Jerry: Sorry, but I got nothing.
Vito: I don't feel like dying. That's the reason we left the family in the first place.
Harlan: *Hears a car* What's that? *Looks out the window*
Vito: What is it?
Harlan: A cop.
The three stallions started to panic, but Vito had a plan.
Vito: I think I know what to do. Go upstairs and let me handle this.
Police Pony: *Rings the doorbell*
Vito: *Opens the door* How can I help you officer?
Police Pony: We got a complaint a while ago. Apparently this morning, some ponies had a gunfight just in front of your house. You know anything about this?
Vito: No. I was riding the Napa Valley Wine Train. Do you have a description of the ponies?
Police Pony: No. We don't have any witnesses either. Heard, and not seen.
Vito: *Chuckles* Usually it's the other way around.
Police Pony: *Chuckles* Let me give you this. *Gives Vito a card* You let us know if you see or find anything.
Vito: *Nods* Anything else you need before you hit the road?
Police Pony: No. I'm going to get some Chinese.
Vito: Enjoy.
Police Pony: Thanks. Have a good night.
Vito: Same to you officer. *Closes the door* Well, that went easier than expected.
Jerry: *Comes downstairs with Harlan* What did he say to you?
Vito: There were no witnesses, so he doesn't know I got involved in the fight.
Harlan: Let's hope it stays that way in case they come back.
An idea then came to Jerry
Jerry: Say. What if we go to them?
Vito: You mean go back to San Franciscolt?
Jerry: They won't expect it! They're searching the entire state of Alicornia to find us, but we'll be right under their noses.
Vito: Fuck dude, you realize what'll happen if they find us?
Jerry: If they find us. The odds of that occurring are 5,000,000 in 1.
Vito: You better be right about this.
Jerry: Within the past two years, have I ever let you down?
Vito: Los Angeles?
Jerry: What about Los Angeles?
Harlan: We were on vacation there, and MS13 tried to kill us.
Jerry: Your point?
Vito: *Sighs* If you're wrong about this Jerry, I'll kill you myself.
Jerry: You won't be firing anymore bullets for the rest of your life.
Vito: How soon can you get us back?
Jerry: Right now, I don't know, but I'll give you a heads up soon.
January 8, 1983
Vito: *Arrives at home in his car*
Q: *Waiting in a sedan with two other stallions* That's him.
Stallion 42: That sure is a nice house.
Vito: *Walks out of the car*
Q: Shoot him.
Stallion 38: *Looks back* Cop!
Q: *Pulls out a map*
Police Pony: *Stops behind the sedan, and walks out of his car*
Stallion 42: Oh shit.
Q: Relax. *Opens the window*
Police Pony: Hey guys, you need some help?
Q: Yeah, I think we took a wrong turn. We're trying to reach Los Angeles.
Police Pony: You know where 221 is?
Q: I think so.
Police Pony: It's just east of here, so you go right. Then keep heading south. Then use the Unicorn highway to get on Interstate 680.
Q: Thank you.
Police Pony: You're welcome, and good luck.
Q: *Starts the car, and drives off*
Police Pony: *Gets back in his car, and does a U-turn*
Vito watched the entire thing from inside the house, holding a Stoner 63.
Vito: That was close.
Jerry: *Arrives* What happened?
Vito: Remember Q?
Jerry: Yes.
Vito: A cop was just talking to him. I thought he was going to kill them, along with us.
Jerry: *Sighs* This is getting tougher. What do you think would have happened if we asked the boss to leave?
Vito: He would have liquidated us. *Looks at his watch* I'm gonna hit the sack soon. How's that house coming along?
Jerry: We're too poor to get a house, so we're going into an apartment.
Vito: Son of a bitch. How much longer do we have to be here?
Jerry: Two months. One of the resident's is leaving, but not until after she graduates high school.
Vito: Not even June, she must have done pretty good if she's leaving early.
Jerry: Kayla did that in middle school.
Vito: Impressive. Alright, I'm going to bed. Good night.
Jerry: See you tomorrow.
The next day, Q tried again to kill Vito, and Jerry.
Q: *Arrives in his Towncar with two other stallions*
Vito: *Walks out of the house, but spots Q, and quickly runs back upstairs*
Q: *Driving towards Vito*
Stallions: *Shooting MP5's*
Vito: *Dodging the bullets as he runs into the house, and upstairs*
Q: *Stops in front of the house* After him!
Stallions: *Run into the house*
Vito: *Makes it to his room, where a Stoner63 awaits him*
Stallions: *Going upstairs*
Vito: *Shooting the two stallions*
Q: *Hears the gunshots* Oh damn! *Drives off*
Vito: *Leans out of a window, and shoots Q's gas tank*
The car blew up, killing Q.
Vito: At least I know you're dead this time.
That night, Vito talked to Jerry.
Vito: Q tried to kill me again, but this time, he's dead.
Jerry: I hope that'll buy us enough time.
