As Long as You’re Happy
Chapter 1: LOVE IS PAINFUL…
Haibara Ai
Night had fallen. I sat silently in the basement, listening to the voices outside. The only lighting inside the room was from the computer. Beside it, a piece of paper with formula and pictures of double helix lied. I drew a deep breath when I heard his voice; a voice that could warmth my icy cold heart.
"Finally, Hakase…I can live a peaceful life without any need to worry about confronting the black wolves anymore," said that voice. I leaned my head nearer to the door to hear clearly what Kudo-kun and Agasa Hakase is talking about.
"Yeah…it's true. And I think…now it's time for you to confess to Ran about all the things that had happened for the past two years…"
My heart twitched uncomfortably. Here it comes, I thought. The worst thing that I didn't want to face. Even worse than our confrontation with Black Organization for the past one week. I listened to every words that Kudo said before I couldn't hear it anymore.
"I will, Hakase…I'm going to her house now, no longer as Edogawa Conan…but as Kudo Shinichi, the only one that she's longing and waiting for sincerely…"
A little, painful smile tinged my lips. How lucky the lady who became his heart desire. And how I wish, how I wish, I could be the lucky lady…
"Ja ne, Hakase!"
"Ah…good luck!"
I made my way back to the computer desk when the basement's door swung open. From the footsteps, I knew it was Hakase.
"Ah…Ai-kun? Shall we have something to eat?"
I didn't give slightest attention to him. Not that I didn't respect him as my guardian. Only that I had no mood to talk as well as to eat at this time. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I stopped working on the antidote of APTX 4869.
"Doushite, Ai-kun? Aren't you suppose to be glad that you finally do not need to be afraid of those men in black anymore?"
I turned back to Hakase. Tears began rolling down my cheeks even though I fought so hard that my whole body was shaking.
"I'd prefer to face them…if that's the only thing that can keep Kudo-kun by my side…"
Hakase looked at me with pity in his eyes. After all, Hakase knew all along that I loved Kudo, even without any need to hear it from me. I wiped my tears and turned back into the computer again.
"Anyway I'm not in the mood for eating right now. I need to finish up the antidote as soon as possible," I said with the cold tone that I always used.
"You want him to be happy, even though deep inside you're bleeding?"
Oh, wow. Hakase is really something, I thought. I stopped typing the formula to give a sign to Hakase that he's correct.
"He's confessing his feeling to Ran right now, but it won't do any harm if you confess to him. Shinichi will understand your feeling, and he'll be grateful that someone as good as you loves him so much that you want to sacrifice your own happiness for his happiness…"
I shook my head weakly, "Nah, I can't do that, Hakase. I don't want to make him need to choose between me or Mouri-san, even though I'm pretty sure Kudo-kun will not choose me over Mouri-san…"
However, deep down, the urge of confessing grew bigger as the time passed by. I didn't know what had gotten into me; it's so not like me to confess my love to a man! And yeah, Kudo Shinichi happiness is to be with Mouri Ran, not Miyano Shiho.
"I'm going to leave you here, Ai-kun. If you need anything, just call me…"
Yeah, I thought sadly, the only thing I need right now is Kudo Shinichi…But I can't say it to you now, can I? Even if I say it, you won't be able to fulfill my wish, Hakase…
Chapter 2: Belive Me
Edogawa Conan
Ran was staring at me, and I didn't even dare to look into her brown eyes. I told her about me being Kudo Shinichi and about how Haibara was the maker of the drug that shrunk me into Edogawa Conan. She neither laugh nor cry, just staring down at me as if I had just told her that I met Kamen Yaiba on my way here.
"Baka ne! Don't try pulling my legs like that, Conan-kun!" said Ran finally with a little giggle. I looked up at her, my mouth wide opened.
"I'm not joking, Ran! Don't you ever realize that I'm Kudo Shinichi? Sleeping Kogoro is ME! I gave him all the hints to help him solve cases and to make him famous in order to get more cases that will lead me to the Black Organization! Don't you see that, Ran? I thought you realized that I'm Kudo Shinichi a lot of times before?" I blurted out. Ran sprung onto her feet and her face suddenly turned beetroot red with anger.
"If that's the case…WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?! WHY DID YOU KEEP DENYING THAT YOU'RE KUDO SHINICHI?! WHY DID YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT WHEN YOU SAW ME CRYING BECAUSE I MISSED YOU SO MUCH?! WHY, MEITANTEI-SAN?!?!"
Her whole body was shaking. I guessed if there was a karate opponent in front of her at that time she could kill the person in one shot. I stood up slowly and lifted up my face.
"If I tell you, won't you be crying over my problems? I know you, Ran, I understand you too well. I just want to make you feel at ease, and I don't want the fellows from Black Organization make you as a target you just because you're related to me…you know what they're capable of doing right? You saw it yourself last week, didn't you Ran?"
Ran was back to her seat again. Her eyes were filled with tears, and I walked towards her.
"Haibara Ai…who's she actually?" she asked, her voice was vibrating.
"She's Miyano Shiho…and she's one year older than us. Right now she's working on the antidote of the drug, so that I can turn back into Kudo Shinichi anytime soon…"I said. Ran looked at me with her watery eyes.
"Kimi wa, hontou ni Kudo Shinichi? (You are really Kudo Shinichi?)"
I smiled sincerely, "Yes, Mouri Ran. I'm back to you now…"
Haibara Ai
"Believe me, Ayumi-chan. Believe my story, please…" I said over the phone. Ayumi-chan didn't say anything on the other side.
"Conan-kun is Meitantei Kudo Shinichi and you are a scientist Miyano Shiho?" asked Ayumi-chan with a quivering, tear – filled voice.
"Gomenasai, Ayumi-chan. I should have told you directly but, I can't face you, Kojima-kun and Tsuburaya-kun. So can you do me a favor, Ayumi-chan?"
"Telling those two about yours and Conan-kun's true identity?"
"Yeah…onegai ne (please), Ayumi-chan…"
I drew another deep breath after the phone call. I knew that her heart was broken into pieces after knowing that Edogawa Conan, the boy she was interested with, was actually a seventeen-years-old teenager that obviously would not be in love with a seven-years-old girl like her.
But then, she's lucky. At least she could erase Kudo-kun from her heart and find another man in the future. Not in my case though, I smiled into the mirror. That little and painful smile somehow had become my trademark smile nowadays.
How could I find a better one once I found the best?
Kudo-kun, believe me…I won't be able to love another man in the future...because I love you too much...
Chapter 3: What's Wrong With You, Haibara?
Edogawa Conan
"Hakase, repair your front door please! It's very funny for me to keep coming and going from the back door every time I visit you," I grunted as I leaned my skateboard on the wall. Agasa Hakase was laughing while stirring a cup of tea.
"Hahaha…I'm sorry, Shinichi...With Ai-kun refusing to come out from basement, I have too much things to do," said Hakase. I stopped wandering around the house abruptly and looked at Hakase instead.
"What do you mean…Haibara is locking herself up in the basement?"
"Yeah…she said she needs to finish the antidote quickly so that she can give it to you and you can turn back into Kudo Shinichi very soon. But I didn't think that she'd lock herself up and come out only to take bath and bring her meals in…"
"Bring her meals in? Hakase, don't tell me she has her meals inside the basement as well…"
"I'm afraid she does, Shinichi…"
And so I decided to check up on her. I was afraid something went wrong with her. She should be happy now that the Black Organization had been taken into prison and that she was free, but why did she act like she had even more burden on her shoulder than before we took down the Black Organization?
I opened the basement slowly, wondering what was Haibara doing inside. I heard ticking sound from her computer while she was typing non-chalantly. Upon my arrival, Haibara craned her neck towards me but looked back into the computer as though I wasn't there.
"Ha…Haibara?" I said as I walked towards her. She neither gave me a reply, nor a sign that she heard me.
"What is it? Hakase told you that I locked myself inside this basement?" she said with her cold and flat tone.
"Well, yeah, he kinda told me about it." I said, waiting for her response. But she didn't even blink, so I realised that she had no intention to answer my statement.
"C'mon, Haibara," I said eventually,"...I don't need the antidote so soon that you need to stay here forever," I went on, hoping to cheer up Haibara a bit. I sat closer to her, staring at her face.
"You were crying?" I asked in astonishment as I saw dried tears on her cheeks. Haibara stopped working and closed her eyes.
"Does it concern you?" she asked, now her eyes were looking sharp at me and her voice suddenly became stern.
"Yeah of course I'm concerned. If I'm not concerned why do I need to come here at the first place?" I said, still confused by her attitude. I knew she was cold all the time, but this was more than just cold...
She looked angry, but why?
"As long as I can make the antidote, you don't need to concern about anything…" she answered with her usual cold tone.
"Haibara…"
"You disturb me enough, so go away…"
"No listen to me…"
"I still have a lot of works to do…"
"I said listen…"
"Go away, Kudo - kun…"
"HAIBARA!!!"
