Note: I DID NOT WRITE THIS FIC! Lj user amathela did. FULL CREDIT goes to her. Im only posting this so those without a livejournal can read :)
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There are, like, three thousand colleges in the country, and Justin still picks one right in New York City.
(What? It's not like she looked those numbers up, not like she's the one going to college, but Justin talks about it, a lot, and it's amazing what she retains.)
And it's not her idea to go visit him, because, duh. But her parents are on this thing right now where they think she should be thinking about her future or whatever, and there's some kind of prospective freshman orientation weekend going on, and mostly, it seems like an easy way to get them off her back. Plus, maybe it won't be so bad; college means college boys, and college parties, and a weekend away from mom and dad (and that part would be a lot more exciting if Justin weren't even more uptight than they are most of the time).
"Do you have your bags?" her mom asks, and Alex hefts the overnight bag, like, it's right there.
"And you've packed everything?" her dad asks.
Yes, she's packed everything. She'd packed everything when he asked last night, and again this morning, and ten minutes ago. But she just rolls her eyes, and says, "Yes, I have everything."
"And you'll be careful," her mom says. It's not a question, and not really a statement of fact, but maybe something more like an order.
"Yes, mom," she says. "Justin will be there, remember?"
Or at least, until Alex can figure out a way to ditch him.
"And you'll be safe," her dad says, and that's definitely an order. "No using magic while you're on campus. This isn't like high school, there are a lot of people there, and it'd be easy to get caught."
"No magic," Alex agrees, and crosses her fingers behind her back. Total lie.
"And no parties," he says. "Or boys. Or talking to people you don't know. Or boys. In fact, just stay wherever Justin is, and don't talk to anyone. Especially boys."
She's not sure he gets the whole freshman orientation concept, but that would probably lead into a whole other conversation she really doesn't want to have, so she doesn't say anything.
"I'll be careful," she says, and, well. It could happen.
"Just make sure Justin takes care of you."
"And give him a hug for me," her mom says, and yeah, that's definitely not happening. "We're so proud of you, sweetheart."
Which is probably the least effort she's ever put into making her parents proud of her, so maybe this weekend isn't a completely bad idea. (Though she may have to revise that once her parents see her final grades.)
"Okay," she says, because this is just getting mushy, and not because she's worried about being late, or because she's actually excited about seeing her brother. "Well, I'd better go."
"Are you sure you don't want us to take you?" her dad asks, like riding the subway by herself isn't something she learned to do years ago, like it's totally cool to show up at college with your parents in tow.
"I'm sure," she says. "I'll be fine, really. And I'll say hi to Justin."
After that, it only takes another half hour for her to get out the front door, and considering how long it took them to let Justin go, that's probably a record.
-
So, apparently college campuses are big.
It's not like she wishes she'd let her parents come, or anything, but maybe bringing a map or something wouldn't have been a terrible idea. She figures there's got to be one around here somewhere, because she's definitely not starting her fake college career by stopping someone and asking, like she's one of those people who wears name tags and attends official brunches or whatever. (So, like she's Justin, basically.)
So, if she were a student, where would she -
"Alex!"
And of course Justin finds her straight away, when she's already half planned how she was going to wander around for a bit, get totally lost, and maybe bump into a cute boy who offers to show her around and maybe buy her a soda or something. But, hey, since when has Justin not ruined all her fun?
"Justin," she says, and smiles a little. She can always get lost later, if nothing better happens in the meantime. He rushes towards her, like he's really happy to see her or something (which, she saw him over his last vacation, she doesn't get why it's such a big deal), and she thrusts her bag at him. Because, seriously, that thing is getting heavy.
"Um," he says, and switches the bag from one hand to the other, but he doesn't try to make her carry it, so that's good. "Hey."
"Hey," she says; slowly, because it's a little weird that her brother is actually greeting her. "So, this is it, huh?"
He looks a little proud at that, and, okay, she'll allow him that much. The campus is pretty impressive.
"You like it?" he asks, and she shrugs, because thinking it and admitting it are two completely different things. "They're having tours all day, but they totally skip the science library, and the artefact museum, and the geological exhibit -"
Alex rolls her eyes. Of course Justin has taken the tour. Of his own freaking campus.
"- so if you want to see the campus, I can show you around."
"Why don't we start with lunch?" she asks, because she ate breakfast, but that was, like, hours ago, and she's hungry. Plus, it sounds like the least boring of all the things she and Justin could probably do right now.
"Sure," he says, still smiling, and - she gets it, finally. He's showing off. He's been back home plenty of times, but this is the first time she's come to see him, and even their parents have only been once, for some lame parents' weekend. And Justin never really was happy accomplishing anything until he could shove it in somebody else's (read: her) face, so.
"Just let me drop this off in my dorm first," he says, and hefts the bag again. "What did you pack in this thing, anyway?"
"Um, clothes?" she says, but a second later, her step kind of falters a little. Because, okay, so she knew she was coming to stay with him, but she doesn't think it registered until just now that that means ... well, staying. With him. In his room.
"Your dorm?" she asks, and she hopes her voice doesn't sound totally weird. "Aren't there, like, special guest rooms or something?"
Justin looks confused, like it's a stupid question, which, hello, it totally isn't.
"There are hundreds of people coming to this thing," he says, and, seriously? Hundreds? Wow, people must really like college. "Most people just crash with family or something, or get a hotel room in the city."
Which doesn't help her, because they live in the city, and their parents still sent her to stay here.
"Whatever," she says, like it's no big deal, and, honestly, it's not like she's never shared a room with Justin before. In fact, they've never had a family vacation where she didn't. "Do you at least have a single?"
"Roommate," he says.
Of course. So now, not only does she have to share with Justin, but with some random guy, too. This is just perfect.
"He's pretty cool, though," Justin continues, and Alex thinks she'll reserve judgement on that until she's actually met him. She's all too aware of what Justin's definition of cool usually includes. "He's in engineering, too."
Okay, so maybe she doesn't need to meet him, after all.
"Sure," she says, because she really doesn't care; it's not like she's going to be here for long, anyway. "But I at least get the bed, right?"
Justin shoots her a dirty look, but he doesn't say no right away, and she figures that probably means he'll end up giving in. And there's no way she's sleeping on the floor, so the more quickly he gives in, the easier this will be for both of them.
She doesn't say anything else, so after a few minutes, Justin starts pointing out buildings and stuff, droning on and on about their history or whatever, and Alex mostly tunes him out. Unless there's going to be a pop quiz on this stuff (and even if there is, but really, that would make this, like, the worst fun weekend in the history of ever), she really doesn't care.
"And this is my dorm," he says, finally. She was starting to think maybe he didn't even live on campus at all. "It's named after -"
"That's fascinating," she says, because if she doesn't interrupt him soon, she can see how this might go on for a really long time. "Can we just dump my stuff and go?"
He glares at her, and she thinks about telling him he should sign up as a tour guide if he likes this stuff so much, but then he'd probably want to test it out on her, and she's already heard way more than she ever wanted to. So she follows him down the hallway, instead, up a flight of stairs and past what looks like some common room area, until he stops in front of a door with his name on it.
Well, at least this way she won't get lost.
"This is it," he says, opening the door. "It's a little small, but -"
Small? The place is tiny. Way smaller than her room, and she doesn't have to share that with anyone. Two beds are pushed up against either wall, and one half of the room is freakishly neat, so it doesn't take a huge leap to know which side is Justin's.
"That's my bed," he says, as she sits down, and she arches an eyebrow.
"No, really?"
He hands her the bag, and she puts it down on the bed next to her; she might as well claim the space right now.
"So," she says. "Lunch."
"Come on," Justin says, rolling his eyes like he knows he's already lost the bed war. Which, of course. "I'll take you to the dining hall."
Her day is getting better already.
-
"The food here isn't great," he says, as they step inside the dining hall, and Alex looks around. It looks a lot like their high school cafeteria, only bigger, and way more crowded. Plus, Justin had to pay seven bucks to let her eat there, which is just funny.
"Last week I got Max's sandwich by mistake," she says, and Justin grimaces. Yeah, it wasn't a pleasant experience. "I'm sure it'll be fine."
The hot meal they're serving is something unidentifiable (and she really can't be bothered to ask), so instead, she heads over to the breakfast bar. There are bowls lined up beside the clear plastic dispensers, so she grabs one, fills it up with about five different types of cereal, and adds as much milk as the bowl can hold. Justin gives her an odd look, but come on. He can't possibly think this is weird, not after living with Max for fifteen years.
"Cereal," he says, as they sit down at a mostly empty table. "I paid seven dollars so you could eat cereal for lunch?"
She shrugs. "We had pancakes for breakfast."
His look switches from disdain to jealousy, and for a second, Alex wonders if maybe their mom is right to worry, if Justin is eating well. Based on the evidence so far, she'd say probably not, but he looks okay, so it's probably not a big deal.
Plus, it's not like she's going to start, like, caring about him in front of all these people, so either way, it doesn't really matter.
"Besides," she says, her mouth full, and Justin looks like he's almost going to tell her she shouldn't do that, "this is good."
"How can that possibly be good?" he asks. "It looks disgusting."
"It's good because it's disgusting," she says, and points her spoon at him. "Want some?"
