Running from Chicacolt to San Franciscolt is a railroad called the Union Pacific. It's the largest railroad in the United States, and is run by thousands of ponies. This is the story of some of those ponies that run the rails, aka railroading.

Episode 3: Enemies With Benefits

October 2, 1950

Gordon returned to work after his suspension. He was happy to return, but little did he know that things would ultimately go bad for him.

Pete: Welcome back Gordon. Now repeat after me.
Gordon: What for?
Pete: Repeat after me! I will not do anything to disgrace this railroad.
Gordon: I will not do anything to disgrace this railroad.
Pete: Or anyone that works here
Gordon: Or anyone that works here.
Pete: I will do exactly what my boss tells me to do.
Gordon: I will do exactly what my boss tells me to do.
Pete: And I will not fuck with him in anyway.
Gordon: And I will not fuck with him in anyway.
Pete: Alright good. Now I have an assignment for you, and Hawkeye to do.
Gordon: I'm pretty sure you do.
Hawkeye: Mornin' boss.
Pete: Monin' Hawkeye. Come over here. I have an assignment for you to do with Gordon.
Hawkeye: WHAT?!
Pete: I have an assignment for you to do with Gordon.
Hawkeye: I heard you, but allow me to ask again. WHAT?!
Pete: For the last time! I have an assign-
Hawkeye: You told me that twice!!
Gordon: Pity. I wish you could tell him again. Why do we have to work together?
Pete: Coffee Creme is sick, and Orion is on another train with Honey, on their way to Dallas.
Hawkeye: Alright, what do we have to do?
Pete: Carry a huge freight train from here to Ogden Utah.
Hawkeye: What engines are we using?
Pete: Only one. For a freight train like this, you get to use one of our largest locomotives.
Gordon: Oh boy.
Hawkeye: Are you saying we get to drive a bigboy?!
Pete: Eeyup.
Hawkeye: Alright!! This is awesome!
Gordon: Don't get too excited.
Hawkeye: Don't get unexcited, let's go!
Pete: Good luck you two. I know you hate each other, but I'm sure you can complete this job with ease.
Hawkeye: Yes sir. *walks to train*
Gordon: Wait for me *follows*

At the train yard

Red Rose: *switching tracks*
Hawkeye: Hey Red Rose, guess what?!
Red Rose: You're driving a bigboy to Ogden?
Hawkeye: Yeah, how'd you know?
Red Rose: I got a message from the boss. Your train is over there being checked.
Hawkeye: Thank you. *walks to train*
Red Rose: *spots Gordon* You're not working with Hawkeye, are you?
Gordon: Unfortunately I am.
Red Rose: Welp, he's gonna die a very unfortunate death.
Gordon: Don't give me that! You're just a yard operator!
Red Rose: That tells you what to do!
Gordon: Ugh *walks away*
Percy: Hi Hawkeye
Hawkeye: Hey, I thought you, and Jeff were supposed to fix tracks.
Jeff: Not today, we were told to work here for now.
Gordon: What are you doing servicing our engine?! Don't you know that you have to maintain track? You could be fired for doing different work without permission from the boss.
Percy: We were given permission from the boss.
Hawkeye: *blows whistle*
Jeff & Percy: AH!!
Hawkeye: Something tells me I won $4.
Percy: Aw fine! *gives Hawkeye $2*
Jeff: *gives hawkeye $2*
Hawkeye: Thanks you two.
Percy: Next time, we'll be prepared.
Gordon: Is everything ready?
Jeff: Yeah, it's fine. Just remember that the breaks may break when you're travelling at top speed which is 75 miles an hour.
Hawkeye: They don't call them brakes for nothing.
Percy & Jeff: *laugh*
Gordon: Let's just go, move it!
Percy & Jeff: *get out of way*
Red Rose: *turns signal green*
Hawkeye: *goes for lever*
Gordon: What are you doing?! I'm driving this train!
Hawkeye: Don't argue, I'm the one sitting closest, I'm the engineer *pulls lever*

The two stallions left the yard, and soon went on their way to Ogden.

Gordon: Ok, no cursing. This is my train, no cursing.
Hawkeye: Piss.
Gordon: Hey, what the hell did I just say?
Hawkeye: N----r.
Gordon: Oh wow, are you deaf?
Hawkeye: Damnit.
Gordon: Still going. Really?
Hawkeye: Hell.
Gordon: Do you want me to jump out of this train?
Hawkeye: It'd be pretty nice.
Gordon: Well I'm not the one breaking rules here. So go shovel the coal, pronto.
Hawkeye: We'll be fine. When we get up to Sherman hill, then we'll need more coal. Get ready.
Gordon: This is going to be a long journey.
Hawkeye: Eeyup

The train went up Sherman Hill, and Gordon was shoveling coal

Gordon: Hey, if you let me drive this train, I will be the happiest pony ever.
Hawkeye: *flicks Gordon*
Gordon: dadlhbndfgonlkesjgkodsfgbvdfljkgzx! YOU. Leave this train right now! If you're going to torturize me, then get off this train
Hawkeye: *flicks Gordon*
Gordon: Yoyoyoyo! Now, you're making me mad! Get the hell off this train.
Hawkeye: Nah, I kinda like it in here. We're not even halfway up, why have you stopped shoveling?
Gordon: Because that's what you should be doing.
Hawkeye: Says the one with the shovel.
Gordon: Fine! *shovels more coal*

At 15 miles an hour, they made it to the top of the hill.

