The house was heavy that day, weighed down by both the rain and feelings of sorrow for Shadow's incoming departure. Mystery wasn't up to anything that entire day, which left Matthias, J’trall, and Cliff inside with hardly anything to do. Cookie and I shared the same depressed feeling throughout the entire day. We spent most of our time drinking tea and trying to relax, but it was no use. Everyone knew he was leaving. Whatever we did to make him leave was by accident and beyond our understanding, but it was completely apparent that he didn't want to stay.
I never saw Shadow that day, either. He stayed locked in the guest room, meditating or thinking, I thought, not wishing to see a soul at the door. It made me regret everything. I wondered if it was me who spoiled our chances of his stay. Maybe I got too close after all, I mourned. I ruined everything.
As Cookie poured me another cup of tea, I didn't bother to look up at her. Out of the same nostalgic depression I felt months prior, I let my head fall into my arms, resting on the table. The last day.
My mission failed.
That night I tossed and turned as my emotions finally kicked in with more force than I had ever felt. Sensations of fear, longing, and love tangled together in my heart and resulted in just a big mass of confusion. I shifted positions every other moment, trying to get some peace, but my mind kept racing. It would always remind me constantly that Shadow was leaving tomorrow morning. My throat tightened at the sound of his name echoing in my head as I prepared myself to cry an ocean of tears, but they never came. I didn't want them to come, but if I had to cry, I guess I wanted it to be in the safety of my room.
I was exhausted, just ready to fall asleep, but just as soon as I closed my eyes, I would see his face and remember; I'd remember that the approaching morning was the day to say goodbye. It was like I was in the mindset that he was going to be killed tomorrow, and I was the only one who knew. I protested to myself, how it wasn't fair for someone to decide for him, especially the military and how they destroyed his life. I hated the military now. We had everything under control, and if Shadow were there with us, we'd be more than capable to protect the world. I realized that I was being hypocritical. If I hated the military for deciding his destiny for him, I should hate myself for trying to persuade him into staying. I was being the exact thing I hated. My stomach turned. I was so greedy and my love was blinding me the entire time. I felt like a criminal.
Finally, I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling. It had to be midnight by now, but I didn't want to look at the clock. The clock was like a bomb set for tomorrow. I clenched onto the edge of my blankets. I felt so trapped. Shadow was leaving and I never got to tell him my real feelings for him. At this point, I didn't care if he returned them or if he embraced me; I wanted to get myself out there to him. With Jewel and her pretty looks and flirty attitude, I had overwhelming competition, but if I got a head start, I'd be able to get him fast. I didn't know if I made enough of a start, though. Maybe she was the reason he was leaving; I never considered Jewel in this. What a mistake, I groaned.
I felt my eyes become wet. It still wasn't fair, I muttered aloud, sitting up. My bangs hung messily from my head, shielding me from the moonlight beaming in my window. Tears rolled down my cheeks. To think that I, Crystal Blue, once a committed fan of Matthias, cared so much about Shadow was surprising to me still, but now I didn't care. I wiped my eyes, trying to keep quiet so I wouldn't wake anyone up. My crying sent me into quiet hiccups. I turned around, plopping down onto the mattress, and dug my face into a pillow. I shook as I sobbed. My hands squeezed the pillow, ready to just float away on my own sea of tears.
I lost track of time until I wore myself out with all my crying. It took me moments to attain the strength to wipe my eyes with my hands. I rolled over, heaving a shaky sigh. I had to relax. If I got this stressed out, I would be a total mess by the time the morning came around. As I blinked, my eyes were still wet, as if they were going to be soaked for the rest of my life. I ran my fingers through my bangs, sniffing still. I took deep breaths in attempts to relax. Something would work out, I told myself. It might be okay…
"Amy?"
It startled me; I nearly screamed, but managed to hold it back and let a gasp out. I looked toward the door, the source of the sound, and saw a black hedgehog standing there. It…it was Shadow; I recognized that silhouette anywhere. I sat up, hands shaking as I tried to pull my covers up over me better. I didn't know what to do next; was it a dream? A hallucination? Was I really going crazy?