Vito: It's not. If we're going back to San Franciscolt, I suggest we hide out somewhere north for the rest of the two months.
Jerry: Think about Penny, and Kayla. We can't put them through this.
A tear came through Vito's right eye. He knew Jerry was right.
Vito: This is not at all what I expected.
Next morning, both stallions told their marefriends the truth.
Vito: It's best if you go somewhere else to live, far away from us.
Jerry: We're going to make things worse if you stay.
Penny: *Cries as he hugs Vito*
Kayla: *Hugs Jerry*
Penny: No matter what happens, you'll always be the greatest Stallion I ever knew. *Kisses Vito*
Kayla: Farewell you two. *Walks out of the house with Penny*
They watched Penny leave in her Mustang, followed by Kayla in her Plymouth.
Jerry: Where do you want to go next?
Vito: We could try Zinfandel. I want to try working at a winery again.
Jerry: If they're hiring.
Vito: With us, and Harlan, we can make big bucks.
Jerry: Where is Harlan? I haven't seen him in a couple of days.
Harlan: *Arrives* Hi guys.
Vito: Where have you been?
Harlan: Working. Look how much money I got. *Shows two bags filled with cash*
Vito: Where did you get all of that?!
Harlan: A quick trip to Reno. Luckily I got some help from your boss at the store.
Vito: You did steal the money from the cash register!
Harlan: No, it was a gift. He said he was very proud with your work, and wished me good luck.
Jerry: The manager said it was stolen.
Harlan: He'll never know it was me.
Vito: Yeah, because we vouched for you.
Jerry: At least it'll make us easier to move to Zinfandel.
Harlan: Why are we moving there?
Vito: We'll explain on the way. Come with me, Jerry you follow me.
The three stallions left their house, and made their way North, in hopes of getting away from the Costanza mob.
Vito explained to Harlan what happened as they drove north from Napa to Zinfandel.
Harlan: Again?
Vito: Again. If we stay around there any longer, chances are, we'd be dead right now.
Harlan: Where are we going to stay?
Vito: Well since you gained tons of money for us, we'll go to a hotel. I don't know how long we'll stay there, but once they make us leave, we'll have to go to a junkyard, and make do with what we have.
Harlan: Which isn't a whole lot.
Vito: No it's not.
Another phone call from Chicagoat to San Franciscolt was made.
Mr. Costanza: Did you find them yet?
Boss: Yes sir, but they escaped. One of my capo's was killed.
Mr. Costanza: Didn't you try getting their marefriends?
Boss: They weren't around when we went over. What do we do now?
Mr. Costanza: I don't know yet. I wish you luck in finding them.
The Ink House is a small Inn close to a railroad crossing.
Vito: *Arrives in his car*
Harlan: Well at least I know my job is nearby.
Vito: They're still letting you work on the wine train?
Harlan: Yeah. Too bad we're going back to San Fran in a couple of months. I like working here.
Vito: Perhaps you can get a job on another railroad.
Harlan: I'd like that.
Jerry: *Parks next to Vito*
Vito: Alright, let's go.
The three stallions walked inside.
Vito: Hi, we're the party of three that called half an hour ago. Costanza.
Mare: Sign here please.
Vito: *Signs his name in the guest book*
Mare: *Gives Vito a key* Room 12, 3rd door to your left.
Vito: Thanks. *Walks with Jerry, and Harlan*
Jerry: *Enters the room after Vito unlocks it* Ah, this looks nice.
Vito: *Enters with Harlan* This is a good idea you got Harlan. I'm glad you went to Reno.
Harlan: So am I.
March 8, 1983
Narrator: Vito somehow convinced the manager to allow the three of us to stay in The Ink House for the entire two months we went hiding in Zinfandel. It was time for us to head back to San Franciscolt. We would be hiding right under the noses of the mob. Our apartment was on Cora Street. Harlan got a job in Alameda working for the Southern Pacific as an engineer. He quickly gained experience while me and Vito worked at 7-11.
Vito: *Mopping the floor* How the hell do so many ponies drink lots of coffee within half an hour?
Jerry: It's a nightmare.
Boss: Hey, less talking and more working.
Vito: And a good morning to you too. *Cleaning his mop* I'm starting to regret this.
Jerry: I am too. Harlan's lucky. He's doing what he wants to do.
Let's check on Harlan.
Harlan: *Slowly pushing flatcars under a crane*
SP Pony 39: Stop!
Harlan: *Stops the train*
SP Pony: Very good. Now load the containers.
Crane Pony: *Picks up a container, and slowly lowers it onto one of Harlan's cars*
Later that evening
Vito: Do you think you could talk to someone for us, and get us jobs on your railroad?
Harlan: I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, how's 7-11 treating you?
Jerry: Lousy.
Vito: At least the family hasn't found us yet. I might sell all of our guns if this keeps up.
Jerry: *Chuckles* That's a surprise.
Vito: You don't think I can do it?