Hawkeye: Alright, time to highball down the line. *pushes lever*
Gordon: How fast do you intend to go?
Hawkeye: 60.
Gordon: What?!
Hawkeye: 60
Gordon: I heard you, but that made me give the intention to ask again. What?!
Hawkeye: Well how fast do you want to go, 20?
Gordon: Shouldn't we be going 80?
Hawkeye: If we hit 75, and we try to stop, the brakes will break. Don't you remember?
Gordon: No, that's why I asked.
Hawkeye: Of course you don't remember. *looks at signal* Now we have to stay in this speed otherwise we crash into another train.
Gordon: No we won't! Move *pulls Hawkeye from controls*
Hawkeye: You are an idiot if you think you can do this!
Gordon: No I'm- Are you recording this?!?
Hawkeye: *holding camera* Yeah, because if we crash Pete will know which one of us to fire.
Gordon: You better give me that footage!
Hawkeye: *puts film in case* You want it? *holds it out window*
Gordon: NO! Don't put it there!
Hawkeye: Alright, you don't want it. Aaand it's gone!
Gordon: NO! *jumps out*
Hawkeye: Hahaha! *brings case back in engine* I didn't even let go.

Hawkeye then started to slow the train down. As he predicted, another train was in front of him, but the engine pulling it broke down.

Hawkeye: *puts train in siding*
Workers: *moves train out of way*
Hawkeye: How long do I have to wait here?

Worker: About 2 minutes.
Hawkeye: Ok. Thanks

Meanwhile with Gordon

Gordon: *looks for case* Where is that case?
Percy: *driving cart* Hey Gordon, what are you looking for?
Gordon: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!
Percy: Sorry *takes off*
Gordon: Aha! I found the case. *opens case* WHAT?! There's no film in here!! AAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!!
Percy: *backs up* Are you alright? I know it's none of my business, but you seem upset right now.
Gordon: Yes, and I need your help with something. I accidentally fell out of Hawkeye's train. He's waiting for me at a siding. Take me to him.
Percy: Sure thing. Hop on
Gordon: *hops on cart*

Meanwhile with Hawkeye

engineers: It's all clear Hawkeye, you can go.
Hawkeye: Thank you. *pulls lever*
Percy: *driving cart*
Gordon: Shit! He's taking off without me.
Percy: Are you sure you're with him?
Gordon: Yes, I'm sure. *pushes Percy off cart*
engineers: Whoa! What's with that pony?
Percy: He has some vengeance to make.
engineers: Uh, ok.
Hawkeye: *going 30*
Gordon: *Following at 40*
Hawkeye: *gets onto mainline*
Gordon: Ugh! This train is in my way, and it's five miles long!! *puts on brakes*

But Gordon was getting closer to Hawkeye's train, and soon crashed into it.

In front of Hawkeye, a signal turned red.

Hawkeye: *stops train* What is it now?
Percy: *stops next to Hawkeye in truck* Hawkeye, come quick!
Hawkeye: *climbs out of cab* What happened?
Percy: Gordon pushed me out of a cart, and ran into your train.
Hawkeye: Oh damnit. *gets in truck*
Percy: *Drives*
Hawkeye: Wait, I forgot something. *jumps out of truck*
Percy: *stops* I'll bet another pony is falling out of another vehicle somewhere.
Hawkeye: *goes back in cab*
Percy: What is he doing?
Hawkeye: *grabs breifcase then kills fire*
Percy: *honks horn* Hurry up!
Hawkeye: *climbs out of cab, and runs to truck*
Percy: What were you doing?
Hawkeye: *gets in truck* Hollywood work. Let's go
Percy: *drives*

At the other side of the train

Gordon: *laying on ground*
Hawkeye: *sees Gordon*
Gordon: *sees briefcase* THERE IT IS!!!!
Doctors: Get him in the ambulance quickly.
Medics: *put Gordon in ambulance*
Doctors: Now how do we get back to the main road?
Percy: You'll have to follow me first. *drives back to engine*
Doctors: *follow in ambulance*
Percy: What is it with Gordon, and briefcases?
Hawkeye: He decided to be a working stallion for once.
Percy: What is that supposed to mean?
Hawkeye: He enjoyed being with me for once, and started loving his job. He was loving it so much that he wanted to get a briefcase. I have a bunch of things in here to keep me awake for my long job, and I'll need it in the future.
Percy: I'll bet you do.

Back to the ambulance,

Gordon: *jumps out*
Pete: What are you doing?!?
Gordon: Sir?! What are you doing here?
Pete: Checking to see if you're not on dope! I drove here, and when I heard you, and Hawkeye had some issues, I came here.
Gordon: No, there's a misunderstanding.
Pete: Oh yes there is, but you can't fool me. You're fired!
Gordon: what? Fired? No, no no no no no...

2 minutes later, back at cheyenne.

Gordon: ...No, NO NO!
Pete: Wow, you're really desperate.
Gordon: YES! I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired.

4 minutes later

Gordon: I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired.
Pete: l:(
Gordon: I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired. I don't wanna be fired.
Pete: That's enough. You're fired, and you will deal with it.
Snowflake: *watching* (I gotta tell Hawkeye this) *goes to teletype machine, and types* To Hawkeye from Snowflake. Gordon is fired.

The End

Next up in Ponies On The Rails

An Applewood company wants to shoot a commercial for the Union Pacific.

SeanTheHedgehog: Copyright 2013