: Brandy, Heather, Channing, Brianna, Amber, Serena, Melody, Dakota, Sierra, Bambi, Crystal, Samantha, Autumn, Ruby, Taylor, Tara, Tammy, Lauren, Charlene, Chantelle, Courtney, Misty, Jenny, Krista, Mindy, Noel, Shelby, Trina, Reba, Cassandra, Nikki, Kelsey, Shawna, Jolene, Urleen, Claudia, Savannah, Casey, Dolly, Kendra, Kylie, Chloe, Devon, Emmalou, fuckin' *Becky*?
Ted: No.
John: Wait; was it any of those names with a "Lynn" after it?
Ted: *Yes*.
John: Oh, I got you, motherfucker! I got you!
[Ted laughs]
John: Okay. Brandi-Lynn, Heather-Lynn...
Ted: Tami-Lynn.
John: FUUCK!!
#12:
Narrator: Despite all of Ted's fame, he still made time for John.. What happened to him?.. Well.. No matter how big a splash you make in this world whether you're Corey Feldman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber or a talking teddy bear, eventually, nobody gives a shit.
#13:
John: [calling 911] This guy took my teddy bear!
[pause]
John: Hello? Hello!?
#14:
[thunder is heard outside]
Lori: I don't - I don't understand. I really don't. You're 35 years old and you're still scared of a little thunder?
John: I am not!
[Ted comes running into the bed]
Ted: Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny?
John: Fucking right.
Ted: Alright, come on, let's sing the thunder song.
John: Alright.
John, Ted: [singing] When you hear the sound of thunder, / Don't you get too scared. / Just grab your thunder buddy / And say these magic words: / "Fuck you, thunder! / You can suck my dick! / You can't get me thunder / 'Cause you're just God's farts!"
[blow raspberries]
#15:
Ted: Oh look Johnny, if we're ever gonna get serious about openin' a restaurant we gotta start plannin' it now.
John: Italian.
Ted: Italian, yes.
John: What's the special on Tuesdays?
Ted: Eggplant parm.
John: Chopped salad half price.
Ted: And it's a non-restricted place.
John: Yeah. Wait, whaddaya mean?
Ted: Anybody can come.
John: Of course.
Ted: Jews are welcome.
John: Well yeah, I mean why wouldn't they be?
Ted: Exactly, that's what I'm saying.
John: Yeah, but why even bring that up?
Ted: You don't bring it up. You just let 'em in.
John: So why mention it?
Ted: No one will.
John: So why are we talking about it?
Ted: You're talkin' about it, I'm just sayin' let 'em in.
John: Yeah, let 'em in.
Ted: Exactly.
John: Right.
Ted: Good.
John: Okay.
Ted: No Mexicans, though.
#16:
John: We have been dating for four years tomorrow.
Ted: Fuck me! Nice!
John: Let me ask you something. You don't think she's gonna be expecting something big, do you?
Ted: What? Like anal?
John: No... Like fuckin engagement ring,
Ted: Wait.. We been together for MORE than four years..Where's my ring?.. Huh? Where's my engagement ring motherfucker!?.. Put it on my fuzzy finger you fuck!
#17:
Narrator: Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.
#18:
Guy: I got fuckin wasted last night, and apparently I made a letter to a man asking him to beat me up. And another letter saying thank you.
#19:
John: Ted!
Ted: (bizarre voice) I'm alive, Johnny!
John: Oh, my God!
Ted: (bizarre voice) I'm alive. Your magical wish worked!
John: You're back!
Ted: (bizarre voice) Yeah, I mean, when you sewed me up you put some of the stuffing in the wrong places, so I'm a little fucked up. But will you take care of me forever and ever?
John: (pauses)
Ted: (normal voice) Hawhawhaw, I'm just kidding you. I thought it would be funny if you thought I was fucking retarded.
#20:
Ted: No, see trust me I can do this.
Guy #1: Shut up.
Guy #2: Let him try it, man.
Guy #1: All right. Okay.
[Puts his hand on the table with fingers spread out. Ted picks up a knife and starts stabbing the table between Guy #1's fingers as the crowd cheers. Ted stabs faster until he accidentally stabs Guy #1's hand. Crowd gasps as Guy #1 grabs his hand and crashes into the TV stand]
Ted: What?