"No, thanks."
She waves the spoon closer to his face, until he pushes it away, flinging a spoonful of soggy cereal across the table. The other people at the table turn to glare at them, and Alex has to put her hand over her mouth before she starts laughing.
"Oops," she says, and Justin glares at her, too, but it's weak, like he's almost about to laugh. She nudges his foot with hers, under the table, and he nudges back, until she's sure everyone's staring at them but they're both laughing.
"Justin," someone says, and Justin stops abruptly, leaving Alex to get the last kick in. Justin gives her a look, like she's embarrassing him - which, hello, was sort of the point - and she ignores it, studying the newcomer instead.
He's kind of cute, almost, in the way that he'd be definitely cute if he weren't Justin's friend. Or at least, he knows Justin's name and he sits down beside them without asking, so she assumes he's Justin's friend. He and Justin do this complicated hand gesture thing that should be cool, but on Justin, just makes him look like a major dork, and then he shoots a smile across the table at Alex.
"Hey," he says. "I'm Grant."
"Alex," she says, and waits for the look of recognition, the one where the amount of fear mixed in usually gives her a good idea how much Justin has told someone about her. But there's no recognition, just the same polite smile, and, okay, maybe he and Justin aren't actually that close, loser handshake aside.
"Grant's my roommate," Justin says, and there goes that theory.
"You here for the pro-frosh weekend?" Grant asks, and Alex assumes that's the same thing as the prospective freshman orientation weekend, so she nods.
"Yeah. I'm visiting Justin."
"You're staying with us?" he asks, and he gives Justin this look she can't quite read, but she doesn't think he's annoyed. Which Alex probably would be, if she were in the same position, because Justin obviously hasn't told Grant anything about her at all. (And there's this weird tug low in her stomach, like, she so doesn't care if Justin is ashamed of her or whatever. But, still.)
"Yeah," Justin says slowly. "I mean, if that's okay."
"Sure," Grant says, and, okay, maybe Justin's roommate is a little cool, after all. "Just let me know if you guys want me to clear out."
Justin smiles, a little awkwardly, but he doesn't tell Grant no, so maybe he's thinking he can take Grant's bed or something? Whatever, it doesn't really matter to her.
And then he just sort of stares down at his food, pushing it around his plate, and Alex shrugs and goes back to her cereal. If he wants to be a socially awkward loser, that's fine with her, except for maybe the part where she's sitting across from him.
"You're coming to the party tonight, right?" Grant asks, when their lunch is almost finished, and looks from Justin to Alex. "There's a party in the common room tonight, for all the pro-frosh. You should come."
And, hey, that sounds better than anything else she's thought of so far.
"Definitely," she says, before Justin can object, because this would be just the kind of thing he'd object to. "We'll be there."
"Excellent," Grant says, and Justin still hasn't said anything, but Alex nudges his foot under the table again, and he nudges hers back, so everything's probably okay.
-
"What do people wear to college parties, anyway?" Alex asks, and Justin looks up from where he's been standing on the other side of the room, his back to her.
"I don't know," he says, and of course he doesn't; that would mean he'd actually have to go to a party, which would mean he might have to risk actually being cool. But she wasn't asking him, anyway - like she'd ask Justin for fashion advice - so she just rolls her eyes. "What you're wearing now is fine."
"People already saw me in this," she says, because, duh. Plus, she didn't pack all these extra clothes for nothing. She rifles around in her bag a little more, and then, "Ooh, I know!"
And this is the part where she'd usually get changed, because they're already kind of late (Justin spent all day showing her around campus, like this is how he actually wanted to spend his weekend, and she didn't complain, mostly because she really wanted to go to this party tonight, and partly because it actually didn't suck), but Justin's still standing there, watching her. And she's not going to get changed in front of her brother, so.
"Um," she says, and waves her clothes at him. And after a second, it must click, because Justin starts blushing a little, which is pretty funny, and backs up until he almost runs into Grant's bed.
"Oh," he says. "Sure. Um. I'll just - wait outside."
He pulls open the door like there's a fire in here or something, and Alex stares after him for a minute after it closes. He's been acting weird all day, and she's pretty sure it's not just her.
But, whatever, she has a party to get ready for.
She's almost done when there's a knock at the door, and she finishes applying her lip gloss.
"Yeah?" she calls.
"How long does it take to get ready?" Justin asks, and Alex takes one final look in the mirror before opening the door. Justin jumps back from it a little, like he's surprised she's actually done, and she shrugs.
"This long? Come on, let's go."
"I don't know if this is a good idea," he says, but they're already walking, so she doesn't really know what he thinks complaining now is going to accomplish. "Mom and dad probably -"
"Mom and dad told me to stick with you," she says. "And you're going to this party, so I'm going. Besides, it's not like we have to tell them or anything."
Justin's lips draw into a thin line, but he doesn't argue any more, so she files it away as an easy win. As long as Justin doesn't accidentally let it slip the next time he sees them (which he might do, but she can probably distract him before he does too much damage), she figures they're good.
The common room was mostly empty when they walked past it before, but it's crowded now, people mingling in groups across the packed space. The generic beat of music is mostly background noise compared to the steady hum of a few dozen conversations going on at once, and Justin's already looking around, like he's trying to find people he knows.
Alex really doesn't know anyone but Justin, so she stays where she is.
"Grant," she says finally, and Justin looks surprised, like he didn't expect her to find someone to talk to before he did. Which is probably fair, considering she doesn't actually know anyone else, but he should still be used to it by now.
"Justin," he says. "Alex. So how do you like college so far?"
She glances around the room, and smiles. "So far, I like it."
Somebody jostles her from behind, then, and she bumps into Justin, who doesn't glare at her the way she thought he would. Instead, he slips an arm around her waist like he's keeping her steady, but he doesn't move it even after she's regained her balance, and it's kind of comfortable, almost, so she leaves it there.
"Think you'll be joining Justin here next year?" Grant asks, and his eyes track to where Justin's holding her, but he doesn't say anything about it, so maybe it isn't weird.
She snorts, but before she can say anything, Justin says, "Her grades aren't really that good."
Which, okay, is true, but still. She'd be embarrassed, if she actually cared whether people think she's smart or not.
"You should still apply," Grant says. "You never know."
"Sure," she says, because it's easier than explaining that she'd rather travel the world magically with Harper instead.
And then they're interrupted by more people, which she thinks can only be a good thing.
"Oh," Justin says, and he steps forward, but kind of tugs her with him, so, okay, they're doing that. "This is Karen, and Dana, and Adrian, and Simon. Guys, this is Alex."
Alex boggles for a minute, because, Justin knows people? Justin knows girls? And he's introducing her to them, which is a lot different than when he had friends in high school. But then she remembers herself, and raises the hand that isn't pressed to Justin's side in a kind of wave, and says, "Hi."
"Hi," one of the girls says, and she's actually pretty. Alex is impressed.
"Alex is visiting Justin," Grant fills in. "She's a pro-frosh."
They all kind of get knowing grins after that, which makes Alex a little nervous, but whatever. So she's still in high school; she isn't intimidated by their college party, or whatever else they expect her to be.
"Like what you see?" one of the guys asks, and, yes. Yes, she does. Okay, so he's Justin's friend, but she can probably let that slide; he's still in college, which is a point in his favour, and he isn't wearing a pocket protector or anything, so there's a vague possibility he's actually cool.
"Yeah," she says, and gives him her best flirty smile, which gets absolutely no reaction. She tries not to let it bother her; she's just going to have to try a little harder.
"It's pretty cool here," he says, and she nods, jutting out her hip in her tried and tested, 'look at me, aren't I cute?' pose. Which kind of bumps her up against Justin, and she has to shift a little to get her balance back.
Smooth, she thinks. This isn't really going as well as she'd hoped.
Beside her, Justin is talking animatedly about something she can only guess is science-related and thus really boring, but his friends seem into it, and they even laugh at something he says. And this is so strange; Justin having friends, Justin knowing people she doesn't, Justin looking relaxed and happy and at home. At a party.
It's like he has this whole other life, now, that she knows nothing about. And it's weird, because she's used to knowing everything about Justin.
"Did you guys go to high school together?" the guy - Simon, she thinks - asks.
"Um, yeah," she says, like, duh, don't siblings usually? But maybe he's just making small talk or whatever, so, she can go with that.
"Do you have class with Justin?" she asks, and maybe-Simon shakes his head.
"I live down the hall. But Justin said he's thinking about maybe taking art next semester, so."
"You're an art student?" Alex asks, and she doesn't know which is weirder, the thought of Justin taking art, or Justin knowing people who aren't geeks. "That's my best subject."
As in, the only one she isn't failing, but maybe she doesn't have to add that part.
"Cool," he says. "The department's pretty good here, if you're thinking about applying."
"Noted," she says, because, okay, she isn't thinking about applying, really, but she's never really seen so many people who like where they go to school, so maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Especially if there are more guys like Simon.
Who is, it turns out, really easy to talk to. He likes art, and the same bands as her, and she steers the conversation away from actually knowing stuff about famous painters and concentrates on laughing at his jokes, and it seems to be going well. Which is why she's a little surprised when he leaves the group with a vague, "It was nice meeting you," and he doesn't even look at her again once he's on the other side of the room.
