Josh Nichols: You know the closet in the hall.
Drake Parker: The hall closet.
Josh Nichols: Yah, I stuffed it full of underwear so when she opens it, she'll get burried up to her evil little head in dirty underwear.
Drake Parker: Eww, yours?
Josh Nichols: Dads...
Drake Parker: Ewer.
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Josh Nichols: Pinch me!
Drake Parker: I'm not pinching any part of you.
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Helen: You!
Josh Nichols: Me?
Helen: Thats your name, id'nit?
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Josh Nichols: Mom and Dad are gonna kill us!
Drake Parker: No they won't... they are gonna kill you.
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Josh Nichols: I don't know Drake, all this cheating makes me feel... dirty.
Drake Parker: Well, take a bath when you get home.
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Drake Parker: [talking to Josh about his crush] Good Luck with Kathy. Remember, she's just a person. I mean, girls are just guys without... just do good.
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Josh Nichols: [Josh is trying to study while Drake is playing a loud video game] Drake, the volume!
Drake Parker: Oh, right.
[Drake gets the remote and turns it louder]
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Drake Parker: [after he has lost money to Megan at Darts] Hey - you just hustled me!
Megan Parker: No, I didn't. I just pretended to be bad, so you'd bet money and then I'd win!
Drake Parker: That's hustling!
Megan Parker: There's a name for it?
[takes the money from Drake]
Megan Parker: Cool...
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Josh Nichols: [with accent] I kissed your wife.
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Drake Parker: Do I get to wear that purdy apron?
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Mr. Nichols: Sure Josh knows basketball, I taught him myself.
Mr. Nichols: [shows off with basketball]
Mr. Nichols: [throws ball at Drake] Think fast!
[ball misses and hits a lamp]
Drake Parker: Lamps don't think that fast.
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Megan Parker: Why is Josh screaming? Have the eggs hatched?
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[repeated line]
Josh Nichols: And now I'm alone...
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[repeated line]
Josh Nichols: Oh, jeez...
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[repeated line]
Josh Nichols: Headaches! You give me headaches!
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Josh Nichols: [Looking through an emergency kit] We have a quarter, a can of salmon, open, an ice tray, and half a shoe.