Guy #1: [Holding his hand where blood is oozing out of the wound] Son of a bitch!
Ted: Well you never should have trusted me. I'm on drugs.
Donny: Now Ted.. You belong to Robert now, okay, you do what he says.
Ted: You think you can just get away with kidnapping?.. Nice fuckin example your setting her-
Donny: (screaming) LANGUAAAGE!!
Donny: (calm again) Sorry, sorry... You know Ted, when I was a little boy, I saw you on television. And I thought you were the most amazing, most wonderful thing I'd ever seen, ever. And I asked my dad if I could have a magically little teddy bear, too. And he said, "No."
Ted: Can you just email me the rest of this story?
Donny: And I was so heartbroken. And I promised myself that if I ever had a son, I would never, ever, ever say no to him. Ever.
Ted: Maybe "no" to a Snickers bar every once in a while wouldn't hurt.
#2:
Southern newscaster: LOOK WHAT JESUS DID! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!
#3:
John: [Stammers and stands up; he speaks in a calm tone] I'm sorry little guy, but my bear isn't for sale. See, I've had him since I was about your age. He's very, very special to me.
Robert: Stand up straight when you're talking to me!
John: [Dumbfounded] Why the fuck would he say that?
#4:
Frank: You had sexual intercourse with a co-worker on top of the produce that we sell to the public?
Ted: I fucked her with a parsnip last week. And a sold the parsnip to a family with four small children.
Frank: That took guts. We need guts. I'm promoting you.
Ted: You got a lot of problems, don't ya?
#5:
Ted: Uh...well, you know, since I just returned from active duty in the Civil War, that actually sounds very appealing. Oh, wait! No, I'm sorry, that was a hundred and fifty years ago, and uh...I don't give a shit.
#6:
Ted: Marry christmas everyone.
Helen: (screams in horror)
Ted: Let's all be best friends.
Steve: JESUS H. FUCK!
John: Dad.
Steve: John get away from that thing.
John: Bu-
Steve: GET OVER HERE!!
Helen: LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER! COME HERE!
Steve: Helen, get my gun!
John: Dad no!
Ted: Is it a hugging gun?
Steve: GET MY GUN AND CALL THE COPS!!'
#7:
Man: You break my wall! This my home long time! You break my wall! You bastard
men!
John: We're sorry, it was an accident.
Man: You bastard men! I try to make duck dinner, now plaster everywhere!
John: Chill out okay? We'll pay for it! Let's talk this out okay? What's your name? I'm John!
John: Look.. Just calm down, tell us your name.
Man: My name Wan Ming.
Sam: Ming!?
Man: (dressed as Ming the Merciless) You pay many dollar for wall! This bullshit! This all bullshit!
Sam: DEATH!! TO MINNG!!
#8:
Narrator: Donny was arrested by Boston police and charged with kidnapping a plush toy. The charges were dropped when everyone realized how completely stupid that sounded.
#9:
Lori: Can I give you a ride home?
John: No thanks, I'll walk. I might get raped but if I do I'll know it's my fault because of what I'm wearing.
#10:
Frank: You think you got what it takes?
Ted: I'll tell you what I got. Your wife's pussy on my breath.
Frank: Nobody's ever spoken to me like that before.
Ted: That's because their mouths were full of your wife's box.
Frank: ... You're hired.
Ted: Shit.
#11:
Ted: I met a girl; she's a cashier.
John: No way! That's awesome! We should fuckin' double date or something, you, me and Lori and w-what's her name?
Ted: White trash name. Guess.
John: Mandy.
Ted: Nope.
John: Marilyn.
Ted: Nope.
John: Brittany?
Ted: Nope.
John: Tiffany.
Ted: Nope.
John: Candace.
Ted: Nope.
John: Don't fuck with me on this! I know this shit!
Ted: Do you see me fuckin' with you? I'm completely serious.
John: Alright, speed round. I'm gonna rattle off some names, and when I hit it, you fuckin' buzz it, okay? You got me?
Ted: You do it. I will tell you. Yeah.