And Alex really doesn't think she did anything to embarrass herself, so why doesn't he like her? She looks cute, she was funny, and she smiled the whole time, so he can't think she wasn't interested. And maybe it's the high school thing, because it's not like any of the other guys here are really looking at her, either, only that can't be it, because most of them probably don't know she's in high school, and besides, they're only a year or two older than her.
Justin's hand slips a little further down her waist, and she leans into him, almost unconsciously, as his thumb starts tracing circles on her hip. And -
Okay, so she's a little slow. But Justin's been standing there this whole time with his arm around her, and she thinks she just got that maybe that's why nobody else is hitting on her. Because they think Justin's her boyfriend.
She tries to think back, to remember if Justin ever mentioned that she's his sister. Because he must have, right? It's easy enough to slip into conversation - not, this is Alex, but, this is my sister, Alex - but she doesn't think he ever did. And maybe she assumed that he must have talked about her to his friends already, or that people would just know they're related (although, it's not like they look freakishly similar, so she can get why they maybe wouldn't). Because this has to have been some huge misunderstanding, there's so way it could have happened on purpose.
And, okay, she could make a big deal about this, but that would be totally, completely awkward. So she swallows her first impulse, to drag Justin away somewhere and demand to know exactly what's going on, why nobody knows they're related (and why he's letting people think they aren't), and goes with her second one, instead, which is to pull free of his grasp, and take a step away.
"Are you okay?" he asks, glancing at her, and it's like none of this is bothering him at all. Or maybe he still hasn't realised what she just realised, but given the way people have been acting around them all day, that seems unlikely, even for Justin. (And suddenly, Grant's comments in the dining hall make a lot more sense, and seriously, why is Justin not freaked out by all of this?)
"I'm fine," she says. "It's just a little hot in here."
Justin looks like he buys it, which is good. Because she thinks she really, really doesn't want to talk about what's actually bothering her.
"Do you want to go outside?" he asks, and she shakes her head; going anywhere with Justin now, alone, seems like a bad idea, even if she isn't quite sure why.
"It's okay," she says. "Maybe I'll just get a drink or something."
Justin still looks a little concerned, and she wishes she couldn't feel his eyes on her even after she turns away, like his gaze is burning into the back of her head. It's all just a little too much for her to process, and she honestly doesn't know where she'd even start.
(But definitely not with the fact that she maybe isn't quite as freaked out about all of this as she should be.)
She doesn't know where you're supposed to get drinks from - there doesn't seem to be a line, or a kiosk, or anything - but some guy is standing by a table handing out cups, so Alex takes one without really thinking about it. (And, yeah, so you're not supposed to do that, but Justin is right over there, she's safe.) It only takes her one sip to realise that whatever's in the cup is so not soda, but - she's having a weird night, okay? Maybe alcohol will help.
So she downs the rest, and holds her cup out again.
"Easy," the guy says, and she thought the point of college parties was to try to get girls drunk? But he still hands her another cup, and she smiles at him humourlessly, and then, because she isn't really sure what else to do, she wanders back to Justin.
"Feeling better?" he asks, and she nods, taking her drink a little slower. But only a little. Justin looks relieved for a moment, and then suspicious, and, okay, she's standing pretty close to him, so he can probably smell whatever she's drinking.
"Is that alcohol?" he hisses, leaning closer, and she's almost relieved that whatever weird thing is going on between them, her brother is still in there somewhere.
"Relax," she says. "We're at a party. So I'm having a drink."
"You're underage," he points out, and she shrugs. So are most of the people here, probably, and that doesn't seem to be stopping anyone.
"It's one drink," she says. Okay, so technically it's two, but who's counting? "It's not a big deal."
He frowns, like he's clearly not happy about it, but he doesn't say anything else, so she uses the opportunity to finish her drink.
She puts the empty cup down beside her, and raises her eyebrows. "See? No more drink."
There's not really anything he can do about it now, so maybe she's expecting him to let it go, but instead, he puts a hand low on her back, and leads her over to the side of the room.
"You shouldn't be drinking," he says, his voice low.
And you shouldn't be letting people think we're dating, she wants to say. But she'd still rather not talk about that, so she doesn't.
"I had one drink," she lies. "I was thirsty."
"So drink water."
"I couldn't find any." And that much is true, anyway. "Calm down, it's not like I'm planning on making it a habit or anything."
"You still shouldn't be drinking," he says, but the anger has gone out of it, now, so it just sounds like he's fighting an argument that's already over.
"Because I'm your little sister?" she asks, and tilts her head at him. She's not sure exactly what reaction she's trying to provoke, but she's pretty sure it's not the one she gets, which is Justin reaching for her again, his hand tightening on her waist.
"Yeah," he says, and his voice is even lower than before.
"So, I'm not in trouble?" And it's not like she thinks that's a possibility, because he really doesn't seem mad any more, and he's probably not going to tell their parents that he took her to a college party and let her drink alcohol, but it doesn't hurt to check.
"You're not in trouble," he says, and rolls his eyes. "Come on. It's late, we should probably get out of here."
And sometimes, Alex is capable of picking her battles, so when he starts to lead her away, she lets him. And she swears it's the carpet or something, not the alcohol, that make her stumble against him, but Justin's there to catch her, so maybe it doesn't matter.
They pass Grant on their way out, and Justin stops, his arm tight enough around her that she stops, too.
"Hey," Grant says. "You guys heading out?"
"Yeah," Justin says. "We're just heading back to the room."
Grant gives him a knowing look, and this time, Alex knows why.
"I've already cleared my stuff out," he says. And then, in a way that's probably supposed to be casual but definitely isn't, "I'm probably going to stay at Dana's tonight."
And Alex should tell him, now that she knows what he's thinking, that it isn't like that. That she's Justin's sister, that Grant can stay with his girlfriend tonight but he doesn't have to, that whatever he thinks is about to happen is definitely not. But she realises, with a heady kind of feeling, that she doesn't want to. That whatever reasons Justin had for lying to everyone, or at least not telling them the truth, maybe his instincts weren't wrong.
Or - not that, but something like that. And maybe it's the alcohol, maybe Justin's right and she isn't thinking clearly, but right now, she's okay with not setting Grant straight.
"Um," Justin says, and he shoots a guilty look at Alex; maybe he's been doing that all along, and she really should have realised sooner. "Yeah, thanks."
And if Alex had any doubts before, she doesn't now, because there's no way Justin doesn't understand what Grant is saying. What Grant thinks. And he doesn't bother to correct him.
His arm gets a little tighter around her waist as they walk back to his room, and if he were asked, he could probably say it's in case she stumbles again. But she hasn't, not since that first time, and she's way past the point where she'd believe it.
And when he stops to open the door, his hand slips dangerously low on her hip, and there's definitely nothing supportive about that at all.
So when they get inside the room, and Justin closes the door behind them (and locks it, don't think she doesn't notice that), she takes his hand and pulls him towards her.
"What are you doing?" Justin asks, but not like he's panicking, or surprised, and he doesn't move to put more space between them. So, maybe like he's just asking.
"That was a little weird," she says, because, okay. Call it dutch courage or whatever, but she's ready to talk about this.
(Really, she thinks they have to talk about this, because it's way too obvious to ignore. And there's something very, very weird going on tonight, because suddenly not talking about it, pretending it never happened, seems a lot worse than talking about it.)
"What was weird?" Justin asks. "Grant?"
"Grant," she says. "Everyone."
"I thought you were having fun."
"I was," she says, and takes a couple of steps towards the bed, pulling Justin with her. "That's not what I'm talking about."
"Then what are you -"
"You realise all your friends think we're dating, right?"
So, there. It's out in the open now.
"What?" Justin asks, and, okay, apparently he's decided to go with denial. Not a bad tactic, in general, but they are so past that. "What are you talking about?"
"Your friends," Alex says; slowly, like she's speaking to someone very stupid, and she's never actually been able to do that to Justin before, so this is kind of cool, "think I'm your girlfriend."
"That's -" he starts, but apparently even he realises how weak a rebuttal would sound right now. So instead, he goes with, "I never told them you were my girlfriend."
"You never told them I wasn't," she points out, and leans back to sit on the bed, one leg tucked beneath her, tugging on Justin's hand until he's sitting beside her.
He swallows, and she can practically hear it.
"You've been drinking," he says, and yeah. But she's not drunk; she's been drunk before - not a lot, but she's in high school, and she goes to parties occasionally, so it happens - and it isn't anything like this. This is more like the feeling before she gets drunk, when she's still clear-headed enough to know she should stop, but when bad ideas maybe don't seem like such bad ideas any more.
(And she doesn't think those drinks were very strong, anyway. Which is disappointing, but only a little, because she really doesn't want to be drunk for this.)
"I'm right," she says, because Justin's avoiding the issue. "And I'm not drunk."
And she was only away from him for, like, twenty minutes, so probably even Justin can't make that argument.
"If I were drunk," she says, and shifts so she's facing him, placing a knee on the other side of Justin's hips, "I'd be doing this."
And then she kisses him, which should be, like, the most surprising thing she's ever done in her life, but instead it feels inevitable - like everything that's happened today, maybe everything that's happened ever, has all been leading up to this. And maybe it has been; she still doesn't know what Justin was thinking when he started this whole thing (and it was him who started it, she's not going to forget that), but this can't have been out of the realm of possibility.
