WARNING This article might be quite offensive to twilight, so if you're a fan of twilight (especially if you're one of these crazy fangirls) please do not waste your time to read this and comment. I know there's no point of me telling you this because you'll read and comment anyways, but at least I tried.
Dear characters of twilight,
Bella, okay let me get this right, you think that someone stalking you, controlling you, dominating you, watching you sleep, being ridiculously possessive, threatening you, and deciding who you hang out with is romantic? What a smart person... no really... you're smarter than Einstein himself, NOT! Can you look at Elena for an example? If her boyfriend was Edward she would slap him in the face, hit him on the head and kick him on the dick. Unlike you here. Now I know what you'll say 'But she... you know... climbed... in the bed.... with... that freak... Damon... and... kissed him' First, please learn to say one sentence like all people do. Second, she felt something for Damon from months before. Now she discovered that it was worth it, and plus he was dying for God's sake!! What do you expect her to do? Curl up in the fetal position, go numb for months and jump off a cliff like you did?
Edward, oh my Gosh you are so hot!! Oh my Gosh I man it!! Oh my Gosh why are you so hot?! Oh my Gosh can I have a piece of your hotness?! Oh my Gosh I can't handle this!! Oh my Gosh I think I'm fainting!! Oh my Gosh!! Oh my gosh!! OH MY GOSH!!! Get a life will ya? First, sparkling or not, your body is disgusting. Do me a favor and warn me when you take your shirt off so I can go watch Stefan or Damon take THEIR shirts off. Second, you are the biggest loser in the history of all losers, no offense. I mean seriously who the hell watches their girlfriend get kissed by the idiot werewolf and is okay with that? And what kind of a vampire drinks animal blood? Yeah I know Stefan used to drink animal blood, but he doesn't anymore!! Because REAL vampires drink human blood, not animal blood you idiot!
Jacob, okay we get it, you have abs, you've got strength, you have muscles, you have hotness blah blah blah. But guess what you do not have? You don't have any brains! You have body but you don't have brains... like none at all. Who the hell falls in love with a five-minute-year-old baby of the woman that you love??! I'd really like to see Damon doing that to Elena. But that will never happen because unlike you, he has got hotness, awesomeness, strength, passion and brains. And this is why he's hot and girls like him for reasons other than his body and looks. At least he has these sarcastic laugh, these space-shifting moves, this incredibly sexy smirk. Unlike you little Mister I'm-so-cool-I-fall-in-love-with-Bella-and-her-new-born-baby! I don't understand how can you fall in love with someone like Bella in the first place. And calling her daughter Nessie? Really? NESSIE?!?!
Carlisle, stop trying to look like the handsome and smart father of the series because you're not. John died for his daughter, you barley agreed to fight for your son, Edward. So smart and brave Carlisle, so smart an brave.
Esme, same for you. I mean look at Isobel and what she did for Elena, Stefan, Damon, Caroline, Tyler, Bonnie, Jeremy, Alaric and everyone else, and then look at you. What a parody of a mother your are, what a parody of a mother.
James, You really think you cat turn out better than Klaus or Elijah? At least they talk normally and not trying to sound posher than the Queen of England herself! At least they look better than you! At least they know what they're doing! At least they don't go sniffing everywhere like dogs to try and find something! And you call yourself a villain...
Victoria, so you want to get revenge on James, we get that. Then you form some kind of a vampire army turning about eighty people into vampires for no reason but to get your own revenge?? Let me call Katherine and tell her to teach you how to get real revenge, how to be really attractive, how to really show your powers, and how to be really bad-ass. But I'm afraid she'll kill you when she holds your hand because that's what real vampires do... oh well...
Renesmee, all I think is that I should kill Edward and Bella, marry Tyler and Caroline, let them adopt you and change your name. And live with you like family. Seriously who do you think I am? A werewolf with no brains like Jacob? I will never get anyone like you close to Tyler or Caroline or anyone from the real vampires or werewolves. I do feel sorry for you for having such awful parents and such an awful name but I cannot compare you to vampires. You know why? Because you're not real, they are. Comparing you two is like comparing night and day.
Rosalie, When you first turned into a vampire you liked it didn't you? Well let me tell you that Jenna cried her eyes out before she got killed by Klaus AGAIN. That's how people react when they realize they're a monster, they get SAD unless they want this whole thing, they do not go all happy and kill whoever they hated. But then again, you said you envy Bella for being human. Make up your mind woman! It's either you want it or you do not want it, it can't be freaking both!