John: Alright: Brandy, Heather, Channing, Brianna, Amber, Serena, Melody, Dakota, Sierra, Bambi, Crystal, Samantha, Autumn, Ruby, Taylor, Tara, Tammy, Lauren, Charlene, Chantelle, Courtney, Misty, Jenny, Krista, Mindy, Noel, Shelby, Trina, Reba, Cassandra, Nikki, Kelsey, Shawna, Jolene, Urleen, Claudia, Savannah, Casey, Dolly, Kendra, Kylie, Chloe, Devon, Emmalou, fuckin' *Becky*?
Ted: No.
John: Wait; was it any of those names with a "Lynn" after it?
Ted: *Yes*.
John: Oh, I got you, motherfucker! I got you!
[Ted laughs]
John: Okay. Brandi-Lynn, Heather-Lynn...
Ted: Tami-Lynn.
John: FUUCK!!
#12:
Narrator: Despite all of Ted's fame, he still made time for John.. What happened to him?.. Well.. No matter how big a splash you make in this world whether you're Corey Feldman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber or a talking teddy bear, eventually, nobody gives a shit.
#13:
John: [calling 911] This guy took my teddy bear!
[pause]
John: Hello? Hello!?
#14:
[thunder is heard outside]
Lori: I don't - I don't understand. I really don't. You're 35 years old and you're still scared of a little thunder?
John: I am not!
[Ted comes running into the bed]
Ted: Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny?
John: Fucking right.
Ted: Alright, come on, let's sing the thunder song.
John: Alright.
John, Ted: [singing] When you hear the sound of thunder, / Don't you get too scared. / Just grab your thunder buddy / And say these magic words: / "Fuck you, thunder! / You can suck my dick! / You can't get me thunder / 'Cause you're just God's farts!"
[blow raspberries]
#15:
Ted: Oh look Johnny, if we're ever gonna get serious about openin' a restaurant we gotta start plannin' it now.
John: Italian.
Ted: Italian, yes.
John: What's the special on Tuesdays?
Ted: Eggplant parm.
John: Chopped salad half price.
Ted: And it's a non-restricted place.
John: Yeah. Wait, whaddaya mean?
Ted: Anybody can come.
John: Of course.
Ted: Jews are welcome.
John: Well yeah, I mean why wouldn't they be?
Ted: Exactly, that's what I'm saying.
John: Yeah, but why even bring that up?
Ted: You don't bring it up. You just let 'em in.
John: So why mention it?
Ted: No one will.
John: So why are we talking about it?
Ted: You're talkin' about it, I'm just sayin' let 'em in.
John: Yeah, let 'em in.
Ted: Exactly.
John: Right.
Ted: Good.
John: Okay.
Ted: No Mexicans, though.
#16:
John: We have been dating for four years tomorrow.
Ted: Fuck me! Nice!
John: Let me ask you something. You don't think she's gonna be expecting something big, do you?
Ted: What? Like anal?
John: No... Like fuckin engagement ring,
Ted: Wait.. We been together for MORE than four years..Where's my ring?.. Huh? Where's my engagement ring motherfucker!?.. Put it on my fuzzy finger you fuck!
#17:
Narrator: Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.
#18:
Guy: I got fuckin wasted last night, and apparently I made a letter to a man asking him to beat me up. And another letter saying thank you.
#19:
John: Ted!
Ted: (bizarre voice) I'm alive, Johnny!
John: Oh, my God!
Ted: (bizarre voice) I'm alive. Your magical wish worked!
John: You're back!
Ted: (bizarre voice) Yeah, I mean, when you sewed me up you put some of the stuffing in the wrong places, so I'm a little fucked up. But will you take care of me forever and ever?
John: (pauses)
Ted: (normal voice) Hawhawhaw, I'm just kidding you. I thought it would be funny if you thought I was fucking retarded.
#20:
Ted: No, see trust me I can do this.
Guy #1: Shut up.
Guy #2: Let him try it, man.
Guy #1: All right. Okay.
[Puts his hand on the table with fingers spread out. Ted picks up a knife and starts stabbing the table between Guy #1's fingers as the crowd cheers. Ted stabs faster until he accidentally stabs Guy #1's hand. Crowd gasps as Guy #1 grabs his hand and crashes into the TV stand]
Ted: What?
Guy #1: [Holding his hand where blood is oozing out of the wound] Son of a bitch!
Ted: Well you never should have trusted me. I'm on drugs.
