Yusei as Duncan
Yami as Harold
Tea as LeShawna
Mai as Heather
Akiza as Courtney
Sayer as Justin
Mina as Lindsay
Carly as Beth
Jack as Chris
**********************************
Yusei: (to Sayer) How can you spend so much time on your coif?
Sayer: My agent, Jesús, says it's my best feature. Along with my neck, nose, chin, cheekbones, earlobes, eyebrows...
Yusei: You know who has nice hair? Akiza. I mean, not that I've noticed.
Sayer: ...or maybe it's my eyes...
Yusei: I mean, I did notice...back when I cared- but not now... (to Yami) You dropped your soap.
Yami: Nice try, Yusei. Just because I'm blind without my glasses doesn't mean I'll fall for- (slips on soap) Whoa! Oof!
Yusei: I make fire! (pounds on chest) OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH!
Mina: (Mai strokes her hair violently) Ow! Mai! I think you pulled my eyes into the back of my head!
Tea: Not a bad idea... With Akiza on your team, you better watch your backs.
Carly: She's so bossy!
Mina: And it's not like we needed another Know-It-All on this show.
Mai: Oh, really?
(Mai strokes Mina's hair violently again.)
Mina: Owww! I was talking about me! Now that Bossy McSmartypants is back, no one is ever going to listen to me ever again!
Tea: Sorry, did you say something, honey?
Mai: (in confessional make-up room) I have got to get me some hair! Not Tea's gross weave or Mina's pathetic ponytail! And I'm way too smart to be Carly black! But Akiza's... her's would be perfect! (grabs scissors) I'm just gonna borrow these, okay?
Akiza: Isn't anyone glad to see me?!
Mai: Great to have your hair... Uh, here! here! Great to have you here, hun.
Yusei: (angrily) Having Akiza back reminds me of how much she drives me crazy! (daydreaming) And how much she drives me crazy.
Yusei: Hey, hey! Easy here! Not a lot of fabric!
Officer Trudge: Hand it over...all of it Prehistoric Pond scum!
Jack: Please note, no animals were harmed in the making of this television program. (looks at someone off-screen, annoyed) Okay, we good?
Mai: I got some! Akiza's hair, soon it will be mine, all mine! (starts laughing like a maniac) What? I'm not crazy, I'm just bald.
Jack: Thanks to Akiza's lawsuit, She'll be playing by a set of different rules.
Yusei: You said there are no rules.
Akiza: There are if you have a good lawyer.
Jack: Trudge, Let's get this over with...Ahem! Rule one. Not withstanding that contestants are not permitted with contact from the outside world. The contestants hereafter refer to as "Akiza" may retain a Personal Digital Assistant. AKA her PDA.
Carly: What?! That's so not fair! I'm the one with a boyfriend!
Jack: Care to take that up with our legal department, Carly?
(Trudge breaks a court mallet and Carly gasps)
Jack: Didn't think so... Rule Two. Where as contestants shall continue to receive allocated meals provided by Trudge, Akiza shall be entitled to a gourmet dining experience consisting of producers, and myself as applicable. I hope you like lobster.
All: No Way!
(Everyone but Jack and Akiza yell in protest)
Jack: Let's see your lawyers get you out of this one.
Akiza: What?! I'm still sleeping in the girl's trailer!
Jack: Where she will have a pure goose down pillow, extra comfy lofter, and 700-count sheet. Oh, and her Own... Private... Bathroom!
(Everyone yells in protest at Jack and Akiza again)
Jack: Those are the new rules. Let's call them "Akiza's Rules" in honor of Akiza. Who gets special treatment. And an unfair advantage.
Yusei: Nice, Our spoiled princess didn't waste anytime hooking herself up!
Akiza: And you didn't waste anytime hooking up with Alexis after I left!
Yusei: While I'm touched you're obviously still hot for me, my relationships are none of your business.
Akiza: You're on TV! They're everyone's business!
Yusei: Well at least the whole world knows I play by the rules... Most of the time! What? Don't think you can win the million bucks fair and square?
Akiza: I could kick your two-timing butt with my eyes closed and both hand tied behind my back!
Yusei: Gonna be pretty tough to eat lobster like that! (Both growl at each other)
Carly: (Holding onto Mai) Let go!
Mai: You let go!
Carly: Okay! (Lets go of Mai). (in confessional make-up room) They make us do a lot of horrible, humiliating things to each other on the show, and I haven't been very good at most of them. But, when I knocked Mai off her high pedestal, and made her fall into a pit of bubbling tar, well, that was my high point of the competition. (laughs) Maybe my whole life!
Chris: Next up, Sayer and Yami. (Cut to the pedestals, then to Sayer's, as he strikes an award-winning pose.)