"Alex," he says, drawing back a little, but he doesn't push her off. His hands go to her hips, but not to move her; if anything, he's pulling her forward, and she goes with it, kissing him again, and this time, he kisses her back.
(And if even Justin doesn't think this is a bad idea, it can't be, right?)
It's a little weird, at first, but not like she's kissing her brother weird; more like regular first kiss weird, and then she shifts on top of him, and it's not weird at all, just really, really good. And Justin obviously agrees, or at least his body does, and she arches into him, mostly just to see how he'll react, and he groans into her mouth, pulling her closer, pulling her down onto him. And she never really expected Justin to take the lead on this, but maybe he's been doing that all along, or maybe it's the heat of the moment, because he does move her, then, shifting her so she's sitting back on the bed, and then he's the one on top of her.
He presses closer, until she has nowhere to go but back down onto the bed, and Justin follows her, until he's lying on top of her, his hand moving up underneath her shirt, his hips grinding down into hers. And maybe this should be freaking her out, or something, because they're moving way too fast, but she thinks that whatever reservations she had about this, about any of it, pretty much vanished the minute Justin locked the door.
(She doesn't know where Justin's reservations are in all of this, but maybe they vanished a long time ago, way before she even knew what was happening.)
"Is this -" he says, but he doesn't stop, like maybe he doesn't know how to. She isn't sure she does, either. "Is this okay?"
And Alex doesn't know exactly what 'this' is, but she has a pretty good idea. So she's a little surprised when she hears her own voice say, "Yeah."
That seems to be all he needed to hear, because then he's reaching for her shirt, pulling it up over her head, and she sits up a little to help him. And then she does the same with his, because it's only fair, and when he lays her back down again, it feels like her skin is burning where it touches his.
(But, in a good way, maybe? She isn't even sure any more, her head too full of Justin and college and other people's assumptions for her to be able to think clearly.)
And maybe she expected him to keep pushing, to do the guy thing where now he's got the go ahead, he doesn't stop, but instead he slows down a little, his hands moving up and down her side, not going any lower, like maybe all they're going to do is lie here and make out. And she really doesn't think that's what's going to happen, but for now, it's nice, like she almost has time to adjust to whatever's happening, like he's not pressuring her, like she's safe.
And she's with Justin, as bizarre as that is, so she probably is.
So when his hands finally go lower, below the waistband of her jeans, it's because she's guiding them. Justin rocks against her, hard, like that was the final piece of whatever's putting this in motion, and then his hands are unbuttoning her jeans, pulling them down over her hips, and she only hesitates a second before she reaches back to unclasp her bra. Because, let's face it, if she left that part up to Justin, they'd probably be here forever.
His eyes go a little wide when he sees her, and, okay, that's kind of flattering. She's made Justin speechless a lot of times before, but never like this, so this is something new, even if it's not entirely unfamiliar. And then he smiles, which is maybe the first time since this whole thing started, and that's even better.
His jeans come off next, and then his boxers, and the only thing still separating them is her underwear. But it's not separating by them a lot; she can feel Justin, hard against her hip, feel the pressure building between her legs, and when his hand dips beneath the elastic, just a little, she reaches down and pulls her underwear off altogether.
"Are you sure?" Justin asks, and he's asked her this already, but maybe it needs saying again. Because that was then, when sex was possible but still mostly hypothetical, and this is now, when it's, well, not.
Alex bites her lip, and nods, but then she says, "Yes," because maybe it needs to be said out loud. And Justin nods, too, and he strokes her hair back from her face, which is kind of weirdly intimate, even considering the position they're in.
And then he's reaching into a drawer beside the bed, and there's the sound of foil and tearing, and then he's inside her, just a little, and it's -
Wow. Weird, and good, and a little painful, and she takes a deep breath. It's kind of difficult, with Justin on top of her, but he stills, like he's waiting for her to be okay. Because this might be happening, but he's still Justin, and she knows the last thing he'd ever do is hurt her.
And maybe that's what finally pushes her over the edge, that makes her nod in encouragement, and she holds onto him as he slides the rest of the way in. He stops for a second, like maybe he's giving her a chance to adjust to him, and then he starts moving again, rocking against her, and mostly it's just painful and a little uncomfortable until his hand finds just the right spot between her legs, and then it's good. And apparently Justin is as annoyingly persistent at this as he is at everything else (only, she can't exactly say it's annoying her, now), because he keeps trying, until it goes from good to great, and then to wow, and then to a place where she isn't really thinking so much any more.
When she comes back down, Justin's grinning smugly, and okay, maybe he earned it, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to get even. So she flips them so she's on top, and now Justin's the one whose eyes are rolling back in his head, and if it's possible, maybe this feels even better than what just happened. (Okay, that's not entirely true. But almost.)
Then Justin clutches at her hips, hard, and he twitches beneath her, and so she leans back, and lets him ride it out. When he opens his eyes again, he doesn't look smug so much as kind of dazed, and now she's the one feeling irrationally proud of herself.
She climbs off, and Justin gets up for a second; long enough for her to snag his shirt off the floor, because, okay, that may have just happened, but it still feels a little weird being naked in front of him. And she only means to lie down for a second, because maybe they should really talk about this or whatever, but then she feels Justin lay down beside her, his hand stroking her hip, and it feels nice, so she lets him.
And she's guessing that she fell asleep after that, because when she opens her eyes again the room is way too bright. She squints at Justin's clock, confused, because it can't possibly be nine in the morning already, except the light is telling her that, yeah, it probably can.
"Morning," Justin says, and she rolls over, until her face is pressed against his chest. It isn't exactly comfortable, but she's tired, and she doesn't really have the energy to move.
"How long have you been awake?" she asks. It comes out kind of garbled, and Justin moves back, which means now she can breathe properly again, so that's probably a good thing. He's still touching her, though, his hand lying on her waist, and she's glad of that, too.
"About an hour," he says, like he understood her perfectly. And she frowns at him, because that's kind of weird, and, what, has he just been watching her sleep this entire time?
"Freak," she mumbles, and Justin just laughs instead of getting upset or whatever he'd normally do.
"I'm a freak?" he asks. "Do you even know how long you were asleep?"
"I don't know," she says, trying to sit up (bad idea, but sometimes, sacrifices have to be made). And suddenly she's really glad she put Justin's shirt on last night, because if it was weird being naked in front of him last night, it would be even weirder in the light of day. "A few hours?"
"You missed breakfast," he says, and she punches him, because, really, he couldn't have woken her up for that?
"Hey," he protests. "What was that for?"
"You let me miss breakfast," she says. And now that he mentions it, she's really hungry.
"Don't worry," he says. "There's a brunch in a couple of hours."
Brunch. Fantastic. That sounds like the kind of thing she really doesn't want to go to, but it's that or wait until lunch, and she doesn't think she can wait that long. Sometimes, she thinks, she really takes having a sandwich shop downstairs for granted.
"Fine," she says. "Where's your bathroom?"
"Down the hall," he says, and of course it is. Forget what she thought last night, college sucks.
But then she looks back at Justin, sprawled out on the bed, and - maybe it doesn't suck completely.
-
Brunch is, predictably, a disaster.
It's full of old guys in robes and stupid hats, like wizards but way less fun, and all Alex does is give one of them one little tail so she can slip out of a really boring conversation, and Justin flips out.
But, whatever, he got the guy back to normal, and it's not like anybody knows she did it, or how it even happened.
"That wasn't funny," he says, but he's almost smiling, like maybe he secretly thinks it was. And she reaches out to take his hand, which makes him start smiling for real, and she thinks maybe there are benefits to this whole sleeping with him thing that she hadn't really considered before.
Then they're interrupted by Grant, which kind of ruins the moment. He looks down at their hands, and Alex has to fight the urge to pull away from Justin like she's been caught doing something wrong (which she kind of has, but Grant doesn't know that).
"You guys sleep in?" he asks, smiling like he's asking something entirely different. "I didn't see you at breakfast."
"Um," Justin says, blushing a little, but he doesn't drop her hand. "Yeah. Slept in."
Grant's smile gets a little wider, which is kind of creepy, really, but maybe that's what college guys do? And Alex is in the middle of thinking about what extra appendage she can give him to get out of the rest of this conversation when Justin pulls her away, looking at her like he knows that's exactly what she was thinking.
"Maybe we should go," he says, and she shrugs; she's eaten now, so she'd good.
"Sure," she says. "Go where?"
Which is when Grant interrupts them again, to let them know - not subtly at all - that he won't be coming back to their room after brunch, and probably not for the rest of the day.
Which is a little embarrassing, but then Alex glances over at Justin, and maybe it's not a bad idea, either.
-
When their parents ask her, later, what the orientation weekend was like, she shrugs and utters a noncommittal, "Good."
But they push for details, so it goes like this:
Yes, she stayed with Justin the whole time. Yes, he's doing fine. Yes, they got along. Surprisingly well, actually. Yes, she met his friends. Yes, he has friends. No, she didn't use magic. (Okay, that one's a lie).
Yes, she stayed away from boys. (She thinks maybe that one isn't a lie; Justin doesn't really count, right?)