Jerry: I tried getting you to sell those guns last year, but you refused!
Harlan: You were the same way with your Buick according to Jerry.
Vito: I wish I still had that car. The AMC I got still has an engine from a Buick, but it's not as good as the one I had.
Harlan: I think I'm ready to buy a car while listening to you talk. I'm tired of riding the bus.
Vito: Don't get an AMC.
Jerry: Ignore him Harlan. You can get whatever you want.
Song: link
April 30, 1984
Narrator: A whole year passed, and luckily, there was no sign of the family anywhere nearby. Unluckily for us, we were making less money. Vito & I got fired from 7-11 as part of an April Fools prank.
Skip the song to 2:17
Narrator: For over 300 days, we've been trying to find another job, but nothing happened. Harlan tried getting us jobs on the Southern Pacific so we could work together, but we couldn't pass training. The two of us recently saw an ad for a new autoshop opening nearby, so we decided to check it out.
As Jerry walks with Vito, they start a conversation.
Vito: I heard the guy running this shop is a hedgehog.
Jerry: A hedgehog? That wasn't in the ad.
Vito: Well, whatever species the owner is, I'm sure he'll give us a decent paycheck. *Walks into the shop*
A grey hedgehog with red, white, and blue stripes was working on a Dodge Charger. He turned around to see the two stallions.
Michael: Welcome. What can I help you with?
Vito: We saw your ad in the newspaper, and we'd like to apply for a job.
Michael: Okay. Stanley is in the main office. He'll get you started.
Jerry: Thanks. *Walks with Vito*
Stanley: *Watches the two stallions enter the office* I see you met the boss. If you need pens to write down your info, I got plenty to spare.
Vito: Much obliged.
The two ponies got pens, and started filling out their applications.
Michael: *Walks in to grab a cup of water* Call Mabel. Her Charger is ready to go.
Stanley: Of course. *Picks up the phone*
Vito: We're almost done.
Michael: Good. I'm glad to have you two joining my shop. When will you start?
Jerry: As soon as you open shop tomorrow.
Michael: Good to hear. We're going to have a fantastic time.
Vito: *Gives Michael his application* Here you go.
Jerry: *Gives Michael his application* See you tomorrow Michael.
Michael: So long gentlemen. Have a good day.
Vito: *Leaves the shop with Jerry* I didn't sell the guns. In case he's crooked, and has us stealing cars, we'll at least be prepared.
Jerry: I told you, you won't have to fire anymore bullets once we returned here.
Vito: Better safe than sorry.
Harlan walked into the apartment, feeling very pleased with himself.
Harlan: Another spectacular day of railroading complete.
Jerry: *Walks in with Vito*
Vito: Finally, our employment problem is over.
Harlan: Where are you guys working now?
Jerry: Mike's Autoshop?
Harlan: Never heard of it.
Vito: It's only a couple of blocks from here.
Jerry: The owner is a hedgehog.
Harlan: Oh.
Vito: We start tomorrow.
The next day.
Michael: *Watching Vito & Jerry walk into the shop* Mornin' fellas. You're early.
Jerry: What are we doing first?
Michael: Can you work on the Subaru? I already placed it on the lift for you, and it needs a new muffler.
Jerry: Sure.
Vito: And I thought we were going to steal cars for you.
Michael: *Laughing* You crack me up. When you two are done with the Subaru, the next car you must work on is the yellow Nova.
Jerry: We won't let you down.
45 minutes later, the two stallions were replacing a headlight, and a flat tire on the Nova.
Michael: *Drives a Ferrari into the shop*
Jerry: *Looks behind him* Who's car is that?
Michael: *Steps out* It's mine. I'm just doing a bit of a tune-up to get more horsepower. How's the Nova coming along?
Vito: We're almost done.
Stanley: *Walks towards Michael* I just checked outside. We don't have anymore cars to work on.
Michael: Okay. Once you're done with the Nova, you can go on break.
Jerry: Thanks boss.
Vito: *Gets the new tire onto the wheel*
January 15, 1985
Michael was having an excellent afternoon with Jerry & Vito. The three of them had a lot of hard work, but they enjoyed being with each other.
Michael: *With Vito, and Jerry, working on a Cadillac* We've had to work on 15 cars so far.
Vito: We could beat our record of 16.
Jerry: Time to grab a drink. You guys want anything?
Michael: *Gives Jerry a dollar* I'm going for a Gatorade.
Vito: Get me a water as well.
Jerry: Okay. *Walks to the water cooler, and vending machine*
Michael: Oh, can you get me a spark plug from the back room?
Vito: *Nods, and walks away*
As Michael continued his work alone, a Mercury quickly pulled into the garage at 30 miles an hour.
Pony: *Stops quickly*
Michael: *Looks at the Mercury covered in bullet holes* What the hell?
Pony: *Steps out of his car* You gonna stand there, or work on my car?
Michael: You have to wait for me & my crew to finish this car first.
