Critical Analysis of Twilight Article: Twilight... The Right Way

19

posted by xxXsk8trXxx

This article may be offencive to a lot of Twihards. Viewer disgrettion is advised

Edward: Bella,I'm dangerous, stay away.
Bella: But Edward, I love you!
Edward: Me too, but I'm dangerous, so you have to stay away from me
Bella: But Edward, you're the love of my life! We have to be together!
Edward: Fear me and my sparkiling skin! *takes off shirt*
Bella: Wait a second, you sparkle?
Edward: Isn't it frightening?
Bella: No. Sorry to break it to ya Edward, but it's gay
Edward: I kissed Emmet one time...
Bella: How old are you?
Edward: 100
Bella: Eeew! Aren't there laws about 100 year olds and 17 year olds being together?
Edward: Who cares about thoes laws, I love you and you and you love me...
Bella: Correction. I hate you. Your skin sparkles and you're gay. Not to mention your age.
Edward: But Bella...
Bella: *leaves*
Edward: I knew I should've taken Jessica!

Bella: *at Jacob's* Hey, Jake!
Jacob: Hi!
Bella: So wassup?
Jacob: You're pretty
Bella: Excuse me?
Jacob: *trys to touch boobs*
Bella: *pulls hand away* Jacob!
Jacob: You're pretty
Bella: Okay, that's enough! You're not getting any of me! *leaves*
Jacob: ... she's pretty

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE NEXT DAY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bella: *at mayors* MAYOR! MAYOR!
Mayor: What is it?
Bella: SO THERE'S VAMPIRES AND WEARWOLVES! I HAVE PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE!!!!!!!!!!! *shows evidence*
Mayor: HOLY COW! LET'S GET EM!!!!!

*at Cullens house*
Mayor: We're banning you from the town.
Carslile: But...
Mayor: MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE! YOUR HOUSE AND ALL OF YOUR THINGS ARE ON SALE, VAMPIRES! YOU'RE NOT EVEN VAMPIRES! YOU SPARKLE!
Bella: Yeah!
Edward: Bella, how could you?
Bella: You liyng bitch!

*at Quillitete tribe bonfire place*
Mayor: MOVE YOUR TRIBE SOMEWHERE ELSE, WOLVES!
Sam: Who did this?
Bella: Me, dog.
Sam: Grr....
Jacob: ... She's pretty
Sam: LETS GET HIM!!!!
Mayor: WHO'S THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN? MOVE NOW!

The quillitetes and the cullens moved away. Bella found a nice well-rounded guy with black hair and blue eyes named Marcus, whom she married. Edward became gay, and Jacob just couldn't stop thinking about Bella. He tried to stalk her, and now is imprisoned for life.

and that's my version of Twilight!

AlmostGenius, Kassaremidylynn and 17 others like this

TDI_Angel LOL thats hilarious! XD

bendaimmortal "Edward: Fear me and my sparkiling skin! *takes off shirt* Bella: Wait a second, you sparkle? Edward: Isn't it frightening?" xDD I think I'm gonna live a good 50 years longer for that. (As laughins's supposed to prolong life.) "Sam: Who did this? Bella: Me, dog. Sam: Grr.... " That was great too. :'D Ah but all in all, this is goooood. The only thing I found a tad too old is the whole gay theme. I've never been big on gay humour (nor gay fiction) anyway but by now it's also really is getting old. I am not a homophobi at all, in any way, and that's exactly why I feel this way. But don't get me wrong - I honestly really do enjoy this. 4 stars. (:

Frizzhead Lol so funny but i tink the obbsessive people wont like being called twihards

XChatterbox14x hehe thats funny - " you're not even vampires you sparkle!" so true - though im a twilight fan

kayleebabee HAA! i am going to live for ages it was am hour ago that i actually started to write this...

spellpatronus ROFL!