There was an absolute silence for a while. Haibara was mystified, and I was on my feet without me knowing about it myself.
"Can't you listen to me just for a second?!" I said as I was glaring at her.
Another silence. She bit her lower lips, still looking at me without blinking.
"You don't want the antidote, Kudo-kun?" she said, eventually broke the silence. I stared at her as she looked away from me.
"I want it, for goodness sake, Haibara...I want it as bad as you do! But I don't want you to sacrifice every thing just to make the antidote. Hakase worries about you, don't you know that?" I said in a low voice. Haibara still didn't look at me.
"Thanks for your lecture, Kudo-kun. You may leave now…"
There was no way I could talk to her anymore. I didn't know what had happened, or what had gotten into her. I was standing there for a few moment before realizing that Haibara would not listen to me anymore.
"Fine, then…" I said finally, "just remember something Haibara. I care about you not just because you're the antidote maker…"
I walked out of the room and shut the basement's door. I leaned my back against the door for a while, wondering why my heart ached when I saw Haibara's dried tears back then.
Haibara, what's wrong with you?
Chapter 4: A Letter to Kudo Shinichi
Haibara Ai
The snow white pill was on my palm. Finally, finally I've got the cure; the perfect antidote for APTX 4869, I thought anxiously. Looking into the mirror in my very own bedroom, I saw my own reflection wearing overlarge white coat with red long tee turtle neck inside. This outfit reminded me of the time when I escaped from the organization. I wore them as I walked under the rain and eventually passed out in front of Kudo-kun's house. My heart was palpitating as I threw the pill into my mouth and swallow it. I was so sure about the effectiveness of this antidote that I didn't need Kudo-kun to try it first.
Kudo-kun…I felt hot tears trickling down my cheeks when I remembered about him. Something definitely was wrong with my tear gland nowadays as my tears kept flowing out. I gasped as I felt my body began to burn. Here it comes! And the reaction is faster than when Kudo-kun tried the prototype that I made!
I grasped the table as I felt my body numbed. I couldn't move my body at all; it was even more painful than when I took the Paikaru back at Haido City Hotel. Pictures of Gin shot me at the rooftop, Pisco saw me as Haibara Ai, and Kudo-kun saved me from them, suddenly flashed so quick that I didn't remember which one came first. Another drop of tears fell again due to the pain that I felt and the memories that I had with Kudo-kun…
I screamed as loud as I could, hoping it would lessen the pain, and then I found myself lying on the cold floor.
Slowly, I opened my eyes. No more pain. No more tears. Every thing was great. Impeccable. I moved my fingers to make sure that nothing had gone wrong. And then, carefully I stood up and found myself taller than I had been for the past two years. I turned to look into the mirror, and I smiled. It was the first genuine smile that I casted for the past few days.
Miyano Shiho was back, finally…
Hakase is not home yet, I thought as I took a peek from my room's door. It's better though, I would be able to finish my unfinished business at peace without Hakase kept asking me, "Are you OK, Ai-kun?" or "Do you want to go out with Ayumi-chan and the others?", and some other questions that will only be answered by a "no" or even worse, a mere grunt.
I punched Ayumi-chan's home number. Beside the computer, there was a stack of pictures. These pictures were the reason why I called Ayumi-chan.
"Moshimoshi? Ayumi-chan? It's me…can you come over to Hakase's house right now? Yes, if possible can you ask Kojima-kun and Tsuburaya-kun to come along? There's something I need to give to all of you…"
One down, I thought as I put back the receiver back on its place. The clock chimed nine times, which means I would only have about one or two hours to do my unfinished business here. I grabbed a piece of plain white paper and a pen, and then I sat down silently, wondering what should I write.
Dear Kudo-kun…nope, too formal, don't you think so? Very well, how about Dear Meitantei-san…not good also, how if Hakase saw this letter before Kudou-kun and gave it to Mouri Kogoro?
Or should I try Dear Shinichi-kun?
Nope, definitely not. Just thinking about those words had made my face hot, so I thought that was the WORST idea that I had ever come up with…
After some paper balls scattered on the floor, eventually I read a letter to Kudou-kun with satisfaction. Well, at the end I chose Kudo-kun…for the opening.
Kudo-kun…
When you read this letter, I'll be somewhere far away from you. This is the antidote of APTX 4869 that I've tried to myself and I'm absolutely confident about its precision.
I'll be going to America this Saturday, but I'm leaving Hakase's house tonight. Don't ask me why at the end I still decide to go, because only God and I know the reason.
Arigato yo, Kudo-kun. I know you've been keeping me by your side just because I'm the only one who can make the antidote even though you said that you care about me not just because I'm the antidote maker, but still, thank you so much for making me happy and letting me know that I don't need to face everything in this world by myself. Thank you, for saving my life every time I tried to end my life…
Wish you happiness with Mouri Ran-san and good luck in pursuing your career as meitantei…
Always,
Miyano Shiho
This was it. I folded the paper and put it inside an envelope, together with the snow white pill. My heart was so painful that I need to clutch my chest when I thought about not being able to meet the man who I loved sincerely anymore.
The doorbell suddenly rang and I heard a tiny, girlish voice from the speaker.
"A…Ai-chan? It's us…"
I stood up and made my way to the front door. Once I finished this last thing, I'd go as far as I could. I would erase Kudo-kun from my mind and I would start a new life as Miyano Shiho.
But then, would I really be able to forget about that man named Kudo Shinichi?
Chapter 5: Bye – bye, Ai-chan
Yoshida Ayumi
It's pretty hard to get permission from my parents to go out at this hour of the day. But it sounded very urgent, so I told my parents that I left my book with Ai-chan and I needed that book right away for my exam tomorrow morning.
Genta-kun and Mitsuhiko-kun looked puzzled when I told them that Ai-chan wanted to meet us. I pity Mitsuhiko-kun, though; the fact that Ai-chan was a twenty years-old young lady hit him pretty badly. We all knew it all along that he liked Ai-chan a lot, just like how I liked Conan-kun…
I mean, Kudo-senpai…
Somebody was walking out, probably Ai-chan. I couldn't see clearly due to the darkness of the night. There were no stars appearing, nor bright moon that normally hanging up high in the velvet black sky. Well, even the sky understood my mood right now. I would be a big liar if I said the fact that Conan-kun was actually Kudou Shinichi didn't hit me badly. Worse than Mitsuhiko-kun, to be honest.
The door swung open and I automatically said hi the one I believed to be Ai-chan.
"Kombawa (good evening) Ai-ch…"
My words were cut off right there. I couldn't believe what I saw even though I knew the fact. The one standing before me was a beautiful young lady instead of the little blonde girl that I knew. Both Genta-kun and Mitsuhiko-kun stared at her, their mouth wide opened. The young lady smiled at us. She probably found our reaction amusing.
"Miyano-oneesan…" I continued with low voice. She still smiled and looked at us.
"I'll always be Ai-chan for you, Ayumi-chan. And of course," her eyes darted towards the two boys, "…Haibara-san for both of you…"
We were coming into the house and I found it weird that the house was very silent. The five of us…it was the five of us who filled this house with a lot of laughter. Genta-kun's complaints about not enough food in Hakase's house (he would never had enough, honestly…), Mitsuhiko-kun's bright ideas, Ai-chan who acted cool all the time but could be very dependable when occasions called, and of course…Conan-kun's courageous acts, bright deduction…every thing used to be here in the house.
There would never be another Detective Boys' investigations, Agasa Hakase's inventions, feeding the school's rabbits with Ai-chan, solving cases which event the police officers couldn't solve with Conan-kun, or messing around in Hakase's house and being asked by Ai-chan to clean up the house the next day…
No more, just no more…
And the pain at the bottom of my heart grew into a choking ball of agony upon thinking about those things we did in the past…
"Sorry for the long wait…" Ai-chan reappeared from her room while carrying a stack of pictures in her right hand.
"Is that why you're calling us, Haibara-san?" asked Mitsuhiko-kun. Ai-chan nodded curtly.
"Yes, these are some pictures of us. I edited some of them a bit using Photoshop, and I hope you guys like it because it might be the last thing from me…"
Our pictures for the last two years. Five of us with our Detective Badge gleaming on our chest, picture of Ai-chan and I wearing yukata at Tanabata's Fair last year, pictures that we took during our vacation at Kinosaki Hot Spring, some other pictures from Karuizawa when we were invited by Inspector Shiratori, pictures of Genta-kun, Mitsuhiko-kun and Conan-kun grinning widely (and shamelessly if you ask me) in front of Twin Tower Building which was bombed several hours after the picture was taken, another picture of five of us in front of Girls' Day dolls which I got from my father's acquaintance, some from when we visited various beaches and even the pictures that we took at Ikkaku's Rock two years ago, every thing was there…
"A-arigato yo, Ai-chan! I like it so much, really!" I said, and I felt a lump in my throat choked me as I said that.
"Yeah, hontou! I don't know you're very good at handling this kind of stuff, Haibara-san!" said Genta-kun with rather hoarse voice.