Yes, she's considering going to college next year.
****************************************************************************************************************************
There are, like, three thousand colleges in the country, and Justin still picks one right in New York City.
(What? It's not like she looked those numbers up, not like she's the one going to college, but Justin talks about it, a lot, and it's amazing what she retains.)
And it's not her idea to go visit him, because, duh. But her parents are on this thing right now where they think she should be thinking about her future or whatever, and there's some kind of prospective freshman orientation weekend going on, and mostly, it seems like an easy way to get them off her back. Plus, maybe it won't be so bad; college means college boys, and college parties, and a weekend away from mom and dad (and that part would be a lot more exciting if Justin weren't even more uptight than they are most of the time).
"Do you have your bags?" her mom asks, and Alex hefts the overnight bag, like, it's right there.
"And you've packed everything?" her dad asks.
Yes, she's packed everything. She'd packed everything when he asked last night, and again this morning, and ten minutes ago. But she just rolls her eyes, and says, "Yes, I have everything."
"And you'll be careful," her mom says. It's not a question, and not really a statement of fact, but maybe something more like an order.
"Yes, mom," she says. "Justin will be there, remember?"
Or at least, until Alex can figure out a way to ditch him.
"And you'll be safe," her dad says, and that's definitely an order. "No using magic while you're on campus. This isn't like high school, there are a lot of people there, and it'd be easy to get caught."
"No magic," Alex agrees, and crosses her fingers behind her back. Total lie.
"And no parties," he says. "Or boys. Or talking to people you don't know. Or boys. In fact, just stay wherever Justin is, and don't talk to anyone. Especially boys."
She's not sure he gets the whole freshman orientation concept, but that would probably lead into a whole other conversation she really doesn't want to have, so she doesn't say anything.
"I'll be careful," she says, and, well. It could happen.
"Just make sure Justin takes care of you."
"And give him a hug for me," her mom says, and yeah, that's definitely not happening. "We're so proud of you, sweetheart."
Which is probably the least effort she's ever put into making her parents proud of her, so maybe this weekend isn't a completely bad idea. (Though she may have to revise that once her parents see her final grades.)
"Okay," she says, because this is just getting mushy, and not because she's worried about being late, or because she's actually excited about seeing her brother. "Well, I'd better go."
"Are you sure you don't want us to take you?" her dad asks, like riding the subway by herself isn't something she learned to do years ago, like it's totally cool to show up at college with your parents in tow.
"I'm sure," she says. "I'll be fine, really. And I'll say hi to Justin."
After that, it only takes another half hour for her to get out the front door, and considering how long it took them to let Justin go, that's probably a record.
-
So, apparently college campuses are big.
It's not like she wishes she'd let her parents come, or anything, but maybe bringing a map or something wouldn't have been a terrible idea. She figures there's got to be one around here somewhere, because she's definitely not starting her fake college career by stopping someone and asking, like she's one of those people who wears name tags and attends official brunches or whatever. (So, like she's Justin, basically.)
So, if she were a student, where would she -
"Alex!"
And of course Justin finds her straight away, when she's already half planned how she was going to wander around for a bit, get totally lost, and maybe bump into a cute boy who offers to show her around and maybe buy her a soda or something. But, hey, since when has Justin not ruined all her fun?
"Justin," she says, and smiles a little. She can always get lost later, if nothing better happens in the meantime. He rushes towards her, like he's really happy to see her or something (which, she saw him over his last vacation, she doesn't get why it's such a big deal), and she thrusts her bag at him. Because, seriously, that thing is getting heavy.
"Um," he says, and switches the bag from one hand to the other, but he doesn't try to make her carry it, so that's good. "Hey."
"Hey," she says; slowly, because it's a little weird that her brother is actually greeting her. "So, this is it, huh?"
He looks a little proud at that, and, okay, she'll allow him that much. The campus is pretty impressive.
"You like it?" he asks, and she shrugs, because thinking it and admitting it are two completely different things. "They're having tours all day, but they totally skip the science library, and the artefact museum, and the geological exhibit -"
Alex rolls her eyes. Of course Justin has taken the tour. Of his own freaking campus.
"- so if you want to see the campus, I can show you around."
"Why don't we start with lunch?" she asks, because she ate breakfast, but that was, like, hours ago, and she's hungry. Plus, it sounds like the least boring of all the things she and Justin could probably do right now.
"Sure," he says, still smiling, and - she gets it, finally. He's showing off. He's been back home plenty of times, but this is the first time she's come to see him, and even their parents have only been once, for some lame parents' weekend. And Justin never really was happy accomplishing anything until he could shove it in somebody else's (read: her) face, so.
"Just let me drop this off in my dorm first," he says, and hefts the bag again. "What did you pack in this thing, anyway?"
"Um, clothes?" she says, but a second later, her step kind of falters a little. Because, okay, so she knew she was coming to stay with him, but she doesn't think it registered until just now that that means ... well, staying. With him. In his room.
"Your dorm?" she asks, and she hopes her voice doesn't sound totally weird. "Aren't there, like, special guest rooms or something?"
Justin looks confused, like it's a stupid question, which, hello, it totally isn't.
"There are hundreds of people coming to this thing," he says, and, seriously? Hundreds? Wow, people must really like college. "Most people just crash with family or something, or get a hotel room in the city."
Which doesn't help her, because they live in the city, and their parents still sent her to stay here.
"Whatever," she says, like it's no big deal, and, honestly, it's not like she's never shared a room with Justin before. In fact, they've never had a family vacation where she didn't. "Do you at least have a single?"
"Roommate," he says.
Of course. So now, not only does she have to share with Justin, but with some random guy, too. This is just perfect.
"He's pretty cool, though," Justin continues, and Alex thinks she'll reserve judgement on that until she's actually met him. She's all too aware of what Justin's definition of cool usually includes. "He's in engineering, too."
Okay, so maybe she doesn't need to meet him, after all.
"Sure," she says, because she really doesn't care; it's not like she's going to be here for long, anyway. "But I at least get the bed, right?"
Justin shoots her a dirty look, but he doesn't say no right away, and she figures that probably means he'll end up giving in. And there's no way she's sleeping on the floor, so the more quickly he gives in, the easier this will be for both of them.
She doesn't say anything else, so after a few minutes, Justin starts pointing out buildings and stuff, droning on and on about their history or whatever, and Alex mostly tunes him out. Unless there's going to be a pop quiz on this stuff (and even if there is, but really, that would make this, like, the worst fun weekend in the history of ever), she really doesn't care.
"And this is my dorm," he says, finally. She was starting to think maybe he didn't even live on campus at all. "It's named after -"
"That's fascinating," she says, because if she doesn't interrupt him soon, she can see how this might go on for a really long time. "Can we just dump my stuff and go?"
He glares at her, and she thinks about telling him he should sign up as a tour guide if he likes this stuff so much, but then he'd probably want to test it out on her, and she's already heard way more than she ever wanted to. So she follows him down the hallway, instead, up a flight of stairs and past what looks like some common room area, until he stops in front of a door with his name on it.
Well, at least this way she won't get lost.
"This is it," he says, opening the door. "It's a little small, but -"
Small? The place is tiny. Way smaller than her room, and she doesn't have to share that with anyone. Two beds are pushed up against either wall, and one half of the room is freakishly neat, so it doesn't take a huge leap to know which side is Justin's.
"That's my bed," he says, as she sits down, and she arches an eyebrow.
"No, really?"
He hands her the bag, and she puts it down on the bed next to her; she might as well claim the space right now.
"So," she says. "Lunch."
"Come on," Justin says, rolling his eyes like he knows he's already lost the bed war. Which, of course. "I'll take you to the dining hall."
Her day is getting better already.
-
"The food here isn't great," he says, as they step inside the dining hall, and Alex looks around. It looks a lot like their high school cafeteria, only bigger, and way more crowded. Plus, Justin had to pay seven bucks to let her eat there, which is just funny.
"Last week I got Max's sandwich by mistake," she says, and Justin grimaces. Yeah, it wasn't a pleasant experience. "I'm sure it'll be fine."
The hot meal they're serving is something unidentifiable (and she really can't be bothered to ask), so instead, she heads over to the breakfast bar. There are bowls lined up beside the clear plastic dispensers, so she grabs one, fills it up with about five different types of cereal, and adds as much milk as the bowl can hold. Justin gives her an odd look, but come on. He can't possibly think this is weird, not after living with Max for fifteen years.
"Cereal," he says, as they sit down at a mostly empty table. "I paid seven dollars so you could eat cereal for lunch?"
She shrugs. "We had pancakes for breakfast."
His look switches from disdain to jealousy, and for a second, Alex wonders if maybe their mom is right to worry, if Justin is eating well. Based on the evidence so far, she'd say probably not, but he looks okay, so it's probably not a big deal.
Plus, it's not like she's going to start, like, caring about him in front of all these people, so either way, it doesn't really matter.
"Besides," she says, her mouth full, and Justin looks like he's almost going to tell her she shouldn't do that, "this is good."
"How can that possibly be good?" he asks. "It looks disgusting."
"It's good because it's disgusting," she says, and points her spoon at him. "Want some?"
"No, thanks."