Pony: I don't have to wait for anything. You get my car fixed in 24 hours, or I'll steal all your money.
Michael: I'm not afraid of you. I'll call the cops if you do anything to me.
Pony: *Pulls out a .45* You wanna repeat that?! I work for the Costanza's. We're the biggest mob in Equestria from here to Fillydelphia. You even think about picking up a phone, I'll get over a thousand ponies to hit you so hard, you'll have to use tools from the 19th century to fix these vehicles.
Jerry: *Arrives* Hey! Leave him alone!
Pony: *Points his gun at Jerry*
Michael: *Pulls out his Beretta M9, and shoots the pony*
Jerry: *Watches the pony fall down* We can't let Vito find out about this. *Puts the dead pony in the Mercury* I'll explain why when I come back. *Gets in, and drives away*
Michael: *Sweating as he heads for his Gatorade on the table. He picks up Vito's cup of water*
Vito: *Returns from the back* I got that spark plug.
Michael: Good. *Holding the cup of water* Here's your drink.
Vito: What happened to Jerry?
Michael: He's test driving a car for a customer.
Near highway 101, Jerry found a spot to dump the car and the corpse into the San Franciscolt Bay.
Jerry: *Stops the car, and gets out. He watches the car roll downhill into the water* Okay, backstory in case any cops ask questions. He got shot during a car chase, and lost control. End of story. *Walks onto the sidewalk to look for a cab*
Michael & Vito were still working on the Cadillac during Jerry's absence.
Vito: I'm sorry, can I use the bathroom?
Michael: That's fine. I should be able to do the rest of this on my own. When you're done, kindly bring in the Honda.
Vito: Yes. *Walks to the bathroom*
Lucky for Jerry, he was able to keep the Costanza scenario a secret. He came back quickly after getting out of the taxi.
Jerry: Where's Vito?
Michael: Bathroom.
Jerry: Okay. Vito & I used to work for the Costanza's, but we left 4 years ago, hoping to find an easier way to make money.
Michael: It must have been tough for you guys.
Jerry: It was easy to get away from them. Finding work however? That's been tough. I promised Vito that we wouldn't have to worry about the Costanza's if we came back here. We've gone through different parts of Alicornia, so they shouldn't suspect to find us here. Vito says he'll kill me if I'm wrong.
Michael: *Puts his hand on Jerry's back* This'll stay between you & me. As long as you & Vito keep up the excellent work you're doing, I'll give you a decent paycheck without any violence.
They heard the toilet flush, and finished working on the Cadillac.
Vito: *Walks out of the bathroom* Hey Jerry. How did that test drive go?
Jerry: Not bad. The customer didn't live far away, so I was able to walk back here with ease.
Vito: Michael has another car for me to bring in here.
Michael: *Finishes work on the Cadillac* Start it up Jerry.
Jerry: *Goes in the car, and starts the engine*
Michael: Smooth as butter. Take it outside so Vito can bring in that Honda.
Jerry: *Gently drives the car backwards*
Narrator: I knew I could trust Michael. From that moment on, we got along more, and Vito was very pleased with his new job. By the end of the year, we were making a very big profit.
January 24th, 1986
Boss: *Talking on the phone* They've been gone for 5 years. I highly doubt this will bring them back.
Mr. Costanza: *Watching a snow storm in Chicagoat while talking to the San Franciscolt boss* We need to keep trying. They are sabotaging our organization.
Boss: They haven't called the cops on us.
Mr. Costanza: But they have killed dozens of our members. Our own flesh & blood. It's getting tough finding ponies to get made for our family.
Boss: There aren't as many Italians in this country as there were forty years ago. Perhaps we shouldn't worry about nationality, and just get more help.
Mr. Costanza: But that's not how it works.
Boss: I don't care how it works.
Mr. Costanza: You need to follow the rules of the Equestrian Mafia! If you can't find those two, I'll come down there and do it myself. You won't like it if I find out that you're breaking tradition. *Hangs up*
Boss: Fuck tradition. *Puts his phone away* The Mexicans need a chance to prove themselves without working for MS-13.
Jerry felt pleased with himself while walking down the sidewalk.
Jerry: *Takes a deep breath, enjoying the fresh air* Finally, no more worrying about the family trying to get us back in their life of crime.
Mexicans: *Looking at a picture of Jerry. They watch him from an alleyway*
Jerry: *Picks up an empty water bottle, and throws it in a garbage can*
Mexicans: That's him. Get him!
Song: link
Jerry: *Runs away from the Mexicans*
Mexicans: Stop!!
Jerry: There's four of them. This should be easy. *Runs left down another street*
Mexicans: *Pulling out MP5's*
Jerry: Well...almost easy. *Runs into an apartment*
Mexicans: *Shooting 30 bullets, but they miss*
Jerry: *Going upstairs*
Mexicans: *Following Jerry*
Jerry: *Pushes a bookcase over a railing*
Mexican 53: *Gets knocked down the stairs*
Jerry: 3 more. *Going to the 3rd floor*
Mexicans: *Shooting at Jerry*
Mare: What the hell are you doing?!
