The Rhodes Not Taken (EP05)
Puck: "That Rachel chick makes me want to light myself on fire- but she can sing."

Mash Up (EP08)
Puck: *in thought* "I know this looks weird, but wait until you see what happens next."
Puck: "My ears are starting to hurt. Can we take a break?"
Rachel: "Okay."
Puck: "You wanna make out?"
Rachel: "Sure!"
--
Puck: *in thought* "I know, it's whack. But I also remember what my history teacher told us last semester: Only Nixon can go to China... I have no idea what she meant but it reminded me of when my family ordered chinese food and sat down together for our traditional simclastaraus screening of Schindler's List that's really when all of this happened. It wasn't the most normal tradition, but we did it for my mom. She said it made her feel connected to her Jewish roots. As she was giving me my sweet'n'sour pork, she said something that really hit home."
Puck's Mom: "You know better than them Noah. Why can't you date a Jewish girl?"
--
Puck: *in thought* "That night, I had the strangest dream. I knew it was a dream because there's no way Rachel could've climbed up the wall outside of my window with no shoes on. When I woke up, I knew it was more than a dream; it was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew and the good Lord wanted me to get into her pants."
--
Puck: "I picked it up for you when I was buying dip. It's grape. I know that's your favourite because the last time I tossed a grape one in your face, you licked your lips before you cleaned yourself off. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to work on some mash up ideas?"
--
Puck: *in thought* "Things happened pretty fast from that point. Getting her to make out with me was easier than I thought. Guess she's kind of desperate."
Puck: "You okay baby?"
Rachel: "I can't do this."
Puck: "Why? We're a couple of good looking Jews; it's natural."
Rachel: "I-I can't give myself to someone who isn't- brave enough to sing a solo. If you don't have th-the guts to do that, then how are you going to be bold enough to deal with the ups and downs of loving an admittedly high maintenance girl like me?"
Puck: "Are you questioning my badassness? Have you seen my guns?"
Rachel: "Noah, I-I'm sorry but... your arms are lovely but... I just don't see us working out."
--
Puck: "I've been working on something."
Will: "Oh yeah?"
Puck: "It's my personal tribute to a musical Jewish icon."
--
Rachel: "Making Tommy Tune the first to win Tony gold in four categories."
Puck: "Totally interesting. Y'know, you never told me what you thought of my mash up solo."
Rachel: "Your still missing the elusive high B, that's a brass ring for a baratender. I had to work on it for weeks with Finn before he got it. You're a great performer Noah. I just want to say how I proud I am to have you in my arm in front the whole high school!"
--
Puck: "You're pretty good at this."
Rachel: "I've had a lot of practice. You're actually a lot luckier than me and Quinn. Your head is shaved."
Puck: "I'm really sorry I ever did this to you."
Rachel: "It's okay."
Puck: "No it isn't. No one deserves this feeling. You know what the worst part is? It's not the burning in your eyes or the way the slushie drips all the way into your underpants... it's the humiliation. I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment. Rachel, I'm sorry but, today when the clock chimes three thirty-"
Rachel: "You're choosing football over glee, which means we probably can't be together anymore."
Puck: "Yes... damn I feel like such a bad Jew!"
--
Rachel: "Are you sure about this Noah? I mean, choosing us over the team might mean getting a slushie in your face every day."
Puck: "Bring it."
--
Rachel: "You miss it?"
Puck: "Hell no."
Rachel: "I hope you didn't choose glee over football for me."
Puck: "Why?"
Rachel: "Because I don't think this relationship is going to work out."
Puck: "It's cool, I was going to break up with you anyways."
Rachel: "No you weren't."
Puck: "Yes I was. You wont even let me touch your boobs! It's Finn right? He's never going to leave Quinn, not with that baby in her belly!"
Rachel: "You like her don't you? I can see you staring at her when I'm staring at Finn. Is that why you joined glee, to be closer to her?"
Puck: "Like I said, they're never breaking up! God what's the matter with me. I'm a stud and I can't even hold onto a chick like you? No offense. Why don't girls like me?"
Rachel: "Because you're kind of a jerk. No offense. I just think you want it too much. Which is something I can relate to- I want everything too much. Our relationship was built on a fantasy; like every other one in my life. I think I just agreed to us being together because I thought it would make Finn jealous. I just hope we can still be friends."
Puck: "We weren't friends before."