"Very well, I'm glad that you like it…"
The clock chimed ten times, and we had to go home before our parents began to worry about us. I gave Ai-chan one last hug and a drop of tears fell on her white coat. She sent us to the front door and suddenly I remembered about something.
"Ai-chan, why didn't you call Conan…nope, I mean, Kudo – senpai as well?"
For a few moment, Ai-chan stood rooted at the front door. But at the next moment, she smiled and said, "Only God and I know why…and I don't think he fancies 'Kudo-senpai' as a new nickname from you… "
I grinned at her joke. Just before she closed the door, she whispered "Arigato" sadly to three of us, and another drop of tears fell on my cheek.
When eventually she closed the door, I knew that I might not be able to see her anymore. Three of us knew it. The night's summer breeze cleared up the sky and stars began to appear one by one. Somehow, the sky's mood had changed into a better one. But my mood had not changed. Not even a morsel. All those years that I spent with the Detective Boys would remain as beautiful memories in my heart, and I would never, never forget about Ai-chan, Mitsuhiko-kun, Genta-kun, and of course, Conan-kun and Agasa Hakase.
"Bye-bye, Ai-chan…"
Chapter 6: Only You
Kudo Shinichi
Three days had passed quietly. Summer holiday would be started next week, and I began to recall my summer holiday last year when I was still Edogawa Conan. It had been three days since I was back to Kudo Shinichi. Also, it had been three days since Haibara went away to a place which only God and she knew.
Haibara…I let out a heavy sigh upon remembering her. That girl…she was like the summer breeze. Suddenly she came to my life and then went away in the same sudden. Without giving me any chance to enjoy the coolness. Without giving me any chance to know why she had become a part of my life.
She had gone, without coming back…
And I honestly didn't understand why my heart ached a lot when I read the letter she left at Hakase's house together with the antidote. It was even more painful than when I saw Ran cried after I shrunk into Conan two years ago.
"Shinichi?"
I craned my neck and found Ran in front of the door. I put down "The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes" which I hardly read for the last half an hour and smiled at her.
"I didn't hear you came in…"
She smiled back at me, "You were thinking about something, weren't you?"
I was lucky that Ran was not a CIA agent, because if she was, she would be able to tell that I lied when I shook my head as the answer of her question. She had been waiting for me for two years, and when I was back to her I couldn't possibly tell her that something about another girl was in my head.
"Very well then…I bring dinner for you, I'll prepare it now OK?"
"Alright, thanks Ran…"
Her long black hair was dancing on her back as she walked out of the reading room. Ah, Ran…I couldn't hurt her when she was so kind to me. And of course, Ran was the one I loved since we were both children right? So it was impossible for me to suddenly love another girl who I knew two years ago, wasn't it?
Oh well, I hoped so…
The next day, Shinichi…
"Ran-oneesan, Ran-oneesan!"
Both Ran and I craned our neck towards the voice and we found three third grade students coming towards us, panting. I raised my eyebrow in surprise to see Ayumi-chan, Genta-kun and Mitsuhiko-kun came in such a hurry.
"Doushite, Ayumi-chan?" Ran asked. She seemed to have something important to say but when she caught my eyes she fell silent.
"We…we have something to tell Con – I mean Kudo-senpai…" Mitsuhiko-kun answered Ran's question instead. Ran nodded and walked away from us.
"See you then, Shinichi!"
I watched the three of them nudging each other's ribs and tried so hard to avoid my eyes. It was so amusing that eventually I burst into laughter.
"What's with you guys? And what's that 'Kudo-senpai'? For goodness sake, I'll always be the same Conan-kun for you!"
The three of them looked up and grinned, "You spoke just like Haibara-san," said Genta.
My heart twitched when I heard Genta mentioned her name casually as if nothing had happened. I forced a smile as they came nearer to me.
"So? What is it you want to talk about so urgently?"
Ayumi-chan took out a piece of photo, "Ai-chan gave us pictures of five of us…but I think, I just think that…" she looked back at the picture before continuing, "…that maybe Ai-chan meant to give this picture to Conan-kun instead…"
I took the picture from Ayumi-chan's hand and looked at it. It was a picture that Hakase took for us when we went to cycle at Karuizawa on last year's summer holiday. I was cycling in the middle with Mitsuhiko-kun and Ayumi-chan next to me. But it seemed that Haibara had edited it; she made every single thing except for my figure was black and white. Two words were scribbled at the bottom right of the picture.
Only You…
"Conan-kun, it may not be my business but…I think Ai-chan likes you a lot…"
I looked at Ayumi-chan with doubt in my eyes, "How do you know? It's just a piece of picture…"
"I'm a girl too, Conan-kun! I know it when a girl falls in love, especially if the girl falls in love with a boy that I like!"
Her cheeks turned red after saying those words and she stared at her feet. I still couldn't believe that Haibara liked me, but this piece of picture actually said more than just words.
"But is it really…"
"Anata wa meitantei ja nai?!?! (Aren't you a great detective?!?!)" Mitsuhiko's angry voice cut my sentence before I finished it. Genta-kun and Ayumi-chan were surprised with his sudden reaction, and so was I.
"Can't you see it? Even I could see it, aren't you ten years older than me, Conan-kun?!"
I tried to find the correct words to answer him, but I couldn't possibly find them. I only stared at Mitsuhiko-kun whose face was red with anger. To find the one that he loved actually loved somebody else must be very hurtful for him.
"We really must go, Conan-kun," Ayumi-chan spoke, "…good luck!"
I hold the picture tightly as I watched them walked away. The words 'Only You' seemed to be flashing in my mind again and again. Probably that scene in the picture which was on my hand, Mitsuhiko's anger and those two words would be carved in my heart forever.
And maybe, just maybe, that girl who wrote the two words would remain in my heart, too…
Chapter 7: True Love
Mouri Ran
My eyebrows were raised in confusion as I entered Shinichi's house and found out that the detective fell asleep inside the reading room. It was almost time to go to school now; how could he possibly fell asleep in such a place?
Slowly, I went into the room and began to shake Shinichi's shoulder to wake him up. He opened his eyes a bit, and grunted as the sunshine which streamed through the window hit his eyes. But when he saw me, he was startled and began to search something that could tell him what time it was.
"It's seven o'clock, Shinichi! Doushite yo? It's really not like you to fell asleep in the middle of reading a book and wake up late in the next morning, isn't it?" said I. He didn't seem to listen to what I said as he was rushing out from the reading room to quickly get ready for school. I sighed heavily, "Mou, Shinichi…"
"Wait for me, Ran! I'll be ready in ten minutes!" he shouted from the bathroom.
"Alright," I said, and then I sat down on the desk where Shinichi slept earlier. He used "A Study In Scarlet" book as the pillow, something that I hardly believe as Shinichi loved every single books created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and he wouldn't possibly did something like that to those books. I took the book and about to placed it on the right place when a piece of picture fell from inside the book.
"Ah re? Conan…I mean, Shinichi?" I talked to myself.
The words Only You were scribbled at the bottom of the picture. Then, I remembered yesterday Ayumi-chan and the boys came to us, so maybe this was the thing that they gave Shinichi. He told me that Ai-chan gave them a picture that was supposed to be given to him...was this the picture he talked about? And the fact that the picture was inside the very book Shinichi held was…
Was he…was Shinichi actually…holding on the picture all night?
And if the words Only You were written by Ai-chan…there was only one think I could think about…
"Ran? Have you had breakfast?"
I quickly hid the picture in the book and closed the book upon hearing Shinichi's call. A loaf of bread was hanging from his lips as he put on his coat on top of his white shirt.
"Ah, yeah…I've had breakfast…c'mon Shinichi, we need to go now or else we're gonna be late!"
"Oh, OK then…I just don't want you to fall sick because you miss breakfast that's all," he said non-chalantly as he munched the bread. If he acted this way, he was still the old Shinichi that I knew. But this man was a good actor; he could deceive people's eyes easily!
Well, not my eyes though…
After school, Mouri Ran
The sun was almost set. I saw his tall figure stood rooted by the window, his eyes were gazing at the red sky up there. Almost everyone had left the school by then, except for the members of karate club who had just finished a very tiring exercise. I had just changed into my uniform and went to look for Shinichi to go home with him.
I opened my mouth to call him, but I decided not to do so when I saw the thing he held tightly on his right hand. That picture, I thought. The picture that sent him into deep slumber last night. I walked silently towards him to get a better look at the childhood friend of mine. I touched his arm lightly and he was startled by that light touch. I smiled at him when he looked at me with guilt in his eyes.
"Ran, I don't…it's not like…" he stammered as he quickly hid the picture into his blue coat. I grabbed his arms to stop him from hiding the picture from my eyesight. To stop him from hiding the facts from me. His eyes were penetrating into my soul, but somehow I didn't feel any pain in my heart. It was even more painful to see Shinichi kept on staring at a piece of picture for the whole day than to actually let him go from my side.