Mexican 60: *Shoots the mare*
Landlord: *Walks out of his room with a magnum, and shoots the 2nd Mexican*
Jerry: *Continues running up the stairs*
Landlord: *Chasing the Mexicans* Come back here before I call the cops on you!
Mexicans: *Shooting the landlord* Reload, and continue following the target.
Jerry: *Sees a stallion carrying 50 pound weights* Can I borrow these? *Takes the weights, and rolls them down the stairs*
Mexicans: *Trip over the weights*
Jerry: *Going to the 5th floor*
Stallion: Hey asshole, get back here!!
Mexicans: *Pushes the stallion out of the way as they chase down Jerry*
Jerry: *Waiting by the door*
Mexicans: *Running onto the roof*
Jerry: *Pushing the Mexicans towards the edge*
Mexicans: Ahh!! *Falls off the roof, and lands on the street*
Stop the song
Jerry: Where do these guys keep coming from?
Ponies: *Looking at the dead Mexicans*
Jerry: *Walking past*
Jerry returned home after fighting off the Mexicans.
Jerry: *Opens the refrigerator, and pours himself a glass of orange juice*
Vito: *Arrives* I had a nice walk through town. How are you doing Jerry?
Jerry: Good.
Vito: What do you say we watch some television?
Jerry: I'll join you after I pour myself a bowl of pretzels.
Vito: Say no more. *Turns on the TV*
News Pony: It was a great show indeed, but now we move onto something more tragic. A chase between five ponies turned violent earlier this morning when four Mexicans tried to mug a stallion. One of them has been taken into custody, while the other three were killed. Two of them were presumably pushed off a roof. Their remains have been taken off the street-
Vito: *Turns off the TV* That wasn't you being chased by those Mexicans, was it?
Jerry: No. This is the first time I heard about that chase.
Vito: I'm going to turn the TV back on. If they have a perfect description of you as the victim, we're going to have a serious talk. *Turns on the TV*
Jerry: *Sweating*
News Pony: A couple of witnesses have described that the victim trying to avoid the Mexicans is a maroon pegasus with red eyes, and a black mane.
Vito: *Turns off the TV, and slams his front hooves on the table* Why would you lie to me?!
Jerry: Because I wanted to avoid this.
Vito: Avoid what Jerry? Hm?
Jerry: Your outburst.
Vito: My outburst is going to be the least of your concerns. You better pray that I don't stick a fucking knife into your throat! You said that the family wouldn't find us!
Jerry: Perhaps you should get your hearing checked. The announcer said that the ponies were Mexicans. They're obviously not a part of the mafia.
Vito: How do you know for certain? What if they were bribed to help track us down?
Jerry: Well-
Vito: YOU SAID THEY WOULDN'T FIND US!!!
Jerry: Well shouting's not gonna fix the issue!
Vito: But killing you will.
Jerry: Vito...Is that really what you want to do?
Vito: *Feeling nervous*
Jerry: We've been living together for 5 years. I promise, we'll keep going another 5 if you trust me.
Vito: *Slowly walking towards Jerry* Positive?
Jerry: Positive. Do you want some pretzels?
Vito: *Shakes his head, and hugs Jerry* I'm sorry I threatened to kill you.
Jerry: *Watching his brother cry while hugging him* It's fine, just don't do it again.
Mr. Costanza was having another phone call with the San Franciscolt boss.
Mr. Costanza: What do you mean he got away?!
Boss: Didn't you see it on the news? We gotta try something else.
Mr. Costanza: I've seen a couple of pictures of Harlan working at the Alameda Docks. Let's try to kill him, and maybe the other two will be too depressed to think straight. Then we'll make them rejoin our life of crime.
Boss: That should be easy. He'll be too busy driving trains to avoid bullets.
The Costanza's had another plan to try and make Vito & Jerry rejoin their life of crime.
Harlan: *Slowly pushing 5 flatcars towards a crane*
Costanza Pony 76: *Standing on a boat with a sniper rifle*
Costanza Pony 74: *Looking through a pair of binoculars* I think I see him. He's in a grey switcher by the turquoise crane.
Costanza Pony 76: *Looks through his rifle scope* I see him. These waves will make it tricky to shoot him while driving the train. I'll need to wait for him to stop.
SP Pony 62: *Watching the flatcars* You're good!
Harlan: *Stops his train*
Costanza Pony 76: *Fires a bullet*
Harlan: *Watches the window shatter, and jumps out his locomotive*
SP Pony 62: What the hell was that?!
Harlan: A bullet nearly hit me! We gotta get to a phone.
Costanza Pony 74: Did you hit him?
Costanza Pony 76: I missed. He's using the train for cover.
Costanza Pony 74: Tex, we can't see our target. Can you make the kill?
