Victim
BY: ALISSA PAGIE MORRIS
My name is Alissa Morris and this is the journal of a raped victim. walking down the street to my house the sun pouring down on to my back I hate the sun it yellow the color of life and joy I was neither of those thing I was cold and desolated . I hate people, life, and even the world. I wouldn’t talk to my family the world itself became a stranger. The only world knew since it happen is the cold un feel confines of my room the dark blue wall that my dad try to bring life to the colorful abstract painting on one wall . I had no friend no one who really cared I thought my parent said they worried whatever they are parent they don’t care they freak’ in hate me I know that. The world hates me I know that to. The only thing I can think about is THE THING the unfeeling creature that haunts my days and night THE THING that makes me wake at night screaming the loneliness and despair the only thing I feel is that of the dark night my parent think it the my meds that are doing this to me it THE THING that is doing it to me not some unknown suspense or drug it mind it no mystery or question what it is. It that haunts me and here is tale of how I got over it. It is all true none of it is made up this is my life. It wills not me a joy it will be the truth.
Chapter 1
I walk through the doors of Mayfell City high School 9th grade year I was all alone as I walk though the dark hall ways you it was death. In the center of the floor was a bulldog with velvet ropes around it like a prize they have told not to step on it or you will clean it. Over protected much I think to myself they call it bulldog pride .the first few lie they tell you at school do not fall for them, 1. That they care and always here for you to talk. That is a bunch of crap they don’t care like everyone else. 2. That they want to help you succeed. CRAP AND MORE CRAP. 3. We will go state this year. Maybe true maybe not. I walked into the gym to get my scudelue this guy name Zack came up behind me “freak” he whispered in my ear “ you have no place in this world ,freak” he said hilted my shoulder as he went by . I shook my head and went up to the table were this women with hair that looked like it had been chewed on by a cat for hours sat her glasses sitting on the brim of her nose she was wearing a long dress that had some unknown pattern on it in the of tan and gray “what your name?” the cat woman said. “Alissa Morris” she turn her head farther down her glasses falling farther down her nose treating to fall off “here you Alissa Morris” “Thank you” taking it from her with a smile all the while thinking wow you must have not slept last night . I look down at the scudelue. English- Mrs. Dawn , Algebra- Mr.Poter, Art- Mrs. Stevenson , Lunch, History –Mr. Harris , Shop- Mr. Bruner . Great I’m an 8th grade girl in Shop that is just so great. the bell went off and everyone was pushing down the hallway like a herd of cattle push down the hallway with this one guy that I didn’t even know pushed me into the wall were I fell to the floor as everyone just continued to pass me like I wasn’t even there like the freak I was I fell to the floor in pain. Then pull to go on like the freak I am I got to my first class it was cat woman she had a great smile painted across her face like one you see on those old cartoons you know where everyone Is smiling and all you can think is why are they smiling those super freaks . she had her name printed on the chalk board I took the seat in the back and slowly sunk down in the seat were my eye were even with the desk she walk to me with a smile and put a piece of paper on my desk and walk back to the front of the room me glaring at her back as she walk away from me the top of the page class requirements blah like I really care. the class slowly filled drowning me in to the background I pulled out one of my sketchbooks and drew the cat woman in a house full of cats with her screaming and holding back a laugh it was one of thoughts cartoons looking pictures you know ones with the big heads she spent the whole hour talk about what she wanted from us in class. I swear she was super weird I wanted to claw my eyes out by listening to her claw chalkboard voice. I want to shove cotton swaps in to my ear or by some miracle my ears bust and would not have to hear her scratchy voice. I pulled my hood over my head and beaded over my sketch making her eyes bigger as if they were about to pop out of her head. like my felt like they were about to THE THING sat in front of the class he look back at me and winked his eye ,jerk I raise my . “Yes Morris” “may I go to the restroom” “yes” I got up and shot out the doorway and ran down the hall to restroom and went into the big stall and fell to the tiled floor and bared my face in my jeans wanting to scream it like a slow death . I pulled up the sleeve of my jacket and shirt clawing my sharp nails into the shallow of my skin I digging the nail so deep into my skin that it drew blood the blood ran down my arm to my wrist down my finger and making a nice pool of blood on the tile and the pain slowly went away then when I tied a piece of cloth that I kept in my pocket around it pull down my sleeves and pulled myself back to class. I sat looking down and paper she had given me this hell I was just living in it. The bell finely rang I ran from the room as quick as my leg could carry me like the wind to Algebra I walk to the very back of the room there was a window in the back I sat in front of it look out on to the big lawn in front of the school where two goals set up the athletes they were wearing a gray tanks and black gym shorts they were kicking around the ball here in Texas the grass was almost never green it was yellow cause it was dead. this girl that was in my fifth grade math class sets down beside me I’ve known her for ever she a cheer leader or was her name is Nikkie the class is full of people I know from 1st we have all or most have been here since then but none of them talk to me I’m a outcast you know like those Jane or John does in the morgue the people that die and no one knows it like people don’t even know that people don’t even know that live .that would be me I could die and no one care. the class has started I sink down into my seat Nikkie looked over at me and mouthed “are you ok” I shake my head yes then she turns to face the front of the class she a good person to bad she handed out with THE THING or I could almost see myself hanging out with her but that was impossible as long as she hung out with him. The teacher was cool but I already didn’t like her because