"Her flight is today, am I right?" Shinichi nodded. I smiled and took his fingers into my palms.
"Go after her, Shinichi. I'll be fine…"
"What are you talking about?" he said, his hands grabbed my shoulder.
"I just don't want you to have any regrets. I don't want someday you'll regret your decision to be with me, and that you never try to be with her, the true love that you carelessly let go. If she's really your true love, why don't you let her know how much you love her and how painful it is for you to see her go just like that?"
Slowly Shinichi drew his hands from my shoulder. I knew I was right about what I said.
"But…" he continued with a low voice, "…but you've been waiting for me! You've been waiting for my return for two years!"
I casted another smile for him, "Sincerity is important for a relationship, but the love itself is far more important. If you don't love me, why shall we be together? If our relationship doesn't make you happy, I can't be happy, Shinichi. I'll always be your best friend, yes, but for more than that, I don't think it will work out…"
Shinichi stared at me like he had never before.
"Why…why are you doing this for me, Ran?"
"As long as you're happy, I'm going to be happy as well. I'm sure Ai-chan thinks that, too…"
He eventually casted a genuine smile at me. He grabbed my fingers and nodded.
"Thank you, Mouri Ran! I'm sure there will be a better man for you…much better than me…"
"Yeah, thanks. Good luck, and say hi to Ai-chan for me, alright?"
And thus, my first love rushed out of the classroom to go after his true love…
Chapter 8: Another Letter to Kudo Shinichi
Kudo Shinichi
I chimed the doorbell continuously; my heart was thumping against my chest. Hakase surely was slow! I needed him urgently as he might be the only one who knew where in the world Haibara was. I chimed the doorbell one more time and Hakase finally answered.
"Dare ka? (Who's that?)"
"Hakase! It's me, hurry up open the door!" I shouted at the speaker. Quickly Hakase opened the door for me and I blurted out right away.
"Haibara! Where's she? You know where she is right? Hakase, tell me!"
Hakase smiled at me and nodded understandingly. He drew a deep breath and said, "You sounded so urgent that I thought somebody has just died, Shinichi..."
"Hakase!!!"
"Alright, come in…there's something I need to show you," he said as he led my way towards his house. I obeyed him even though in reality I wanted to complain to Hakase, or shook his body to make him tell me where Haibara was.
I was made to wait outside his room, and I kept glancing at my watch. Six o'clock. C'mon Hakase! I don't have much time left! I thought.
"This…"Hakase gave me a piece of folder paper, "…Ai-kun's flight is at nine o'clock tonight. She left this letter to me before she went and said that I shall give this to you if, by any chance, you came and looked for her…"
I snatched the paper and unfolded it hastily. Her neat handwriting was on the paper, and I read the letter.
Kudo-kun…
So you're looking for me. And I'm surprised by that, really. Someone must have knocked some senses into your head if you read this letter.
If you want to meet me, I'll be staying at Akemi-neechan's apartment till Friday. But, if you read this letter on Saturday, come find me at one place which always reminds me of you. For a great detective like you, that clue will be enough, won't it?
See you,
-Shiho-
A place which always reminds her of me? Oh, Haibaraaa!!! Why didn't she just tell me where was it? I looked at my watch; three hours…no, two hours! Or maybe only one hour! She would be off to Narita International Airport at least one hour before her flight. I shoved the letter into my pocket and quickly said my thanks to Hakase before I began to search for the headstrong young lady.
Calm down, think slowly, you're a detective aren't you? I thought to myself. A memorable place for her…Haido City Hotel! I saved her from Gin and Vodka back then, so she would remember me whenever she came to that place. I put my feet on my skateboard and rushed to the hotel as quick as possible.
But she wasn't there. I searched at the room where she was confined, but that room was pitch-black and empty. She wasn't waiting for me at the rooftop as well. I took several deep breaths to calm myself down. Half past six, I had more than enough time. A memorable place…could it be the place where I saved her from the hijacked bus? I put my blood on her to save her life, so it must be the place!
I pushed the button on the skateboard using my right foot as hard as I could. I remembered the spot exactly where the bus exploded. It was after the long tunnel at Beika City Block Three. Please, please let her be there!
Panting, I searched for the brown haired young lady. Not there; for goodness' sake, where on earth could she be? I remembered dreaming about something exactly like this; I dreamt about searching for Ran who was the woman that I loved at that time. In that dream I felt how painful it was upon thinking that I would not be able to see her anymore, that I would see her marry another man…
But that was a dream, and this was reality…
Six-fifty, I needed to find her and let her know how much I loved her. Another place…hang on, could she be waiting for me at the road where she revealed her true identity to me for the first time? I should try to get there, I was sure it wouldn't do any harm for me to try.
Beika Road Block Two, first turn before Hakase's house. Why didn't I try to search there at the first place? Seven o'clock, the clock was ticking fast, and my heart was thumping even harder. If Haibara was not there, I didn't know where else could she be.
I was lucky that the place was quite near to where I was previously. I held the skateboard on my hand and I opened my eyes widely to catch a glimpse of Haibara. My heart sank deep as I didn't see her anywhere along the road. Looking back at my watch, I shook my head sadly. It was almost seven-thirty, and I had no idea which other place I should go to.
I leaned my back against the wall. Was this my punishment for not realising her sincere love earlier? Was this my punishment because I kept hurting her day by day? The road was the last place that came up in my mind, and yet she was not there. The very place where we parted after we solved a case together for the first time. I smiled upon remembering the case. At that time I thought that the Black Organization was involved in that case. How could I possibly think that a case from an elementary school student involved them?
Hang on, what was that again?
"Damn it! How can I forget about that place?!" I cursed and sped up to the place where Haibara Ai had been waiting for me, the one who would give her all the love that she wanted…
Chapter 9: I love you, Miyano Shiho
Shinichi Kudo
My footsteps echoed in the empty, dark hall. Being Kudo Shinichi definitely allows me to see things in different perspective. Things look a lot smaller than they usually are.
Seven-forty. Classroom 1-B, Teitan Elementary School. I opened the sliding door, slowly...
It's empty. Dark and empty. I could feel my heart sinking to my stomach.
I was confident in my deduction that Haibara Ai, I mean Miyano Shiho would be here, waiting for me like what she said in the letter. This is the place she finally found friends, people that she could trust, and...me. The one she loves.
This is where we are sitting next to each other every single day. This is where we spend half of our life as Conan and Haibara together!
Then why, why isn't she here? Or, am I too late?
I let my body sunk onto the floor. That picture was still in my hand. One drop of tears fell onto the word "Only You".
"I love you, Haibara..." I whispered unconsciously. I guess she felt this way every day, every time I mentioned Ran in front of her, I guess this is the kind of pain she felt. She's got the last laugh now, as I will be one suffering man who will need months, years, or probably my whole life to forget about her, my summer breeze...
"You look depressed."
I thought my heart stopped beating. A woman's voice. Surely a voice I'm familiar with, only with a more matured tone. I turned so quickly that I thought I sprained my neck. The night wind slipped through the slightly ajar door, where a beautiful woman stood still, smiling at me.
"Hai...no, I mean, Miyano...Shiho?" I slowly stood back up as she walked towards me. The moonlight shone at her beautiful face. I didn't realise she was that beautiful until that night. She began examining me from head to toe. She even walked around me, just like a doctor examining her patient. I was confused.
"Nothing wrong. It seems like the antidote worked just right, huh?"
"Ah, yes..." I replied, suddenly I was at loss for words due to the confusion. What was she doing actually?
"Then? Why are you looking for me?"
This girl! I thought angrily, she was playing with me!
I grabbed her two hands and pulled her so that she's closer to me. Standing right in front of an opened window, we were looking at each other under the moonlight.
"Don't go!" I blurted out, "onegai..." I added. She tried to avoid my gaze. I turned her face so that she couldn't help but to look at me.
"I didn't realise it all along. I thought that it was Ran who filled my heart. I took your presence for granted that I've never thought about the time that we are to be apart, that we are not sitting next to each other in class, that I won't hear your icy cold remarks continuously, that...that I..." I swallowed the little lump in my throat, "that I will miss you this badly..."
Tears slowly welled up in her eyes. She tried to hide those tears, but I refused to let her go.
"Don't look away. I want to see you. I want to see your tears. Everything about you. I want to see..."
“Say it, Shinichi!”
"I love you, Shiho. Zutto aishiteru..."
She was smiling, yet crying at the same time. I felt a heavy boulder lifted from my heart.
"Baka...baka, baka, baka, BAKA!" she repeated that word as she struggled in my arms. "I love you too, Shinichi!"
As she flung her arms into my embrace, I realised that there was no luggage around. I smiled.
Maybe, just maybe, she didn't plan to go after all. Maybe she said all those just to make me realise how much I love her. Or maybe she really planned to go.
As she pulled herself away from my embrace, I looked at her teary eyes. I stopped thinking about whether she really planned to go or not. The sight before me was too beautiful to be missed.
"I love you, Miyano Shiho..."