????: I'll try.
Harlan and his co-worker slowly crawled towards a shed.
Costanza Pony 76: *Fires two more bullets, but they miss* They went inside.
SP Pony 62: That was close. *Closes the door* Quickly, call the police.
Harlan: *Picks up the phone, but hears a gun click. He then looks at his co-worker*
SP Pony 62: *Pointing a Colt 1911 at Harlan* Your father & the rest of the Costanza's send their regards. *Shoots Harlan between the eyes* Target down.
Costanza Pony 74: Excellent. The boss will be pleased.
Harlan's death was covered on the news.
Anchor Pony: A tragic death occurred 8 hours ago when a Southern Pacific employee named Harlan Costanza was shot to death. Two stallions in a boat attempted to shoot him with a rifle but missed. One of their colleagues was disguised as another SP employee, and shot Harlan point blank with a sidearm.
Vito: *Turns off the TV* I am very disappointed in you Jerry. Give me two good reasons why I shouldn't kill you right now.
Jerry: 1, we never liked Harlan. 2, now that he's dead, we can have an easier time paying our bills, and not worry about buying extra food.
Vito: But they know we're here! Why should we be concerned about bills? We should be concerned about saving our necks! *Sighs* I don't know if you can keep your promise. If I see one pony from the Costanza family, just one! I'll get on the next plane to Fillydelphia, and leave you here to die.
Jerry: Why don't you just buy more guns like you normally do?
Vito: I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do that.
Song: link
March 3rd, 1987
Narrator: Things were going downhill for us again since Harlan was killed. We moved back in San Franciscolt in 1983 to hopefully hide under the noses of our family, and avoid rejoining their life of crime, but that plan was slowly failing. Vito started buying more guns, and sometimes got in trouble with the police. He would end up in frequent fights with them, and sometimes even shot them. He threatened to leave me to fight on my own if we ever encountered the Costanza's, but I'm already fighting on my own while Vito is dealing with the heat. It at least helps me focus on killing the Costanza's.
Skip the song to 2:18
Jerry: *Driving his Pacer to the auto shop when his engine breaks down* Not again! This is the 4th time this year. *Parks in front of the auto shop*
Michael: *Watching Jerry angrily step out of his car*
Jerry: Good morning Mike.
Michael: What happened, is your car giving you trouble?
Jerry: Yeah. The damn thing keeps breaking down.
Michael: Employees can fix their car for free.
Jerry: Really? You'd let me do that?
Michael: Of course. You and your brother are the best employees I hired. How is Vito by the way? I hope he's enjoying his day off.
Jerry: He seemed satisfied when I left our apartment.
Michael: Good. Then you can enjoy your day off tomorrow while he works with me.
Jerry: Good plan. After I clock in, what would you like me to start with?
Michael: There are two headlights in the yellow Lincoln that have water in them. Kindly get those fixed, and then we'll work together on a Desoto.
Jerry: What's going on with that car?
Michael: We have to put some new chrome pieces on the side. Until then, I need to put a new filter into a Buick. May the best employee win.
Jerry: You're challenging me to a race?
Michael: *Chuckles* If you're ready.
Jerry: Go! *Runs to the office to clock in*
Michael: *Opens the hood of the Buick*
Vito was eating pretzels in his apartment as he watched The Dirty Dozen.
Vito: You killed Donald Sutherland? Son of a bitch! *Hears his doorbell* Be right there. *Walks to his door, and opens it to find 2 FBI agents* Yes?
FBI Pony 2: Vito Costanza?
Vito: Yes.
FBI Pony 2: I'm Clark Billington, and this is my partner Joel Norton. We're with the FBI, and we'd like to ask some questions.
Vito: In that case, come in.
FBI Ponies: *Walks into the apartment*
Vito: *Sits on his couch* Pretzel?
FBI Pony 1: We're not hungry. This is a pretty big city, and you're part of a pretty big family.
Vito: Are you referring to the crime family per chance?
FBI Pony 2: Yes.
Vito: I'm not with them anymore. I left 6 years ago with my brother Jerry. We've been trying to live a more honest life, but those bastards keep threatening to kill us unless we go back to them.
FBI Pony 1: Is that why you're buying so many guns?
Vito: *Shaking as he closes his eyes*....yes.
FBI Pony 2: Listen Vito, you're not in trouble. You have a right to protect yourself. Would you like to make things easier for you, and your brother, and join witness protection?
Vito: I have a job. I don't know if I should join. I don't want to leave him short hoofed.
FBI Pony 1: What's the place?
Vito: Michael's Auto shop. It's run by a grey hedgehog with red, white, and blue stripes.
FBI Pony 2: We'll find replacements for you, and your brother.
Vito: You will?
FBI Pony 1: Yeah. We'll stop by tomorrow, and help you and Jerry join us. Oh, and one more favor. *Walks towards the door with his partner, and looks at Vito before leaving* Try not to shoot anymore cops. *Closes the door, and leaves*
Vito: *Laying on his couch, accidentally spilling the bowl of pretzels* Yes sir!