"Are you alright?" he asked, coming closer. He was illuminated by the moonlight, which was a little eerie for my taste. I fought the urge to turn on the lamp; if he saw the mess I was right now, I wouldn't be able to show my face to him ever again.
"Y-yeah," I stammered, my voice cracking. "Just a bad dream…"
Shadow walked closer and sat at the foot of my bed. The added weight on my mattress was, for some reason, relieving.
"You sure it wasn't me?" he asked in a monotone voice. Gawd, I thought, he might as well be reading my mind. I didn't even know how long he was standing there, but I didn't know how to answer him. I hugged my knees close, exposing myself totally to the cold air. He stared at me, waiting for an answer. If there was an ideal time to admit everything, this was it. My heart raced. I wiped the wetness from my eyes. His posture slumped slightly at the sight, even when the gesture didn't mean anything in particular. I felt worse for that, but I still didn't have the courage to say anything.
"I'm sorry if I woke you up." I fake-chuckled as I looked away, trying to convince him it was no big deal. Shadow frowned.
"You didn't. I just wanted to come in to say goodbye."
My eyes widened and I looked at him. He was leaving…now? My crying wasn't in vain, then; it was impossible for another time to convince him to leave. Nothing could work out ever. I panicked, screaming in my head for help. I swore he said he would leave tomorrow, so I thought he meant in the morning, but he couldn't have tricked me like that so easily. My eyes watered and my throat tightened. I was about to have a breakdown. I wanted to run, but the sheets clung to my pajamas, and my pajamas clung to my skin. I had a million anchors tied down on me.
"You're leaving? Now?" I asked, my voice cracking again. Shadow looked at the floor, nodding.
"I think it's for the best; I don't want a huge commotion, after all." he said after a pause in his calm, collected voice. I felt like a blubbering crybaby compared to him.
"You can't – not yet…" I trailed off, my eyes stinging with returning tears. I didn't expect anymore crying in a year after how I sobbed so much.
Shadow looked at me, with a face that almost looked hurt. (It was like he was surprised that I had said it; why didn't he see the signs of me wanting him to stay before?) But his frown looked so disrupted, like I had knocked him off of his mountain, and I realized then that more tears were rolling down my cheeks. I dug my face into my knees, trying to regain my composure. I felt his hand on my shoulder, and then the bed shook as his other hand met my other shoulder. They moved to my back, giving me a small hug, and they let go. I brought my head up, only to meet his concerned red eyes that I had always unconsciously admired.
"I'll be okay." he assured. I shook my head. It wasn't that I doubted him, it was that I wanted him to never leave our house again. He took it the wrong way. "Crystal, I won't die out there…"
"I know you won't!" I blurted suddenly, uncaring as to how loud I was. "I just want you to stay!"
My head spun out of control as I panted hard. I fell into him, hugging his warm abdomen like it was a teddy bear. The scent of jasmine came once again, bringing more tears to my eyes. I didn't want to know what his reaction was to me. Why didn't I know that I loved him sooner? I wanted to turn back time and redo everything all over again. Perhaps then it would have made a difference. As I shook in his arms, he did nothing but hold me there. I felt better that he did what I hoped, but I didn't want to let go of him for the world. He was too sweet to let go. His grip on me was gentle, yet tight. It was like he was feeling every emotion in me and reflected them perfectly into me. Sure, I felt embarrassed that I was sobbing like a toddler in his arms, but I didn't care then. I just wanted us to stay like that for an eternity.
After minutes of us together, a wave of exhaustion crept over me. It was my crying that was draining me out with each tear. I tried to fight it. If I fell asleep, he would leave me. He would let me go and I would be alone. I would never see him again. I would never have the chance to explain my affection towards him. It was a chance I needed; I would die without it. I prayed for help to keep myself awake; I prayed that a force would let Shadow know that he should stay; I prayed that Maria up in heaven would tell Shadow how much I loved him. I couldn't have prayed harder in a million years.