Chapter 1: LOVE IS PAINFUL…
Haibara Ai
Night had fallen. I sat silently in the basement, listening to the voices outside. The only lighting inside the room was from the computer. Beside it, a piece of paper with formula and pictures of double helix lied. I drew a deep breath when I heard his voice; a voice that could warmth my icy cold heart.
"Finally, Hakase…I can live a peaceful life without any need to worry about confronting the black wolves anymore," said that voice. I leaned my head nearer to the door to hear clearly what Kudo-kun and Agasa Hakase is talking about.
"Yeah…it's true. And I think…now it's time for you to confess to Ran about all the things that had happened for the past two years…"
My heart twitched uncomfortably. Here it comes, I thought. The worst thing that I didn't want to face. Even worse than our confrontation with Black Organization for the past one week. I listened to every words that Kudo said before I couldn't hear it anymore.
"I will, Hakase…I'm going to her house now, no longer as Edogawa Conan…but as Kudo Shinichi, the only one that she's longing and waiting for sincerely…"
A little, painful smile tinged my lips. How lucky the lady who became his heart desire. And how I wish, how I wish, I could be the lucky lady…
"Ja ne, Hakase!"
"Ah…good luck!"
I made my way back to the computer desk when the basement's door swung open. From the footsteps, I knew it was Hakase.
"Ah…Ai-kun? Shall we have something to eat?"
I didn't give slightest attention to him. Not that I didn't respect him as my guardian. Only that I had no mood to talk as well as to eat at this time. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I stopped working on the antidote of APTX 4869.
"Doushite, Ai-kun? Aren't you suppose to be glad that you finally do not need to be afraid of those men in black anymore?"
I turned back to Hakase. Tears began rolling down my cheeks even though I fought so hard that my whole body was shaking.
"I'd prefer to face them…if that's the only thing that can keep Kudo-kun by my side…"
Hakase looked at me with pity in his eyes. After all, Hakase knew all along that I loved Kudo, even without any need to hear it from me. I wiped my tears and turned back into the computer again.
"Anyway I'm not in the mood for eating right now. I need to finish up the antidote as soon as possible," I said with the cold tone that I always used.
"You want him to be happy, even though deep inside you're bleeding?"
Oh, wow. Hakase is really something, I thought. I stopped typing the formula to give a sign to Hakase that he's correct.
"He's confessing his feeling to Ran right now, but it won't do any harm if you confess to him. Shinichi will understand your feeling, and he'll be grateful that someone as good as you loves him so much that you want to sacrifice your own happiness for his happiness…"
I shook my head weakly, "Nah, I can't do that, Hakase. I don't want to make him need to choose between me or Mouri-san, even though I'm pretty sure Kudo-kun will not choose me over Mouri-san…"
However, deep down, the urge of confessing grew bigger as the time passed by. I didn't know what had gotten into me; it's so not like me to confess my love to a man! And yeah, Kudo Shinichi happiness is to be with Mouri Ran, not Miyano Shiho.
"I'm going to leave you here, Ai-kun. If you need anything, just call me…"
Yeah, I thought sadly, the only thing I need right now is Kudo Shinichi…But I can't say it to you now, can I? Even if I say it, you won't be able to fulfill my wish, Hakase…
Chapter 2: Belive Me
Edogawa Conan
Ran was staring at me, and I didn't even dare to look into her brown eyes. I told her about me being Kudo Shinichi and about how Haibara was the maker of the drug that shrunk me into Edogawa Conan. She neither laugh nor cry, just staring down at me as if I had just told her that I met Kamen Yaiba on my way here.
"Baka ne! Don't try pulling my legs like that, Conan-kun!" said Ran finally with a little giggle. I looked up at her, my mouth wide opened.
"I'm not joking, Ran! Don't you ever realize that I'm Kudo Shinichi? Sleeping Kogoro is ME! I gave him all the hints to help him solve cases and to make him famous in order to get more cases that will lead me to the Black Organization! Don't you see that, Ran? I thought you realized that I'm Kudo Shinichi a lot of times before?" I blurted out. Ran sprung onto her feet and her face suddenly turned beetroot red with anger.
"If that's the case…WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?! WHY DID YOU KEEP DENYING THAT YOU'RE KUDO SHINICHI?! WHY DID YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT WHEN YOU SAW ME CRYING BECAUSE I MISSED YOU SO MUCH?! WHY, MEITANTEI-SAN?!?!"
Her whole body was shaking. I guessed if there was a karate opponent in front of her at that time she could kill the person in one shot. I stood up slowly and lifted up my face.
"If I tell you, won't you be crying over my problems? I know you, Ran, I understand you too well. I just want to make you feel at ease, and I don't want the fellows from Black Organization make you as a target you just because you're related to me…you know what they're capable of doing right? You saw it yourself last week, didn't you Ran?"
Ran was back to her seat again. Her eyes were filled with tears, and I walked towards her.
"Haibara Ai…who's she actually?" she asked, her voice was vibrating.
"She's Miyano Shiho…and she's one year older than us. Right now she's working on the antidote of the drug, so that I can turn back into Kudo Shinichi anytime soon…"I said. Ran looked at me with her watery eyes.
"Kimi wa, hontou ni Kudo Shinichi? (You are really Kudo Shinichi?)"
I smiled sincerely, "Yes, Mouri Ran. I'm back to you now…"
Haibara Ai
"Believe me, Ayumi-chan. Believe my story, please…" I said over the phone. Ayumi-chan didn't say anything on the other side.
"Conan-kun is Meitantei Kudo Shinichi and you are a scientist Miyano Shiho?" asked Ayumi-chan with a quivering, tear – filled voice.
"Gomenasai, Ayumi-chan. I should have told you directly but, I can't face you, Kojima-kun and Tsuburaya-kun. So can you do me a favor, Ayumi-chan?"
"Telling those two about yours and Conan-kun's true identity?"
"Yeah…onegai ne (please), Ayumi-chan…"
I drew another deep breath after the phone call. I knew that her heart was broken into pieces after knowing that Edogawa Conan, the boy she was interested with, was actually a seventeen-years-old teenager that obviously would not be in love with a seven-years-old girl like her.
But then, she's lucky. At least she could erase Kudo-kun from her heart and find another man in the future. Not in my case though, I smiled into the mirror. That little and painful smile somehow had become my trademark smile nowadays.
How could I find a better one once I found the best?
Kudo-kun, believe me…I won't be able to love another man in the future...because I love you too much...
Chapter 3: What's Wrong With You, Haibara?
Edogawa Conan
"Hakase, repair your front door please! It's very funny for me to keep coming and going from the back door every time I visit you," I grunted as I leaned my skateboard on the wall. Agasa Hakase was laughing while stirring a cup of tea.
"Hahaha…I'm sorry, Shinichi...With Ai-kun refusing to come out from basement, I have too much things to do," said Hakase. I stopped wandering around the house abruptly and looked at Hakase instead.
"What do you mean…Haibara is locking herself up in the basement?"
"Yeah…she said she needs to finish the antidote quickly so that she can give it to you and you can turn back into Kudo Shinichi very soon. But I didn't think that she'd lock herself up and come out only to take bath and bring her meals in…"
"Bring her meals in? Hakase, don't tell me she has her meals inside the basement as well…"
"I'm afraid she does, Shinichi…"
And so I decided to check up on her. I was afraid something went wrong with her. She should be happy now that the Black Organization had been taken into prison and that she was free, but why did she act like she had even more burden on her shoulder than before we took down the Black Organization?
I opened the basement slowly, wondering what was Haibara doing inside. I heard ticking sound from her computer while she was typing non-chalantly. Upon my arrival, Haibara craned her neck towards me but looked back into the computer as though I wasn't there.
"Ha…Haibara?" I said as I walked towards her. She neither gave me a reply, nor a sign that she heard me.
"What is it? Hakase told you that I locked myself inside this basement?" she said with her cold and flat tone.
"Well, yeah, he kinda told me about it." I said, waiting for her response. But she didn't even blink, so I realised that she had no intention to answer my statement.
"C'mon, Haibara," I said eventually,"...I don't need the antidote so soon that you need to stay here forever," I went on, hoping to cheer up Haibara a bit. I sat closer to her, staring at her face.
"You were crying?" I asked in astonishment as I saw dried tears on her cheeks. Haibara stopped working and closed her eyes.
"Does it concern you?" she asked, now her eyes were looking sharp at me and her voice suddenly became stern.
"Yeah of course I'm concerned. If I'm not concerned why do I need to come here at the first place?" I said, still confused by her attitude. I knew she was cold all the time, but this was more than just cold...
She looked angry, but why?
"As long as I can make the antidote, you don't need to concern about anything…" she answered with her usual cold tone.
"Haibara…"
"You disturb me enough, so go away…"
"No listen to me…"
"I still have a lot of works to do…"
"I said listen…"
"Go away, Kudo - kun…"
"HAIBARA!!!"