1: Clearence Little:
The corrupt cop Francis McCreary wants Clearence dead for reasons explained in the beginning cut away (most of them self centred).
I don't really like killing this guy, despite the fact he tries to kill you later in a random encounter.
He's still was pleading for life, and Niko doesn't seem like the type who would kill someone on their knees... Unless it's friggin Dimitri.
If you do the excutution move on him, Niko will even apologize for having killed him..
2: Dwayne Forge
I always kill Playboy instead of Dwayne.
Cause Dwayne is such a nice guy, and it makes me feel more guilty..
The corrupt cop Francis McCreary wants Clearence dead for reasons explained in the beginning cut away (most of them self centred).
I don't really like killing this guy, despite the fact he tries to kill you later in a random encounter.
He's still was pleading for life, and Niko doesn't seem like the type who would kill someone on their knees... Unless it's friggin Dimitri.
If you do the excutution move on him, Niko will even apologize for having killed him..
2: Dwayne Forge
I always kill Playboy instead of Dwayne.
Cause Dwayne is such a nice guy, and it makes me feel more guilty..
episode: ALL ABOUT THE MORMONS
Stan refuses to become Greg's friend, because he believe's his family religion is stupid, and the family is disturbingly nice..
But Greg later approaches Stan, saying he won't try to be his friend anymore, and also uses the following speech...
"Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense, and maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up, but I have a great life. and a great family, and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up, because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You've got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls."
Stan refuses to become Greg's friend, because he believe's his family religion is stupid, and the family is disturbingly nice..
But Greg later approaches Stan, saying he won't try to be his friend anymore, and also uses the following speech...
"Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense, and maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up, but I have a great life. and a great family, and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up, because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You've got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls."
In celebration of finally beating Red Dead 2.. Here's best quotes of new protagonst, Arthur Morgan..
#1:
Arthur: Damn Marston. That's smart.. You might the only guy I know, to be half eaten by wolves, and come back a smarter man..
#2:
Arthur: As long as we get paid or you get shot I'm happy.
#3:
Arthur: Maybe when your mother is finished mourning your father... I'll keep her in black, on your behalf.
#4:
Arthur: John made it. He's the only one. Rest of us... No.
#5:
Arthur: This whole thing is pretty much done. We're more ghosts than people.
#6:
Tommy: Come on than pretty boy!
Arthur: Pretty boy? You're kidding me, Pretty Boy!?
#7:
Micah: Seems were the only ones crazy enough to be out here.
Arthur: Don't speak to me about 'crazy'.
#8:
Arthur: I gave you all I had....
#1:
Arthur: Damn Marston. That's smart.. You might the only guy I know, to be half eaten by wolves, and come back a smarter man..
#2:
Arthur: As long as we get paid or you get shot I'm happy.
#3:
Arthur: Maybe when your mother is finished mourning your father... I'll keep her in black, on your behalf.
#4:
Arthur: John made it. He's the only one. Rest of us... No.
#5:
Arthur: This whole thing is pretty much done. We're more ghosts than people.
#6:
Tommy: Come on than pretty boy!
Arthur: Pretty boy? You're kidding me, Pretty Boy!?
#7:
Micah: Seems were the only ones crazy enough to be out here.
Arthur: Don't speak to me about 'crazy'.
#8:
Arthur: I gave you all I had....
Song: link
Blue lines fly along the screen, then the words appear
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! Pingas!
A not so long time ago in a world ruled by ponies
Theme song: link
HEDGEHOG IN PONYVILLE
Episode XI
Return To Ponyville
Discord has taken over the Prisoner Of War camp where I was sent, with Rainbow Dash, Princess Celestia, and many other ponies.
However, the Nazi Forces were planning on making a space station, called the Death Egg, and they needed more money to finishbuilding this death defying space station.
To make more money, they ordered Discord to sell me, and the other...
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. Pingas!
Things were not going well for Equestria after the events of the previous H.I.P story. A week after the war ended somepony assassinated the mayor of Ponyville. Then stallions started being sexist to mares. Even Doughnut Joe wouldn't let mares in his restaurant, but if they were to buy something Joe would just double the price for what they bought.
Two and a half years later things just got worse, a griffon appeared. It was someone named Gilda, and she seemed pissed, "I've had enough of these ponies. It's time to do something about them."...