Unfortunately for me, my strength was diminished and my prayers went unanswered. My muscles relaxed as my mind went into a vast blankness. No, I cried in my head. Did I deserve this? Where did I go wrong that made the universe hate me so much? With my last amount of power, I gripped tighter on Shadow's arm, pleading one last time for help to make him stay, and I felt him return it to me. With his arms around me, I fell into a sleep that was incredibly deep, almost like death, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I never saw Shadow that day, either. He stayed locked in the guest room, meditating or thinking, I thought, not wishing to see a soul at the door. It made me regret everything. I wondered if it was me who spoiled our chances of his stay. Maybe I got too close after all, I mourned. I ruined everything.
As Cookie poured me another cup of tea, I didn't bother to look up at her. Out of the same nostalgic depression I felt months prior, I let my head fall into my arms, resting on the table. The last day.
My mission failed.
That night I tossed and turned as my emotions finally kicked in with more force than I had ever felt. Sensations of fear, longing, and love tangled together in my heart and resulted in just a big mass of confusion. I shifted positions every other moment, trying to get some peace, but my mind kept racing. It would always remind me constantly that Shadow was leaving tomorrow morning. My throat tightened at the sound of his name echoing in my head as I prepared myself to cry an ocean of tears, but they never came. I didn't want them to come, but if I had to cry, I guess I wanted it to be in the safety of my room.
I was exhausted, just ready to fall asleep, but just as soon as I closed my eyes, I would see his face and remember; I'd remember that the approaching morning was the day to say goodbye. It was like I was in the mindset that he was going to be killed tomorrow, and I was the only one who knew. I protested to myself, how it wasn't fair for someone to decide for him, especially the military and how they destroyed his life. I hated the military now. We had everything under control, and if Shadow were there with us, we'd be more than capable to protect the world. I realized that I was being hypocritical. If I hated the military for deciding his destiny for him, I should hate myself for trying to persuade him into staying. I was being the exact thing I hated. My stomach turned. I was so greedy and my love was blinding me the entire time. I felt like a criminal.
Finally, I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling. It had to be midnight by now, but I didn't want to look at the clock. The clock was like a bomb set for tomorrow. I clenched onto the edge of my blankets. I felt so trapped. Shadow was leaving and I never got to tell him my real feelings for him. At this point, I didn't care if he returned them or if he embraced me; I wanted to get myself out there to him. With Jewel and her pretty looks and flirty attitude, I had overwhelming competition, but if I got a head start, I'd be able to get him fast. I didn't know if I made enough of a start, though. Maybe she was the reason he was leaving; I never considered Jewel in this. What a mistake, I groaned.
I felt my eyes become wet. It still wasn't fair, I muttered aloud, sitting up. My bangs hung messily from my head, shielding me from the moonlight beaming in my window. Tears rolled down my cheeks. To think that I, Crystal Blue, once a committed fan of Matthias, cared so much about Shadow was surprising to me still, but now I didn't care. I wiped my eyes, trying to keep quiet so I wouldn't wake anyone up. My crying sent me into quiet hiccups. I turned around, plopping down onto the mattress, and dug my face into a pillow. I shook as I sobbed. My hands squeezed the pillow, ready to just float away on my own sea of tears.
I lost track of time until I wore myself out with all my crying. It took me moments to attain the strength to wipe my eyes with my hands. I rolled over, heaving a shaky sigh. I had to relax. If I got this stressed out, I would be a total mess by the time the morning came around. As I blinked, my eyes were still wet, as if they were going to be soaked for the rest of my life. I ran my fingers through my bangs, sniffing still. I took deep breaths in attempts to relax. Something would work out, I told myself. It might be okay…
"Amy?"
It startled me; I nearly screamed, but managed to hold it back and let a gasp out. I looked toward the door, the source of the sound, and saw a black hedgehog standing there. It…it was Shadow; I recognized that silhouette anywhere. I sat up, hands shaking as I tried to pull my covers up over me better. I didn't know what to do next; was it a dream? A hallucination? Was I really going crazy?
"Are you alright?" he asked, coming closer. He was illuminated by the moonlight, which was a little eerie for my taste. I fought the urge to turn on the lamp; if he saw the mess I was right now, I wouldn't be able to show my face to him ever again.
