As someone who liked vampires before the fad started I'm one of the many people who dislikes the Twilight vampires. And thinks they should be reclassified as pixies. Or that at least Zombie Bram Stoker should go have a serious talk with Stephenie Meyer about vampires... What do you mean Bram Stoker hasn't risen as a zombie in protest to the Twilight vampires? Why don't you go prove it? I'll wait...
...
...They didn't come back, so I'm assuming Zombie Bram ate their brains. We'll have to carry on without them. Anyway, I must admit Meyerpires are an interpretation of the vampire myth I just don't like. I've heard a lot of vampire fans talk about how they aren't real vamps, and that's an opinion I can go with, but I've also heard a lot of 'and I'd never want to be one'. Really? I totally would, anti or not. All the reasons I find them annoying to read about are reasons it would be fantastic to be one. Reasons like
1. A million superpowers.
Think of a superpower. I guarantee you there's a Meyerpire who has it. You want to live forever? check. Want superspeed? check. Ultra hotness? check again. Uber strength? Mind reading? Emotion control? You'd be amazed how long I can stay here listing powers. Never needing sleep? Precognition? Tracking? Psychic pain causing. I'm serious, I can do this all day. Super escaping? extra compassion? Uh...magic...love? Ok, they start to suck after a while, but that's only because those characters have so many superpowers that Meyer seemed to literally run out.
2. Sparkles.
The sparkles thing always seemed stupid to me. Also, I'm pretty sure that the whole 'I'm made like a diamond and therefore sparkle' thing would in reality at best make me chronically cross eyed through visual distraction or at worst make me actually blind, but this isn't reality, it's Meyereality. Do you have any idea how much money you'd save on jewellery? Not to mention how handy it would be to light up like that. Need to hail a cab but can't get noticed? Sparkle! Problem solved. Sure, I'd practically never want to, so you might think 'as a Meyerpire you'd have to all the time unless you moved somewhere cloudy so it would still suck' but not so. If a barrier as thin as clouds prevents it a spray tan definitely would. I'd be one fake tan away from looking completely normal (There you go Cullens, you gaggle of dopes. I've just saved you another 200 years of living in Forks. Go to Hawaii or something)
3. Superhero!
So, you find out you're immortal with superpowers. There are 3 things you might think: "I'm going to kick ass as a world saving superhero", "I'm going to take over the world like a supervillain" or "I'm going to spend eternity in highschool"....wait...no there aren't, there are just two because nobody in their right mind would think of freakin' highschool. I would be off saving people by the truck full, since as someone less insane than the Cullens I can think of a thousand more heroic uses for superpowers than cheating at algebra. I mean, sure I'd be totally selfishly motivated, expecting payment in the form of cookies, but aren't so many human lives worth a cookie or two? (Yes. Yes they are. Go fetch my cookies!)
4. Vampire baseball.
I'm so not dropping this. I think vampire baseball is great, I really do. Anti or not, that's just hysterical and fantastic. Not since peanut butter and jelly have two seemingly random things been combined to such success. Yes, I understand it's not actually supposed to be the ridiculous and amusing spectacle I find it, but I don't care. It's just so random and silly that it cracks me up. If only one good thing has come from Twilight (which for antis is entirely possible) it's that I now live in a world with vampire baseball. Adding vampire powers to something as mundane and unconnected as baseball is just funny. And why stop at baseball when vampire basketball would be at least equally funny? Remember all those lives I was going to save in the last option? Well heck with them, I'm going to be too busy vampire go-karting. And Vampire fly fishing. Vampire bowling. Vampire Wii bowling! Can Meyerpires fly? I bet at least some can. And do you know what that means? VAMPIRE QUIDDITCH!!!
...
...They didn't come back, so I'm assuming Zombie Bram ate their brains. We'll have to carry on without them. Anyway, I must admit Meyerpires are an interpretation of the vampire myth I just don't like. I've heard a lot of vampire fans talk about how they aren't real vamps, and that's an opinion I can go with, but I've also heard a lot of 'and I'd never want to be one'. Really? I totally would, anti or not. All the reasons I find them annoying to read about are reasons it would be fantastic to be one. Reasons like
1. A million superpowers.
Think of a superpower. I guarantee you there's a Meyerpire who has it. You want to live forever? check. Want superspeed? check. Ultra hotness? check again. Uber strength? Mind reading? Emotion control? You'd be amazed how long I can stay here listing powers. Never needing sleep? Precognition? Tracking? Psychic pain causing. I'm serious, I can do this all day. Super escaping? extra compassion? Uh...magic...love? Ok, they start to suck after a while, but that's only because those characters have so many superpowers that Meyer seemed to literally run out.
2. Sparkles.
The sparkles thing always seemed stupid to me. Also, I'm pretty sure that the whole 'I'm made like a diamond and therefore sparkle' thing would in reality at best make me chronically cross eyed through visual distraction or at worst make me actually blind, but this isn't reality, it's Meyereality. Do you have any idea how much money you'd save on jewellery? Not to mention how handy it would be to light up like that. Need to hail a cab but can't get noticed? Sparkle! Problem solved. Sure, I'd practically never want to, so you might think 'as a Meyerpire you'd have to all the time unless you moved somewhere cloudy so it would still suck' but not so. If a barrier as thin as clouds prevents it a spray tan definitely would. I'd be one fake tan away from looking completely normal (There you go Cullens, you gaggle of dopes. I've just saved you another 200 years of living in Forks. Go to Hawaii or something)
3. Superhero!
So, you find out you're immortal with superpowers. There are 3 things you might think: "I'm going to kick ass as a world saving superhero", "I'm going to take over the world like a supervillain" or "I'm going to spend eternity in highschool"....wait...no there aren't, there are just two because nobody in their right mind would think of freakin' highschool. I would be off saving people by the truck full, since as someone less insane than the Cullens I can think of a thousand more heroic uses for superpowers than cheating at algebra. I mean, sure I'd be totally selfishly motivated, expecting payment in the form of cookies, but aren't so many human lives worth a cookie or two? (Yes. Yes they are. Go fetch my cookies!)
4. Vampire baseball.
I'm so not dropping this. I think vampire baseball is great, I really do. Anti or not, that's just hysterical and fantastic. Not since peanut butter and jelly have two seemingly random things been combined to such success. Yes, I understand it's not actually supposed to be the ridiculous and amusing spectacle I find it, but I don't care. It's just so random and silly that it cracks me up. If only one good thing has come from Twilight (which for antis is entirely possible) it's that I now live in a world with vampire baseball. Adding vampire powers to something as mundane and unconnected as baseball is just funny. And why stop at baseball when vampire basketball would be at least equally funny? Remember all those lives I was going to save in the last option? Well heck with them, I'm going to be too busy vampire go-karting. And Vampire fly fishing. Vampire bowling. Vampire Wii bowling! Can Meyerpires fly? I bet at least some can. And do you know what that means? VAMPIRE QUIDDITCH!!!
A relationship of equals