Jasper, If you really think that you're as cool and awesome as Jeremy you're not. At least he has style, brains and love. Unlike you. Do you seriously care for anyone but Alice? Nope I don't think so. You spent about fifty years with the same clan in towns where there are a bunch of people and you still don't know how to control your thirst? Or is it this Bella that has such a strong blood smell again? Oh how I wish you actually killed her. But yet again, that will prove your selfishness. You do not care who you eat as long as you do, and I'm not defending Bella here. You run away with your precious Alice. You return in the middle of the fight and barley even fight. Jeremy will always fight for his family, friends and the girl he loves and who really deserves to be loved, Bonnie. He will always defend them and stand by them, unlike you.
Emmett, You think you're awesome as well? To the point of being as awesome as Matt? Okay, I admit I do not like Matt that much but compared to you he's the awesomest person on earth. At least he talks more than two sentences a day. At least he actually loved Caroline and admitted that he made a mistake by snitching on her. I think the only reason you loved and the only reason you will ever love Rosalie is for her looks and only her looks. Because I have never seen any passion between you two, you maybe kissed once but that's it.
Alice, don't even try to be the head of the parties, the little hyper, talkative and cute girl because it's not working out with you. Caroline was, is and will always be awesome-er, cuter, prettier, and happier than you are. At least she has taste in men. Like Tyler. Your taste is awful. You didn't find anyone in this whole world but Jasper Hale to fit you? JASPER FREAKING HALE?!?!
Aro, you are also a parody of a vampire. Look at Klaus and Elijah and look at you. Pitiful, weak, lazy, shining fly. That's who you are. You make everyone do everything for you, you never do anything by yourself because you're the leader and don't want to get your hands dirty right? How stupid, how retarded?
Jane, no matter how much illusional pain your power brings to a person, you will never be as strong as Bonnie. She knows how to control her powers, unlike you who throws the whole thing unthinkingly and anyone, not mentioning that you're over a hundred years old. Bonnie is a real character, you are just a part of the whole Aro clan who is using you as his puppets to do all the dirty work. But I guess you're too blind to see that.
Regards, a Vampire Diaries fan
If you have any more additions, feel free to tell me in the comments and I'll add them to the letter.
Dear characters of twilight,
Bella, okay let me get this right, you think that someone stalking you, controlling you, dominating you, watching you sleep, being ridiculously possessive, threatening you, and deciding who you hang out with is romantic? What a smart person... no really... you're smarter than Einstein himself, NOT! Can you look at Elena for an example? If her boyfriend was Edward she would slap him in the face, hit him on the head and kick him on the dick. Unlike you here. Now I know what you'll say 'But she... you know... climbed... in the bed.... with... that freak... Damon... and... kissed him' First, please learn to say one sentence like all people do. Second, she felt something for Damon from months before. Now she discovered that it was worth it, and plus he was dying for God's sake!! What do you expect her to do? Curl up in the fetal position, go numb for months and jump off a cliff like you did?
Edward, oh my Gosh you are so hot!! Oh my Gosh I man it!! Oh my Gosh why are you so hot?! Oh my Gosh can I have a piece of your hotness?! Oh my Gosh I can't handle this!! Oh my Gosh I think I'm fainting!! Oh my Gosh!! Oh my gosh!! OH MY GOSH!!! Get a life will ya? First, sparkling or not, your body is disgusting. Do me a favor and warn me when you take your shirt off so I can go watch Stefan or Damon take THEIR shirts off. Second, you are the biggest loser in the history of all losers, no offense. I mean seriously who the hell watches their girlfriend get kissed by the idiot werewolf and is okay with that? And what kind of a vampire drinks animal blood? Yeah I know Stefan used to drink animal blood, but he doesn't anymore!! Because REAL vampires drink human blood, not animal blood you idiot!
Jacob, okay we get it, you have abs, you've got strength, you have muscles, you have hotness blah blah blah. But guess what you do not have? You don't have any brains! You have body but you don't have brains... like none at all. Who the hell falls in love with a five-minute-year-old baby of the woman that you love??! I'd really like to see Damon doing that to Elena. But that will never happen because unlike you, he has got hotness, awesomeness, strength, passion and brains. And this is why he's hot and girls like him for reasons other than his body and looks. At least he has these sarcastic laugh, these space-shifting moves, this incredibly sexy smirk. Unlike you little Mister I'm-so-cool-I-fall-in-love-with-Bella-and-her-new-born-baby! I don't understand how can you fall in love with someone like Bella in the first place. And calling her daughter Nessie? Really? NESSIE?!?!
Carlisle, stop trying to look like the handsome and smart father of the series because you're not. John died for his daughter, you barley agreed to fight for your son, Edward. So smart and brave Carlisle, so smart an brave.