1

I'm Convinced Twilight's Problematic

added by Dragonclaws

A video on how I was convinced of Twilight's problematic nature.

video

twilight

problematic

feminism

sexuality

2

OVEREXPOSED 2010: The Twilight Saga

added by sarabeara

video

twilight

funny

critical analysis

rant

itskingsleybitch

4

New Moon Trailer Spoof

added by walker93

Another EvilIguanaProduction Twilight related parody, this time on one of the New Moon trailers.

video

parody

spoof

eviliguanaproduction

funny

new moon

trailer

9

Rob Pattinson confirms that he is on Team Jacob

added by katiecain

5:20 I wonder what some of the fans think of this. I think Taylor has noticed that some fans don't like him simply because he plays Jacob so is saying he's not on any teams when he's made it clear he's Team Jacob. Poor Tay.

video

robert pattinson

edward cullen

team jacob

interview

55

Twilight: Literature's Darkest Hour

posted by _lina_

So I was originally going to publish this article in the Books to Read spot, but then found this place, and I think it fits in here much better :) Anywho, this is an opinion article I originally wrote for my school newspaper. Yes, it's a bit of a rant, but I don't mean to be offensive, so please don't take it that way. Enjoy :)

--------------------------

There’s no way you haven’t heard of it. From the first publishing of that first book to the most recent perfume-bottle scandal, Twilight has permeated the very core of pop culture, not to mention high school conversation. No matter whether...

15

Why do Bella and Edward love each other?

added by renrae

Fromthisgirl on YouTube has a question for the Twilight fangirls. She also explains why she thinks they AREN'T in love.

video

twilight

love

stalker

vampires

criticism

fromthisgirl

2

Human/Vampire Romance

added by Bluelunacy7

48

Funny summary of the Twilight series

added by katiecain

Source: http://lucylou.livejournal.com

7

Nuttymadam's reaction to the New Moon Trailer

added by snoznoodle

The sequal. Oh. "I almost don't wanna watch it. SO that I can you know, watch it again later?"

video

twilight

funny

trailer

reaction

9

Buffy and Sparkly Edward

added by Cinders

Source: clairebear12 @ deviantART

4

Conan's Assistants

added by nuxi

Source: Tonight Show

15

The 100 Year Old Virgin

posted by MadamOcta13

Lately, I've heard and seen jokes and comments about Edward being "pathetic" or "gay" because he was a 100 year old virgin. I've written this article to state that I see no problem in him being a virgin. I feel that virginity is not something to poke fun at. It simply means that someone wants to save themselves for that special someone whom they are going to spend the rest of their life with. I myself am a virgin and plan to stay that way until I get married.

However, I am somewhat confused. If Edward has lived for 100 years and has yet to give himself to anyone, then why does he decide to have...

6

My favorite TwiHard video directed at antis

added by bendaimmortal

Seriously it's scary to think this Twihard may have been serious with these statements. This is a version with the Black Pawn Movement's riffs because the original video has been removed by the user. For some reason they ALWAYS are! ;D

video

opinion

school

lesson

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lol

anti

lmao

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Vegetarian Vamp: om nom nom nom

added by rachaelwsz

Source: ~necros900 @ deviantart

14

Capion Contest #3

added by renrae

Source: screencapheaven

39

Hello, I'm...

added by spikes_girl

Source: THEZEBRA @ SodaHead

12

A Rant About Twilight Fangirls

added by xxXsk8trXxx

I think that it's true

video

criticism

true

rant

twilight

10

Twilight Spoof Sims 2

added by spikes_girl

*chuckle* Not hilarious but some random parts are kinda funny :) Like 1:28.

video

twilight

spoof

parody

sims 2

bella

edward

rosalie

alice

funny

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YouTuber WIN!

added by renrae

Source: YouTube

18

Pet Peeve: Name Mispellings

posted by renrae

This is a short little rant, people.

I don't know about you, but one of my biggest pet peeves is when people spell my name wrong.

On Fanpop, I've gotten ranrea, renre, renray, ranraa, and many others. In real life, I've gotten Reagan, Regon, Regen, Reagen.... and people are always misspelling my last name (I'm not displaying that here.)

One thing I've noticed on Fanpop (and many other fansites, as well) is that people often fail to spell Stephenie Meyer's name right. That's right: StephEnie, with an E right there. Not an 'a'. An 'e'.

Some people have completely butchered Meyer's name. Stephanie,...