Jerry felt happy as he returned to his apartment.
Vito: You seem happy. How was work?
Jerry: Fun. Michael allowed me to fix my car for free.
Vito: That was kind of him. You'll probably have to fix it again within the week, but it's the thought that counts.
Jerry: How was your day?
Vito: I got a visit from 2 ponies from the FBI.
Jerry: The FBI?
Vito: They say they want to help us stay away from our family.
Jerry: How do you know they weren't in disguise?
Vito: Come again?
Jerry: What if they were really from the Costanza's?
Vito: I don't think the FBI would allow that to happen. They're usually on track of that sort of stuff.
Jerry: *Shrugs* Hey if you say so. Are they coming back anytime soon?
Vito: Tomorrow. They didn't give me an exact time.
Jerry: What did they say their names were?
Vito: Clark Billington & Joel Norton.
Jerry: Okay. If they do come here tomorrow, I'll get everything organized.
Vito: They say they'll help us join witness protection. Please try to cooperate with them.
Jerry: Don't worry about me. I screwed up in the past, but I won't make anymore mistakes.
Vito: *Nods* Okay.
Next morning, while Vito left to work at Michael's Auto Shop, Jerry made a call.
Jerry: *Looking out his window* That's what I thought. Thank you. *Hangs up* Here comes the FBI.
A black Chevrolet Caprice stopped in front of his apartment.
Jerry: *Walks out of his apartment*
Joel: *Walks out of the passenger side of the car* Jerry Costanza?
Jerry: That's me alright.
Joel: Joel Norton of the FBI. Can you get in the car?
Jerry: Yes. *Gets in the back*
Joel: *Returns to shotgun*
Clark: *Drives*
Jerry: *Watching them turn left onto Sunnydale Avenue* So, how long have you worked for the FBI?
Clark: About 2 years.
Joel: 5.
Jerry: Not according to the ponies I talked to. They actually work for the FBI, and you're in big trouble unless you turn yourselves in.
Joel: *Pulls out a Beretta*
Jerry: *Stabs Joel, and takes his Beretta*
Clark: *Floors it*
Jerry: *Loses his balance, but climbs to the front, pushing Joel's corpse out of the car*
Clark: *Drifts onto Schwerin Street*
Jerry: *Falls out, and holds onto the door. He shoots Clark 3 times*
Clark: *Leans his head onto the steering wheel*
Jerry: *Lets go, and watches the car crash into a tree on the sidewalk* I gotta find Vito, quick! *Runs away from the crash site*
Narrator: I knew I had to warn Vito about what was going on. If he really wanted to enter witness protection, he needed to know what I just encountered.
Vito & Michael were working together to fix a Chrysler when Jerry arrived, out of breath.
Michael: Jerry?
Vito: What happened to you?
Jerry: I need to talk to you. Those two ponies you spoke to yesterday weren't FBI. They were from the Costanza's.
Vito: Dammit. What the fuck do we do now?
Jerry: I spoke to a real FBI agent. He'll come over tomorrow to help us.
Next morning, the FBI agent arrived in a yellow Lamborghini.
Vito: That's an interesting car for an FBI agent.
Ivan: *Steps out of his Lamborghini, and walks to the door of Vito's apartment*
Jerry: *Opens the door* Morning.
Ivan: Hey boys. *Shows his badge*
Vito: *Reads the badge* Ivan Filmore?
Ivan: *Nods* If you're ready, let's discuss business.
Jerry: Okay.
Ivan: You will be testifying against the toughest gang in the United States. When you do, we'll need to place you in a safe spot. If you enter our witness protection program, there are a series of rules that you will need to follow.
Vito: And those are?
Ivan: You cannot vote, you cannot visit loved ones, you basically have to stay isolated. Otherwise the Costanza's will most likely find you.
Vito: When do we begin to testify?
Ivan: Tomorrow. Try to stay here if you can. Don't go anywhere.
Jerry: We can do that.
Ivan: Good. *Walks towards the door* I hope you two will be able to live the peaceful life that you've been seeking. *Leaves*
Narrator: When Ivan finished his sentence, I could tell he truly meant that from the bottom of his heart.
Vito: *Stands up*
Jerry: Where are you going?
Vito: Upstairs.
Narrator: Vito on the other hand, felt like he hit rock bottom.
Vito: *Standing on the roof of his apartment, and jumps off*
Jerry: *Hears Vito's body hit the sidewalk*
Reporter: A stallion at the age of 30 committed suicide today in San Franciscolt. Police were surprised to learn that it was Vito Costanza, a former member of the Costanza crime family.
Mr. Costanza: *Slams his hoof on his desk while watching the news* YOU FUCKING IMBECILE!! THEY WERE HIDING UNDER YOUR NOSE THIS ENTIRE TIME!!
