I still wished for him to be here, it was ridiculous, stupid, irrational and yet, I couldn't help myself.
My heart screamed for him to return, to hold me in his arms one more time, for a last kiss, a safe one, one that I would cherish for my lifetime but one that he would forget within his many.
I needed his strenght to get me through each day, but he would never return, he said so himself.
Could he remember me? Would he want to? No. I was nothing, a human, worthless, not worthy of him which I knew more than I wanted to.
"Bella?"
It was my sun.
I forced a smile and faced him.
"Hey."
He knew me too well by now. He reached for my hand and squeezed.
"What's wrong?"
I couldn't tell him. It would hurt him too much and it would hurt me even more. 'It has been over half a year,' he would say, 'why can't you get over it?' I wouldn't do that to him, not now, not ever. He would never know. That, I would make sure of.
"Nothing, Jake."
I know he saw through my charade but he decided not to push it...for now and I was thankful.
I still couldn't deal with it. Hearing his name, speaking his name, hearing his voice...
Would I ever get over my addiction? I doubted it. He was my Romeo and while Paris may be good enough, Romeo would never truely leave, this my heart knew all to well.
I sighed quietly but he still heard me. He looked me, I could feel his gaze rest on me but I wouldn't look back.
"Bells. Stop lying to me, what's wrong?"
I sighed shakily. He never did give up.
"You don't want to know, Jake. Trust me."
He became quiet and I knew I had hurt him, as I predicted. I promised myself and I failed, I was a horrible person, I didn't deserve him or Jacob or any of my friends, least of all my Quileute friends, who were still out every night to protect me.
Would my sun one day leave me too, maybe for different reasons, such as imprinting... this hurt too much. Much more than it should, he was Jacob, my best friend, I should want him to imprint and be with the person he should be with forever, but I didn't. I kept telling myself it was only because I couldn't deal with the romance thing right now.
"It's okay, Bella. I understand... come on, we'll go get our bikes out."
"Don't you have to go on duty today?" I mummbled, not really interested.
"Nope. It's just you and me today."
I smiled at him again. He was always the man I could count on.
"Sure, let's go... maybe we should call the ER beforehand?" I suggested.
Jacob laughed and held a hand to pull me up. I grasped his hand and gasped.
His hand was still so warm and I hand't got used to it yet. He pulled me to the Rabbit.
"Come on, Bella. Why has he still got such a hold on you? It has been months."
Once again, I knew I was hurting Jacob but I couldn't stop myself. Everything I did hurt him in one way or another. I went crazy after Victoria returned yet again, Jacob was unnaturally scared when I jumped off that cliff, when... Alice returned... I was so happy again, it hurt... but when she left, it felt like I had lost them all over again; Alice, Esme, Carlise, Emmett, Jasper...Edward... even Rosalie whos beauty was unbearable to look at but hard not to at the same time. I wanted them home, with me but Alice swore before leaving, "I promise you this Bella, I- we will never put you through something like this ever again. Not ever. I shouldn't have come back, I'm so so sorry Bella."
I cried for over a week. I never saw Jacob, I never spoke to him and I never left my room. Charlie was pertrified... he thought I had become 'empty', 'mopey' again.
"I don't know, Jacob. He was the first person I ever loved..."
My voice broke.
Jacob stayed quiet until we reached the bikes but even then his words were tight.
"Okay, Bella. Let's go."
My heart screamed for him to return, to hold me in his arms one more time, for a last kiss, a safe one, one that I would cherish for my lifetime but one that he would forget within his many.
I needed his strenght to get me through each day, but he would never return, he said so himself.
Could he remember me? Would he want to? No. I was nothing, a human, worthless, not worthy of him which I knew more than I wanted to.
"Bella?"
It was my sun.
I forced a smile and faced him.
"Hey."
He knew me too well by now. He reached for my hand and squeezed.
"What's wrong?"
I couldn't tell him. It would hurt him too much and it would hurt me even more. 'It has been over half a year,' he would say, 'why can't you get over it?' I wouldn't do that to him, not now, not ever. He would never know. That, I would make sure of.
"Nothing, Jake."