Esme, same for you. I mean look at Isobel and what she did for Elena, Stefan, Damon, Caroline, Tyler, Bonnie, Jeremy, Alaric and everyone else, and then look at you. What a parody of a mother your are, what a parody of a mother.
James, You really think you cat turn out better than Klaus or Elijah? At least they talk normally and not trying to sound posher than the Queen of England herself! At least they look better than you! At least they know what they're doing! At least they don't go sniffing everywhere like dogs to try and find something! And you call yourself a villain...
Victoria, so you want to get revenge on James, we get that. Then you form some kind of a vampire army turning about eighty people into vampires for no reason but to get your own revenge?? Let me call Katherine and tell her to teach you how to get real revenge, how to be really attractive, how to really show your powers, and how to be really bad-ass. But I'm afraid she'll kill you when she holds your hand because that's what real vampires do... oh well...
Renesmee, all I think is that I should kill Edward and Bella, marry Tyler and Caroline, let them adopt you and change your name. And live with you like family. Seriously who do you think I am? A werewolf with no brains like Jacob? I will never get anyone like you close to Tyler or Caroline or anyone from the real vampires or werewolves. I do feel sorry for you for having such awful parents and such an awful name but I cannot compare you to vampires. You know why? Because you're not real, they are. Comparing you two is like comparing night and day.
Rosalie, When you first turned into a vampire you liked it didn't you? Well let me tell you that Jenna cried her eyes out before she got killed by Klaus AGAIN. That's how people react when they realize they're a monster, they get SAD unless they want this whole thing, they do not go all happy and kill whoever they hated. But then again, you said you envy Bella for being human. Make up your mind woman! It's either you want it or you do not want it, it can't be freaking both!
Jasper, If you really think that you're as cool and awesome as Jeremy you're not. At least he has style, brains and love. Unlike you. Do you seriously care for anyone but Alice? Nope I don't think so. You spent about fifty years with the same clan in towns where there are a bunch of people and you still don't know how to control your thirst? Or is it this Bella that has such a strong blood smell again? Oh how I wish you actually killed her. But yet again, that will prove your selfishness. You do not care who you eat as long as you do, and I'm not defending Bella here. You run away with your precious Alice. You return in the middle of the fight and barley even fight. Jeremy will always fight for his family, friends and the girl he loves and who really deserves to be loved, Bonnie. He will always defend them and stand by them, unlike you.
Emmett, You think you're awesome as well? To the point of being as awesome as Matt? Okay, I admit I do not like Matt that much but compared to you he's the awesomest person on earth. At least he talks more than two sentences a day. At least he actually loved Caroline and admitted that he made a mistake by snitching on her. I think the only reason you loved and the only reason you will ever love Rosalie is for her looks and only her looks. Because I have never seen any passion between you two, you maybe kissed once but that's it.
Alice, don't even try to be the head of the parties, the little hyper, talkative and cute girl because it's not working out with you. Caroline was, is and will always be awesome-er, cuter, prettier, and happier than you are. At least she has taste in men. Like Tyler. Your taste is awful. You didn't find anyone in this whole world but Jasper Hale to fit you? JASPER FREAKING HALE?!?!
Aro, you are also a parody of a vampire. Look at Klaus and Elijah and look at you. Pitiful, weak, lazy, shining fly. That's who you are. You make everyone do everything for you, you never do anything by yourself because you're the leader and don't want to get your hands dirty right? How stupid, how retarded?
Jane, no matter how much illusional pain your power brings to a person, you will never be as strong as Bonnie. She knows how to control her powers, unlike you who throws the whole thing unthinkingly and anyone, not mentioning that you're over a hundred years old. Bonnie is a real character, you are just a part of the whole Aro clan who is using you as his puppets to do all the dirty work. But I guess you're too blind to see that.
Regards, a Vampire Diaries fan
If you have any more additions, feel free to tell me in the comments and I'll add them to the letter.
Dynamite by Taio Cruise, Tonight by Enrique Iglesias, You and I by Lady Gaga, Give Me Everything Tonight by Pitbull an Ne-Yo, Till The World Ends by Britney Spears, Peacock by Katy Perry, Don't Stop The Party by The Black Eyed Peas, Disturbia by Rihanna, What The Hell by Avril Lavigne, Look At Me Now by Chris Brown, Lil Wayne and some other guy, Space Bound by Eminem
Yeah my teachers go crazy and this article thing wont work if I don't type what I'm typing right now, I have no idea why so yeah.
Yeah my teachers go crazy and this article thing wont work if I don't type what I'm typing right now, I have no idea why so yeah.