There was an absolute silence for a while. Haibara was mystified, and I was on my feet without me knowing about it myself.
"Can't you listen to me just for a second?!" I said as I was glaring at her.
Another silence. She bit her lower lips, still looking at me without blinking.
"You don't want the antidote, Kudo-kun?" she said, eventually broke the silence. I stared at her as she looked away from me.
"I want it, for goodness sake, Haibara...I want it as bad as you do! But I don't want you to sacrifice every thing just to make the antidote. Hakase worries about you, don't you know that?" I said in a low voice. Haibara still didn't look at me.
"Thanks for your lecture, Kudo-kun. You may leave now…"
There was no way I could talk to her anymore. I didn't know what had happened, or what had gotten into her. I was standing there for a few moment before realizing that Haibara would not listen to me anymore.
"Fine, then…" I said finally, "just remember something Haibara. I care about you not just because you're the antidote maker…"
I walked out of the room and shut the basement's door. I leaned my back against the door for a while, wondering why my heart ached when I saw Haibara's dried tears back then.
Haibara, what's wrong with you?
Chapter 4: A Letter to Kudo Shinichi
Haibara Ai
The snow white pill was on my palm. Finally, finally I've got the cure; the perfect antidote for APTX 4869, I thought anxiously. Looking into the mirror in my very own bedroom, I saw my own reflection wearing overlarge white coat with red long tee turtle neck inside. This outfit reminded me of the time when I escaped from the organization. I wore them as I walked under the rain and eventually passed out in front of Kudo-kun's house. My heart was palpitating as I threw the pill into my mouth and swallow it. I was so sure about the effectiveness of this antidote that I didn't need Kudo-kun to try it first.
Kudo-kun…I felt hot tears trickling down my cheeks when I remembered about him. Something definitely was wrong with my tear gland nowadays as my tears kept flowing out. I gasped as I felt my body began to burn. Here it comes! And the reaction is faster than when Kudo-kun tried the prototype that I made!
I grasped the table as I felt my body numbed. I couldn't move my body at all; it was even more painful than when I took the Paikaru back at Haido City Hotel. Pictures of Gin shot me at the rooftop, Pisco saw me as Haibara Ai, and Kudo-kun saved me from them, suddenly flashed so quick that I didn't remember which one came first. Another drop of tears fell again due to the pain that I felt and the memories that I had with Kudo-kun…
I screamed as loud as I could, hoping it would lessen the pain, and then I found myself lying on the cold floor.
Slowly, I opened my eyes. No more pain. No more tears. Every thing was great. Impeccable. I moved my fingers to make sure that nothing had gone wrong. And then, carefully I stood up and found myself taller than I had been for the past two years. I turned to look into the mirror, and I smiled. It was the first genuine smile that I casted for the past few days.
Miyano Shiho was back, finally…
Hakase is not home yet, I thought as I took a peek from my room's door. It's better though, I would be able to finish my unfinished business at peace without Hakase kept asking me, "Are you OK, Ai-kun?" or "Do you want to go out with Ayumi-chan and the others?", and some other questions that will only be answered by a "no" or even worse, a mere grunt.
I punched Ayumi-chan's home number. Beside the computer, there was a stack of pictures. These pictures were the reason why I called Ayumi-chan.
"Moshimoshi? Ayumi-chan? It's me…can you come over to Hakase's house right now? Yes, if possible can you ask Kojima-kun and Tsuburaya-kun to come along? There's something I need to give to all of you…"
One down, I thought as I put back the receiver back on its place. The clock chimed nine times, which means I would only have about one or two hours to do my unfinished business here. I grabbed a piece of plain white paper and a pen, and then I sat down silently, wondering what should I write.
Dear Kudo-kun…nope, too formal, don't you think so? Very well, how about Dear Meitantei-san…not good also, how if Hakase saw this letter before Kudou-kun and gave it to Mouri Kogoro?
Or should I try Dear Shinichi-kun?
Nope, definitely not. Just thinking about those words had made my face hot, so I thought that was the WORST idea that I had ever come up with…
After some paper balls scattered on the floor, eventually I read a letter to Kudou-kun with satisfaction. Well, at the end I chose Kudo-kun…for the opening.
Kudo-kun…
When you read this letter, I'll be somewhere far away from you. This is the antidote of APTX 4869 that I've tried to myself and I'm absolutely confident about its precision.
I'll be going to America this Saturday, but I'm leaving Hakase's house tonight. Don't ask me why at the end I still decide to go, because only God and I know the reason.
Arigato yo, Kudo-kun. I know you've been keeping me by your side just because I'm the only one who can make the antidote even though you said that you care about me not just because I'm the antidote maker, but still, thank you so much for making me happy and letting me know that I don't need to face everything in this world by myself. Thank you, for saving my life every time I tried to end my life…
Wish you happiness with Mouri Ran-san and good luck in pursuing your career as meitantei…
Always,
Miyano Shiho
This was it. I folded the paper and put it inside an envelope, together with the snow white pill. My heart was so painful that I need to clutch my chest when I thought about not being able to meet the man who I loved sincerely anymore.
The doorbell suddenly rang and I heard a tiny, girlish voice from the speaker.
"A…Ai-chan? It's us…"
I stood up and made my way to the front door. Once I finished this last thing, I'd go as far as I could. I would erase Kudo-kun from my mind and I would start a new life as Miyano Shiho.
But then, would I really be able to forget about that man named Kudo Shinichi?
Chapter 5: Bye – bye, Ai-chan
Yoshida Ayumi
It's pretty hard to get permission from my parents to go out at this hour of the day. But it sounded very urgent, so I told my parents that I left my book with Ai-chan and I needed that book right away for my exam tomorrow morning.
Genta-kun and Mitsuhiko-kun looked puzzled when I told them that Ai-chan wanted to meet us. I pity Mitsuhiko-kun, though; the fact that Ai-chan was a twenty years-old young lady hit him pretty badly. We all knew it all along that he liked Ai-chan a lot, just like how I liked Conan-kun…
I mean, Kudo-senpai…
Somebody was walking out, probably Ai-chan. I couldn't see clearly due to the darkness of the night. There were no stars appearing, nor bright moon that normally hanging up high in the velvet black sky. Well, even the sky understood my mood right now. I would be a big liar if I said the fact that Conan-kun was actually Kudou Shinichi didn't hit me badly. Worse than Mitsuhiko-kun, to be honest.
The door swung open and I automatically said hi the one I believed to be Ai-chan.
"Kombawa (good evening) Ai-ch…"
My words were cut off right there. I couldn't believe what I saw even though I knew the fact. The one standing before me was a beautiful young lady instead of the little blonde girl that I knew. Both Genta-kun and Mitsuhiko-kun stared at her, their mouth wide opened. The young lady smiled at us. She probably found our reaction amusing.
"Miyano-oneesan…" I continued with low voice. She still smiled and looked at us.
"I'll always be Ai-chan for you, Ayumi-chan. And of course," her eyes darted towards the two boys, "…Haibara-san for both of you…"
We were coming into the house and I found it weird that the house was very silent. The five of us…it was the five of us who filled this house with a lot of laughter. Genta-kun's complaints about not enough food in Hakase's house (he would never had enough, honestly…), Mitsuhiko-kun's bright ideas, Ai-chan who acted cool all the time but could be very dependable when occasions called, and of course…Conan-kun's courageous acts, bright deduction…every thing used to be here in the house.
There would never be another Detective Boys' investigations, Agasa Hakase's inventions, feeding the school's rabbits with Ai-chan, solving cases which event the police officers couldn't solve with Conan-kun, or messing around in Hakase's house and being asked by Ai-chan to clean up the house the next day…
No more, just no more…
And the pain at the bottom of my heart grew into a choking ball of agony upon thinking about those things we did in the past…
"Sorry for the long wait…" Ai-chan reappeared from her room while carrying a stack of pictures in her right hand.
"Is that why you're calling us, Haibara-san?" asked Mitsuhiko-kun. Ai-chan nodded curtly.
"Yes, these are some pictures of us. I edited some of them a bit using Photoshop, and I hope you guys like it because it might be the last thing from me…"
Our pictures for the last two years. Five of us with our Detective Badge gleaming on our chest, picture of Ai-chan and I wearing yukata at Tanabata's Fair last year, pictures that we took during our vacation at Kinosaki Hot Spring, some other pictures from Karuizawa when we were invited by Inspector Shiratori, pictures of Genta-kun, Mitsuhiko-kun and Conan-kun grinning widely (and shamelessly if you ask me) in front of Twin Tower Building which was bombed several hours after the picture was taken, another picture of five of us in front of Girls' Day dolls which I got from my father's acquaintance, some from when we visited various beaches and even the pictures that we took at Ikkaku's Rock two years ago, every thing was there…
"A-arigato yo, Ai-chan! I like it so much, really!" I said, and I felt a lump in my throat choked me as I said that.
"Yeah, hontou! I don't know you're very good at handling this kind of stuff, Haibara-san!" said Genta-kun with rather hoarse voice.