She waves the spoon closer to his face, until he pushes it away, flinging a spoonful of soggy cereal across the table. The other people at the table turn to glare at them, and Alex has to put her hand over her mouth before she starts laughing.
"Oops," she says, and Justin glares at her, too, but it's weak, like he's almost about to laugh. She nudges his foot with hers, under the table, and he nudges back, until she's sure everyone's staring at them but they're both laughing.
"Justin," someone says, and Justin stops abruptly, leaving Alex to get the last kick in. Justin gives her a look, like she's embarrassing him - which, hello, was sort of the point - and she ignores it, studying the newcomer instead.
He's kind of cute, almost, in the way that he'd be definitely cute if he weren't Justin's friend. Or at least, he knows Justin's name and he sits down beside them without asking, so she assumes he's Justin's friend. He and Justin do this complicated hand gesture thing that should be cool, but on Justin, just makes him look like a major dork, and then he shoots a smile across the table at Alex.
"Hey," he says. "I'm Grant."
"Alex," she says, and waits for the look of recognition, the one where the amount of fear mixed in usually gives her a good idea how much Justin has told someone about her. But there's no recognition, just the same polite smile, and, okay, maybe he and Justin aren't actually that close, loser handshake aside.
"Grant's my roommate," Justin says, and there goes that theory.
"You here for the pro-frosh weekend?" Grant asks, and Alex assumes that's the same thing as the prospective freshman orientation weekend, so she nods.
"Yeah. I'm visiting Justin."
"You're staying with us?" he asks, and he gives Justin this look she can't quite read, but she doesn't think he's annoyed. Which Alex probably would be, if she were in the same position, because Justin obviously hasn't told Grant anything about her at all. (And there's this weird tug low in her stomach, like, she so doesn't care if Justin is ashamed of her or whatever. But, still.)
"Yeah," Justin says slowly. "I mean, if that's okay."
"Sure," Grant says, and, okay, maybe Justin's roommate is a little cool, after all. "Just let me know if you guys want me to clear out."
Justin smiles, a little awkwardly, but he doesn't tell Grant no, so maybe he's thinking he can take Grant's bed or something? Whatever, it doesn't really matter to her.
And then he just sort of stares down at his food, pushing it around his plate, and Alex shrugs and goes back to her cereal. If he wants to be a socially awkward loser, that's fine with her, except for maybe the part where she's sitting across from him.
"You're coming to the party tonight, right?" Grant asks, when their lunch is almost finished, and looks from Justin to Alex. "There's a party in the common room tonight, for all the pro-frosh. You should come."
And, hey, that sounds better than anything else she's thought of so far.
"Definitely," she says, before Justin can object, because this would be just the kind of thing he'd object to. "We'll be there."
"Excellent," Grant says, and Justin still hasn't said anything, but Alex nudges his foot under the table again, and he nudges hers back, so everything's probably okay.
-
"What do people wear to college parties, anyway?" Alex asks, and Justin looks up from where he's been standing on the other side of the room, his back to her.
"I don't know," he says, and of course he doesn't; that would mean he'd actually have to go to a party, which would mean he might have to risk actually being cool. But she wasn't asking him, anyway - like she'd ask Justin for fashion advice - so she just rolls her eyes. "What you're wearing now is fine."
"People already saw me in this," she says, because, duh. Plus, she didn't pack all these extra clothes for nothing. She rifles around in her bag a little more, and then, "Ooh, I know!"
And this is the part where she'd usually get changed, because they're already kind of late (Justin spent all day showing her around campus, like this is how he actually wanted to spend his weekend, and she didn't complain, mostly because she really wanted to go to this party tonight, and partly because it actually didn't suck), but Justin's still standing there, watching her. And she's not going to get changed in front of her brother, so.
"Um," she says, and waves her clothes at him. And after a second, it must click, because Justin starts blushing a little, which is pretty funny, and backs up until he almost runs into Grant's bed.
"Oh," he says. "Sure. Um. I'll just - wait outside."
He pulls open the door like there's a fire in here or something, and Alex stares after him for a minute after it closes. He's been acting weird all day, and she's pretty sure it's not just her.
But, whatever, she has a party to get ready for.
She's almost done when there's a knock at the door, and she finishes applying her lip gloss.
"Yeah?" she calls.
"How long does it take to get ready?" Justin asks, and Alex takes one final look in the mirror before opening the door. Justin jumps back from it a little, like he's surprised she's actually done, and she shrugs.
"This long? Come on, let's go."
"I don't know if this is a good idea," he says, but they're already walking, so she doesn't really know what he thinks complaining now is going to accomplish. "Mom and dad probably -"
"Mom and dad told me to stick with you," she says. "And you're going to this party, so I'm going. Besides, it's not like we have to tell them or anything."
Justin's lips draw into a thin line, but he doesn't argue any more, so she files it away as an easy win. As long as Justin doesn't accidentally let it slip the next time he sees them (which he might do, but she can probably distract him before he does too much damage), she figures they're good.
The common room was mostly empty when they walked past it before, but it's crowded now, people mingling in groups across the packed space. The generic beat of music is mostly background noise compared to the steady hum of a few dozen conversations going on at once, and Justin's already looking around, like he's trying to find people he knows.
Alex really doesn't know anyone but Justin, so she stays where she is.
"Grant," she says finally, and Justin looks surprised, like he didn't expect her to find someone to talk to before he did. Which is probably fair, considering she doesn't actually know anyone else, but he should still be used to it by now.
"Justin," he says. "Alex. So how do you like college so far?"
She glances around the room, and smiles. "So far, I like it."
Somebody jostles her from behind, then, and she bumps into Justin, who doesn't glare at her the way she thought he would. Instead, he slips an arm around her waist like he's keeping her steady, but he doesn't move it even after she's regained her balance, and it's kind of comfortable, almost, so she leaves it there.
"Think you'll be joining Justin here next year?" Grant asks, and his eyes track to where Justin's holding her, but he doesn't say anything about it, so maybe it isn't weird.
She snorts, but before she can say anything, Justin says, "Her grades aren't really that good."
Which, okay, is true, but still. She'd be embarrassed, if she actually cared whether people think she's smart or not.
"You should still apply," Grant says. "You never know."
"Sure," she says, because it's easier than explaining that she'd rather travel the world magically with Harper instead.
And then they're interrupted by more people, which she thinks can only be a good thing.
"Oh," Justin says, and he steps forward, but kind of tugs her with him, so, okay, they're doing that. "This is Karen, and Dana, and Adrian, and Simon. Guys, this is Alex."
Alex boggles for a minute, because, Justin knows people? Justin knows girls? And he's introducing her to them, which is a lot different than when he had friends in high school. But then she remembers herself, and raises the hand that isn't pressed to Justin's side in a kind of wave, and says, "Hi."
"Hi," one of the girls says, and she's actually pretty. Alex is impressed.
"Alex is visiting Justin," Grant fills in. "She's a pro-frosh."
They all kind of get knowing grins after that, which makes Alex a little nervous, but whatever. So she's still in high school; she isn't intimidated by their college party, or whatever else they expect her to be.
"Like what you see?" one of the guys asks, and, yes. Yes, she does. Okay, so he's Justin's friend, but she can probably let that slide; he's still in college, which is a point in his favour, and he isn't wearing a pocket protector or anything, so there's a vague possibility he's actually cool.
"Yeah," she says, and gives him her best flirty smile, which gets absolutely no reaction. She tries not to let it bother her; she's just going to have to try a little harder.
"It's pretty cool here," he says, and she nods, jutting out her hip in her tried and tested, 'look at me, aren't I cute?' pose. Which kind of bumps her up against Justin, and she has to shift a little to get her balance back.
Smooth, she thinks. This isn't really going as well as she'd hoped.
Beside her, Justin is talking animatedly about something she can only guess is science-related and thus really boring, but his friends seem into it, and they even laugh at something he says. And this is so strange; Justin having friends, Justin knowing people she doesn't, Justin looking relaxed and happy and at home. At a party.
It's like he has this whole other life, now, that she knows nothing about. And it's weird, because she's used to knowing everything about Justin.
"Did you guys go to high school together?" the guy - Simon, she thinks - asks.
"Um, yeah," she says, like, duh, don't siblings usually? But maybe he's just making small talk or whatever, so, she can go with that.
"Do you have class with Justin?" she asks, and maybe-Simon shakes his head.
"I live down the hall. But Justin said he's thinking about maybe taking art next semester, so."
"You're an art student?" Alex asks, and she doesn't know which is weirder, the thought of Justin taking art, or Justin knowing people who aren't geeks. "That's my best subject."
As in, the only one she isn't failing, but maybe she doesn't have to add that part.
"Cool," he says. "The department's pretty good here, if you're thinking about applying."
"Noted," she says, because, okay, she isn't thinking about applying, really, but she's never really seen so many people who like where they go to school, so maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Especially if there are more guys like Simon.
Who is, it turns out, really easy to talk to. He likes art, and the same bands as her, and she steers the conversation away from actually knowing stuff about famous painters and concentrates on laughing at his jokes, and it seems to be going well. Which is why she's a little surprised when he leaves the group with a vague, "It was nice meeting you," and he doesn't even look at her again once he's on the other side of the room.