"Y-yeah," I stammered, my voice cracking. "Just a bad dream…"
Shadow walked closer and sat at the foot of my bed. The added weight on my mattress was, for some reason, relieving.
"You sure it wasn't me?" he asked in a monotone voice. Gawd, I thought, he might as well be reading my mind. I didn't even know how long he was standing there, but I didn't know how to answer him. I hugged my knees close, exposing myself totally to the cold air. He stared at me, waiting for an answer. If there was an ideal time to admit everything, this was it. My heart raced. I wiped the wetness from my eyes. His posture slumped slightly at the sight, even when the gesture didn't mean anything in particular. I felt worse for that, but I still didn't have the courage to say anything.
"I'm sorry if I woke you up." I fake-chuckled as I looked away, trying to convince him it was no big deal. Shadow frowned.
"You didn't. I just wanted to come in to say goodbye."
My eyes widened and I looked at him. He was leaving…now? My crying wasn't in vain, then; it was impossible for another time to convince him to leave. Nothing could work out ever. I panicked, screaming in my head for help. I swore he said he would leave tomorrow, so I thought he meant in the morning, but he couldn't have tricked me like that so easily. My eyes watered and my throat tightened. I was about to have a breakdown. I wanted to run, but the sheets clung to my pajamas, and my pajamas clung to my skin. I had a million anchors tied down on me.
"You're leaving? Now?" I asked, my voice cracking again. Shadow looked at the floor, nodding.
"I think it's for the best; I don't want a huge commotion, after all." he said after a pause in his calm, collected voice. I felt like a blubbering crybaby compared to him.
"You can't – not yet…" I trailed off, my eyes stinging with returning tears. I didn't expect anymore crying in a year after how I sobbed so much.
Shadow looked at me, with a face that almost looked hurt. (It was like he was surprised that I had said it; why didn't he see the signs of me wanting him to stay before?) But his frown looked so disrupted, like I had knocked him off of his mountain, and I realized then that more tears were rolling down my cheeks. I dug my face into my knees, trying to regain my composure. I felt his hand on my shoulder, and then the bed shook as his other hand met my other shoulder. They moved to my back, giving me a small hug, and they let go. I brought my head up, only to meet his concerned red eyes that I had always unconsciously admired.
"I'll be okay." he assured. I shook my head. It wasn't that I doubted him, it was that I wanted him to never leave our house again. He took it the wrong way. "Crystal, I won't die out there…"
"I know you won't!" I blurted suddenly, uncaring as to how loud I was. "I just want you to stay!"
My head spun out of control as I panted hard. I fell into him, hugging his warm abdomen like it was a teddy bear. The scent of jasmine came once again, bringing more tears to my eyes. I didn't want to know what his reaction was to me. Why didn't I know that I loved him sooner? I wanted to turn back time and redo everything all over again. Perhaps then it would have made a difference. As I shook in his arms, he did nothing but hold me there. I felt better that he did what I hoped, but I didn't want to let go of him for the world. He was too sweet to let go. His grip on me was gentle, yet tight. It was like he was feeling every emotion in me and reflected them perfectly into me. Sure, I felt embarrassed that I was sobbing like a toddler in his arms, but I didn't care then. I just wanted us to stay like that for an eternity.
After minutes of us together, a wave of exhaustion crept over me. It was my crying that was draining me out with each tear. I tried to fight it. If I fell asleep, he would leave me. He would let me go and I would be alone. I would never see him again. I would never have the chance to explain my affection towards him. It was a chance I needed; I would die without it. I prayed for help to keep myself awake; I prayed that a force would let Shadow know that he should stay; I prayed that Maria up in heaven would tell Shadow how much I loved him. I couldn't have prayed harder in a million years.
Unfortunately for me, my strength was diminished and my prayers went unanswered. My muscles relaxed as my mind went into a vast blankness. No, I cried in my head. Did I deserve this? Where did I go wrong that made the universe hate me so much? With my last amount of power, I gripped tighter on Shadow's arm, pleading one last time for help to make him stay, and I felt him return it to me. With his arms around me, I fell into a sleep that was incredibly deep, almost like death, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Aww!