"Very well, I'm glad that you like it…"
The clock chimed ten times, and we had to go home before our parents began to worry about us. I gave Ai-chan one last hug and a drop of tears fell on her white coat. She sent us to the front door and suddenly I remembered about something.
"Ai-chan, why didn't you call Conan…nope, I mean, Kudo – senpai as well?"
For a few moment, Ai-chan stood rooted at the front door. But at the next moment, she smiled and said, "Only God and I know why…and I don't think he fancies 'Kudo-senpai' as a new nickname from you… "
I grinned at her joke. Just before she closed the door, she whispered "Arigato" sadly to three of us, and another drop of tears fell on my cheek.
When eventually she closed the door, I knew that I might not be able to see her anymore. Three of us knew it. The night's summer breeze cleared up the sky and stars began to appear one by one. Somehow, the sky's mood had changed into a better one. But my mood had not changed. Not even a morsel. All those years that I spent with the Detective Boys would remain as beautiful memories in my heart, and I would never, never forget about Ai-chan, Mitsuhiko-kun, Genta-kun, and of course, Conan-kun and Agasa Hakase.
"Bye-bye, Ai-chan…"
Chapter 6: Only You
Kudo Shinichi
Three days had passed quietly. Summer holiday would be started next week, and I began to recall my summer holiday last year when I was still Edogawa Conan. It had been three days since I was back to Kudo Shinichi. Also, it had been three days since Haibara went away to a place which only God and she knew.
Haibara…I let out a heavy sigh upon remembering her. That girl…she was like the summer breeze. Suddenly she came to my life and then went away in the same sudden. Without giving me any chance to enjoy the coolness. Without giving me any chance to know why she had become a part of my life.
She had gone, without coming back…
And I honestly didn't understand why my heart ached a lot when I read the letter she left at Hakase's house together with the antidote. It was even more painful than when I saw Ran cried after I shrunk into Conan two years ago.
"Shinichi?"
I craned my neck and found Ran in front of the door. I put down "The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes" which I hardly read for the last half an hour and smiled at her.
"I didn't hear you came in…"
She smiled back at me, "You were thinking about something, weren't you?"
I was lucky that Ran was not a CIA agent, because if she was, she would be able to tell that I lied when I shook my head as the answer of her question. She had been waiting for me for two years, and when I was back to her I couldn't possibly tell her that something about another girl was in my head.
"Very well then…I bring dinner for you, I'll prepare it now OK?"
"Alright, thanks Ran…"
Her long black hair was dancing on her back as she walked out of the reading room. Ah, Ran…I couldn't hurt her when she was so kind to me. And of course, Ran was the one I loved since we were both children right? So it was impossible for me to suddenly love another girl who I knew two years ago, wasn't it?
Oh well, I hoped so…
The next day, Shinichi…
"Ran-oneesan, Ran-oneesan!"
Both Ran and I craned our neck towards the voice and we found three third grade students coming towards us, panting. I raised my eyebrow in surprise to see Ayumi-chan, Genta-kun and Mitsuhiko-kun came in such a hurry.
"Doushite, Ayumi-chan?" Ran asked. She seemed to have something important to say but when she caught my eyes she fell silent.
"We…we have something to tell Con – I mean Kudo-senpai…" Mitsuhiko-kun answered Ran's question instead. Ran nodded and walked away from us.
"See you then, Shinichi!"
I watched the three of them nudging each other's ribs and tried so hard to avoid my eyes. It was so amusing that eventually I burst into laughter.
"What's with you guys? And what's that 'Kudo-senpai'? For goodness sake, I'll always be the same Conan-kun for you!"
The three of them looked up and grinned, "You spoke just like Haibara-san," said Genta.
My heart twitched when I heard Genta mentioned her name casually as if nothing had happened. I forced a smile as they came nearer to me.
"So? What is it you want to talk about so urgently?"
Ayumi-chan took out a piece of photo, "Ai-chan gave us pictures of five of us…but I think, I just think that…" she looked back at the picture before continuing, "…that maybe Ai-chan meant to give this picture to Conan-kun instead…"
I took the picture from Ayumi-chan's hand and looked at it. It was a picture that Hakase took for us when we went to cycle at Karuizawa on last year's summer holiday. I was cycling in the middle with Mitsuhiko-kun and Ayumi-chan next to me. But it seemed that Haibara had edited it; she made every single thing except for my figure was black and white. Two words were scribbled at the bottom right of the picture.
Only You…
"Conan-kun, it may not be my business but…I think Ai-chan likes you a lot…"
I looked at Ayumi-chan with doubt in my eyes, "How do you know? It's just a piece of picture…"
"I'm a girl too, Conan-kun! I know it when a girl falls in love, especially if the girl falls in love with a boy that I like!"
Her cheeks turned red after saying those words and she stared at her feet. I still couldn't believe that Haibara liked me, but this piece of picture actually said more than just words.
"But is it really…"
"Anata wa meitantei ja nai?!?! (Aren't you a great detective?!?!)" Mitsuhiko's angry voice cut my sentence before I finished it. Genta-kun and Ayumi-chan were surprised with his sudden reaction, and so was I.
"Can't you see it? Even I could see it, aren't you ten years older than me, Conan-kun?!"
I tried to find the correct words to answer him, but I couldn't possibly find them. I only stared at Mitsuhiko-kun whose face was red with anger. To find the one that he loved actually loved somebody else must be very hurtful for him.
"We really must go, Conan-kun," Ayumi-chan spoke, "…good luck!"
I hold the picture tightly as I watched them walked away. The words 'Only You' seemed to be flashing in my mind again and again. Probably that scene in the picture which was on my hand, Mitsuhiko's anger and those two words would be carved in my heart forever.
And maybe, just maybe, that girl who wrote the two words would remain in my heart, too…
Chapter 7: True Love
Mouri Ran
My eyebrows were raised in confusion as I entered Shinichi's house and found out that the detective fell asleep inside the reading room. It was almost time to go to school now; how could he possibly fell asleep in such a place?
Slowly, I went into the room and began to shake Shinichi's shoulder to wake him up. He opened his eyes a bit, and grunted as the sunshine which streamed through the window hit his eyes. But when he saw me, he was startled and began to search something that could tell him what time it was.
"It's seven o'clock, Shinichi! Doushite yo? It's really not like you to fell asleep in the middle of reading a book and wake up late in the next morning, isn't it?" said I. He didn't seem to listen to what I said as he was rushing out from the reading room to quickly get ready for school. I sighed heavily, "Mou, Shinichi…"
"Wait for me, Ran! I'll be ready in ten minutes!" he shouted from the bathroom.
"Alright," I said, and then I sat down on the desk where Shinichi slept earlier. He used "A Study In Scarlet" book as the pillow, something that I hardly believe as Shinichi loved every single books created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and he wouldn't possibly did something like that to those books. I took the book and about to placed it on the right place when a piece of picture fell from inside the book.
"Ah re? Conan…I mean, Shinichi?" I talked to myself.
The words Only You were scribbled at the bottom of the picture. Then, I remembered yesterday Ayumi-chan and the boys came to us, so maybe this was the thing that they gave Shinichi. He told me that Ai-chan gave them a picture that was supposed to be given to him...was this the picture he talked about? And the fact that the picture was inside the very book Shinichi held was…
Was he…was Shinichi actually…holding on the picture all night?
And if the words Only You were written by Ai-chan…there was only one think I could think about…
"Ran? Have you had breakfast?"
I quickly hid the picture in the book and closed the book upon hearing Shinichi's call. A loaf of bread was hanging from his lips as he put on his coat on top of his white shirt.
"Ah, yeah…I've had breakfast…c'mon Shinichi, we need to go now or else we're gonna be late!"
"Oh, OK then…I just don't want you to fall sick because you miss breakfast that's all," he said non-chalantly as he munched the bread. If he acted this way, he was still the old Shinichi that I knew. But this man was a good actor; he could deceive people's eyes easily!
Well, not my eyes though…
After school, Mouri Ran
The sun was almost set. I saw his tall figure stood rooted by the window, his eyes were gazing at the red sky up there. Almost everyone had left the school by then, except for the members of karate club who had just finished a very tiring exercise. I had just changed into my uniform and went to look for Shinichi to go home with him.
I opened my mouth to call him, but I decided not to do so when I saw the thing he held tightly on his right hand. That picture, I thought. The picture that sent him into deep slumber last night. I walked silently towards him to get a better look at the childhood friend of mine. I touched his arm lightly and he was startled by that light touch. I smiled at him when he looked at me with guilt in his eyes.
"Ran, I don't…it's not like…" he stammered as he quickly hid the picture into his blue coat. I grabbed his arms to stop him from hiding the picture from my eyesight. To stop him from hiding the facts from me. His eyes were penetrating into my soul, but somehow I didn't feel any pain in my heart. It was even more painful to see Shinichi kept on staring at a piece of picture for the whole day than to actually let him go from my side.