of what she taught it had to be the worst subject in school. the hours flew by before I knew it I was on my way to art my favorite subject the teacher hair was died red with purple tips her eyes were blue , her shirt had purple paint on it that had dried with a black cross she wore faded blue jeans with black boot she was properly was the coolest teacher I looked around the room these big white bricks on the walls were covered with painting covering the wall one by those famous painters then there was big tables the color of white I took the front seat and sunk down like I always do and looked at the teacher I’m going to call her Mrs. Art the class started to fill the room one of the people that came in was one of my friends a long time ago her name is Jazz she was a real art freak she had short black choppy hair with this red streak by her face it covered one of her eyes she had a lot of eyeliner with red eye shadow and she wore black lipstick she was wearing a gun n’ rose shirt and he wore black skirt with red tints on with combat boot she had this studedbracelet she look at me when she came in and look around the room with a shied she took a seat next to me I remember when we were friends we were in fifth we were both outcast then so we became like a pair we were like twin we could finish each other sentences we would hang out all the time we were the best of friends that was before I started being Goth that year she kind of left when that happen that was went I started cutting myself I became very obsessed with blood if it was red and oozy I loved it I would draw pictures of knifes and blood and guns . then she said “I do not give grades in here you grade yourself do not stop till you are happy I will push you to do your best” she kept on talking while I pulled out my sketchbook and start to draw a metal person cause metal is cold unfeeling I drew it hanging you see I was the metal human and then to kill me I craved my face into the metal face I was a freak a monster that is what they called me and that is what I am. Jazz just looked at me like a fish out of water I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never show my face again I feel so weird in this school in this world. Mrs. Art was such an art freak it was crazy I loved crazy. I pull myself thought the rest of the class till lunch the lunch room had two leaves the top was booths all lined up like the army I swear they are turning into droids mindless thing the second leave is big round tables for the popular people the groups I went to the vegetarian line they had with these Tofu sandwich and bake chips I grabbed a milk a looked around to see a place to sit I looked around the lunchroom there was Goths, jocks, preps, artist, cheerleaders, motor head, rockers , and anime nerds. In one tables on the top was this girl in red plaid pants they look like rocker pants with a white shirt that said rocker chick in bright pink with black lines coming off it. I walked over to her “can I sit with you?” “Yes my name Amelia” “Alissa” I said sitting down opening my lunchbox “so what grade are you in?” “9th you must be in 9th right” “yes” “your new right” “ya I’m new” we eat the rest of lunch in quiet the only sound was peoples voice in the background. The rest of the day flew by. I stood outside hells halls that what I called them that is waiting for my sister to come and pick me up I stood alone my hood pull over my head my hair framing my face my sister came spinning into the parking lot coming to a stop in front of me you see my sister got a early dismiss period from school so she would come back and get me “ha girly” she said “ha” I forced myself to say it like I had a frog stuck in my throat it like it was raw. I climb into the car she turn the music up so that it hurt my ears I didn’t care it drowned the world out for a while. She tore out of the parking lot and went home. Our house was a one story red brick house it was the same as every other house on the street it was all the same I hurry from the car to my room. My room had blue walls the wall that my bed was on the wall that had the abstracted painting on it on both sides were big white bookshelves under one was my desk above it was my movies. The other side was full of books and my TV. I change into some pajamas then I threw myself on to the bed and curled up into a ball pulling the blanket around me and cried to myself clawing at my skin more blood going down my arm blood it so strange blood means death and life . there a knock on the door “come in” I say pulling the blanket over my arm my mom came in my mom look almost like me but older “how was your first day of high school?” she asked me “fine” she shook her head yes like I give up on you and walked out of the room .to them I was hopeless a worthless person not worthy of their time I know that I fell asleep there in my dreams THE THING was there looking at me “you worthless freak no one wants you . You know that right everyone knows you’re a freak, freak.” he said in my ear. I fell down on to my knees I was surround by darkness it was black all around me jagged rock shooting up off the ground blocking ways of running just leaving a thin line for me and THE THING to stand on then hands clothed in nothing but black cloth on their skin reached out touching me tugging on me pull me fall even father making me fall on to my back “freak” he screamed at me “no one wants you you’re a freak of nature why would anyone want a freak like you” the hands ripping my clothing me screaming bloody murder “stop” I screamed “stop” the hands pulling my hair making blood pour down my face my tears mixing with the oozing blood that was coming from my head it made it look like I crying blood my whole body turn red as blood it is what it felt like THE THING stood across from me laughing at me while I conteidtied to scream the pain it was too much for any person to handle “they all know your no good you know they hate you” “stop, stop please stop” I begged. “Stop” I shot up in my bed panting looking at the clock read 9:00 in red letter. Great I was up hours before I had to get up but I sure could not go back to sleep and face the retched THING that was sure to be waiting for me the pale face creature THE THING. I turn over facing the wall tears falling down my face my nail digging into the skin that cover my arm blood going farther down my arm like a million draggers stabbed into my flesh like they were never going to leave like the bugs were under my flesh eating my skin from the inside eating me away like a slow degenerate disease that slow make you fade away .