Boss: *Listening to Mr. Costanza scream on the phone* I did everything I could to find them. They were too fast!
Police: *Entering the villa* Freeze! Drop your weapons!
Costanza Ponies: *Dropping their guns*
Mr. Costanza: What the fuck was that?
Boss: Nothing.
Mr. Costanza: What the fuck was that?!?!
Boss: Gotta go! *Gets arrested*
Jerry narrates the rest of the story.
Narrator: Testifying went just as well as I hoped. Thanks to Vito's suicide, I was able to stay away from the Costanza's for the rest of my life.
Judge: Mr. Costanza, for your crimes against the United States of Equestria, you will receive a life sentence in Chicagoat, the city where you committed most of your crimes.*Bangs his gavel*
Narrator: Michael was sad to lose me, and Vito as his employees, so the FBI gave him 50 grand, and a new Ferrari F40. He became good friends with Ivan when he saw that he also had a yellow sports car from Italy.
Ivan: *At a drag strip with Michael in his Lamborghini Countach*
Michael: *Revving his engine*
Ivan: *Revving his engine*
The two cars peeled out as they both did a quarter mile in under 10 seconds. Michael got 9.7 seconds, while Ivan got 9.6 seconds.
Narrator: I was happy being in witness protection at first, but two years passed.
Jerry: *Working as a cashier*
Narrator: And things eventually got boring.
Pocatello, Idaho. April 30, 1989.
Jerry: *Watching a news tape*
Reporter: A stallion at the age of 30 committed suicide today in San Franciscolt. Police were surprised to learn that it was Vito Costanza, a former member of the Costanza crime family.
Jerry: Here's to you Vito. *Drinking a bud-weiser*
Reporter: He quit in order to live a more peaceful life, but the mafia was not pleased with him leaving. For 6 years, he has been living an honest life while evading the killers hunting him down.
After Jerry was done watching the tape, he drove towards a bridge in a red Volkswagen Beetle.
Jerry: *Gets out of the car, and walks onto the bridge. He looks down, and sees a river 408 feet below. He jumps*
Narrator: This is the end of my story. Not only because I have nothing else to tell, but also because I'm running out of tape.
The sound of a tape can be heard being ejected from a radio while Jerry's body lands on the rocky riverbank.
Song: link
Everything fades to black for the end credits
Cast
Sean The Hedgehog's Tom Foolery as Vito Costanza
Canada24's Saten Twist as Jerry Costanza
Filthy Rich as Mr. Costanza
STH's new OC's - Penny & Harlan as themselves
Octavia Melody as Kayla
Sean The Hedgehog as Michael
And Shredder as Ivan Filmore
Soundtrack
Ramblin' Man From Gamblin' - Sam Spence
Let's Dance - Chris Montez
Hit & Run - Sam Spence
Sounds For The Supermarket 1 - Jer Jae
Filmed on location in
Chicagoat Illinois
San Franciscolt Alicornia
Napa Alicornia
Los Angeles Alicornia
And at SeanTheHedgehog studios, Milford Neigh Jersey
Special thanks to General Motors
The Napa Valley Wine Train
Alicornia Filming Commision
Ferrari
Lamborghini
Canada24
This is a fictitious story. Any portrayal of real people/events is purely coincidential.
SeanTheHedgehog/Canada24 Productions. Copyright, 2020
Song: link
#10: RIGHT NOW - KORN
#9: SEX - NICKELBACK
#8: SINNER - DROWNING POOL
#7: THE WAY I AM - EMINEM
#6: PAIN - THREE DAYS GRACE
#5: WAITING FOR THE WORMS - PINK FLOYD
I love the uniqueness of this song, espically the bull horn, or whatever it is..
#4: BREAK SOME OFF - KORN
It such an awesome song. A little screamo, but the 'good' type, witch isn't over used..
#3: BULLETS - CREED
It's the best way to 'really' appreciate the song, espically the VERY begining..
#2: IN THE HOUSE WITHOUT A HEARTBEAT (28 weeks later)
This song is good with EVERYTHING..
#1: SAW - FUCK THIS SHIT
It's kinda like The Pulse from Walking Dead, only scarier..
#9: SEX - NICKELBACK
#8: SINNER - DROWNING POOL
#7: THE WAY I AM - EMINEM
#6: PAIN - THREE DAYS GRACE
#5: WAITING FOR THE WORMS - PINK FLOYD
I love the uniqueness of this song, espically the bull horn, or whatever it is..
#4: BREAK SOME OFF - KORN
It such an awesome song. A little screamo, but the 'good' type, witch isn't over used..
#3: BULLETS - CREED
It's the best way to 'really' appreciate the song, espically the VERY begining..
#2: IN THE HOUSE WITHOUT A HEARTBEAT (28 weeks later)
This song is good with EVERYTHING..
#1: SAW - FUCK THIS SHIT
It's kinda like The Pulse from Walking Dead, only scarier..