The start of the end.

Ash has a brand-new side in this chapter ;)

One word: Lust ;)
ENJOY!




Fourteen, whole, months. I was out for fourteen months?
‘You were in such a bad state, Ash, your whole system just closed down and was unable to respond to anything. It was only your heart that seemed to want to carry on.’ Will sped up talking. I just lay, frozen, inside him with his body still curled around me.
‘Every now and then it would look as if you were coming out of it, but then your system would close up again.’ This was crazy. I wasn’t out for that long. All that time I had with Dylan, I was in a coma with major head injuries, and was unable to do anything, on my own, but breathe? All that with Dylan was… a dream? At the time it seemed so real, so perfect. But, I suppose, if it was that perfect it couldn’t have been real; nothing ever was that perfect these days.
‘Ash?’ Will had tensed up, waiting.
‘In my coma… It was like I was living in a dream-world. Everything was backwards and… I couldn’t remember you, at first.’ I whispered. Will began to softly assure me with his hands running through my tangled locks.
‘Shh. I’m here now. The doctors said you would have been hallucinating. Like one big dream. But this is real now, nothings changed, nothings lost.’
‘But what if it wasn’t a dream, Will?’ I hesitated, unsure of whether to expose my bizarre, but quite real, coma-dream. Will waited, as always, and I knew I could trust him. ‘I saw Dylan, and, he was… an angel’ Will began to move then, wanting to stop me but I quickened up, ‘It was all so real, though, Will. Please believe me. Like, it was just as Dylan… used to be. Everything he said was new and when he answered me, it was him. It sounds crazy but… it was too strong to be my imagination. I know, crazy-coma-girl just woken up, and if it was anything else I wouldn’t expect you to believe me but, please Will. It’s too strong and potent in my mind, in me.’ Will sighed, and I knew he didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t move to face him as it was unbearable, with the pain, but instead he came round to me. Kneeling on the floor, he traced my face with the most delicate of hands and turned his head to look into my eyes. I tried to look away, knowing that they would only make me weak, but his finger slipped under my chin and slowly brought the blood to my cheeks. Defeated, I looked at him and prepared to take in his words. I waited, but all he did was stare, and stare until my eyes became too heavy and I closed them limply. His warm thumbs brushed my tender eyelids and lingered around my lips. I waited for the harsh words, but they never came. Instead, wanting to get it over with, I scrunched my face up while pushing up from the bed. Determined to sit up, I winced and dragged myself up. His secure hands came behind me while I held myself up and lent back to rest against the pillows.
‘Go on then. Tell me I’m wrong.’ I said through gritted teeth, gathering myself. I really wasn’t in the mood to hear it, but Will was one of those people who needed to air his view. I looked down at him now but his face never changed, just the same look of admiration on his eyes that played with the things I shouldn’t even know exist. The more I looked, the more I fell into them and the more the pain just slipped away, leaving just me and him. I could see the memories, the feelings, the music that he would play to me. Ever so softly, careful enough not to break the tension, he whispered the words,
‘Let it go, Ash. Just try and free it from you, it’s tying you down. Please, it’s hurting you and I can’t stand it. You need to remember, and savor, and soon let go.’ The tears were there, and on the brink of leaving, exposing my deepest desire. Will knew the words to touch the most delicate of strings, and I couldn’t help but believe Will had the answers. With nothing but the truth, I breathed the words,
‘Oh, Will.’ The tears were released with one blink and that blink changed everything. His lips were against mine and that was all I could focus on. It wasn’t pressured or forced or asked for, it was a hidden pleasure. It brought forward the feelings that I’d hidden and buried for so long, the ones I’d been ashamed to admit. Beads of tears rolled down my face and tangled with our lips; making it bitter with salt. The tenderness of his touch lit my spirit and sent away all the sadness I’d ever felt. Instead, I felt hope and joy spread like a tempest through our bodies with the new-found intensity between us. Will slowly broke away, to my disappointment, as his lips lingered around my ears whispering the first words,
‘Tell me when to let go.’ I clung closer, forgetting the pain and sore skin that strained against my actions. I was thirsty for his love, care, attention. Whether this was lust or love, I didn’t know; I didn’t care. I was desperate for someone to hold me, kiss me, tell me they love me.
‘No. Don’t. Don’t let me fall again.’ He came back to my lips and they moved in sync, and I couldn’t help but want more. Once again, he pulled away, and I looked up at him with longing buried deep in my eyes.
‘You’ve never needed catching.’
‘Feels like it.’ I brought my lips back to his, dragging out as much time as possible. He became slower, as I wanted more. I whimpered against his lips,
‘Make me love you, Will. Make me forget the pain. I need you, more than ever. Make me forget.’ Will pulled away, and laid a bittersweet kiss on my forehead. He knelt back on the floor, looking straight at me.
‘This,’ He gestured between us both ‘is not love. This is lust, forget. I can’t make you love me, Ash.’ I shuddered against his words, feeling the worst possible emotion there is. Rejection. I’d never felt this before, I almost always got my way. But now I wasn’t, and it hurt; more than ever. Was it lust? I wanted to doubt this, the way I felt when his lips were against mine opened up something totally new. It was like a hidden treasure, an old memory, a dark pleasure. Sinking deeper, back into my pain and sorrow, I asked a question which I knew would finalise the fate of my first love,
‘Does it ever get easier?’ I saw sympathy in Will’s eyes, but he quickly covered it.
‘No. But it gets easier to handle, to deal with. You never forget, ever, but at the same time you try and make it seem less… heart-wrenching.’ And I knew he’s gone now, forever. I guess our time together in the void was our last, final moments. I would miss him, always. Dylan’s name will live inside me, in my heart, and I’ll do everything to live out his dreams. Will looked past me and smiled at something I couldn’t see. I rolled ever and there, teary eyed and stood in the door-frame, was Mum and Dad. A wide grin spread across my face, and the last of the moisture came to my eyes, blurring my vision. I felt their arms around me and a babble of voices, as everyone slowly flooded my hospital. They tried to put they’re arms around me, tried to comfort me, but saw how much pain I was in, so instead resorted to a soft kiss on the cheek.
Though, through the chaos and barrier of people, I saw Will watch from afar. No family, no attention. Just stood, arms crossed and a small smile playing across his lips. A sheer shine glazed his eyes over, as he marvelled over an event he could never have; a family. He stood, subdued, for a good 15 minutes until I saw he collect himself and slide away, with a small smile as he looked back at me, and his own, personal, past.
For both of us, this would be the start of the end, for the past, but only the beginning for the future.