Ballad (EP10)
Rachel: "It looks like my weekly letter to the Ohio show choir committee finally paid off!"
--
Will: "So, how's it going with Puck? You guys still seeing each other?"
Rachel: "I broke things off, he was too immature- as are all the boys in high school."

Sectionals (EP13)
Rachel: "Did any of you think it was weird the way that Puck rushed to Quinn's aid during rehearsal today?"

Bad Reputation (EP17)
Rachel: "And why am I last? Aside from the fact that I refuse to put out for you."
--
Rachel: "Go Noah!" (during Ice Ice Baby)
--
Rachel: "Do you know when we dated the school gave us a nickname? Puckleberry."
Puck: "That's humiliating."
Rachel: "The fact is is that, slumming it with me actually improved your reputation; it gave you a sense of humanity."
Puck: "Wait, do you want to date again? I was wondering why you invited me here."
Rachel: "As you know, I'm taken. But I can be of some assistance. Help me with my song for glee club. I-I might be the last chance you have to salvage what's left of your reputation and stay in glee. Besides, you need a song that's going to help you express your inner pain!"
Puck: "So what song do you want to do for your assignment?"
Rachel: "I've chosen David Geddes' fantastically terrible 70s top hit: Run Joey Run! It's a story song, so we get to play parts! I'm going to play the role of the tragic heroine who dies in the end a la Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge and you can be the hunky heroic male lead!"
Puck: "Do I get to kill you?"
Rachel: "Actually, my dad shoots me with a shot gun."
--
Puck: "Do you think I made that glist? Honestly."
Rachel: "Well, it does sound like something you would do."
Puck: "God, I'm so tired of people judging me for a few mistakes I've made! I try to be a good guy, I go to school and I say Be cool Puck, be nice! But by second period I've got a fire extinguisher in my hands and I'm spraying some dweeb with it and I don't know how I got there."
Rachel: "I understand, yeah. I sit in glee club and I watch a couple of imperfect performances and a litney of criticisms just start building up inside of me like a volcano and I keep telling myself to hold it in and then it just comes bursting out! Granted, generally I'm right but it doesn't do much for my reputation."
Puck: "It does suck when you do that."
Rachel: "So, uh, how do you think we can get people to see us differently?"
Puck: "I dunno..."
Rachel: "I-I can't do this."
Puck: "You know, whoever made that glist is gonna put you at number one when they find out you cheated on that Jesse kid with me. Besides, Jesse will never fully understand what it means to be a Jew."
Rachel: "Noah, I-I, I'm ironically turned on by your bad boy image, but I think we should just keep this professional."
Puck: "Alright, I'm out. Why should I stay if there's no chance of us making out?"
Rachel: "Noah, please come and sit and lets work on the project. Okay, it'll help us both. I promise."
--
Tina: "I saw Puck putting it up in the hallway."
Puck: "I was moving it. Somebody put it on Rachel's locker so I moved it! I was being a man, doing the right thing!"

Theatricality (EP20)
Puck: "Wait, where's Rachel? I mean I only noticed 'cause like five minutes have gone by without her saying something totally obnoxious."
--
Puck: "We're screwed. Rachel's gonna jump ship over to Vocal Adrenaline."
Rachel: "Never."

Funk (EP21)
Rachel: "This cheese smells funky."
Puck: "That's 'cause it's fromunda cheese."
Rachel: "Shut it Puckerman!"
--
Puck: "Uh, this is bull! Finn, Mike, Matt- come with me."
--
Puck: "Oh it is when the question is what's the best way to mess up that Jesse kids face!"