I know he saw through my charade but he decided not to push it...for now and I was thankful.
I still couldn't deal with it. Hearing his name, speaking his name, hearing his voice...
Would I ever get over my addiction? I doubted it. He was my Romeo and while Paris may be good enough, Romeo would never truely leave, this my heart knew all to well.
I sighed quietly but he still heard me. He looked me, I could feel his gaze rest on me but I wouldn't look back.
"Bells. Stop lying to me, what's wrong?"
I sighed shakily. He never did give up.
"You don't want to know, Jake. Trust me."
He became quiet and I knew I had hurt him, as I predicted. I promised myself and I failed, I was a horrible person, I didn't deserve him or Jacob or any of my friends, least of all my Quileute friends, who were still out every night to protect me.
Would my sun one day leave me too, maybe for different reasons, such as imprinting... this hurt too much. Much more than it should, he was Jacob, my best friend, I should want him to imprint and be with the person he should be with forever, but I didn't. I kept telling myself it was only because I couldn't deal with the romance thing right now.
"It's okay, Bella. I understand... come on, we'll go get our bikes out."
"Don't you have to go on duty today?" I mummbled, not really interested.
"Nope. It's just you and me today."
I smiled at him again. He was always the man I could count on.
"Sure, let's go... maybe we should call the ER beforehand?" I suggested.
Jacob laughed and held a hand to pull me up. I grasped his hand and gasped.
His hand was still so warm and I hand't got used to it yet. He pulled me to the Rabbit.
"Come on, Bella. Why has he still got such a hold on you? It has been months."
Once again, I knew I was hurting Jacob but I couldn't stop myself. Everything I did hurt him in one way or another. I went crazy after Victoria returned yet again, Jacob was unnaturally scared when I jumped off that cliff, when... Alice returned... I was so happy again, it hurt... but when she left, it felt like I had lost them all over again; Alice, Esme, Carlise, Emmett, Jasper...Edward... even Rosalie whos beauty was unbearable to look at but hard not to at the same time. I wanted them home, with me but Alice swore before leaving, "I promise you this Bella, I- we will never put you through something like this ever again. Not ever. I shouldn't have come back, I'm so so sorry Bella."
I cried for over a week. I never saw Jacob, I never spoke to him and I never left my room. Charlie was pertrified... he thought I had become 'empty', 'mopey' again.
"I don't know, Jacob. He was the first person I ever loved..."
My voice broke.
Jacob stayed quiet until we reached the bikes but even then his words were tight.
"Okay, Bella. Let's go."
I still wished for him to be here, it was ridiculous, stupid, irrational and yet, I couldn't help myself.
My heart screamed for him to return, to hold me in his arms one more time, for a last kiss, a safe one, one that I would cherish for my lifetime but one that he would forget within his many.
I needed his strenght to get me through each day, but he would never return, he said so himself.
Could he remember me? Would he want to? No. I was nothing, a human, worthless, not worthy of him which I knew more than I wanted to.
"Bella?"
It was my sun.
I forced a smile and faced him.
"Hey."
He knew me too well by now. He reached for my hand and squeezed.
"What's wrong?"
I couldn't tell him. It would hurt him too much and it would hurt me even more. 'It has been over half a year,' he would say, 'why can't you get over it?' I wouldn't do that to him, not now, not ever. He would never know. That, I would make sure of.
"Nothing, Jake."
I know he saw through my charade but he decided not to push it...for now and I was thankful.
I still couldn't deal with it. Hearing his name, speaking his name, hearing his voice...
Would I ever get over my addiction? I doubted it. He was my Romeo and while Paris may be good enough, Romeo would never truely leave, this my heart knew all to well.
I sighed quietly but he still heard me. He looked me, I could feel his gaze rest on me but I wouldn't look back.
"Bells. Stop lying to me, what's wrong?"
I sighed shakily. He never did give up.
"You don't want to know, Jake. Trust me."
He became quiet and I knew I had hurt him, as I predicted. I promised myself and I failed, I was a horrible person, I didn't deserve him or Jacob or any of my friends, least of all my Quileute friends, who were still out every night to protect me.