"Her flight is today, am I right?" Shinichi nodded. I smiled and took his fingers into my palms.
"Go after her, Shinichi. I'll be fine…"
"What are you talking about?" he said, his hands grabbed my shoulder.
"I just don't want you to have any regrets. I don't want someday you'll regret your decision to be with me, and that you never try to be with her, the true love that you carelessly let go. If she's really your true love, why don't you let her know how much you love her and how painful it is for you to see her go just like that?"
Slowly Shinichi drew his hands from my shoulder. I knew I was right about what I said.
"But…" he continued with a low voice, "…but you've been waiting for me! You've been waiting for my return for two years!"
I casted another smile for him, "Sincerity is important for a relationship, but the love itself is far more important. If you don't love me, why shall we be together? If our relationship doesn't make you happy, I can't be happy, Shinichi. I'll always be your best friend, yes, but for more than that, I don't think it will work out…"
Shinichi stared at me like he had never before.
"Why…why are you doing this for me, Ran?"
"As long as you're happy, I'm going to be happy as well. I'm sure Ai-chan thinks that, too…"
He eventually casted a genuine smile at me. He grabbed my fingers and nodded.
"Thank you, Mouri Ran! I'm sure there will be a better man for you…much better than me…"
"Yeah, thanks. Good luck, and say hi to Ai-chan for me, alright?"
And thus, my first love rushed out of the classroom to go after his true love…
Chapter 8: Another Letter to Kudo Shinichi
Kudo Shinichi
I chimed the doorbell continuously; my heart was thumping against my chest. Hakase surely was slow! I needed him urgently as he might be the only one who knew where in the world Haibara was. I chimed the doorbell one more time and Hakase finally answered.
"Dare ka? (Who's that?)"
"Hakase! It's me, hurry up open the door!" I shouted at the speaker. Quickly Hakase opened the door for me and I blurted out right away.
"Haibara! Where's she? You know where she is right? Hakase, tell me!"
Hakase smiled at me and nodded understandingly. He drew a deep breath and said, "You sounded so urgent that I thought somebody has just died, Shinichi..."
"Hakase!!!"
"Alright, come in…there's something I need to show you," he said as he led my way towards his house. I obeyed him even though in reality I wanted to complain to Hakase, or shook his body to make him tell me where Haibara was.
I was made to wait outside his room, and I kept glancing at my watch. Six o'clock. C'mon Hakase! I don't have much time left! I thought.
"This…"Hakase gave me a piece of folder paper, "…Ai-kun's flight is at nine o'clock tonight. She left this letter to me before she went and said that I shall give this to you if, by any chance, you came and looked for her…"
I snatched the paper and unfolded it hastily. Her neat handwriting was on the paper, and I read the letter.
Kudo-kun…
So you're looking for me. And I'm surprised by that, really. Someone must have knocked some senses into your head if you read this letter.
If you want to meet me, I'll be staying at Akemi-neechan's apartment till Friday. But, if you read this letter on Saturday, come find me at one place which always reminds me of you. For a great detective like you, that clue will be enough, won't it?
See you,
-Shiho-
A place which always reminds her of me? Oh, Haibaraaa!!! Why didn't she just tell me where was it? I looked at my watch; three hours…no, two hours! Or maybe only one hour! She would be off to Narita International Airport at least one hour before her flight. I shoved the letter into my pocket and quickly said my thanks to Hakase before I began to search for the headstrong young lady.
Calm down, think slowly, you're a detective aren't you? I thought to myself. A memorable place for her…Haido City Hotel! I saved her from Gin and Vodka back then, so she would remember me whenever she came to that place. I put my feet on my skateboard and rushed to the hotel as quick as possible.
But she wasn't there. I searched at the room where she was confined, but that room was pitch-black and empty. She wasn't waiting for me at the rooftop as well. I took several deep breaths to calm myself down. Half past six, I had more than enough time. A memorable place…could it be the place where I saved her from the hijacked bus? I put my blood on her to save her life, so it must be the place!
I pushed the button on the skateboard using my right foot as hard as I could. I remembered the spot exactly where the bus exploded. It was after the long tunnel at Beika City Block Three. Please, please let her be there!
Panting, I searched for the brown haired young lady. Not there; for goodness' sake, where on earth could she be? I remembered dreaming about something exactly like this; I dreamt about searching for Ran who was the woman that I loved at that time. In that dream I felt how painful it was upon thinking that I would not be able to see her anymore, that I would see her marry another man…
But that was a dream, and this was reality…
Six-fifty, I needed to find her and let her know how much I loved her. Another place…hang on, could she be waiting for me at the road where she revealed her true identity to me for the first time? I should try to get there, I was sure it wouldn't do any harm for me to try.
Beika Road Block Two, first turn before Hakase's house. Why didn't I try to search there at the first place? Seven o'clock, the clock was ticking fast, and my heart was thumping even harder. If Haibara was not there, I didn't know where else could she be.
I was lucky that the place was quite near to where I was previously. I held the skateboard on my hand and I opened my eyes widely to catch a glimpse of Haibara. My heart sank deep as I didn't see her anywhere along the road. Looking back at my watch, I shook my head sadly. It was almost seven-thirty, and I had no idea which other place I should go to.
I leaned my back against the wall. Was this my punishment for not realising her sincere love earlier? Was this my punishment because I kept hurting her day by day? The road was the last place that came up in my mind, and yet she was not there. The very place where we parted after we solved a case together for the first time. I smiled upon remembering the case. At that time I thought that the Black Organization was involved in that case. How could I possibly think that a case from an elementary school student involved them?
Hang on, what was that again?
"Damn it! How can I forget about that place?!" I cursed and sped up to the place where Haibara Ai had been waiting for me, the one who would give her all the love that she wanted…
Chapter 9: I love you, Miyano Shiho
Shinichi Kudo
My footsteps echoed in the empty, dark hall. Being Kudo Shinichi definitely allows me to see things in different perspective. Things look a lot smaller than they usually are.
Seven-forty. Classroom 1-B, Teitan Elementary School. I opened the sliding door, slowly...
It's empty. Dark and empty. I could feel my heart sinking to my stomach.
I was confident in my deduction that Haibara Ai, I mean Miyano Shiho would be here, waiting for me like what she said in the letter. This is the place she finally found friends, people that she could trust, and...me. The one she loves.
This is where we are sitting next to each other every single day. This is where we spend half of our life as Conan and Haibara together!
Then why, why isn't she here? Or, am I too late?
I let my body sunk onto the floor. That picture was still in my hand. One drop of tears fell onto the word "Only You".
"I love you, Haibara..." I whispered unconsciously. I guess she felt this way every day, every time I mentioned Ran in front of her, I guess this is the kind of pain she felt. She's got the last laugh now, as I will be one suffering man who will need months, years, or probably my whole life to forget about her, my summer breeze...
"You look depressed."
I thought my heart stopped beating. A woman's voice. Surely a voice I'm familiar with, only with a more matured tone. I turned so quickly that I thought I sprained my neck. The night wind slipped through the slightly ajar door, where a beautiful woman stood still, smiling at me.
"Hai...no, I mean, Miyano...Shiho?" I slowly stood back up as she walked towards me. The moonlight shone at her beautiful face. I didn't realise she was that beautiful until that night. She began examining me from head to toe. She even walked around me, just like a doctor examining her patient. I was confused.
"Nothing wrong. It seems like the antidote worked just right, huh?"
"Ah, yes..." I replied, suddenly I was at loss for words due to the confusion. What was she doing actually?
"Then? Why are you looking for me?"
This girl! I thought angrily, she was playing with me!
I grabbed her two hands and pulled her so that she's closer to me. Standing right in front of an opened window, we were looking at each other under the moonlight.
"Don't go!" I blurted out, "onegai..." I added. She tried to avoid my gaze. I turned her face so that she couldn't help but to look at me.
"I didn't realise it all along. I thought that it was Ran who filled my heart. I took your presence for granted that I've never thought about the time that we are to be apart, that we are not sitting next to each other in class, that I won't hear your icy cold remarks continuously, that...that I..." I swallowed the little lump in my throat, "that I will miss you this badly..."
Tears slowly welled up in her eyes. She tried to hide those tears, but I refused to let her go.
"Don't look away. I want to see you. I want to see your tears. Everything about you. I want to see..."
“Say it, Shinichi!”
"I love you, Shiho. Zutto aishiteru..."
She was smiling, yet crying at the same time. I felt a heavy boulder lifted from my heart.
"Baka...baka, baka, baka, BAKA!" she repeated that word as she struggled in my arms. "I love you too, Shinichi!"
As she flung her arms into my embrace, I realised that there was no luggage around. I smiled.
Maybe, just maybe, she didn't plan to go after all. Maybe she said all those just to make me realise how much I love her. Or maybe she really planned to go.
As she pulled herself away from my embrace, I looked at her teary eyes. I stopped thinking about whether she really planned to go or not. The sight before me was too beautiful to be missed.
"I love you, Miyano Shiho..."