Sayer: (in confessional make-up room, covered in tar) I'm gonna win the million, but that shot of me standing atop the stone column is worth even more. It's gonna be an iconic image for the series. Hey, Mina was right about the tar, my skin does look even better.
Yami: (in confessional make up room) I never thought I would say this but I'm scared of... beavers! Especially fake prehistoric beavers.
Yusei: (to Yami) Just don't go and lose this challenge for us, beavers can't swim through tar! (the beavers swim through tar)
Yami: Their teeth are the size of railway spikes!
Tea: You'll be okay, baby.
Yusei: Don't be a wimp! The columns are plaster, not wood, and beavers can't climb! (one beaver eats the stand, the other starts to climb) I guess my knowledge of prehistoric beavers is a little rusty.
Yami: Down beavers, down! Get back to your dam! (falls) Woaahhh!
Jack: That leaves the teams tied, and us with a grudge match between Yusei and Akiza, on the same column! You just can't write this stuff!
Akiza: Don't get too hyped, Yusei won't last more than two seconds.
Yusei: (laughs) Quit trying to make-out with me.
Akiza: All you're going to kiss is the end of my bone!
Yusei: (in confessional make-up room) It's like there were two Akiza's up there; The girl I wanted to knock into the tar pit, and the hottie in the fur bikini.
Akiza: Sure, Yusei has this primal animal magnetism, but he also makes me want to hit him where it hurts!
Jack: Well, I'd say the Gaffers had a better chance with the one million BC; BC, Before Comedy.
Mai: (Comes out of the black tar pit and notices her wig) Give me back my wig! (Mai assaults the Pterodactyl) Nobody messes with my hair!
Akiza: (in confessional make-up room with a plate of lobster) Yusei got what was coming to him, and so did I! Mmm, Lobster and Belgian chocolate!
Yusei: (squeaks in pain) Why do they always go for the kiwis? Why!!!?
Jack: (picks his teeth) I know everyone wanted to see Mai cut off Akiza's hair. Trust me, so did I. (sips from Mr. Coconut) But, the girl's got a kick-butt lawyer, can't harm a hair on her head. (continues to pick his teeth) See ya next time, kiddies! (tosses toothpick aside) Same Jack Time, (tosses Mr. Coconut aside) Same Jack Channel! (glass breaks) Uh... wasn't me! (runs away)
Yami as Harold
Tea as LeShawna
Mai as Heather
Akiza as Courtney
Sayer as Justin
Mina as Lindsay
Carly as Beth
Jack as Chris
**********************************
Yusei: (to Sayer) How can you spend so much time on your coif?
Sayer: My agent, Jesús, says it's my best feature. Along with my neck, nose, chin, cheekbones, earlobes, eyebrows...
Yusei: You know who has nice hair? Akiza. I mean, not that I've noticed.
Sayer: ...or maybe it's my eyes...
Yusei: I mean, I did notice...back when I cared- but not now... (to Yami) You dropped your soap.
Yami: Nice try, Yusei. Just because I'm blind without my glasses doesn't mean I'll fall for- (slips on soap) Whoa! Oof!
Yusei: I make fire! (pounds on chest) OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH!
Mina: (Mai strokes her hair violently) Ow! Mai! I think you pulled my eyes into the back of my head!
Tea: Not a bad idea... With Akiza on your team, you better watch your backs.
Carly: She's so bossy!
Mina: And it's not like we needed another Know-It-All on this show.
Mai: Oh, really?
(Mai strokes Mina's hair violently again.)
Mina: Owww! I was talking about me! Now that Bossy McSmartypants is back, no one is ever going to listen to me ever again!
Tea: Sorry, did you say something, honey?
Mai: (in confessional make-up room) I have got to get me some hair! Not Tea's gross weave or Mina's pathetic ponytail! And I'm way too smart to be Carly black! But Akiza's... her's would be perfect! (grabs scissors) I'm just gonna borrow these, okay?
Akiza: Isn't anyone glad to see me?!
Mai: Great to have your hair... Uh, here! here! Great to have you here, hun.
Yusei: (angrily) Having Akiza back reminds me of how much she drives me crazy! (daydreaming) And how much she drives me crazy.
Yusei: Hey, hey! Easy here! Not a lot of fabric!
Officer Trudge: Hand it over...all of it Prehistoric Pond scum!
Jack: Please note, no animals were harmed in the making of this television program. (looks at someone off-screen, annoyed) Okay, we good?
Mai: I got some! Akiza's hair, soon it will be mine, all mine! (starts laughing like a maniac) What? I'm not crazy, I'm just bald.
Jack: Thanks to Akiza's lawsuit, She'll be playing by a set of different rules.