Would my sun one day leave me too, maybe for different reasons, such as imprinting... this hurt too much. Much more than it should, he was Jacob, my best friend, I should want him to imprint and be with the person he should be with forever, but I didn't. I kept telling myself it was only because I couldn't deal with the romance thing right now.
"It's okay, Bella. I understand... come on, we'll go get our bikes out."
"Don't you have to go on duty today?" I mummbled, not really interested.
"Nope. It's just you and me today."
I smiled at him again. He was always the man I could count on.
"Sure, let's go... maybe we should call the ER beforehand?" I suggested.
Jacob laughed and held a hand to pull me up. I grasped his hand and gasped.
His hand was still so warm and I hand't got used to it yet. He pulled me to the Rabbit.
"Come on, Bella. Why has he still got such a hold on you? It has been months."
Once again, I knew I was hurting Jacob but I couldn't stop myself. Everything I did hurt him in one way or another. I went crazy after Victoria returned yet again, Jacob was unnaturally scared when I jumped off that cliff, when... Alice returned... I was so happy again, it hurt... but when she left, it felt like I had lost them all over again; Alice, Esme, Carlise, Emmett, Jasper...Edward... even Rosalie whos beauty was unbearable to look at but hard not to at the same time. I wanted them home, with me but Alice swore before leaving, "I promise you this Bella, I- we will never put you through something like this ever again. Not ever. I shouldn't have come back, I'm so so sorry Bella."
I cried for over a week. I never saw Jacob, I never spoke to him and I never left my room. Charlie was pertrified... he thought I had become 'empty', 'mopey' again.
"I don't know, Jacob. He was the first person I ever loved..."
My voice broke.
Jacob stayed quiet until we reached the bikes but even then his words were tight.
"Okay, Bella. Let's go."
My heart screamed for him to return, to hold me in his arms one more time, for a last kiss, a safe one, one that I would cherish for my lifetime but one that he would forget within his many.
I needed his strenght to get me through each day, but he would never return, he said so himself.
Could he remember me? Would he want to? No. I was nothing, a human, worthless, not worthy of him which I knew more than I wanted to.
"Bella?"
It was my sun.
I forced a smile and faced him.
"Hey."
He knew me too well by now. He reached for my hand and squeezed.
"What's wrong?"
I couldn't tell him. It would hurt him too much and it would hurt me even more. 'It has been over half a year,' he would say, 'why can't you get over it?' I wouldn't do that to him, not now, not ever. He would never know. That, I would make sure of.
"Nothing, Jake."
I know he saw through my charade but he decided not to push it...for now and I was thankful.
I still couldn't deal with it. Hearing his name, speaking his name, hearing his voice...
Would I ever get over my addiction? I doubted it. He was my Romeo and while Paris may be good enough, Romeo would never truely leave, this my heart knew all to well.
I sighed quietly but he still heard me. He looked me, I could feel his gaze rest on me but I wouldn't look back.
"Bells. Stop lying to me, what's wrong?"
I sighed shakily. He never did give up.
"You don't want to know, Jake. Trust me."
He became quiet and I knew I had hurt him, as I predicted. I promised myself and I failed, I was a horrible person, I didn't deserve him or Jacob or any of my friends, least of all my Quileute friends, who were still out every night to protect me.
Would my sun one day leave me too, maybe for different reasons, such as imprinting... this hurt too much. Much more than it should, he was Jacob, my best friend, I should want him to imprint and be with the person he should be with forever, but I didn't. I kept telling myself it was only because I couldn't deal with the romance thing right now.
"It's okay, Bella. I understand... come on, we'll go get our bikes out."
"Don't you have to go on duty today?" I mummbled, not really interested.
"Nope. It's just you and me today."
I smiled at him again. He was always the man I could count on.
"Sure, let's go... maybe we should call the ER beforehand?" I suggested.
Jacob laughed and held a hand to pull me up. I grasped his hand and gasped.
His hand was still so warm and I hand't got used to it yet. He pulled me to the Rabbit.
"Come on, Bella. Why has he still got such a hold on you? It has been months."
