1.01 "A Study in Pink"

"Oh, look at you lot. You're all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing."
-- Sherlock

"Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring!"
-- Sherlock

"I'm not a psychopath, I'm a highly functioning sociopath. Do your research."
-- Sherlock (to Anderson)

"We've got a serial killer! Love those, there's always something to look forward to."
-- Sherlock

"Mrs Hudson took my skull."
-- Sherlock

Donovan: "Are these human eyes?"
Sherlock: "Put those back!"
Donovan: "They were in the microwave!"
Sherlock: "It's an experiment!"

Sherlock: "Shut up."
Lestrade: "I didn't say anyth-- "
Sherlock: "You were thinking. It's annoying."

"Anderson, don't talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the entire street."
-- Sherlock

Sherlock: "Shut up everybody, shut up! Don't move, don't speak, don't breathe, I'm trying to think. Anderson, face the other way, you're putting me off."
Anderson: "What, my face is?"
Lestrade: "Everyboody, quiet. Anderson, turn your back."
Anderson: "Oh, for God's sake..."
Lestrade: "Your back! Now, please!"

John: "That...was amazing."
Sherlock: "Do you think so?"
John: "Of course it was, it was extraordinary. It was quite extraordinary."
Sherlock: "That's not what people normally say."
John: "What do people normally say?"
Sherlock: "Piss off."

John: "That's fantastic!"
Sherlock: "Do you know you do that out loud?"
John: "Sorry, I'll shut up."
Sherlock: "No, it's... fine."

John: "You have a girlfriend?"
Sherlock: "Girls not really my area."
John: "Oh...so do you have a boyfriend? Which is fine."
Sherlock: "I know it's fine."
John: "So you have a boyfriend."
Sherlock: "No."
John: "Oh, okay. So you're unattatched then. Just like me. Fine, good."
Sherlock: "... John, erm... I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work, and while I'm flattered I'm not really looking for any-- "
John: "No, no, that's not what I... no! I'm just saying... it's all fine."
Sherlock: "... Good. Thank you."

"The game, Mrs Hudson, is on."
-- Sherlock

Sherlock: "A friend?"
John: "Well, an enemy."
Sherlock: "Oh! Which one?"

John: "Where did you get this? Detective Inspector Lestrade?"
Sherlock: "I pickpocket him when he's annoying."

"We can't giggle, it's a crime scene."
-- John

John: "This is how you get your kicks, isn't it? You risk your life to prove you're clever."
Sherlock: "Why would I do that?"
John: "Because you're an idiot."

"And since yesterday you've moved in with him and now you're solving crimes together. Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?"
-- Mycroft

Sherlock: "If you were dying, if you were murdered, in the very last seconds, what would you say?"
John: "Please God, let me live."
Sherlock: "Use your imagination."
John: "I don't have to."

"Look, I'm in shock, I have a blanket."
-- Sherlock