And Alex really doesn't think she did anything to embarrass herself, so why doesn't he like her? She looks cute, she was funny, and she smiled the whole time, so he can't think she wasn't interested. And maybe it's the high school thing, because it's not like any of the other guys here are really looking at her, either, only that can't be it, because most of them probably don't know she's in high school, and besides, they're only a year or two older than her.
Justin's hand slips a little further down her waist, and she leans into him, almost unconsciously, as his thumb starts tracing circles on her hip. And -
Okay, so she's a little slow. But Justin's been standing there this whole time with his arm around her, and she thinks she just got that maybe that's why nobody else is hitting on her. Because they think Justin's her boyfriend.
She tries to think back, to remember if Justin ever mentioned that she's his sister. Because he must have, right? It's easy enough to slip into conversation - not, this is Alex, but, this is my sister, Alex - but she doesn't think he ever did. And maybe she assumed that he must have talked about her to his friends already, or that people would just know they're related (although, it's not like they look freakishly similar, so she can get why they maybe wouldn't). Because this has to have been some huge misunderstanding, there's so way it could have happened on purpose.
And, okay, she could make a big deal about this, but that would be totally, completely awkward. So she swallows her first impulse, to drag Justin away somewhere and demand to know exactly what's going on, why nobody knows they're related (and why he's letting people think they aren't), and goes with her second one, instead, which is to pull free of his grasp, and take a step away.
"Are you okay?" he asks, glancing at her, and it's like none of this is bothering him at all. Or maybe he still hasn't realised what she just realised, but given the way people have been acting around them all day, that seems unlikely, even for Justin. (And suddenly, Grant's comments in the dining hall make a lot more sense, and seriously, why is Justin not freaked out by all of this?)
"I'm fine," she says. "It's just a little hot in here."
Justin looks like he buys it, which is good. Because she thinks she really, really doesn't want to talk about what's actually bothering her.
"Do you want to go outside?" he asks, and she shakes her head; going anywhere with Justin now, alone, seems like a bad idea, even if she isn't quite sure why.
"It's okay," she says. "Maybe I'll just get a drink or something."
Justin still looks a little concerned, and she wishes she couldn't feel his eyes on her even after she turns away, like his gaze is burning into the back of her head. It's all just a little too much for her to process, and she honestly doesn't know where she'd even start.
(But definitely not with the fact that she maybe isn't quite as freaked out about all of this as she should be.)
She doesn't know where you're supposed to get drinks from - there doesn't seem to be a line, or a kiosk, or anything - but some guy is standing by a table handing out cups, so Alex takes one without really thinking about it. (And, yeah, so you're not supposed to do that, but Justin is right over there, she's safe.) It only takes her one sip to realise that whatever's in the cup is so not soda, but - she's having a weird night, okay? Maybe alcohol will help.
So she downs the rest, and holds her cup out again.
"Easy," the guy says, and she thought the point of college parties was to try to get girls drunk? But he still hands her another cup, and she smiles at him humourlessly, and then, because she isn't really sure what else to do, she wanders back to Justin.
"Feeling better?" he asks, and she nods, taking her drink a little slower. But only a little. Justin looks relieved for a moment, and then suspicious, and, okay, she's standing pretty close to him, so he can probably smell whatever she's drinking.
"Is that alcohol?" he hisses, leaning closer, and she's almost relieved that whatever weird thing is going on between them, her brother is still in there somewhere.
"Relax," she says. "We're at a party. So I'm having a drink."
"You're underage," he points out, and she shrugs. So are most of the people here, probably, and that doesn't seem to be stopping anyone.
"It's one drink," she says. Okay, so technically it's two, but who's counting? "It's not a big deal."
He frowns, like he's clearly not happy about it, but he doesn't say anything else, so she uses the opportunity to finish her drink.
She puts the empty cup down beside her, and raises her eyebrows. "See? No more drink."
There's not really anything he can do about it now, so maybe she's expecting him to let it go, but instead, he puts a hand low on her back, and leads her over to the side of the room.
"You shouldn't be drinking," he says, his voice low.
And you shouldn't be letting people think we're dating, she wants to say. But she'd still rather not talk about that, so she doesn't.
"I had one drink," she lies. "I was thirsty."
"So drink water."
"I couldn't find any." And that much is true, anyway. "Calm down, it's not like I'm planning on making it a habit or anything."
"You still shouldn't be drinking," he says, but the anger has gone out of it, now, so it just sounds like he's fighting an argument that's already over.
"Because I'm your little sister?" she asks, and tilts her head at him. She's not sure exactly what reaction she's trying to provoke, but she's pretty sure it's not the one she gets, which is Justin reaching for her again, his hand tightening on her waist.
"Yeah," he says, and his voice is even lower than before.
"So, I'm not in trouble?" And it's not like she thinks that's a possibility, because he really doesn't seem mad any more, and he's probably not going to tell their parents that he took her to a college party and let her drink alcohol, but it doesn't hurt to check.
"You're not in trouble," he says, and rolls his eyes. "Come on. It's late, we should probably get out of here."
And sometimes, Alex is capable of picking her battles, so when he starts to lead her away, she lets him. And she swears it's the carpet or something, not the alcohol, that make her stumble against him, but Justin's there to catch her, so maybe it doesn't matter.
They pass Grant on their way out, and Justin stops, his arm tight enough around her that she stops, too.
"Hey," Grant says. "You guys heading out?"
"Yeah," Justin says. "We're just heading back to the room."
Grant gives him a knowing look, and this time, Alex knows why.
"I've already cleared my stuff out," he says. And then, in a way that's probably supposed to be casual but definitely isn't, "I'm probably going to stay at Dana's tonight."
And Alex should tell him, now that she knows what he's thinking, that it isn't like that. That she's Justin's sister, that Grant can stay with his girlfriend tonight but he doesn't have to, that whatever he thinks is about to happen is definitely not. But she realises, with a heady kind of feeling, that she doesn't want to. That whatever reasons Justin had for lying to everyone, or at least not telling them the truth, maybe his instincts weren't wrong.
Or - not that, but something like that. And maybe it's the alcohol, maybe Justin's right and she isn't thinking clearly, but right now, she's okay with not setting Grant straight.
"Um," Justin says, and he shoots a guilty look at Alex; maybe he's been doing that all along, and she really should have realised sooner. "Yeah, thanks."
And if Alex had any doubts before, she doesn't now, because there's no way Justin doesn't understand what Grant is saying. What Grant thinks. And he doesn't bother to correct him.
His arm gets a little tighter around her waist as they walk back to his room, and if he were asked, he could probably say it's in case she stumbles again. But she hasn't, not since that first time, and she's way past the point where she'd believe it.
And when he stops to open the door, his hand slips dangerously low on her hip, and there's definitely nothing supportive about that at all.
So when they get inside the room, and Justin closes the door behind them (and locks it, don't think she doesn't notice that), she takes his hand and pulls him towards her.
"What are you doing?" Justin asks, but not like he's panicking, or surprised, and he doesn't move to put more space between them. So, maybe like he's just asking.
"That was a little weird," she says, because, okay. Call it dutch courage or whatever, but she's ready to talk about this.
(Really, she thinks they have to talk about this, because it's way too obvious to ignore. And there's something very, very weird going on tonight, because suddenly not talking about it, pretending it never happened, seems a lot worse than talking about it.)
"What was weird?" Justin asks. "Grant?"
"Grant," she says. "Everyone."
"I thought you were having fun."
"I was," she says, and takes a couple of steps towards the bed, pulling Justin with her. "That's not what I'm talking about."
"Then what are you -"
"You realise all your friends think we're dating, right?"
So, there. It's out in the open now.
"What?" Justin asks, and, okay, apparently he's decided to go with denial. Not a bad tactic, in general, but they are so past that. "What are you talking about?"
"Your friends," Alex says; slowly, like she's speaking to someone very stupid, and she's never actually been able to do that to Justin before, so this is kind of cool, "think I'm your girlfriend."
"That's -" he starts, but apparently even he realises how weak a rebuttal would sound right now. So instead, he goes with, "I never told them you were my girlfriend."
"You never told them I wasn't," she points out, and leans back to sit on the bed, one leg tucked beneath her, tugging on Justin's hand until he's sitting beside her.
He swallows, and she can practically hear it.
"You've been drinking," he says, and yeah. But she's not drunk; she's been drunk before - not a lot, but she's in high school, and she goes to parties occasionally, so it happens - and it isn't anything like this. This is more like the feeling before she gets drunk, when she's still clear-headed enough to know she should stop, but when bad ideas maybe don't seem like such bad ideas any more.
(And she doesn't think those drinks were very strong, anyway. Which is disappointing, but only a little, because she really doesn't want to be drunk for this.)
"I'm right," she says, because Justin's avoiding the issue. "And I'm not drunk."
And she was only away from him for, like, twenty minutes, so probably even Justin can't make that argument.
"If I were drunk," she says, and shifts so she's facing him, placing a knee on the other side of Justin's hips, "I'd be doing this."
And then she kisses him, which should be, like, the most surprising thing she's ever done in her life, but instead it feels inevitable - like everything that's happened today, maybe everything that's happened ever, has all been leading up to this. And maybe it has been; she still doesn't know what Justin was thinking when he started this whole thing (and it was him who started it, she's not going to forget that), but this can't have been out of the realm of possibility.