Once again, I knew I was hurting Jacob but I couldn't stop myself. Everything I did hurt him in one way or another. I went crazy after Victoria returned yet again, Jacob was unnaturally scared when I jumped off that cliff, when... Alice returned... I was so happy again, it hurt... but when she left, it felt like I had lost them all over again; Alice, Esme, Carlise, Emmett, Jasper...Edward... even Rosalie whos beauty was unbearable to look at but hard not to at the same time. I wanted them home, with me but Alice swore before leaving, "I promise you this Bella, I- we will never put you through something like this ever again. Not ever. I shouldn't have come back, I'm so so sorry Bella."
I cried for over a week. I never saw Jacob, I never spoke to him and I never left my room. Charlie was pertrified... he thought I had become 'empty', 'mopey' again.
"I don't know, Jacob. He was the first person I ever loved..."
My voice broke.
Jacob stayed quiet until we reached the bikes but even then his words were tight.
"Okay, Bella. Let's go."
I never knew,
I could feel like this,
Let alone with a stranger,
But his sweet kiss,
Turns my heart into bliss,
It is he,
I shall miss,
He tells me he loves me,
And I cannot deny,
My fellings for him are oh so very high,
His sweet scent,
His golden eyes,
His bold chest,
All makes him what he is,
And for this,
I love him,
His soul speaks to mine,
He is so devine,
It is he,
I shall love for eternity,
I feel it is not fair,
That within one stare,
He belongs to me,
And I to he,
While others wait a lifetime,
For this,
I shall love him forever
I could feel like this,
Let alone with a stranger,
But his sweet kiss,
Turns my heart into bliss,
It is he,
I shall miss,
He tells me he loves me,
And I cannot deny,
My fellings for him are oh so very high,
His sweet scent,
His golden eyes,
His bold chest,
All makes him what he is,
And for this,
I love him,
His soul speaks to mine,
He is so devine,
It is he,
I shall love for eternity,
I feel it is not fair,
That within one stare,
He belongs to me,
And I to he,
While others wait a lifetime,
For this,
I shall love him forever
I want to thank each and every one of you for joining my spot and thank everyone who has also added me as a fan... not just on this!!!
I love you all sooo much, even thought I may not know most of you but I just mean, I appreciate it!!!
And I promise I will get more involved in this and somehow make it a much better spot!!
twilightrox43, Alexyss_Cullen, CullenProperty, darkfairy97, drcutie23, edward-lover456, Elena13, Elzybells, IsabellaMCullen, jacoblover10, LoveHarryPotter, luvlight, Luv_Rob_4ever, migutza2006, Milena96, QueenR, sapherequeen, Stefy, swarleyhabana, vampirefreak_26, backagain32, Imyselfandme, fobolina, cullen1296, mystery21pc, Renesmee_XD, tamii, merzycullen, stephlutz, 1TeamEdwardFan, Bite_Me_Tender, Carly_Farro, daja625, bella_awesome, claudia390, twilight76, CullenChique, erica23 and xXjakeloverXx
Thank you all so much!!!
And thanks to EVERYONE who has contributed to this site!!!
ScottishChic, Emma
xoxoxo
I love you all sooo much, even thought I may not know most of you but I just mean, I appreciate it!!!
And I promise I will get more involved in this and somehow make it a much better spot!!
twilightrox43, Alexyss_Cullen, CullenProperty, darkfairy97, drcutie23, edward-lover456, Elena13, Elzybells, IsabellaMCullen, jacoblover10, LoveHarryPotter, luvlight, Luv_Rob_4ever, migutza2006, Milena96, QueenR, sapherequeen, Stefy, swarleyhabana, vampirefreak_26, backagain32, Imyselfandme, fobolina, cullen1296, mystery21pc, Renesmee_XD, tamii, merzycullen, stephlutz, 1TeamEdwardFan, Bite_Me_Tender, Carly_Farro, daja625, bella_awesome, claudia390, twilight76, CullenChique, erica23 and xXjakeloverXx
Thank you all so much!!!
And thanks to EVERYONE who has contributed to this site!!!
ScottishChic, Emma
xoxoxo