Chapter 14
She’d sat up in the lab for an hour and a half trying to collect herself enough to go down to the conference room. It was a good thing they’d come so early. House hadn’t been there yet when she’d walked in, her hair messed up, he face red and splotched, though she’d done her best to wash her face in the restroom. When she’d walked in Bo had been alone in the conference room drawing on the white board.
Now she was doing another MRI of yet another organ, Bo at her side spinning in the chair, barely holding herself together.
“Is everything okay?” Bo asked for the third time.
“Yes,” Thirteen lied, keeping her eyes focused on the MRI machine on the other side of the wall.
“Hey,” a voice behind them said. Thirteen turned around to see Kutner standing in the doorway.
“Do you want me to leave?” Bo asked, hopping off the chair.
“If you don’t mind,” Kutner replied.
“Okay,” Bo said. “I’ll go see Taub, or maybe House.” She left the room.
“What’s up?” Kutner asked, sitting down in Bo’s newly vacated seat. Thirteen shrugged.
“How’s Bo?” Kutner asked.
“She’s fine,” Thirteen answered, trying desperately to hold back tears. Talking about Bo was painful now. “She asked me about her dad yesterday.”
“That natural,” Kutner replied. “How much did you tell her?”
“Not much,” Thirteen admitted, her eyes now beginning to water. “She asked me if I loved him.”
“Did you ,” Kutner asked. She would have told him it was none of his business, but she was so focused on keeping from falling apart she was just giving answers.
“Yes,” she said, trying not to blink to keep the tears welling up in her eyes from running down her face. “I didn’t think she’d ask me that question for a couple more years.”
“Well she’s a smart kid,” Kutner answered.
“Yeah,” Thirteen answered. “She’s basically a younger me, inside and out.” And that was when the dam broke and the tears came spilling down her face.
Kutner just stared at her shocked. “You tested her?” he asked quietly. “It was positive,” that one was a statement.
“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Thirteen admitted. “You know I almost didn’t keep her?” This was the first time Thirteen had ever seriously doubted that decision. “And then when she was born I almost gave her up again. Maybe it would have been better if she’d been raised by someone else.”
“You’re doing fine,” Kutner replied. “Besides, that wouldn’t have changed anything. She would still be positive.”
“But maybe someone else would have known how to handle it better,” Thirteen said. She felt a hand on her arm. She look over at Kutner.
“No one ever knows how to handle anything like this,” she told her.
“One mistake,” she muttered laying her head down on her folded arms. At this point she didn’t even care that Kutner was seeing her in a moment of weakness. There was no point in hiding it right now. Kutner always saw through her anyway. “You know, I was thinking about something House said,” she began.
“You know House makes completely wrong observations all the time,” Kutner said.
“He said I brought Bo in the first place because I cared more about my job than I did about keeping this secret from Bo,” Thirteen continued, ignoring him. “And I got to thinking, doesn’t that mean I care more about this job than Bo herself?”
“It means you realize how much you need a job,” Kutner answered. “If you had chosen losing your job over keeping a secret that would have been selfish.”
“What am I going to?’ Thirteen asked no one in particular. Kutner was silent.
She’d sat up in the lab for an hour and a half trying to collect herself enough to go down to the conference room. It was a good thing they’d come so early. House hadn’t been there yet when she’d walked in, her hair messed up, he face red and splotched, though she’d done her best to wash her face in the restroom. When she’d walked in Bo had been alone in the conference room drawing on the white board.
Now she was doing another MRI of yet another organ, Bo at her side spinning in the chair, barely holding herself together.
“Is everything okay?” Bo asked for the third time.
“Yes,” Thirteen lied, keeping her eyes focused on the MRI machine on the other side of the wall.
“Hey,” a voice behind them said. Thirteen turned around to see Kutner standing in the doorway.
“Do you want me to leave?” Bo asked, hopping off the chair.
“If you don’t mind,” Kutner replied.
“Okay,” Bo said. “I’ll go see Taub, or maybe House.” She left the room.
“What’s up?” Kutner asked, sitting down in Bo’s newly vacated seat. Thirteen shrugged.
“How’s Bo?” Kutner asked.
“She’s fine,” Thirteen answered, trying desperately to hold back tears. Talking about Bo was painful now. “She asked me about her dad yesterday.”
“That natural,” Kutner replied. “How much did you tell her?”
“Not much,” Thirteen admitted, her eyes now beginning to water. “She asked me if I loved him.”
“Did you ,” Kutner asked. She would have told him it was none of his business, but she was so focused on keeping from falling apart she was just giving answers.
“Yes,” she said, trying not to blink to keep the tears welling up in her eyes from running down her face. “I didn’t think she’d ask me that question for a couple more years.”
“Well she’s a smart kid,” Kutner answered.
“Yeah,” Thirteen answered. “She’s basically a younger me, inside and out.” And that was when the dam broke and the tears came spilling down her face.
Kutner just stared at her shocked. “You tested her?” he asked quietly. “It was positive,” that one was a statement.
“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Thirteen admitted. “You know I almost didn’t keep her?” This was the first time Thirteen had ever seriously doubted that decision. “And then when she was born I almost gave her up again. Maybe it would have been better if she’d been raised by someone else.”
“You’re doing fine,” Kutner replied. “Besides, that wouldn’t have changed anything. She would still be positive.”
“But maybe someone else would have known how to handle it better,” Thirteen said. She felt a hand on her arm. She look over at Kutner.
“No one ever knows how to handle anything like this,” she told her.
“One mistake,” she muttered laying her head down on her folded arms. At this point she didn’t even care that Kutner was seeing her in a moment of weakness. There was no point in hiding it right now. Kutner always saw through her anyway. “You know, I was thinking about something House said,” she began.
“You know House makes completely wrong observations all the time,” Kutner said.
“He said I brought Bo in the first place because I cared more about my job than I did about keeping this secret from Bo,” Thirteen continued, ignoring him. “And I got to thinking, doesn’t that mean I care more about this job than Bo herself?”
“It means you realize how much you need a job,” Kutner answered. “If you had chosen losing your job over keeping a secret that would have been selfish.”
“What am I going to?’ Thirteen asked no one in particular. Kutner was silent.