"Alex," he says, drawing back a little, but he doesn't push her off. His hands go to her hips, but not to move her; if anything, he's pulling her forward, and she goes with it, kissing him again, and this time, he kisses her back.
(And if even Justin doesn't think this is a bad idea, it can't be, right?)
It's a little weird, at first, but not like she's kissing her brother weird; more like regular first kiss weird, and then she shifts on top of him, and it's not weird at all, just really, really good. And Justin obviously agrees, or at least his body does, and she arches into him, mostly just to see how he'll react, and he groans into her mouth, pulling her closer, pulling her down onto him. And she never really expected Justin to take the lead on this, but maybe he's been doing that all along, or maybe it's the heat of the moment, because he does move her, then, shifting her so she's sitting back on the bed, and then he's the one on top of her.
He presses closer, until she has nowhere to go but back down onto the bed, and Justin follows her, until he's lying on top of her, his hand moving up underneath her shirt, his hips grinding down into hers. And maybe this should be freaking her out, or something, because they're moving way too fast, but she thinks that whatever reservations she had about this, about any of it, pretty much vanished the minute Justin locked the door.
(She doesn't know where Justin's reservations are in all of this, but maybe they vanished a long time ago, way before she even knew what was happening.)
"Is this -" he says, but he doesn't stop, like maybe he doesn't know how to. She isn't sure she does, either. "Is this okay?"
And Alex doesn't know exactly what 'this' is, but she has a pretty good idea. So she's a little surprised when she hears her own voice say, "Yeah."
That seems to be all he needed to hear, because then he's reaching for her shirt, pulling it up over her head, and she sits up a little to help him. And then she does the same with his, because it's only fair, and when he lays her back down again, it feels like her skin is burning where it touches his.
(But, in a good way, maybe? She isn't even sure any more, her head too full of Justin and college and other people's assumptions for her to be able to think clearly.)
And maybe she expected him to keep pushing, to do the guy thing where now he's got the go ahead, he doesn't stop, but instead he slows down a little, his hands moving up and down her side, not going any lower, like maybe all they're going to do is lie here and make out. And she really doesn't think that's what's going to happen, but for now, it's nice, like she almost has time to adjust to whatever's happening, like he's not pressuring her, like she's safe.
And she's with Justin, as bizarre as that is, so she probably is.
So when his hands finally go lower, below the waistband of her jeans, it's because she's guiding them. Justin rocks against her, hard, like that was the final piece of whatever's putting this in motion, and then his hands are unbuttoning her jeans, pulling them down over her hips, and she only hesitates a second before she reaches back to unclasp her bra. Because, let's face it, if she left that part up to Justin, they'd probably be here forever.
His eyes go a little wide when he sees her, and, okay, that's kind of flattering. She's made Justin speechless a lot of times before, but never like this, so this is something new, even if it's not entirely unfamiliar. And then he smiles, which is maybe the first time since this whole thing started, and that's even better.
His jeans come off next, and then his boxers, and the only thing still separating them is her underwear. But it's not separating by them a lot; she can feel Justin, hard against her hip, feel the pressure building between her legs, and when his hand dips beneath the elastic, just a little, she reaches down and pulls her underwear off altogether.
"Are you sure?" Justin asks, and he's asked her this already, but maybe it needs saying again. Because that was then, when sex was possible but still mostly hypothetical, and this is now, when it's, well, not.
Alex bites her lip, and nods, but then she says, "Yes," because maybe it needs to be said out loud. And Justin nods, too, and he strokes her hair back from her face, which is kind of weirdly intimate, even considering the position they're in.
And then he's reaching into a drawer beside the bed, and there's the sound of foil and tearing, and then he's inside her, just a little, and it's -
Wow. Weird, and good, and a little painful, and she takes a deep breath. It's kind of difficult, with Justin on top of her, but he stills, like he's waiting for her to be okay. Because this might be happening, but he's still Justin, and she knows the last thing he'd ever do is hurt her.
And maybe that's what finally pushes her over the edge, that makes her nod in encouragement, and she holds onto him as he slides the rest of the way in. He stops for a second, like maybe he's giving her a chance to adjust to him, and then he starts moving again, rocking against her, and mostly it's just painful and a little uncomfortable until his hand finds just the right spot between her legs, and then it's good. And apparently Justin is as annoyingly persistent at this as he is at everything else (only, she can't exactly say it's annoying her, now), because he keeps trying, until it goes from good to great, and then to wow, and then to a place where she isn't really thinking so much any more.
When she comes back down, Justin's grinning smugly, and okay, maybe he earned it, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to get even. So she flips them so she's on top, and now Justin's the one whose eyes are rolling back in his head, and if it's possible, maybe this feels even better than what just happened. (Okay, that's not entirely true. But almost.)
Then Justin clutches at her hips, hard, and he twitches beneath her, and so she leans back, and lets him ride it out. When he opens his eyes again, he doesn't look smug so much as kind of dazed, and now she's the one feeling irrationally proud of herself.
She climbs off, and Justin gets up for a second; long enough for her to snag his shirt off the floor, because, okay, that may have just happened, but it still feels a little weird being naked in front of him. And she only means to lie down for a second, because maybe they should really talk about this or whatever, but then she feels Justin lay down beside her, his hand stroking her hip, and it feels nice, so she lets him.
And she's guessing that she fell asleep after that, because when she opens her eyes again the room is way too bright. She squints at Justin's clock, confused, because it can't possibly be nine in the morning already, except the light is telling her that, yeah, it probably can.
"Morning," Justin says, and she rolls over, until her face is pressed against his chest. It isn't exactly comfortable, but she's tired, and she doesn't really have the energy to move.
"How long have you been awake?" she asks. It comes out kind of garbled, and Justin moves back, which means now she can breathe properly again, so that's probably a good thing. He's still touching her, though, his hand lying on her waist, and she's glad of that, too.
"About an hour," he says, like he understood her perfectly. And she frowns at him, because that's kind of weird, and, what, has he just been watching her sleep this entire time?
"Freak," she mumbles, and Justin just laughs instead of getting upset or whatever he'd normally do.
"I'm a freak?" he asks. "Do you even know how long you were asleep?"
"I don't know," she says, trying to sit up (bad idea, but sometimes, sacrifices have to be made). And suddenly she's really glad she put Justin's shirt on last night, because if it was weird being naked in front of him last night, it would be even weirder in the light of day. "A few hours?"
"You missed breakfast," he says, and she punches him, because, really, he couldn't have woken her up for that?
"Hey," he protests. "What was that for?"
"You let me miss breakfast," she says. And now that he mentions it, she's really hungry.
"Don't worry," he says. "There's a brunch in a couple of hours."
Brunch. Fantastic. That sounds like the kind of thing she really doesn't want to go to, but it's that or wait until lunch, and she doesn't think she can wait that long. Sometimes, she thinks, she really takes having a sandwich shop downstairs for granted.
"Fine," she says. "Where's your bathroom?"
"Down the hall," he says, and of course it is. Forget what she thought last night, college sucks.
But then she looks back at Justin, sprawled out on the bed, and - maybe it doesn't suck completely.
-
Brunch is, predictably, a disaster.
It's full of old guys in robes and stupid hats, like wizards but way less fun, and all Alex does is give one of them one little tail so she can slip out of a really boring conversation, and Justin flips out.
But, whatever, he got the guy back to normal, and it's not like anybody knows she did it, or how it even happened.
"That wasn't funny," he says, but he's almost smiling, like maybe he secretly thinks it was. And she reaches out to take his hand, which makes him start smiling for real, and she thinks maybe there are benefits to this whole sleeping with him thing that she hadn't really considered before.
Then they're interrupted by Grant, which kind of ruins the moment. He looks down at their hands, and Alex has to fight the urge to pull away from Justin like she's been caught doing something wrong (which she kind of has, but Grant doesn't know that).
"You guys sleep in?" he asks, smiling like he's asking something entirely different. "I didn't see you at breakfast."
"Um," Justin says, blushing a little, but he doesn't drop her hand. "Yeah. Slept in."
Grant's smile gets a little wider, which is kind of creepy, really, but maybe that's what college guys do? And Alex is in the middle of thinking about what extra appendage she can give him to get out of the rest of this conversation when Justin pulls her away, looking at her like he knows that's exactly what she was thinking.
"Maybe we should go," he says, and she shrugs; she's eaten now, so she'd good.
"Sure," she says. "Go where?"
Which is when Grant interrupts them again, to let them know - not subtly at all - that he won't be coming back to their room after brunch, and probably not for the rest of the day.
Which is a little embarrassing, but then Alex glances over at Justin, and maybe it's not a bad idea, either.
-
When their parents ask her, later, what the orientation weekend was like, she shrugs and utters a noncommittal, "Good."
But they push for details, so it goes like this:
Yes, she stayed with Justin the whole time. Yes, he's doing fine. Yes, they got along. Surprisingly well, actually. Yes, she met his friends. Yes, he has friends. No, she didn't use magic. (Okay, that one's a lie).
Yes, she stayed away from boys. (She thinks maybe that one isn't a lie; Justin doesn't really count, right?)
Yes, she's considering going to college next year.