Yusei: You said there are no rules.
Akiza: There are if you have a good lawyer.
Jack: Trudge, Let's get this over with...Ahem! Rule one. Not withstanding that contestants are not permitted with contact from the outside world. The contestants hereafter refer to as "Akiza" may retain a Personal Digital Assistant. AKA her PDA.
Carly: What?! That's so not fair! I'm the one with a boyfriend!
Jack: Care to take that up with our legal department, Carly?
(Trudge breaks a court mallet and Carly gasps)
Jack: Didn't think so... Rule Two. Where as contestants shall continue to receive allocated meals provided by Trudge, Akiza shall be entitled to a gourmet dining experience consisting of producers, and myself as applicable. I hope you like lobster.
All: No Way!
(Everyone but Jack and Akiza yell in protest)
Jack: Let's see your lawyers get you out of this one.
Akiza: What?! I'm still sleeping in the girl's trailer!
Jack: Where she will have a pure goose down pillow, extra comfy lofter, and 700-count sheet. Oh, and her Own... Private... Bathroom!
(Everyone yells in protest at Jack and Akiza again)
Jack: Those are the new rules. Let's call them "Akiza's Rules" in honor of Akiza. Who gets special treatment. And an unfair advantage.
Yusei: Nice, Our spoiled princess didn't waste anytime hooking herself up!
Akiza: And you didn't waste anytime hooking up with Alexis after I left!
Yusei: While I'm touched you're obviously still hot for me, my relationships are none of your business.
Akiza: You're on TV! They're everyone's business!
Yusei: Well at least the whole world knows I play by the rules... Most of the time! What? Don't think you can win the million bucks fair and square?
Akiza: I could kick your two-timing butt with my eyes closed and both hand tied behind my back!
Yusei: Gonna be pretty tough to eat lobster like that! (Both growl at each other)
Carly: (Holding onto Mai) Let go!
Mai: You let go!
Carly: Okay! (Lets go of Mai). (in confessional make-up room) They make us do a lot of horrible, humiliating things to each other on the show, and I haven't been very good at most of them. But, when I knocked Mai off her high pedestal, and made her fall into a pit of bubbling tar, well, that was my high point of the competition. (laughs) Maybe my whole life!
Chris: Next up, Sayer and Yami. (Cut to the pedestals, then to Sayer's, as he strikes an award-winning pose.)
Sayer: (in confessional make-up room, covered in tar) I'm gonna win the million, but that shot of me standing atop the stone column is worth even more. It's gonna be an iconic image for the series. Hey, Mina was right about the tar, my skin does look even better.
Yami: (in confessional make up room) I never thought I would say this but I'm scared of... beavers! Especially fake prehistoric beavers.
Yusei: (to Yami) Just don't go and lose this challenge for us, beavers can't swim through tar! (the beavers swim through tar)
Yami: Their teeth are the size of railway spikes!
Tea: You'll be okay, baby.
Yusei: Don't be a wimp! The columns are plaster, not wood, and beavers can't climb! (one beaver eats the stand, the other starts to climb) I guess my knowledge of prehistoric beavers is a little rusty.
Yami: Down beavers, down! Get back to your dam! (falls) Woaahhh!
Jack: That leaves the teams tied, and us with a grudge match between Yusei and Akiza, on the same column! You just can't write this stuff!
Akiza: Don't get too hyped, Yusei won't last more than two seconds.
Yusei: (laughs) Quit trying to make-out with me.
Akiza: All you're going to kiss is the end of my bone!
Yusei: (in confessional make-up room) It's like there were two Akiza's up there; The girl I wanted to knock into the tar pit, and the hottie in the fur bikini.
Akiza: Sure, Yusei has this primal animal magnetism, but he also makes me want to hit him where it hurts!
Jack: Well, I'd say the Gaffers had a better chance with the one million BC; BC, Before Comedy.
Mai: (Comes out of the black tar pit and notices her wig) Give me back my wig! (Mai assaults the Pterodactyl) Nobody messes with my hair!
Akiza: (in confessional make-up room with a plate of lobster) Yusei got what was coming to him, and so did I! Mmm, Lobster and Belgian chocolate!
Yusei: (squeaks in pain) Why do they always go for the kiwis? Why!!!?
Jack: (picks his teeth) I know everyone wanted to see Mai cut off Akiza's hair. Trust me, so did I. (sips from Mr. Coconut) But, the girl's got a kick-butt lawyer, can't harm a hair on her head. (continues to pick his teeth) See ya next time, kiddies! (tosses toothpick aside) Same Jack Time, (tosses Mr. Coconut aside) Same Jack Channel! (glass breaks) Uh... wasn't me! (runs away)
